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  1. #1
    Mopinion is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default My ex - Friend zoned or not (How to turn things in my favor)

    Hi all.
    So this is kind of a long story but ill try to keep it short.

    Me and my ex havve been broken up for 9 months now. It has been a roller coaster. We haven't hooked up since we broke up. We both now live in different cities but I do visit the city she lives in an almost weekly basis because a majority of my friends live there. I have tried cutting her off multiple times by ignoring her but she keeps trying to contact me and thus the roller ocaster of us seeing each other and not. The longest I have gone ignoring her was 2 months.
    Now I try to hold myself from seeing her, and when I do, I try to keep it so that its just us (but thats not always the case).

    She has just won tickets to a concert and has asked me to go to the city she lives in and go to the concert with her (its going to be me, her and two of her friends - one male and one female) She even said I could stay at her place (with her roomate) when I told her i'd have to figure out the overnight situation first.

    I don't want to be friends because I don't see her as a friend. Yet she keeps pushing it (calling me and saying "Hey friend" etc). And i've made that clear to her multiple times but it just makes things awkward whenevver I do and brings up negative talks so I stopped doing that.

    She does have a history of keeping her exs arouond as friends, but not in the way she does me.
    I have also made it clear that as soon as we start dating other people, whatever it is we have now will be over - her response is that she isn't going to be dating anyone for the next 5 years, which I know is BS.

    We also have many mutual friends (who have sort of taken sides)
    I know she still likes me and cares about me alot as I do her.

    Should I go to the concert?
    Is there any way for me to twist this in my favor?

    Any help/feed back is greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
    Dizzie's Avatar
    Dizzie is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: My ex - Friend zoned or not (How to turn things in my favor)

    I've been there before bro. Women will often bait you to see if you are still interested even though they aren't. If you guys are not intimate then you are friends at best. She's staying in contact with you for short term comfort and validation. What is the outcome you desire? Do you want to get back together, random hookups, or get her out of your life?

    The best advice is to have an abundance mentality and date OTHER women. Otherwise you need to be unpredictable and not always available to her (Not always replying to texts and ignoring her calls). Get her to question where you stand. Instead of telling her that you only want to be more than friends, cut communication for a while. When you do talk to her, always end the conversation first and keep it short. Vaguely share some interest but then take it away. When she comes back for more...make her wait again. You need to control the tempo, have her come over to your place. Be in control.

    If you go to the concert, the last 9 months suggests that she will not go intimate with you. Best of Luck!

  3. #3
    Mopinion is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My ex - Friend zoned or not (How to turn things in my favor)

    Thanks for the feedback.

    I would like to get back together with her and I do think that the first part to doing that is hooking up with her. we ddidn't break up because of some fight or anything. We were actually great together in every regard but it got too friendly and the passion fizzled out after 2 months.
    I will be moving to her city in about 6 months.
    I have been doing what you have suggested (throwing her off by the methods that you have suggested). We both know that each of us has hooked up with other people.
    We haven't talked about it but have accused each other of it once and that was it. We have never talked about hooking up with other people etc.
    Throughout this whole time I have tried not to treat her as a friend but I feel like that was a mistake because I treated her more like a gf in some sense. I also feel like that was triggering a logical side of her brain because by doing so she knew even more that I wanted her back. I force myself not to put her as a priority and I have stuck to that recently.
    I feel like maybe its time to push back and put her in the friend zone?
    Any opinons on that thought would be great.

  4. #4
    Dizzie's Avatar
    Dizzie is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: My ex - Friend zoned or not (How to turn things in my favor)

    If you want her back, you need to get her to see you in a sexual way again. Predictability and availability are enemies to this frame. You need to move her emotionally, NOT logically. Don't have anymore 'Us' talks with her. You want her second guessing where you guys stand. I'm a proponent of jealousy plot lines when used correctly. Give her the impression that you MIGHT be seeing other women. This is best demonstrated actually dating other women but a similar effect can be reached by not replying to her all the time, being vague about your nights out, other girls posting on your facebook,...etc. The key is not to be available to her though. When you do communicate with her, use exciting stories and demonstrate that life is going on without her. Never logically explain how you feel about her or what the situation is. Play things casual for now. If she doesn't come back.......well, do you really want to spend your next 9 months like the last?

  5. #5
    Mopinion is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My ex - Friend zoned or not (How to turn things in my favor)

    Again, thanks for the feedback!

    As far as girls are concerned im constantly meeting beautiful women which is great but unfortunately, attitude is a different issue for alot of them.

    This is slightly off topic but the biggest problem I have (and in general) is building up sexual tension.

    So any advice or referal would be great here


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