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Thread: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

  1. #1
    BlakeG is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    Met a HB9, she's the best friend of my buddy's new girlfriend. First met her at a club on girlfriends birthday, and wanted to hang out more after the club but she left really early because she was "tired". I was able to number close, and I did send her a text that night, but it took her a day and a half to get back to me because she was "run down" and had to rest. This became a pattern and it was really frustrating to me, because she would be really interested for a few days and we would text and talk on the phone a lot, and then she would go cold without explanation, and when she finally came back she would play it off that she was "resting" and "sleeping". I talked to my buddy and he said she was definitely interested, so I didn't understand. We have gone out a few of times and while it seemed to go well and there was lots of flirting and kino, she always wanted to leave and go home even though it was early. She even cancelled once because she "wasn't feeling up to going out" although she did immediately reschedule. I haven't been sitting around waiting for her, and have been going out and meeting other girls, but if I mention this (subtly) it doesn't faze her.

    Twice I have taken the bull by the horns and told her we are going out, once it worked but again she went home early after not seeming energetic, I tried to convince to go come back to my place but that got nowhere. The second time no matter how much I tried she wouldn't budge and made excuses and didn't come out. I was so confused with all her excuses and her selfish behavior because she only wanted to hang out on her terms. I talked to my friend and he said something about how his girlfriend had mentioned she was sick. Then on Facebook I saw there was one of those awareness ribbon things for liver disease, as well as a status update about some fundraiser event (so she has time/energy to go to a fundraising party but not hang out with me) I causally mentioned the party while talking about my own partying and she said it was a cause close to her heart. When I asked to elaborate she told me she was born with liver disease. She said it takes a toll on her and one of the side effects is low energy and fatigue (so this might explain why she was always going home early or not wanting to come out and possibly sleeping so much when she took forever to answer my texts) She also said she used to get jealous when she saw other people out living and having fun, but that she has made peace with it and now looks after herself first, even if it means she misses out on things.

    So she says she is tired all the time from being sick, and makes excuses and won’t come out with me or a group often, and if she does than she leaves early. But then I do see Facebook statues where she is up late and at fundraisers, or I hear that she has been up all night texting her girlfriends (my buddy’s girlfriend included) I think she is just playing up her illness and using it as an excuse to play games and avoid me. I know the saying about interested people acting interested, and I think if she was interested she would come out, even if it meant not feeling her best sometimes. I want to take the bull by the horns and let her know her behavior is unacceptable, and show I won’t just play her games and jump at her call. Her excuses and thoughts only for herself have gotten on my nerves, but she is really hot so I want to get and keep control of the frame because I know I lost it, and show her I am in charge and the prize but I have no idea how to do this. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance if you read this.

  2. #2
    TPix's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    Quote Originally Posted by BlakeG View Post
    she would play it off that she was "resting" and "sleeping".
    Quote Originally Posted by BlakeG View Post
    She even cancelled once because she "wasn't feeling up to going out" although she did immediately reschedule. I haven't been sitting around waiting for her, and have been going out and meeting other girls, but if I mention this (subtly) it doesn't faze her.
    I have had this same problem. Pretty girl with rich parents was always eager to make plans once we talked and gave lot of IOIs but once I tried to contact her trough text she flaked with same excuses that you had. What I did was I froze her for couple weeks and then asked for coffee which she immediately accepted. I´m not sure if this was the best thing to do, i´ll see tomorrow

    Hardest thing dealing with bitchy/flaky women is probably not appearing too needy, I hope someone can help you more with this subject
    Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
    understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
    But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
    recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
    you and how fabulous you really looked….

  3. #3
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    I want to take the bull by the horns and let her know her behavior is unacceptable, and show I won’t just play her games and jump at her call. Her excuses and thoughts only for herself have gotten on my nerves, but she is really hot so I want to get and keep control of the frame because I know I lost it, and show her I am in charge and the prize but I have no idea how to do this. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance if you read this.
    Woah to the guy that wants to win.maybe you are coming off a bit too strong.the best way is to review the material and have a plan.such as when you are getting iois what do you do.if she likes you what do you tell her.in a nutshell know your outcome and plan accordingly.Be there for one reason to run game and escalate.

