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Thread: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

  1. #1
    Adamhere is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls? Why do we have to play game in the first place? Why is it difficult for an innocent, kind-hearted guy to get girls? Why do we have to become sophisticated in order to get girls? Why can't most girls appreciate our frankness, forthrightness and unsophistication?

  2. #2
    Adamhere is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    I come from cognitive behavioral therapy. I have been believing that people are actually simple and man's nature is good at birth. Because of such beliefs, I don't like to use tactics when I deal with people. I think that people are simple, they are not that sophisticated,so we don't have to and should not use tactics, because I think if we use tactics to deal with a person, it displays that we don't respect that person. Any ideas? Please advise.

  3. #3
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    Oh come on!!!! Are we STILL on this? We've all explained to you why.

    You don't understand what the game is. You have this issue with it that it's some sort of evil voodoo we use to get women into bed.... when in actuality all it is, is social skills and confidence.

    Being a nice guy is fine but not the "nice guy" as you know it. To build attraction you have to be able to flirt and push and pull, building that question "does he like me?" in her mind, pick-up teaches you how to do that.

    If you go in as you want to with the whole "hi, I'm adam I think you're gorgeous and I really like you, let's go out?" (your nice guy approach) she knows she has you and she's automatically not interested because it was all to easy. We are hard-wired to want things we can't have or that are difficult to get, hence the game.

    Now as for the nice guy thing, I assume you mean; don't lie, don't be disrespectful, don't use women, don't cheat etc etc.... well guess what!

    I study and use pick-up but I don't do any of those. All my ex's still talk to me most of the girls I've ever dated would tell anyone that I am a nice guy and would tell you that I impacted on their lives in a positive way.

    PLEASE get past this idea that the game is evil or just give up and stop pestering the forum.

  4. #4
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    if you give somebody the opportunity to hurt you, they will. words to live by my man. for real, you dont even have to understand it, youve just got to accept it
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  5. #5
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    Quote Originally Posted by Adamhere View Post
    I come from cognitive behavioral therapy. I have been believing that people are actually simple and man's nature is good at birth. Because of such beliefs, I don't like to use tactics when I deal with people. I think that people are simple, they are not that sophisticated,so we don't have to and should not use tactics, because I think if we use tactics to deal with a person, it displays that we don't respect that person. Any ideas? Please advise.
    SUCH TACTICS! ARGH you're infuriating!!

    What you refer to as tactics, the rest of society refer to as basic social skills! The game is simply an explanation of how the mechanics of attraction work so those of us that haven't developed that side of us naturally can learn how to do so.

    This isn't a discussion about the nature of humans the game asks and answers the question: "how does attraction work ?"

    Answer me this then... if people are sooooo simple then why are you on here rather than strolling in a park with a beautiful girlfriend. You're in denial, you don't understand how attraction works and until you admit that to yourself and open your mind you never will.

    I am trying so desperately hard to kick you out of your rut because it's exactly how I was when I was younger and I led to me having a very lonely love life for basically all of my teens. I really urge you to take my advice here... as harsh as this sounds, I AM trying to help you!

  6. #6
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    Quote Originally Posted by sidewinder89 View Post

    What you refer to as tactics, the rest of society refer to as basic social skills!
    fucking. brilliant. lmfao. i love it.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  7. #7
    Adamhere is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    Thanks for your help. I just try to snare my limiting beliefs and thoughts on paper and try to unlearn them or replace them with better ones with your help.I am progressing, not fast though.

  8. #8
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    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    Quote Originally Posted by sidewinder89 View Post
    If you go in as you want to with the whole "hi, I'm adam I think you're gorgeous and I really like you, let's go out?" (your nice guy approach) she knows she has you and she's automatically not interested because it was all to easy. We are hard-wired to want things we can't have or that are difficult to get, hence the game.
    LOL! You just described the "2 months ago" me right there.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  9. #9
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    Hey man being overly nice makes you suspect.even guys that are soo nice just want to get in the girls ... so why not do the attractive thing and get both. the nice guy and the one who have game have the same agenda.girls know when you come up to them you want them they simply screen.because the nice guy seems manipulative and kisses up and the guy who runs game exudes confidence and build attraction and most importantly shows intent without coming off needy or too strong.it works.
    whereas the nice guy after doing all these things comes off weak when he eventually spills.
    That even turns her off more cuz she knew what he was up to all along.

  10. #10
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why is being a nice guy not conducive to picking up girls?

    Quote Originally Posted by Adamhere View Post
    I come from cognitive behavioral therapy. I have been believing that people are actually simple and man's nature is good at birth. Because of such beliefs, I don't like to use tactics when I deal with people. I think that people are simple, they are not that sophisticated,so we don't have to and should not use tactics, because I think if we use tactics to deal with a person, it displays that we don't respect that person. Any ideas? Please advise.
    It seems as if you know cognitive behavioral therapy, but may not "come" from it. CBT is mental tactics all the way down to the core. You're completely reframing and restructuring the entire thought process in your mind. In turn, you work on your behavior and hope it will change as well.

    Running with your psychological approach, I would come to believe that it's not being a nice guy is not conducive to picking up a girl, it is more that your approach SCREAMS I want something from you. If your not direct about what that is, she can only assume its sex, or for her to be your arm candy.

    Whether you realize it or not you choose to associate yourself with the people in your life because there is some benefit to you that they hold. At first, your family, their vital for you survival. Then on to your friends, they share commonalities, allowing you to share and express the things you care about. Then on to girls, deep down you want to fark them (thats why your here), but just don't know how. Thus, an opening for cognitive dissonance. You see that good looking girl and so badly want the benefit she offers, her vagina, or the fact that she'll undoubtedly raise your social status just be being seen with her, but can't find the way to express that that is what you want without directly mentioning it. So now your pulled between what you want and what you can't have. Hence the feeling of remorse you get for not saying anything after she leaves, or the humiliation you feel when she walks away from you without saying word.

    Luckily, there's a way to eliminate that cognitive dissonance, The Game! In fact, if you want to use some CBT methods, the game will help immensely. When you start approaching women without making it obvious you want anything more than conversation from them, you start thinking that way. In turn, your feelings of rejection decrease as you realize that it was nothing more than a conversation you lost out on. Be a nice guy, girls like it, people like it, but let the game help you to hide what you really want, and ironically, that will help you get it.
    Last edited by Bballking; 05-25-2013 at 11:12 AM. Reason: Moved quote to top


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