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  1. #1
    gh0stfac3 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Need help with new girl

    I need some advice on this situation.

    So i recently started hanging out with one of my sisters old friends ( they recently stopped talking). Met her through my sister, hit her up on facebook, number closed last week. We had lunch a couple days ago, seemed to hit it off really well, had her laughing almost spent at least an hour talking until i broke rapport intentionally and said i had to leave. weve been texting since then (traditional good text rules, not responding immediatly or too much. being cocky funny etc, ya know the usual, being scarce etc)

    So last night I had got home around 10pm, texted her a bit then called her and invited her over. She asked for directions and then came over very quickly, lives about 35 mins away was here in like 30. We chilled watched a movie and she spent the night, made out almost f closed but had no rubbers ( abit of last minute resistance each time things escalated, apparently she has an ex on the mind that she mentioned and got into an arguement with recently). we stayed up the whole night makin out or talking in my room, finally fell asleep at like 6am , we woke up at noon , grabbed a bite (talked on a deeper level while she was laying in my arms ) went back to my place and she left as she had work soon.

    so while she was at work she texts me(out of the blue):

    Thinkin back on everything now, I just need a bit of time with this. I'm just emotionally and mentally spent right now between work, school, my x and everything else. I just have to digest everything thats currently going on in my life. I'm not trying to say that I dont want to get to know you or anything like that but i just wanna take things slow and not jump into anything serious right off that bat. Like hanging out today with you was great and absolutely fine. So if we can take it at that pace for now, that would be awesome.

    Right from the get go she filled me in on her situation with her ex, but I gave it a grain of salt.

    So my question is...
    How do i respond to this, I would like to build something more serious with her. I was thining about running some bfdt patterns. As she talked to me alot about the ex, regarding their problems and why they broke up and such. However my sister clued her into my pua ways some time back including bfdt, (Traitor!!)

    I'm crafting a response that will say something like: Thats cool, like I've said before I'm not really looking to jump back on the market here.

    Idk what really to say.

    So heres what I said:
    ====================
    Its all kosher, I enjoyed being with you more than words can describe, but like I said I'm not really looking to jump into things in particular or on a whim. Besides I really dont want to complicate things for ya, based on what you said it sounds like theres still something tween you and your ex and he still cares about you. And I dont want to come between that. Any how ill catch ya later chica
    ====================
    Immediatly her response:
    Yea I dont wanna jump in to anything on a whim either. I rather take it slow and figure out things step by step. As for the ex, he told me that we're done he sees this going nowhere, he doesnt trust me or anyone for that matter, and he said he'll either lie or cheat on me. my problem is that i dont want to prove him right, but that means i end up getting hurt in the end. Like i said both roads are wrong here but in the end i need to be happy.
    ====================
    My delayed response...
    (still thinking about it.

    I'm typically not a one-itis type dude and maybe because she is fresh in my head but i got it bad 4 her. Maybe i need to set her on the back burner for a bit. Ideas? Thoughts? Questions?

  2. #2
    Gemini is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with new girl

    Hey dude.

    Based on what info you've given me, I'd say you're best bet is to go with the whole taking it slow thing, but carry on having your pua fun. Don't rub it in her face, but make sure she knows. This will invoke jealousy. Women often don't know they want you until they are jealous. This may help her make up her mind.

    Good luck bro.

    : GeMiNi :&

  3. #3
    gh0stfac3 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with new girl

    Yes you are right jealousy will definitely illicit a response...

    So I took a stab at running a bfdt...
    My response (earlier text in first post):
    ==================== =========
    I wouldnt say so much that he doesnt trust you, but its more of the fact that hes aware that you're the best thing that has or will ever come into his life. And im sure that hes constantly frustrated or panicked that he wont know what to do if you up and leave suddently. its not so much his fault
    ==================== =========


    Her response within 5 mins:
    No. He told me to leave , To go see other ppl. This has been going on since we broke up 2 weeks ago. He said he doesnt want to be in a relationship. Hes happy being alone and he doesnt want me to get hurt . He hasnt returned my txt since yesterday. Before he left yesterday he took all of his stuff. Hes got mental stuff going on and hes pushing me away. He told me yesterday he doesnt trust women what so ever. What am i supposed to do? Sit by idle and get hurt? If I have him telling me he doesnt want me , what am I to do?

