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  • 1 Post By sidewinder89

Thread: Painful learning!

  1. #1
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Painful learning!

    So this week I have blown out with two HB9's, basically I massively over-invested and probably came across as needy. I knew better but I did it anyway.... I'm feeling better about the whole thing today though as I think I needed to learn the hard way.

    I can see where I went wrong and I think in future it will stop me from doing it. My biggest problem has always been that get far too invested in girls I really like. If I'm not bothered about a girl my game is generally flawless and I can f-close with ease normally.

    But THE SECOND I like a girl it's over, I fuck it up somehow. It's incredibly distressing as it seems I can have girls but never the ones that I really want. My theory on this is that it happens for 2 reasons:

    1) I'm shallow as hell and the girls I really like are all HB9 or higher... thus harder to get anyway.

    2) I shoot myself in the foot by texting too much and running the conversation dry.

    I think my remedy is to try and use the same mindset for girls I like as the ones I'm not fussed about. If I run game on both at the same time then I can follow the same texting patterns for both girls and avoid looking like a needy douche! When my friend read my phone he actually slapped me in the face... deserved!

    SO I wish this hadn't been this painful but I think I've learnt my lesson. For now I'll just make do with the 19 year-old HB8.5 who's coming over to mine for a little slap and tickle later ha

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    Game is sort of steps.if you are staying on texts you are fulfilling one part.if you want these girls in your life you need to show them in a way thats draws them but is not needy.The last time i saw one of your posts you stated u kissed one girl.what do you do after that how would you treat a girl you just met from one your are intimate with are you going to keep high energy cocky funny or minimize and do other things.if you dwell on thing its over gaming..your problem comes with i think handling after you have closed and managing your feelings relative to them.they are into you.take that with a grain of salt and believe.

  3. #3
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    Quote Originally Posted by sidewinder89 View Post
    But THE SECOND I like a girl it's over, I fark it up somehow. It's incredibly distressing as it seems I can have girls but never the ones that I really want.
    I feel your pain bro. This is one of the most difficult things to fix when you're looking at something serious

    My solution is to keep around several girls I like at the same time, so I can spread my attention and don't overthink. But yeah, if one becomes suddenly more interesting, I have more chance to screw it (instead of srewing her )

    But hey, seems to me you know the problem is there, and planning on fixing it, so you're on a good way
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  4. #4
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    Quote Originally Posted by HardRock View Post
    Game is sort of steps.if you are staying on texts you are fulfilling one part.if you want these girls in your life you need to show them in a way thats draws them but is not needy.The last time i saw one of your posts you stated u kissed one girl.what do you do after that how would you treat a girl you just met from one your are intimate with are you going to keep high energy cocky funny or minimize and do other things.if you dwell on thing its over gaming..your problem comes with i think handling after you have closed and managing your feelings relative to them.they are into you.take that with a grain of salt and believe.
    Yeah, post date gaming I think is my weak point right now. I will normally re-engage with a light fun text 30mins after the date. The problem is I find it really hard to keep it going. I think you're bang on about the whole manage relative feelings.

    Essentially, I think the problem is I show too much interest to the girls I like and it cripples my chances. I regularly date HB7-8's and F-close 4 have asked me for a relationship. But I'm not really that into them, I don't text that often and will just leave it ages before responding.

    I actually think I now have this fear about getting a second date with the ones I like. I will normally k-close on a date but because I show too much interest post date one I blow my chances... It doesn't help that I'm changing jobs at the moment so I'm bored at work because I have nothing to do all day... THAT makes me dwell which ruins my chances!

    I hate this horrible tendency I have of attaching too easily, it's a hangover from my ultimate AFC days and if I could irradicate it I'd be soo much more successful. Plus I think I've got past the point where mindless shagging leaves a lasting fulfillment. I want something more serious now.

  5. #5
    Speedy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    Quote Originally Posted by sidewinder89 View Post
    So this week I have blown out with two HB9's, basically I massively over-invested and probably came across as needy. I knew better but I did it anyway.... I'm feeling better about the whole thing today though as I think I needed to learn the hard way.

    I can see where I went wrong and I think in future it will stop me from doing it. My biggest problem has always been that get far too invested in girls I really like. If I'm not bothered about a girl my game is generally flawless and I can f-close with ease normally.

    But THE SECOND I like a girl it's over, I fark it up somehow. It's incredibly distressing as it seems I can have girls but never the ones that I really want. My theory on this is that it happens for 2 reasons:

    1) I'm shallow as hell and the girls I really like are all HB9 or higher... thus harder to get anyway.

    2) I shoot myself in the foot by texting too much and running the conversation dry.

    I think my remedy is to try and use the same mindset for girls I like as the ones I'm not fussed about. If I run game on both at the same time then I can follow the same texting patterns for both girls and avoid looking like a needy douche! When my friend read my phone he actually slapped me in the face... deserved!

    SO I wish this hadn't been this painful but I think I've learnt my lesson. For now I'll just make do with the 19 year-old HB8.5 who's coming over to mine for a little slap and tickle later ha

    You probably have more success than me. But one thing I did noticed to be powerful for getting a girl you are really into, is to make her perceive that she has some kind of work to do before winning your total interest.