  4. #4
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    Blake,

    I am in the same boat as you with the girl I am working on. She works 3 jobs. However, I recently found out she is seeing another guy (some guy she knew for a while and she makes time for) but doesn't know I know. So I actually have it worst than you. But I don't even let this bother me.

    The reasons your girl leaves early sounds legit and she works for a selfless cause. It doesn't sound like she is playing you at all. Staying up late at a fundraiser? That is legit. It's her passion. That's something you will have to stomach. You are competing with a cause, and personally, I'd rather lose to a good cause than another guy.

    However, our situation, as I found out after consulting with many dating coaches/masters is a common occurrence. Your situation is not unique.

    It's because you like this girl, you feel anxious. You start doubting yourself/questioning your game the slightest moment a girl shows disinterest. Things like you said "I think she is just playing up her illness and using it as an excuse to play games and avoid me" The best thing is don't give a sh1t. Be unaffected. Keep your emotions in check, your heart somewhat detached and always remember "You don't have to prove anything to anyone, including yourself." It shows that you are confident and a man of high value/status. Do not go direct and call her out because all it does is generate bad emotions, undermine the aforementioned, and shows that you aren't alpha enough to be the stable rock - a quality in men women look for. When you do go out, just enjoy the moment with her to the fullest and have a good time (as short as it is). Another advice is don't be afraid to cut the date short as well sometimes. As hard as it is, it demonstrates that you have social control. At the height of excitement, cut it short (make up a good reason that you have something important to do in the morning). It will leave her wanting you more.

    If a girl reschedules with you, she is at least interested. Dating you may not be high up on priority as her cause, but that is the way it is. You can't be jealous. Just be comforted by the thought that she isn't one of those girls that repeatedly flake. She is interested and attracted to you enough to invest time and energy to go out with you. That is a damn good thing. A lot of guys can't even get Day 2 with a girl.

    And lastly, you have to ask yourself what you want out of this girl. You want her as a girlfriend? You want her as a hot friend or f buddy for social proof that will help you attract other women?

    If you want her as a girlfriend, you have to accept the total package...And to be honest, beauty fades. What happens when that hotness burns out. Will you still feel the same attraction to her? I doubt it. Continue going out with other women and when you are with her, make the best of it and have fun.

  5. #5
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    I.M.Mortal has a good point. Comparing her to what a relatively healthy woman would do may be what's messing you up. If she is willing to meet up and even reschedule then that's a good thing.

    I know your concern with her being up late on FB and texting friends and all. So what if she's not putting you as a priority. You're not in a real bad spot with her. You definitely could use some more attraction and/or tension though. That should help get a little more effort out of her.

    Maybe you are making yourself too available. Become scarce with your time and energy. Don't freak out on her about her behavior. There are times for this I feel. But I think you still have other options and I consider confronting a woman about something that bothers you a last resort. I got this quote from an article Vin DiCarlo wrote.

    "The best way to punish bad behavior is with indifference. Any reaction whatsoever is actually a reward, because it telegraphs your emotional investment. Sometimes it helps to make it absolutely clear what she did wrong in a dominant, (not angry) voice, and then follow it with indifference, both physical and verbal."
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    BlakeG is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    Wow thanks for all the advice everyone. I appreciate it and it's definitely lots to consider. Just to clear one thing up though, she does not work for that cause. And she is not a girl with rich parents. She is actually runs a small business out of her apartment. She told me the reason she works from home is so she can work on her own terms if she is feeling sick from her liver. She doesn't have a boss to answer to and can set her own hours around how she feels The charity/fundraisers she does is something she volunteers because in her words "Because I was born with severe liver disease, it is a cause that is close to my heart and I want to do whatever I can to work for research/awareness/a cure".

