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Thread: To needy, or time for her to chase?

  1. #1
    slider1985 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default To needy, or time for her to chase?

    Hey,

    Been dating this girl for 2 months... Plenty of kino,
    Sexual escalation still amateur. Dates go well, we have lots of fun, we make out every date but I have not been able to Escalate further.
    She is Very unreceptive to texts, I'm always the one to initiate and
    Setup the dates. She basically hinted that I need to chase her. At first she was upset
    Because I was taking too long to respond to her texts in the beginning but
    Ever since I've shown interest, she seems to be more distant.

    I've played this all wrong from the beginning, too much of a
    Nice guy and chase. Anyhow, I'm supposed to go out on a date with her tonight,
    We had planned to watch a movie, but I feel like changing things up and be a little
    Bit more spontaneous and take her bowling. Any thoughts?
    She was sick the last few days, should I get her flowers, I know she likes?

    She knows me as a nice guy, and I need to change this if I plan on moving to the next
    Level. I need her to start chasing me!
    Help would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    She was sick the last few days, should I get her flowers, I know she likes?
    I don't get it. You were just talking about not being such a pushover nice guy, yet here you are talking about showering her with pity gifts? That just doesn't make sense to me bro. I would say no.

    Right now, you are full on defense when it comes to this girl. All the power in the relationship lies with her. You may be the one coordinating the activities and talking, but she doesn't have to lift a finger to work this relationship. You're doing all the work at the expense of her entertainment, and she can easily cut things off in a heartbeat.

    In addition, she won't take things to the next level with you because not only are you a nice pushover, but you are also a boy. You lack the ability to take power in this relationship, and thus she will only walk all over you and suck you dry until you are bored.

    If you want to move things up, you have to start taking control of the relationship.

    First thing's first: texting. You can't be initiating it all the time. Your best bet is to challenge her. Tell her to start up the next conversation, and then don't talk to her until further notice. When she does finally text, potentially complaining about why you are not texting her, pass her off and joke around with her. Tell her "Hey, you initiated the conversation! I'm so proud of you ". Lastly, keep the conversations short and interesting. End them on a high, and leave her wanting more.

    On another note, you need to start being more assertive. You can't be so nice to her and let her walk all over you. Start thinking in a "what's in it for me" context. If she asks you to do something for her, ask her "what's in it for me?". You should also make yourself distant at times and make her come after you. Enough of this constant chasing after her.

    Do this and you should be set. However, be thoughtful about this girl. She sounds like she is dating you simply for attention. The only way to be certain of this is if she breaks up with you after you stop chasing after her all the time.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    So explain why you can't escalate any further....have you tried? And thinking about it and deciding 'the moment isn't right' is not trying btw also no flowers end of, it's a nice guy move, I only ever do romantic things if she is already chasing me. As for the bowling thing.....are you supposed to be going the the cinema or watching a movie at yours?

    Linking x

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    slider1985 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    Swagman,
    I agree with you on every point. I played this completely wrong.
    She is seeking attention, and probably using me at this point.
    As for sexual escalation, I have tried but she constantly turns away, and i have a hard time bouncing back. I make out with her because I initiate it and force it and she turns it off like a light switch when she begins to get aroused. I can feel it.
    She has full control on the situation.

    Do I flake out on her tonight, or go out with her and don't be that nice guy.

  5. #5
    slider1985 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    Going to the cinema...

    I know she wanted to catch a movie. I feel not much sexual escalation can happen there. I
    Hence, bowling can be fun and plenty of escalation ..

    Thoughts?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    Good pointers by Link and Swag ... and yes no flowers.


    I have been with my current girl since 5 months now and I never asked her out on a date. Can you believe it? We did stuff together but it was more of a friendship hangout than a date, i have yet to say the word date to her. Why I felt that way? Because I knew that I was good for her and I knew that how I felt and what I did was right. If she didnt see that well I gladly talk to someone else. I pretty much played my cards right, and bluffed and gambled all the way to the finish line.

    So in short, start to become distant from her; treat her as a friend not as a queen; relax and have fun and act as if you lost her there are more girls right up the road waiting for you; and lastly dont do any nice guy stuff period unless its a special day or a random day.

    One last note, date or talk to other girls. That way you have a plan B.

    Good luck
    ------------------------------------

  7. #7
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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    Judging by the fact that she does that during the intimate moments, this is looking really bad. All she is using you for is for her public entertainment only.

    You should definitely flake on her tonight. You should also start punishing her for things that she does that you don't like. If you tell her to initiate the next conversation, don't talk to her after that. If she cuts off escalation, ditch her ass and go do something else.

    I know I stress kindness and balance in a relationship usually, but this is just full out f*cking stupid. Take a stand, and take her down a few notches. It's high time that her Olympus fell and she got a wake-up call.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    You escalating smoothly enough? Iv known guys to think you can go from make out to just stick your hands in her pants but it don't work that way.

    Linking x

  9. #9
    slider1985 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    My escalation isnít smooth I must admit, however, it takes 2 to tango. She's playing around. Swangman is dead-on all points. To be honest, I was aware of it the whole time, friends usually come to me for sound advice, however for whatever reason I don't seem to follow what I preach for myself.
    This situation was partly because I've been dry for the last few months and I fell hard for her.

    Anyhow, I did flaked on her last night, she didnít seem too happy. She also noticed that I was not as responsive to her texts and asked me if I was upset. (She had flaked on me during the week). I shrugged it off as everything was cool.
    I wonít be making any attempts to contact her, going to continue talking to other girls.

    If and when she makes contact, possibly asking me whatís wrong and if I want to go out? How do I respond, and do I even bother going out with this girl? I don't want her to think Iím bitter because that is exactly how she wants me to feel, that I'm depressed I couldnít have her.
    I guess what bothers me most about this is that i came across as too much of a nice guy, and now i kind of want to throw it back at her. I guess you can say i;m bitter, cant help how i feel.

    Anyhow, I currently have another date tomorrow night so Iím not allowing this to affect my social life.
    Greatly appreciate all the responses!!
    S

  10. #10
    slider1985 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: To needy, or time for her to chase?

    I flaked out on the little princess last night.
    She just sent me this text.

    Her: this is not interesting .

    Her: this is boring.

    I know where she's going with this, any suggestions?
    S


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