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  • 1 Post By dave_xxx
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Thread: Incredibly low self confidence/self esteem....Help desperately needed

  1. #1
    ctc0201 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Incredibly low self confidence/self esteem....Help desperately needed

    Hello everyone, I have a major problem with inner game/self esteem and really need some help. This may be a little long, but I feel that I won't be able to get proper suggestions unless I describe what is going on. To begin with, I'm naturally a shy person, but it has honestly gone to an entirely new level. Generally, It starts with me always feeling that people around me are judging me or cracking jokes about me, which leads to zero self confidence. I have trouble making eye contact with women let alone smiling, because I feel like it makes me seem "creepy" and I feel like I am staring.

    Switch over the classroom or even the bar/club scene. I can't open to save my life, and if I do, I get sucked into the "whats your major", "where are you from" bullcrap. I just psych myself out and once again, the self-confidence issues rear their ugly head. "What if she ignores me/laughs at me?" "What if she just blows me off?" "What if I start talking and just completely run out of things to say/draw a blank?" "Would she even talk to a person like ME?" This is the kind of stuff I think about. I'm not one for awkward situations at ALL (they make me feel incredibly uncomfortable). I guess you could say I have approach anxiety to the extreme.

    Being a college student in a college town makes it worse, as most of the women I encounter are either incredibly immature or just want to get piss drunk and hook up with the huge dbag who is never going to amount to anything after college. It also doesn't help that I am 5'7 and every girl seems to only want to talk to the 6'2 ripped guy Maybe I am just looking in the wrong places/need to look outside of the college scene? I've always been told that I act older than I am. I have never had a girlfriend, I will openly admit that. It really sucks when you are hanging out with your friends and their girlfriends, and you are the guy in the corner that looks stupid because he is single. I just don't know what to do. Maybe I go talk to a therapist?

    I'd like to think that I am good looking (several women that I have actually talked to have told me that), but I think they can see right through me and see my low confidence/self esteem which totally turns them off. I want to get to the point where I don't need alcohol as a "crutch", and need to get over this avoidance of awkward situations. It's beginning to really get to me. Anyways, sorry if this sounds like a SOB story, but this is actually what I go through, and I needed to explain it.

    -Chris

  2. #2
    BigM is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Incredibly low self confidence/self esteem....Help desperately needed

    I used to have some of the same problems as you, but also I have a speech impediment so I had trouble saying certain words which some people would make fun of me for. What helped me was thinking positive things about myself to give some confidence and taking small steps to over come my shyness.

    You can start by looking at girls and giving them a nice smile and try not to think that its creepy, but that its a compliment for them. When you meet new girls and talk them up try to keep a positive mind set and not worry if they blow you off. And look through some threads on talking to girls to help you so you won't run out of things to say.
    hoped this helped a little

  3. #3
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    dave_xxx is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Incredibly low self confidence/self esteem....Help desperately needed

    Start to work out and practice your conversational skills with people you feel comfortable with. Then slowly start to move out of your comfort zone. The skills you develop to hold a conversation will become habits. Typically it takes 6 weeks of consistent practice for things to become a habit.

    Exercise will make you more confident as your appearance will improve. The better you look the more confident you'll feel. Dress as well as you can and groom yourself. Again, a good appearance makes you confident.

    Read up on articles on breaking out of your shyness. You have have information at your fingertips.

  4. #4
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Incredibly low self confidence/self esteem....Help desperately needed

    Appearance in general takes time and you have to play with it. I used to and still have a lot of the same issues as you. I have to deal with a lot of different anxieties and what not regularly as well.

    One thing I have found to help you is to ACCOMPLISH something. Not because you have to but because you want to do it. How many people really HAVE to learn to play an instrument? They do it because its fun. Find some little hobby (other than gaming, reading, computers etc) that will actually get other people involved. For instance a lot of my friends enjoy sitting around and listening while I am practicing a song on guitar.

    Don't expect an over night fix for your issues, they are deep mental issues and mainly revolve around you learning to accept yourself. I have been in this process over a year now and I'm still no where close to where I want to be...but I am better then I was. Learning to accept myself is a very hard thing and its almost a rollercoaster ride at times, and you should be ready for the same thing brother.

    Hang in there, hold your head up and slowly you will start to place value in yourself. One thing I do is write in a journal a few times a week before bed. It helps put me in the mode to sleep as well as get my thoughts on paper. You can later read it too and see how much you have improved. I just started this a couple months ago and I have noticed how my writings went from the girl of the week to almost completely about myself and my inner emotions and feelings as well as the path I am taking and that it is truly what I want.

    Feel free to shoot me a PM any time you are going crazy over this stuff man and I would be happy just to read for the sake of you getting some of this stuff out, as I realize how harsh this situation can be, but once you get the momentum going its a lot easier to keep it.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  5. #5
    ctc0201 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Incredibly low self confidence/self esteem....Help desperately needed

    ^^ Thanks Blistex, it's nice to see that I am/wasn't the only one with these problems. It just really frustrates the crap out of me. It's a huge mental block and I just want to get over it, but at the moment I feel like it's an obstacle that can't be overcome. It's also tough trying to do this alone.

  6. #6
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Incredibly low self confidence/self esteem....Help desperately needed

    It is a bigger obstacle then most men on these forums face. This kind of deep imbued self-loathing is a result of a duality within ourselves. What we are vs what we wish we could be giving us no space in between to accept ourselves and accomplish our goals.

    You can and WILL get better. You can and WILL overcome this. You will get discouraged. You will tell yourself it isn't worth it. You will decide to give up. You will get past that and pull yourself out of bed and take on the new day, you WILL face it and you WILL overcome. You have already made the first step by admitting it and asking for help. Google Jayson Gaddis. He deals a lot with this kind of thing, and as far as actual material he doesn't really have much publicly but he DOES have a lot of good insight as to what's going on.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple


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