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Thread: How do I punish in a LTR?

  1. #1
    Vincent85 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How do I punish in a LTR?

    Hi, I'm new to the forum, as you can see.

    I guess it's worth saying that my background is very different from most of you here. It's conservative and religious, I'm religious also, which I think doesn't go well with most of what the members feel, but I'm sure you can help me still. (I'm not from the US)

    Even though I'm religoius and somewhat conservative that hasn't stopped me from reading some books and being fascinated by them (Dan's Sex God Method and My Secret Garden) and reading in general about Alpha Male behavior has changed my outlook and my life for the better when I tried hard to implement it past month or two.

    Sorry for the long intro. I am currently in a relationship and there are some strong connections between me and my woman, but I want to know how to deal with this. We agreed to meet on Wendsday but few days ago she says it had to be shifted to Tuesday since there was something important she forgot about, I said I didn't like my appointements changed but I agreed anyway. Yesterday she called me in the morning and said she can't be free in the afternoon and instead we'll meet at evening. I told her I'll talk to her later. I sent her a text telling her I'll meet her next week, then I sent her a text telling her to call me when she wakes up (I knew she was sleeping) (I sent that next text mostly because I realize it was out of her hand and I also miss her )

    This was 2pm, and she didn't call me all day. I was kind of annoyed. I realize later that the issue was out of her hand but for some reason I still feel like I'm losing power, as if I'm trying to do everything to fit her schedule or her family's (Also I'm calling her more than she calls me although we always have fun on the phone).

    So how do I go about this? I need some negative reinforcement but I can't whine because that'll give her more power! I was thinking of just not picking up her calls for a few days. And then after that calling her and continuing the relationship as nothing happened. Or should I wait for an apologetic text? (at this point of the relationship it's possible)

    Sorry for the long thread, but I've visited this forum a couple of times before, and I know some of you may know how to deal with this, and sorry for the long intro but I also said because I realize some solutions aren't applicable in my case.

    Thanks alot!

  2. #2
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Don't go whiney and start yelling as this will only put her back up and validate her actions to herself.

    Instead I would suggest freezing her out until she comes round to seeing sense. Your text was off because your first one was kind of stroppy and your second "call me when you wake up" was very beta and in a way accepted her behaviour.

    I would have probably said that I was busy when she suggested alternate times (even if I wasn't) and left it at that. It's annoying but that's how I used to teach my ex to keep her appointments with me. If you're busy you're implying you're high value and you're showing her that she doesn't monopolise your schedule.

    I'd also go non-contact for a bit, make her re-engage and if she takes a stroppy tone then ignore it until she apologises.

  3. #3
    Vincent85 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Thanks, freezing her out was exactly what I intended to do. But do you agree with me on just going back to normal after a few days? After a few days of freezing out should I respond to her or initiate on my own?

    I'm thinking of calling on saturday if she's called enough times and if she asks why I haven't been replying I'll just tell her that I was busy.

    Thanks again.

  4. #4
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Well you don't have to completely ignore her that's a little childish. Instead just ignore her if her texts are rude or stroppy or if she's rude on the phone just put the phone down.

    I punish bad behaviour by simply not acknowledging girls when they do it. I'll pay attention again when they are calm and apologetic (if it's their fault).

  5. #5
    Vincent85 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Well, to be honest she's never been rude or stroppy, so I haven't had to deal with that. I just want to gain more control.

    Now I'm starting to wonder if I'm over-reacting :/

  6. #6
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Her cancelling on you is disrespectful so you have a right to be pissed off unless she has a valid excuse. PLus she did cancel twice which is taking the piss a bit.

    If you want control you don't have to freeze her out completely I'd just make her make the first move by backing away a little.

  7. #7
    Vincent85 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    OK, that makes sense. Thanks alot for the advice, I think it helped (will now for sure in a couple of days!)

  8. #8
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    It's a balancing act, don't be a doormat but don't be a dick either.

  9. #9
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    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Punish her with a whip!

    Or... wait for her to invite you. When she does that, the day before cancel it. Don't give any reason, only if she asks you to.

    Remember that when in a relationship, you should invest less or as much as she's investing, not more.

  10. #10
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Quote Originally Posted by lenric View Post
    Or... wait for her to invite you. When she does that, the day before cancel it. Don't give any reason, only if she asks you to.
    I don't agree with that, she'll be able to see through it. Plus it's best not to get into these sorts of petty relationship tit-for-tats. Just telling her you're busy a few times will convey that you are high value and that she should keep to her appointments with you.


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