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  1. #1
    astroguy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Post Advice needed on how to keep relationships

    Hello !
    I am new to this forum and need advice on how to handle a relationship. I've had girlfriends in the past but have had trouble maintaining my relationships.
    I get easily annoyed with their girly tantrums n don't know how to handle arguments when they get pissed off abt something. I know sometimes girls throw sh1t just to see how much you care but still.
    I normally try to calm them down n make them feel better by doing something nice. Does this behavior make me beta ?? If it does can you please tell me how to handle tantrums like an alpha male and also to what extent is it ok to go to make them feel good without being a beta ?
    Thanks a lot !!

  2. #2
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    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Advice needed on how to keep relationships

    To address your weak area, which is conflict, I do have one question. Have you ever tried to talk out the issues with your partner. Having her simply bitch and complain about everything while you are trying to give her the almighty Cupcake of Appeasement is not the way to go. No healthy relationship consists of that. It is the wisest decision to take the time to put yourself in her shoes and understand where she is coming from. After that, you two can talk out the issue to a consensus where the two of you benefit. If after a while you notice that she is just a psychotic looney-controlist, then it's time to make her an ex.

    On another note, it's always good to keep things fresh in a relationship. Flirt with her and game her as if you don't already have her, because you usually use your best moves when you are trying to get her, and that is what hooks her onto you. I suspect everyone else on the forums will have some additional things to throw in, so they can take it away
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    astroguy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Post Re: Advice needed on how to keep relationships

    Thank you Swagman for your advice !!
    Ya I do talk abt the issues but sometimes it seems plain stupid. My last relationship ended coz she thought I did not call her enough n wasn't even ready to listen to me. This went on for a week where I tried to talk logically as well as trying to calm her down. After that I ended it. Was it ok or should I have given more time or had a different approach ??
    Thanks !

  4. #4
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Advice needed on how to keep relationships

    This one's too easy. But don't worry, that's a good thing lol.

    On the forum we have what's called a "punishment /reward system."

    You see, your attention is a reinforcement tool. So whatever you put your attention on, you give it power. So putting all your energy into a meaningless argument only reinforces that behaviour. You're adding fuel to the fire.

    Add in the fact that you are actually nice to her to make her feel better and calm her down and you might as well get a tattoo that says "I'm nice to my girlfriend when she acts like a bitch." You're telling her that it's ok for her to act that way because she knows you will be nice to her. It devalues you because no alpha man would put up with that behavior. I know you may think your putting your foot down by being logical and trying to convince her she's wrong, but a true alpha wouldn't even explain to her why her behavior is irrational. Which brings us to my next point.

    The only true way to punish behavior that's not worth your time is with indifference. Now, some issues are worth discussing with your partner. But a surprisingly high percentage of them you don't have to. By being indifferent you show her that you are not willing to engage in petty problems. Indifference, in summary, is just giving her 10% instead of 100% of yourself. Instead of arguing with her, you shrug your shoulders and walk away. Instead of asking her how her day was you say "hey". It's just being distant. Emotionally, mentally, and physically distant.

    The cold shoulder is different though. If you give her the cold shoulder you'll still be showing that you're affected by her behavior.

    The only true way to reward behavior is with your attention and affection. If she does or says something you like then compliment her or kiss her. If she cooks and cleans for you then sleep with her. This is why I have a love/hate relationship with makeup sex. Cause your essentially rewarding bad behavior, but it feels so damn good lol.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    astroguy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice needed on how to keep relationships

    Wow thanks a lot Batman ! This was really really helpful. I always felt like I was the "nice guy" in my relationships. All that will change from now on

  6. #6
    Essential17 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Advice needed on how to keep relationships

    It sounds disrespectful to women, but sometimes the best way to treat them is like a little girl.

    If she's having a tantrum, or bitching at you, or disrespecting you in front of friends, you need to calmly take her aside, maintain eye-contact and tell her: "Stop. This is unacceptable behavior from you. Go calm down, we will discuss this once you're in a more prudent mood."

    She will go on the offense and say you're overreacting and poke fun at you in an attempt to maintain her higher ground, but you just need to repeat: "Listen to me, I will not tolerate this kind of behavior. Not now or ever."

    Next you will freeze her out and create distance between you both, mentally and physically. She will eventually understand your position and become better behaved.

    #1 Rule is to stand your ground and remain in control while remaining calm and speaking in a serious tone. If you lose it and get angry then she'll be in control and you'll become the child. So avoid that and keep a calming soft attitude.

    Never put up with bad behavior, and especially never reward it.

  7. #7
    astroguy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice needed on how to keep relationships

    Thanks Essential 17 ! Got your pt. Being in control of myself n my emotions all the time is the key. Thanks again !!


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