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Sometimes it helps to make it absolutely clear what she did wrong in a dominant, (not angry) voice, and then follow it with indifference, both physical and verbal."
    See I tried to do this when she left early one time when we were hanging out with a group. She just responded that when she feels sick she goes home and rests because she has to look after herself first. I guess I'm just annoyed about how she is always talking about "taking care of myself" and "putting myself first". It's like it always has to be about her. She told me that it is what it is and that it's comes as part of the package. I feel like if she wasn't so selfish she would come out/stay out and party, even if it meant she stays feeling sick.

    I did show indifference and got no contact from her. But then I bumped into her while hanging out at my buddy's place and she was there to drop something off for his girlfriend. My buddy told me his girlfriend says she is very interested in me, but I feel like if she truly was she wouldn't use her illness as an excuse, and she would push feeling sick aside to come hang out with me. A group of us went out last night and she was supposed to be there but she flaked at the last minute because she "felt sick" and wanted to go to the doctor instead. To me any girl that is interested would have easily chosen coming out to a great party over a visit to a doctor.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    I understand how you feel about the illness. I myself am not very well versed in diseases and medicine. So I would likely downplay her illness as well.

    But I really think you should cut her a break about it. Yes, some people abuse their illness and/or exaggerate it's affects. But I ask you, what are you really going to do about that? Are you going to change the way she views her illness she's had her whole life? I doubt she's changing anytime soon. You simply have to decide if that's the kind of person you want in your life. In fact, you could say that to her. You'll likely look like an insensitive douche, but I still tend to say things despite me knowing it'll make me look like an ass lol.

    "I can't have someone in my life that behaves that way. I understand that you have a disease, but I have to ask myself how much of my standards am I willing to sacrifice."

    You don't have to say this verbatim. Just a rough idea of what you want to say. And I'm not saying it will turn her around and make her try harder. There's a chance you could lose her. I'm simply giving you some options to try.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    Quote Originally Posted by BlakeG View Post
    I did show indifference and got no contact from her. But then I bumped into her while hanging out at my buddy's place and she was there to drop something off for his girlfriend. My buddy told me his girlfriend says she is very interested in me, but I feel like if she truly was she wouldn't use her illness as an excuse, and she would push feeling sick aside to come hang out with me. A group of us went out last night and she was supposed to be there but she flaked at the last minute because she "felt sick" and wanted to go to the doctor instead. To me any girl that is interested would have easily chosen coming out to a great party over a visit to a doctor.
    Blake, again that is just anxiety speaking. I have had an HB who was really interested in me who picked me up, gave me rides home when I didn't have a car in LA, leaves flirty welcome messages on my vm as I returned from a long 1 month vacay, but there are days when she just doesn't want to go out and just wants to kick it at home. It doesn't mean a girl likes you any less. You never know or can assume what is in a woman's head. Have you thought that maybe that illness has affected her self-esteem and she doesn't want to appear tired/boring/unimpressive/bad company in front of the guy she is interested in? She not only flaked on you, but even her friends. What does that tell you? It's not you.

    Her friend already validated that she is interested in you. And if someone said that to me...coupled with the girl's actions, THAT IS ALL I NEED TO KNOW.

    I stand by my answer. Don't let your compromised confidence lead you to actions that undo you with this girl. I'd worry more about your innergame, then what the girl is feeling.

  9. #9
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    Totally listen to these guys, find other things to do than think about this girl, that will, quicker than anything else, mess you up man. I don't know how many hot girls I have lost due to letting my head get the better of me! Actually it has happened to be every time with a hot girl, unattractive ones are easy for me and I get them eating out of the palm of my hand because I don't care if I get them or not! Its really a big issue.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  10. #10
    Cavanon is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Gaming a selfish girl that makes excuses

    Dude, obvious answer, why don't you take a hot minute to find out about her disease and go with her to one of the fundraisers? nahh.... that would make too much sense...


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