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Thread: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

  1. #1
    fridaybagels is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    Hi guys.

    Met this girl online, we kind of clicked. I'm 24, she's 19. She's very mature for her age and very intelligent. She's very blunt too.

    We went on a dinner date after a few phone conversations. It goes ok. She resists my attempt to kiss her. She later texts me with an apology for her "awkwardness". I say no worries, and ask her evening was going. No reply.

    So, I decide to wait, not send her anything. She eventually sends me a single word text 2 days later "hello". I wait 4 hrs before calling her up to chat.

    This is where things go wrong.

    I joked that she didn't have a sense of humor, and negged her on something else. She didn't like this, and started to say she needed to get back to what she was doing. I said ok, and hung up.

    Now, me being a doofus, I start texting her apologizing for being a dick, and that I had fun with her the other night, etc, etc. Also, that next time I have something awesome planned. She says something along the lines of "and what would that be?". I call her again an hour later (as I said I would in the text) and she's still not really in the mood to talk, and wants to read instead. I say ok, and ask her what her schedule is for this week before hanging up. She said she's going to be busy. I hang up, and send her one last text:

    "you seem perturbed"

    Being the blunt person that she is, she responds (and I'm paraphrasing):

    "dude, seriously, you need to dial things back a bit"

    I didn't reply.

    I think I self-destructed on this one. I'm not going to contact her again this week, as she'll be busy anyway. Should I even reply to her text? I always do this. I'm a people pleaser, and felt like I needed to rectify the situation, not necessarily that she's a girl I'm interested in so much as a person I've offended and feel bad for.

    I'm not entirely convinced we're even compatible. She barely even thanked me after I drove 1 hr to her, paid for dinner, got her flowers (as she told me ahead of time is something she appreciates). I feel like I'm doing a lot for a girl who's just KIND OF interested. I think I'm answering my own question.

    Thoughts? Assuming I still like her, how can I recover?

  2. #2
    lilsting's Avatar
    lilsting is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    You guys aren't compatible. I would say leave it. If she doesn't get your humor, you don't want to talk to her. You were being needy, and you apologized for your actions when you didn't even do anything wrong. You don't apologize to someone for not getting you. She completely blew you off. Once that happens, that's the end point. You don't want to proceed after that. You can send one last text if you want to try and restore a little pride to yourself, but only send something if you have a decent message written. Other than that, forget her dude.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    Tbh I never knew negs could've been used in. Negative way. But I think you should wait a week or two to contact her again. Don't mention anything about the past just hit her up starting brand new and LEARN from your mistake!!!!
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    Seems cool. Tell her you wanna befriend her. Then befriend her. You've won yourself another female friend.

    Now, learn from mistakes.

    Dinner date? Why would you want to spend money dining with a girl on the first time you 2 meet? Worst date ever, apart going to the cinema. This is where things went wrong. You haven't build enough attraction.

    She didn't kiss you, because she wasn't attracted to you. Or even if she was, she didn't feel enough comfort to get kissed.

    Then she texted you "hello". Good sign. You called her. Why? Way out of your way.

    Neg her why? You should neg someone when and only when that someone is being bitchy. And even then your negs should be something like "oh you little brat, doing jokes about me and x, how nice of you! hi5!"

    After that, you apologized and then you called her. Wow, new record level of neediness. She hungs up and then you text her. Really mate?

    Next time, do the exact opposite! Best of luck dude!

  5. #5
    fridaybagels is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    Thanks for the replies guys. Good advice.

    Yeah, I self-destructed. I also took the "negging" too far, if it can be called that. However, all I really did was hasten the inevitable. I have an unusual brand of humor, and she didn't seem to feel it. From the get-go she told me she was a "very serious person". While she did joke around with me, and even at my expense, she never responded well to my jokes about her.

    I felt it odd to NOT respond to her blunt text, so I said I had been up for a while working on a project, and that I should have gotten more rest before calling. Then I said night.

    If I want to try again (unlikely at this point), I'll wait no less than a week before contacting her (assuming she doesn't contact me first.. highly unlikely at this point). However, as stated above, not really compatible.

    What would a better first date be, by the way? I usually like to go for drinks, but when the person is under 21 (in the states) this is not a possibility. Maybe coffee instead?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    Quote Originally Posted by fridaybagels View Post
    Thanks for the replies guys. Good advice.

    Yeah, I self-destructed. I also took the "negging" too far, if it can be called that. However, all I really did was hasten the inevitable. I have an unusual brand of humor, and she didn't seem to feel it. From the get-go she told me she was a "very serious person". While she did joke around with me, and even at my expense, she never responded well to my jokes about her.

    I felt it odd to NOT respond to her blunt text, so I said I had been up for a while working on a project, and that I should have gotten more rest before calling. Then I said night.

    If I want to try again (unlikely at this point), I'll wait no less than a week before contacting her (assuming she doesn't contact me first.. highly unlikely at this point). However, as stated above, not really compatible.

    What would a better first date be, by the way? I usually like to go for drinks, but when the person is under 21 (in the states) this is not a possibility. Maybe coffee instead?

    Alot of girls don't get my sense of humor but it doesn't matter, you don't need them to understand you. Do you and talk to other girls
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  7. #7
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    There's no way back from this in my opinion...

    you've lowered your value to the extreme. You went for a k-close before there was enough attraction then started being needy. She sums it up well with her text. You invested waaaaaaaayyy too much interest in the early stages.

    learn from this and move on. If you want to take another shot you need to wait a few days then re-engage on a positive note. But to be honest I think this is a case of live and learn .

  8. #8
    lenric's Avatar
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    A good first date would be bowling or karting. Or going to the beach, or doing whatever you want that is fun. Walk with her at the beach or some place else, start singing and dancing with her in the middle of nowhere, do what you want, be spontaneous.

  9. #9
    fridaybagels is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    Great analysis and advice. This is very helpful to me, not for this occasion, but future ones. This all comes back to my theory: girls like a guy who is confident, has a lot going for him OTHER than talking to her/girls, and doesn't try hard.

    But yeah, I was just.. kind of.. nervous. So I said something dumb (i.e. insulted her, thinking I was being suave and clever).

    Like I said, waiting a week to contact her again, but at this point I'll consider this a blessing in disguise. The date was boring (maybe just because it was dinner, maybe not), and I just have a gut feeling that this wouldn't have worked out in a romantic sense even if I hadn't said those things or texts. For one, she requires a guy to be very chivalrous (i.e. open doors for her, pull her chair out, etc) which I found kind of odd, especially to state before the date. She stated this at the get-go. She also stated she likes flowers on a first date. So with her telling me all of this, I subconsciously took it as a big interest in me, so I assumed she was into me way more than I was into her, as us guys often do.

    As tough as it may be, I need to accept that I've almost certainly ruined my chances with a weird hot girl, and move on. Maybe I can salvage this and have a weird hot female friend, who can introduce me to her cute friends! It's all a learning experience.

  10. #10
    fridaybagels is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Negged a girl too much, now she's annoyed with me

    By the way, one last question, I had told her on the phone I would get in touch this week about us hanging out again, doing something fun (i.e. bowling, etc). She said alright.

    Should I still do this, despite my fails? This question of course assumes I'm still trying to pursue her.


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