Hi everyone! I'm new to the forum. Basically found a girl I like and am trying to see where things go... well there is a bunch to the story but I'll try and keep it on the shorter side.
Bit of background on me right away... I work in the oilfield and have a 3 week on, 1 week off schedule. During the 3-week on... maybe I might be able to squeak in some time somewhere... maybe. Work is work. Especially now that all our driving has to be company related and no personal vehicles are at man camps.
First off, this girl was a stripper. We chatted in the club a few times last year. She has a heart of gold and is a very genuine person but has a LOT of issues. Personally IDC, I like her for her. People keep telling me to find someone else. But this (my words below) is before I knew of them.
She's from out of state and there was a two month gap between her appearances. During this time... well I "created a door" to knock on. Took a little looking but I found her on FB and messaged her. A month went by and she got back to me. Messages were slow at first. I asked if we could "hang out," she seemed excited. She gave me her number without asking... never really used it until her friend died so she could talk to someone because she had noone. Kept up FB which after her second round of appearances became daily. I don't like the ambiguity of "hanging out" so shortly after the constant communication I asked her out on a date via FB. She said yes.
Then life happened. Actually life had already been happening. No vehicle, no money, pre-pre-school son, potential jail time (never happened), death, (could date) "flight to safety," (doesn't want to date) mysterious 5-month break in communication (I know the reasons for part but not all of it), depression, mental help.
I know... find another girl right? But I like her. I know I won't find anyone like her (positive qualities).... for a long time at best. Look at my schedule LOL. So all this stuff going on I figured she doesn't really need a guy chasing her for a relationship so instead I was more of a friend because she really didn't have anyone.
We had 3 personal encounters where we chatted at the club... IDK how many hours on FB and texting. Then the long break. I noticed she changed her profile pic in FB (like when you click on the message tab and it shows you the last n messages kinda thing) so I called her out on ignoring me... seeing as she just got out of a bad two month long relationship I said "friends only." That's essentially July - April.
I've seen her 3x in person since. I've driven out of state to see her twice on my week off. Just for a couple of days each time.... and dinner/movie a few days ago. We go back and forth a little on FB nothing like it use to be. Frequency all depends on what's happening but mainly it's commenting/liking a status/pic and not messaging.
There was some casual touching when we went out for drinks the first night we saw each other. We had drinks between dinner and the movie a few days ago and exchanged a few looks, told each other a few compliments. Nothing major. That's pretty much the extent of the flirting outside of the club. I kinda directed things towards the friend route not totally consciously. More consciously in the beginning then now.
When these visits started she had zero money and no job. She still has no money, but just got a job. So I had to pay for everything. I didn't mind. She's not "expensive." I wanted her company. I'm the one taking her to eating establishments... she's the one use to not having much so she planned plenty of free/inexpensive things. There was hiking, feeding ducks w/ her kid (okay that was me), swinging while watching over her son play (that was after), hanging out looking over the mountains while her son swam in a pond (it was a kiddie pond, very shallow). Simple things.
So during this whole process I've felt completely heart-broken twice. Once when she no longer wanted to date because of all the crap happening, which I completely understood. The second time was during the silence when I had lost a friend several weeks after the New Year and her birthday was a few days later. Her response, blocking her facebook account (bad relationship time). I felt like I lost two people.
I've never been a super-alpha. It kinda comes and goes but when the level of feeling/caring becomes uneven (mine > hers (where that equals friends or doesn't know)) it seems whatever I have goes out the window. Right now I pay for things, hold the door open for her, open her car door first, be the nice guy. It kills me because I know where I'm at. I know it won't last forever (and I'll be the loser in the end). I was too afraid to put my arm around her waist walking to/from the movies for fear of rejection. In the moment and just reading that line makes me feel retarded. Somehow caring robs me of my cajones. I need them back! How do I get them back?
If weather permits the next time we she each other in a few weeks (most likely) the plan is to go camping. The three of us (her son). I don't mind this at all. I think it's great. We're all going to be in the same tent. My goal is to just hold her all night... hopefully some flirting beforehand. I might be in the friend zone but I don't think I've been there too long.
So aside from my desire to get my cajones back, I was curious about your take on the situation. How to move things toward the romantic direction instead of remaining friends. Would you recommend anything different on the camping trip if it happens?
I'm pretty much "stuck" with her for ~48 hours if it happens. If not, a.) I'd like to not get a hotel. I'm not sure if she'd feel awkward having me sleep in the camper with her at her parents'. But I'd like to make that happen if it seems realistic and, b) although I'm not "stuck" with her for 48 hr if we don't go camping.... it's not like I'm super busy in a city I'll have been to 3x at this point for a total of about 3.5 days. (Not familiar surroundings.)
I guess where I'm going with this is I spend three weeks working... a few days with her. Scarcity is already present, yes? I don't really need to put more in do I? Since it is, would large time blocks together be okay (as far as trying to build something romantic) in this instance? That means I'm pretty much stuck being there for the peaks and lulls.