    Me : what is your zodiac sign ?
    Her : Gemini
    Me : No way! I love Geminis......God , they are trouble for me! I dated a Gemini before.....God I can't even talk to you now! I pause about 15s
    Her: Geminis are not the same. What happened?
    Me : You are Gemini , I didn't know. I then changed the subject to something that has nothing to do with my courtship

    From that time on , she wanted to know more about what happened and then I hit the beauty is common routine:
    Me : Beauty is common , I lived here.....all ladies are beautiful there. or my co-workers here used to buy there beauty by surgery. what is important is ......energy and personality.......( you name it) what quality do you have that will make me still being attracted to you?

    You also need to be congruent with your texting: Your reply long after you receive the message. You promise to call but actually you don't .... but later you find another reason to justify. You pause the conversation and come back. You interrupt the discussion once you feel she started enjoying it. She will want to talk more and then you start to kino escalate until you get F-close! Good luck. Let us know if it works in your case too.

  6. #6
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    I will normally re-engage with a light fun text 30mins after the date. The problem is I find it really hard to keep it going.
    Personally engaging fun text after 30 mins doesn't sound that bad but i try to focus on the moment and have fun if i'll text then maybe i may not call them for a bit(busy sometimes).i am not saying that wont work but since you say u find it hard to keep it going you could just leave them for a while since they are a bit attracted.to be honest i think you been on a date with them should and is probably enough


    Essentially, I think the problem is I show too much interest to the girls I like and it cripples my chances. I regularly date HB7-8's and F-close 4 have asked me for a relationship. But I'm not really that into them, I don't text that often and will just leave it ages before responding.
    you should push yourself for the hb9 and ultimately 10 you want.keep at it.its normal to feel out of your comfort zone.i belive in pushing yourself so after a couple of bouts(say 10 - 20) you should be fine.keep at it

    I actually think I now have this fear about getting a second date with the ones I like. I will normally k-close on a date but because I show too much interest post date one I blow my chances... It doesn't help that I'm changing jobs at the moment so I'm bored at work because I have nothing to do all day... THAT makes me dwell which ruins my chances!
    Work on getting a reason for them to come out with you.say you want them to come out with you to help you get something.After the second date they should be open to you, and don't focus on them too much if not are exclusive.for now i think another hb9 wil do, then another then another hb.probably mixing with the others too.remember you want to overcome the liitle bit of anxierty that you seem to have.and if you have been facing it head on why not totally get rid of this.

    I hate this horrible tendency I have of attaching too easily, it's a hangover from my ultimate AFC days and if I could irradicate it I'd be soo much more successful. Plus I think I've got past the point where mindless shagging leaves a lasting fulfillment. I want something more serious now.
    yeah but in relationships they are a little bit of limitations.since you have to be exclusive. like said if you can just work with few more hbs and see where it goes.the best way even though there are others to get into a relationship is focusing more on being the attractive guy in her life.then she may drop the iois.then you may move in.

  7. #7
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    Soooo a quick update:

    It's been a while and after texting her to re-engage twice I left it 2 weeks or so and went for it again on friday. She responded and we had a date last night... full-close on an HB9 (9.5) according to my friend.

    She's not stopped phoning me since. Every night at 9 I get a phone call. I wasn't going to bring up her flakiness because frankly I was getting laid and sex very quickly helps you let things go haha.

    But she told me that she was "sooo sorry, for messing me about." She admitted she was game playing and said she only did it because she wanted me to like her more. It's far easier now as I don't get thrown shit tests every 30 seconds.

    just goes to show, going NC and freezing out does the job when needed.

  8. #8
    cesar3003 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    Quote Originally Posted by sidewinder89 View Post
    Soooo a quick update:

    It's been a while and after texting her to re-engage twice I left it 2 weeks or so and went for it again on friday. She responded and we had a date last night... full-close on an HB9 (9.5) according to my friend.

    She's not stopped phoning me since. Every night at 9 I get a phone call. I wasn't going to bring up her flakiness because frankly I was getting laid and sex very quickly helps you let things go haha.

    But she told me that she was "sooo sorry, for messing me about." She admitted she was game playing and said she only did it because she wanted me to like her more. It's far easier now as I don't get thrown sh1t tests every 30 seconds.

    just goes to show, going NC and freezing out does the job when needed.
    great job man, now just keep it all up!

    just out of curiosity, how long did it take you to get to where you are at the moment? as in from a complete afc to where you are now?
    English is my second language

  9. #9
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    It's taken me probably around 3 years to be honest. When I started university I couldn't even look at an attractive girl. To be honest I've learnt the most in the past 8months after my first real relationship. I had my first relationship which lasted a year and then fell apart. You never really understand things until you've had your heart broken unfortunately, but trust me when I tell you that it will make you a more complete person. It was that knowledge that an attractive girl could actually love me which I never though possible in my teens.

    But for the short term you just want to approach approach approach I'd also recommend Internet dating as its a great practice ground for learning

  10. #10
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Painful learning!

    Yep just keep being the attractive guy in her life you will be fine.sarge more hbs though


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