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  • 2 Post By Swagman
  • 1 Post By Swagman

Thread: I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

  1. #1
    jonsteve is offline PUA in Training
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    Default I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

    Hey guys,

    I have had a recurring problem throughout my life and have now decided that it needs to be solved. That problem is not when I am with a girl but when i am not.

    To make it clear, I mean that when I am dating or seeing a girl, it usually starts off really well. When they are in my presence we have fun flirt, kiss, joke around. The girl who il be talking about is one that I'm currently seeing (3rd date). After our first date she was loving me, I even got a text saying, "I don't want to scare you but I actually really like you".

    Now I'm living at home and so is she, so while we were on our second date we decided to book a cheap hotel so we can have some alone time together.

    I booked it and we were suppose to go today, turns out that she twists her ankle this morning.. So we had to cancel but I still had to pay for it. I was cool about it and she said she will book one for next week for us.

    Unfortunately I have major trust issues when it comes to this type of thing and I hate it when people owe me. It feels like I will never get it back and some past experiences have shown me this.

    This led me to start texting more than normal and caring about what I was saying more than normal. Now she is taking longer to reply etc. so basically the power has shifted towards her slightly.

    Now I don't know what will happen, maybe she will do as she promised etc. but I have a bad feeling it won't. Also, even though this was a recent example, this kind of thing has happened over and over again.

    I'm cool in beginning
    She likes me
    I make effort
    She disappoints
    I start feeling needy
    She becomes distant.

    And all of this is because I don't know how to control myself when I am not physically with a girl. All the things I have when I'm with a girl such as composure goes out the window when I'm texting her and something is bothering me. (This is mainly because of feeling like I'm owed for putting in effort etc.)

    I really want to learn how to deal with these situations better and stop giving away my power when I'm not physically with a girl.

    Please help!

  2. #2
    jonsteve is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

    let me know if the question isnt clear, il try and rephrase it

  3. #3
    Bandit's Avatar
    Bandit is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

    People do weird things when left alone with their thoughts. Come up with a way to take your mind off it. If you sit there thinking over and over again and coming up with everything that could go wrong, it's going to kill you. Stay busy, it will help a lot.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  4. #4
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

    Your biggest problem is that you are not giving yourself a clean slate. Is it fair to her that you act based on the actions of women that she doesn't even know? No matter what happens, you have to give each girl that you go for an equal chance as the first. Just because, for instance, one girl cheated on you does not mean that all of them after the fact will.

    Because you fail to trust her, your insecurity about people being in debt comes through, and when that happens anybody can clearly see it. You have got to learn to just let it go and give everybody a fair chance.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

    I think the problem is that you are with ONE girl . Date more than ONE girl. When you see you think too much about a girl go out and approach other women. You become needy because you want to secure the girl for yourself while if you have other options you would not care that much!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

    Wow Swagman. You sure you aren't really Dr.Phil lol.

    Yes this has a lot do to with insecurities. But shit. We ALL have those. I mean, I definitely have my moments where if I'm not talking to a woman then I feel worthless.

    Gotta get over it. Negative space is just as important as positive space. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You'd know the feeling if this happened to you.

    The thing that helps me is that I shift my focus to a global scale. I think of where my place is in this world. Things like: I'm good looking, have strong ambitions, know how to please women, have good friends, good job, building good habits and hobbies, are not tied down with kids and marriage (no offense to those who are lol). But basically....count your blessings. Remind yourself that you ARE worth it. And one day someone will also see that.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

    Ohhhh shush Batman, you're flattering me lol

    I've actually been on my David X grind lately, and he talked about honesty and the concept of a clean slate. I found it to be very enlightening, and it revolutionized one of my preferences towards women, which is quite amazing.

    Would definitely agree on finding your place and desires in the world. Last night I got a sh1t test from this girl asking me if I had any crushes. I told her the painfully honest truth: no, and that I had girls of interest but nothing more. I proceeded to tell her after that that I am open for a relationship, but it is not the thing I am looking for right now. I am just looking to get out of the house, meet some new people, and have a lot of fun till I crash in my bed for the day.

    How did she react? Well, she said I'm literally the perfect man that she never sees, and I just got to my phone to see a bunch of snapchats and texts from her trying to get a conversation out of me. Patience and sticking true to your beliefs do really pay off.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  8. #8
    Sigmund is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I always blow it when I'm not with a girl

    Quote Originally Posted by aussiearef View Post
    I think the problem is that you are with ONE girl . Date more than ONE girl. When you see you think too much about a girl go out and approach other women. You become needy because you want to secure the girl for yourself while if you have other options you would not care that much!
    Totally. I've recently jumped on POF and I've found that by talking to a few different girls, it takes the pressure off the one that I'm actually kind of interested in. I'm in this exact situation right now, but where as in the past I would've messed up by over-texting and just over-thinking about it too much, I've got other girls to take my mind off her. As a bonus, these other conversations with these other girls are building my confidence and conversational skills and may also fruition into something good as well


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