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  1. #1
    happy46073 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PUA?

    Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PUA?


    I want to start a discussion on the topic of honesty and sarging. I would like to put forward the idea that as a result of becoming a PUA that I am actually a more honest person and this has improved my life and the quality of my relationships with others .


    Being honest is so important to me as a person, because growing up I experienced the pain and destruction that dishonesty of other people brought to myself and other people who were very close to me. So for me being honest will always be more important than having good game or being a successful PUA.

    When I first got involved with sarging, I found myself in situations with women where I had to make what felt like at the time were difficult decisions about the extent of my honesty with women. I thought that by being honest I was going to hurt my relationships with the women I was with because they wouldnt be able to accept the truth about me. However, because I believe so strongly in the importance of honesty, I just couldnt control myself, and I was honest with women about many things about my life, despite the fact that I was sure they would hurt my chances. I was honest about many things including: the fact that I have sexual relations with many women, and the fact that I always will approach a woman I feel attracted to (if its what I feel like doing). When I was telling these girls about this I thought I was being really stupid and it was going to cause them to be less attracted to me, and perhaps no longer wish to associate with me. However, to my total surprise I was totally wrong!!! Not only did these women accept these things about me when I told them, but they actually liked me more respected me more and were more attracted to me as a result!!! I couldnt believe it. It went against everything I thought I had previously understood about women.



    I would now like to look at some examples of how I feel when sarging I am a more honest person.

    ***Opening sets in an honest way***
    First of all, lets look at what happens each time I open a set. Each time I approach a women I will always tell her the feeling that I have at some stage soon after meeting her. For example I might say: I just had this feeling that I wanted to talk to you, and get to know you better. This is totally true! I might also say I am enjoying talking to you or something like this. From the very start of the relationship I always want to create a dialogue where talking honestly about emotions is normal, and I make no apologies for being honest about my feelings, what ever they are. I think this is more honest than what some AFGs do making small talk with HBs about things that they are not interested in just because they think that this will make the women like them more.


    ***Being honest about sexual desires***
    I may not mention to the women when I first meet her that I am interested in forming a sexual relationship with her, and that I engage in sexual relationships with other women. But, I dont think this is dishonest. For, example you dont tell someone your bank account details just because they ask you. You would reply to this by saying, I dont want you to know my bank account details. If the woman actually wants to ask me any question I am happy to give her an honest answer, or at least be honest in as far as I will say I dont feel comfortable answering that question in detail. If a woman asks me do you want to have sex with me? the answer I will often give is, you are a beautiful woman, and I am a man, so I am biologically programmed to want to have sex with you, but that is not important to me, I just enjoy being with you or something like this. I think this is a really honest answer. It is dishonest for an AFG to hide his sexual desires, just because he is afraid of rejection.

    ***Being honest about sexual relations with other women***
    When women ask me about if I have sexual relations with other women, I guess I just want to give them an answer that leaves them satisfied. For example, if at first I say I dont feel comfortable answering this question and then they keep pestering me about it, I may say, look, if a beautiful woman wants to sleep with me Im not going to say no to her. Its honest and a DHV at the same time. In the first case showing that Im not going to reveal myself to you just because you want me to, and in the second showing other beautiful women are attracted to me.

    ***communicating with women using honest emotions***
    I think the emotions you use when answering these kind of questions are very important. I never want to brag, I always display a feeling of discomfort when talking about these things. For, me this feeling of discomfort is genuine, because I am showing that I am afraid that this fact about me will affect my relationship with the woman that I am with. This is totally honest, because I do like the girl that I am with, and I do care about her, and our relationship and I wont feel good if she stops liking me.

    ***Being honest about the nature of the relationship***
    Often girls will say to me that they want to become my girlfriend. I deal with this by saying that I really enjoy the feeling that I have with you, but I am not ready to commit to a relationship at this stage. Not allowing a girl to become my girlfriend has never stoped me from having sexual relations with a girl,. When I am with a girl who wants to become my girlfriend, I will tell her that we cant have a committed relationship at this stage, but at the same time I will treat her like she is my girlfriend when I am with her, and for the woman having this feeling is worth more that actually having the title of being my girlfriend.

    I think that most of the time the girl saying she wants to be my girlfriend is just an ASD.


    ***Being Honest When dealing with last minute resistance***
    When I get a girl up to my room they might say we wont have sex I will answer by saying we wont do anything that you dont feel comfortable doing. This is true. Of course I want her to feel comfortable and enjoy her self, because the more she enjoys herself the better the sex will be. If she is not comfortable then she wont want to be with me again.

    Perhaps the LMR phase this is the most difficult time to be honest in a logical way, but its just part of getting around the ASDs. But, the girl always knows there is a chance that sexual relations might happen, but she needs to feel comfortable and know that you respect her and she able to say no.

    Another thing to be honest about is wanting to continue a relationship with the girl. Most girls to have sex will need to feel like you are not going to abandon them. Im always honest about wanting to continue a relationship, because I always want to continue!!!! Of course Im not going to, if I want to have sex with a girl, Im going to want to stay around after (and possibly have sex with her again.)

    ***Being honest about being a PUA***
    I often am even honest with women about the fact that I sarge. Although, I never use PUA terminology around women, because I think this termonlogy was created by men for men. But, if she is interested in knowing (and often they are because often I have cold approached them, and from this they are curious about why and how often I do this) I will her know that I have no problem with approaching a woman that I am attracted to, with the intension of starting a relationship with her.