    ==================== ==
    My response:
    Definately sounds like there are some messages between the lines. I think the pushing you away is a defense mechanism to avoid being hurt down the road as I mentioned before but also serves to pull you in too. As pushing someone away typically pulls them in more. Deep down he cares regardless of what he says. Ultimately I cant tell you what to do as I'm definately biased in this scenario. But i hope everything works out for the best.
    ==================== ====


    Her response:
    Youre absolutely right, cause I'm thinking the same thing with all of that. But its not fair to me when I've done nothing wrong and I have to suffer for the sins of others. He has trusted issues and I dont mind that. But when you take it out on me I dont mind. And yes I'm a talkative individual but I am also interested
    ====================
    (i dont know what she meant be interested, in me?)
    ====================

    My reponse:
    You are without a doubt right, not fair to you. You mentioned you wanted something free of mind games and such, this doesnt seem to qualify. You most certainly are talkative haha and im hooked Any how i feel like it would be best for me to back off I dont want to complicate things. I think things are a bit too complicated for us just to be friends. Plus to be honest im hella attracted to you and i think being friends is settling for second best. Its something I typically dont do as it makes dudes turn creepy chumps longing for shit to be. Any how i need to fall back to clear my head some. hopefully we'll cross paths again soon...
    ==================
    Her immediate response:
    I get talkative when im nervous, i caught myself today and was like "shutup" I dont like mind game stuff, thats why im so tried mentally and emotionally from the last 2 weeks. I get the reason why you feel like backing off is a good idea. for your the one in the dark. I just need to clear my head a bit. good thing im going on vacay soon and just regain mental energy.
    ==========
    I had no response
    ==========
    She follows up the next morning:
    ==========
    Good Morning! So are we still on for tomorrow night or do you wanna wait til i come back from out of town?
    ==========

    Ill give the text recap a break here, i agree to hanging out and we figure out logistics.

    I also poke fun at the fact that a mutal lady friend of ours, called me up to go out the night before. She had prob a million questions about it.

    So as it stands so far shes going to come to my place to shower b4 we hang out tomorrow night.

    Then she text me and ask how my day is going...

    My reponse:
    Pretty good. got off work early and reconnected over lunch with an old friend I hadnt seen in a bit. Best of all she paid ! haha how are you chica !


    Thoughts ideas? I think my bfdt worked pretty well, i may have gone border line into going to bat for this chump but whatev. I also think the jealousy card is playing well.

    More thoughts? ideas?

  4. #4
    gh0stfac3 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with new girl

    Ive been having some reservations about this suddenly, She did an awful amount of talking about her ex and i think i came on scene in the midst of a break up. Is this a bad idea, it seems like an awful good way to possibly disapoint myself

  5. #5
    Shadowstorm is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with new girl

    I was about to suggest leaving her space and letting her know that you're there to talk if she needs it. It sounds cliche, which is why I wouldn't word it exactly like that, but it does 3 things. First, it establishes that you aren't needy and don't need to be the center of attention in something that doesn't particularly concern you. Second, it tells her that you trust her ability to take care of herself and that you respect her in that regard. Third, it sets you apart from the ex boyfriend because you are above the drama and don't want to be bothered with it rather than causing it in the first place.

    However, many paths to the same end and all that. Looks like you're in a good position. Going forward, be dismissive of the ex boyfriend. Don't try and be her knight in shining armor, because that just makes her think about all the bad she went through with him rather than the good she can have with you. Deflect questions about him with humor and try and change the subject tastefully. If you establish yourself as her go-to source of happiness, she'll forget about the drama with her ex and that problem will sort itself out.

    Best of luck to you!


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