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  1. #1
    Zoggy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default This girl... What should I do?

    So I will just explain the situation in as much detail as I can.

    Basically this girl and her family were good friends with my grandparents. My grandma and her parents were trying desperately to set us up for about a month. I wasn't really that interested as I had another girl I was kinda with so I didn't try to pursue anything. Finally after the other girl and I were done I sent a message to the girl. We talked back and forth and she was super friendly. So I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch sometime which worked out nicely. We went out to eat and had pretty solid conversation. It wasnt awkward at all and we seemed to get along really well. At the end of it when we parted ways she texted me right away saying how fun that was and that we should do it again. So we keep texting and then her parents basically invited me and my grandparents to what I thought would be a big graduation party with a bunch of people. So I said I would go of course. But it turned out to be this really awkward grad dinner with just me, my grandparents, and her parents!!!! And her parents... wow. Like her mom made it so obvious she wanted her daughter to date me. Like when I walked through the door she motioned toward me with that "what do you think ehhhh isnt he awesome and you should totally be into him" kind of gesture. After that I could tell her parents had been pressuring her to be with me. We ended up getting some alone time and got to talk a little bit more but I could tell she was a bit more conservative than she had been before.

    After that is where it goes downhill. She just straight up ignored me the next time I sent her a text. I waited a few days. Sent her another just to test the waters. She texted back and we started having a good conversation. Then after about 4-5 texts she just stops again and doesnt text me back the next day. I again waited a few days and she responded again. This time I simply jumped to the reason I had for texting her and invited her to a baseball game that I had been given tickets to. She came up with this long excuse on why she couldnt go basically saying that the next day she was going out of town and had to pack and get ready. At the end she said she would really like to go though and if I ever get tickets again she will definitely come.

    So I waited almost a week to text her this time. And I got no response.

    I read the pandoras box thing and I figure she is probably a TDR. This girl is busier than busy. I mean she starts work at like 4 am, is in every club you can think of, 4.0 student, is going to go to medical school to be a doctor. But I dont think the time restraint was the problem. I think her parents basically scared her away. Thats my best guess though maybe you guys see something that I dont.

    Anyways!! How do I salvage this situation. How do I start up a conversation with her without coming off as this needy guy who is begging for her attention? And how do I get her to go out with me again. I am very frustrated with this one because she is obviously somewhat interested in me but for some reason has this wall up now.

    Thanks in advance!!!!

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: This girl... What should I do?

    Unfortunately, my friend, you are in a situation where no amount of skill is going to change the direction of this. This girl is not even busy at all. The actual moment where things went downhill was the dinner. You said yourself that it was awkward and that the parents were clearly trying to pressure her into the relationship. This completely crushed her vibe for you, and now she doesn't want anything to do with you. It wasn't you that did anything wrong, but the parents did completely screw you over.

    Let me ask you this: If your parents were pressuring you to go for a certain girl, would you be willing to do so?

    I can say from personal experience my friends would not, my brother would not, and even I did not. Normal people tend to determine their own lives at their own paces. We are less likely to maintain or go for something if the world is coming down on top of us to do it. Same concept applies to maintaining a long-distance relationship. If a partner or other people are pressuring someone in the relationship to do something relative to it, the relationship is more likely to fail.

    You played your game right and did everything according to the book (well except for the jumping the gun on the baseball plans). However, elements outside of your control screwed you over. It happens brotha, it's just a matter of moving on from it.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    Zoggy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: This girl... What should I do?

    Yeah I know what ya mean. I totally wouldn't. That was part of the reason I didnt start talking to her at first since my family was trying to get me to.

    Damn. Okay I had a feeling that was the situation! Thats so frustrating.

    Well since its a lost cause does anyone want to give me some ridiculous strategy to try and woo her back? hahahaha. Should I break out the boom box and throw some rocks at her window?

  4. #4
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: This girl... What should I do?

    Take a wrecking ball to her window and set the lawn on fire with her name lol. That's a reference to a TV commercial of the same nature.

    Well, I don't know. If you really want to get at her, then you can just move on and come back around to her latter. If you really don't give a fark anymore, then you can experiment and do whatever you think will get her back. Just don't do anything creepy or needy. If you actually discover something that will work, then you can get right back to us on that.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: This girl... What should I do?

    I agree with Swagman that the parents may have screwed you over. However, I'm a bit more optimistic about you getting things back on track :P

    This technique is simple and is surprisingly powerful. I don't have a name for it yet other than "The Elephant Technique." Actually....that's not bad. It has a ring of odd/strange mystery to it. Anyways....

    It basically means you call out the elephant in the room. It does two things...

    1. It releases the tension you have with someone by calling it out first.
    2. It helps build rapport by showing that you understand their point of view and feelings.

    So you don't have to say this verbatim, but you should say it roughly close and choose the right timing. Don't just throw it out there randomly. If she's having fun with friends she won't be interested. Wait until you're already in good conversation with her.


    "Hey I gotta say. It was a bit odd that your parents put so much pressure on us like it was some kind of arranged marriage. I mean, I thought there was going to be more people there. Like a party or something. I prefer to get to know someone before I jump to such a decision and it feels like that was kind of taken away from us."

    Hopefully this can help. I've used it in other situations and I've gotten great results because it shows her that I "get it." And she feels closer to me because of it.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    Zoggy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: This girl... What should I do?

    Wrecking ball and fire... BRILLIANT! Worked like a charm. She loved it and thought it was very romantic

    Hmm... I like the calling out the elephant in the room idea though! I might try that... But you are right the hard part will be timing that.

    Any good lines to start up a conversation with a girl you haven't talked to in a while?

    Ill keep you guys updated if I decide to go all or nothing haha Cuz most likely it will end disastrous and you guys will at least get a laugh out of it.


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