    The women who I have told about this usually actually find this quite interesting, and amusing and I think they actually like me more as a result of it. (I know that might sound crazy) I have even been on dates with a girl and she was curious to see me do it to another woman walking the street. I told her that I would do it only if she held my hand while I did it. She said to me if any woman gives you her number she is crazy. I went and approached a HB9 while holding my girls hand, and within one min I had her number. I then called her strait away to prove to my girl that I got her number and she hadnt given me a fake, and sure enough the girl picked up the phone and answered. The girl found it very amusing to see me do this, and I think it was a big DHV in my favor. Previously I would have thought that this kind of behaviour would not have been accepted by other girls.

    So I guess post is me just wanting to be honest with you guys about my journey in this game. I am always going to put honesty first. I am very interested to hear what other people think about this because it will alow me to understand this aspect of life further.

    Thank you for reading this.

    May you find happiness in yourself and share it with each other

  2. #2
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    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PU

    Welcome to your new life.

    If you ask my opinion, I think I didn't become a more honest individual because I believe I've always been honest enough. However, I learned (still learning) to express these honest thoughts more carefully so people around me can actually respect/believe/understand me.

    I'm 100% against lying but I'm not against making small overstatements to brush up some of my stories and almost all of us do those without ever thinking, really.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  3. #3
    Johnny_Toledo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PU

    I'm glad you wrote this article. I am a recovering alcoholic/addict, and the basic premise for any recovery program is rooted in honesty. Obviously, my priority for staying sober is higher than my priority for gaming but lately I've been feeling myself throw a lie in here or there when sarging. For example, I'll lie about my age and tell a 19 year old I'm 23 when I am in reality 27; or that I'm looking for a birthday present for my sister, whats a good lipstick brand- when it really is not my sisters birthday (this worked btw lol).

    Gaming is important to me, but I do not want to lose myself in the process. Is this kind of where you're at?

  4. #4
    happy46073 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PU

    Thanks for the reply.

    I guess when I say honesty, I am talking about emotional honesty.

    I have become a more emotionally honest person as a result of sarging.

  5. #5
    happy46073 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PU

    Gaming is important to me, but I do not want to lose myself in the process. Is this kind of where you're at?[/QUOTE]


    Yeah thats the idea.

    To use some spiritual terminology I guess in this life I am trying to self actualize and become the best self that I can be.

    I guess that sarging has become a part of that process for now. But, I only want to sarge so far as it serves my overall happiness and well being and helps me to be the kind of person that I truly want to be.

    I have also been questioning myself about the healthiness of the PUA lifestyle. I think its very important for PUAs to reflect on their actions, so that it can take their lifes in a direction that they want to go.

    As a result of sarging I have seen negative emotions arise in myself. Once after period of success I for short period of time acted too arrogantly, and became the kind of person that i didnt want to be.

    I think I am also a bit of an addictive personality though nobody would call me an addict. I think an addictive personality is a quality that can help someone become good at sarging. I try to focus this part of myself into positive things.

    Sarging should be about finding yourself and that is why it is important for me to reflect.

  6. #6
    Johnny_Toledo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PU

    Well said. Sarging does indeed provide me with the similar feelings of adrenaline that using drugs/drinking used to give me. Because of this, I can get in this mood where all I want to do is sarge and nothing else. However, it's easy to let this "validation from women" start to dictate happiness and self-esteem. This is why "success" (sex) with women should not be the primary objective, but the attainment of the "skill". All of this I learned from Tyler Durden in "Foundations" and "Blueprint: Decoded. If you havent seen this material, I highly suggest you look into it; it is a life changer.

  7. #7
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PU

    Good stuff Happy,

    Sounds like you came from the Mark Manson school of thought like me. If you haven't, then everything you mentioned is exactly what he teaches about achieving true confidence. His stuff is some of the most powerful, effective and inspiring to anyone trying to improve their confidence and how they perceive themselves. It's pretty much the heart of my game. Vulnerability/Authenticity.

    The whole concept of authenticity is honesty, which is the opposite of the "performance" based techniques of textbook seduction that I would say a majority of pickup artists use and rely on. It's a longer term solution. The idea with honesty is to remove that gap between the thoughts and feelings you are aware of and what you actually express.

    So if you can't be honest with yourself, you can never express yourself honestly. I strongly believe that if you are incongruent, then the kind of women you attract will reflect the emotional make-up of yourself.

    So having said that, I am definitely more honest in terms of being aware of any insecurities/shortcomings/flaws about myself and accepting them. Because when you accept them, you can move forward and show something known as vulnerability. If you fight them, you only reinforce them.

    It's kind of interesting that 95% of the guys who come to the boards looking for advice regarding usually "a" woman are lacking innergame/confidence, which is the root of all their problems. This feeling of anxiety and "inadequacy" leads them looking for short-term solutions/techniques when the real issue needs to be addressed internally.

  8. #8
    happy46073 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PU

    Quote Originally Posted by happy46073 View Post
    Honesty and Sarging. Are you a more honest person now that you are a PUA?





    ***Being Honest When dealing with last minute resistance***
    When I get a girl up to my room they might say we wont have sex I will answer by saying we wont do anything that you dont feel comfortable doing. This is true. Of course I want her to feel comfortable and enjoy her self, because the more she enjoys herself the better the sex will be. If she is not comfortable then she wont want to be with me again.

    Perhaps the LMR phase this is the most difficult time to be honest in a logical way, but its just part of getting around the ASDs. But, the girl always knows there is a chance that sexual relations might happen, but she needs to feel comfortable and know that you respect her and she able to say no.

    Another thing to be honest about is wanting to continue a relationship with the girl. Most girls to have sex will need to feel like you are not going to abandon them. Im always honest about wanting to continue a relationship, because I always want to continue!!!! Of course Im not going to, if I want to have sex with a girl, Im going to want to stay around after (and possibly have sex with her again.)



    I just want to be honest about my dishonesty last night.
    Last night I made a full close, but I was able to get the target back to my house, by making a pinky promise that we would not have sexual relations. By the next morning it turned out that I had lied about this.


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