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Thread: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

  1. #1
    christina.lek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    So basically i was in a very nice trusting and loving relationship with a guy...that wanted to have something deep with me, and i wanted too although i had freshly broke up with my previous relationship of two years.

    We were two months together and everything was going magical well until my ex appeared in my life again...after a lot of discussion i agreed to meet him again for dinner but i didn't tell my current boyfriend about it cause i was scared of his reaction. So i lied that i was somewhere else when i met with my ex and he soon found out.

    Now i lost his trust and he was very absolute that we remain friends and nothing more since he's not able to cope with lying and this kind of "sneakiness" as he called it. I hurt him a lot and i'm so sorry for that..

    How can i gain his trust back?! I know i screwed this up and i wish i could make a new beginning based on pure honesty! Please you guys put me into your minds!!!

    (PS we are in the same classes in college and i'll be seeing him quite often plus we are in the same group of people so we also go out all together..)

  2. #2
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    Well the universal rule is to never lie to your partner! If you'd told him about it, you could have avoided it.

    You need to think what you want? Do you want your ex? or the new guy?

    Personally, if my gf went to dinner with her ex and didn't tell me I'd end it. If you want a relationship with the new guy then you should cut all ties with the ex. No guy is going to be happy that you're hanging around your ex but it's the fact that you lied about it that caused the problem. For future reference if you're about to do something you're gonna have to lie about; it's a surefire sin you shouldn't be doing it.

  3. #3
    christina.lek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    Well you are absolutely right, i just had to learn the hard way i guess...! I had no bad intentions and the story with the ex is over for a long time now, it's just that i hid the fact i went out with him...Oh, hell..!
    What's so bad about giving second chances.?

  4. #4
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    The problem with second chances is it makes you look weak a lot of the time....this then results in the woman losing respect for you and she then loses attraction for you so then they do the same thing again eg. Cheat, lie etc ........ Or she ditches you. It is possible to give second chances but it has to be done properly so you don't look like a pushover.

    Linking x

  5. #5
    Sandrager is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    perfectly said linking !!! that is very true and he has to deal with the fact can he really trust you again ? giving second chances is very difficult and i would have probably done the same thing. you just threw a big red flag at him. You are going to have to be very direct and tell him you know you screwed up and that you are willing to go slow and build trust again. if you really love him then you need to prove it to him.

  6. #6
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    ^ both are correct.

    Second chances are fine, but you have to earn them otherwise he just becomes a pushover that you walk all over.

    You're gonna have to explain it to him, but it sounds really bad... and you're bang on, it's the fact that you hid it that was the problem. You lied so he naturally assumes you have something to be guilty about.

    To make it up to him you need to show him that he comes first. No ifs no buts. Tell your ex to back off, and respect your new relationship. Tell him he needs to not contact you at least in the short term.

    You have dropped the ball here but it's recoverable, you didn't actually cheat.

  7. #7
    christina.lek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    Well, i did break it off completely with my ex and he won't come in the way anymore.!
    I did admit my mistake to my "boyfriend" (well, he's not my boyfriend anymore so i don't know how to call him) and i did tell him i regret hiding it and i'm willing to do whatever it takes to gain his trust back...and that if we get over this and decide to take it from there that we could actually build something even stronger than before.!

    Butttt he doesn't wanna hear it cause he said he got way too hurt and betrayed and he doesn't want to risk it again or have doubts about me all the time.... :/

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    -If a guy were in your situation I would have told him to do that ^. So good.
    -But I would have also told him to be prepared for what he told you because- and let's face it- some people, even if they are not as upset about it, will pretend to be when they see the other making a big deal out of it or they will cherich 'The Power' of it.
    -I would have told the to do a rol off (turning their backs and walking away) as soon as they hear that.
    -So all you can do now is ' turn your back to him'. Be indifferent to him.
    -You did all that you needed to do to win him back again.
    -Sometimes you just have to let people go if they want you to.
    -Don't worry, I can teach you how to pick up guys . Oh and thank you in advance.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  9. #9
    christina.lek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    Well, that's an original point of view for me.! I guess it's what we say- sometimes we just have to let people go. If they come back, they belong in our lives, if not, they never did...Thanks again.!!

  10. #10
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm a girl-how do i win his trust back?!

    Well, if he didn't find out from you, then you had no intentions of telling him in my opinion.

    Personally, I wouldn't be able to give a second chance after this, especially after only two months. You see, I have been lied to and cheat on in the past and made to feel it was my fault. I believe in complete openness and honesty in relationships and I cannot handle being lied to at all and will not tolerate it because it won't take much to loose my trust and I refuse to go through that kind of stress again.

    It sounds to me like he has the same kind of thing going on. Now...you need to give him time as mentioned above, and if he does take you back, you need to realize he will probably punish you for your mistake pretty badly, because even if you didn't cheat it is even worse because now you have to pay for something you didn't do and he will always wonder.

    Let him ride it out, but if I were you I would figure on being the one to contact him, rather then wait for him to make the move. Men are proud, but people make mistakes. I'm glad you learned from yours, it shows some real character.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple


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