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  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Learning about PUA - one year later...

    Hey guys,

    So, it has been more or less one year since I learned about PUA and started learning various tips and techniques. However, I have the impression that I have not progressed that much.

    Both my inner and outer game totally sucked initially. So, I focused on the things that could be fixed easily: I started working out, bought more trendy clothes and started meeting more people (usually at meetups or other activities). Even though I always had low confidence (thanks to those bullies that tortured me at school and uni), little by little I managed to change my mindset. I have a good job, am well-educated and have lived in several different countries, so I am not a complete loser. Going to the gym regularly also gave me lots of confidence and I just feel "stronger" for some reason. So, now, I can somehow manage to impress the ladies and get at least their contact details.

    For example, I went to various events last week-end and acted confident but also a bit indifferent. I even bullsh1ted some girl how I was into japanese culture and she was staring at me in admiration, lol. Anyway, I got 3 numbers and have already planned to meet 2 of the girls. Now, the problem is that I usually screw up during the next step: I have never managed to get a second or third date.

    My weakness is that I cannot "sell" myself nor make a move on a girl. What usually happens is that they act very interested in the beginning but then the attraction steadily falls. I miserably fail at keeping my tempo and I end up passing off as some boring dude. Seems like I do not have enough hobbies to be interesting enough (what can I do? I don't have too much free time to have regular or unusual hobbies, so I mainly hang out with my friends).

    I have tried salsa courses and cooking classes but I am really not good at them (lol, at some point the girls were avoiding me as a dancing partner). I know that girls like men who can dance and cook, but I so freaking hate these type of activities. Seriously, if i had to pick up a hobby, it would kung-fu or swordfighting. It's a shame though as there are plenty of decent girls to meet at these events.

    I have also tried learning about kino, micro-escalation, how to make small talk, DHVs, routines (which I have never managed to use on the field, btw). For some reason, I cannot get into it. I sometimes am too eager which translates as being desperate and other times I am too distant and they think I am not interested. I have an extremely hard time calibrating. Additionally, there's simply too much material to digest. I don't know what to do. I try not to think too hard about it and get the conversation flowing. but sometimes you do get a moment of silence, which is embarassing. I have observed how natural gamers behave but in vain. I cannot replicate their style. Maybe some guys have and some other are doomed to not grasp these concepts and remain a beta forever...

    Moreover, I cannot totally open up to a stranger straight of the beginning. I need a couple of dates or more to feel more comfortable with any person. I suspect this plays against me as attraction does not last forever and I have to hit the steel while it's hot.

    I try to remain positive but there are some days when I really feel down. PUA seems to me like sports or arts: you are either good at it or you aren't. You can improve a bit but you will always remain clumsy in the end...

    Any advice would be welcome, guys.
    Thanks and cheers.

  2. #2
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Learning about PUA - one year later...

    You are doing well man. you have come a long way!

    I think you are moving too fast from attraction to comfort. Try not to go too deep into the conversation, keep things flirty. Fun, casual. You will know when it's right to move to comfort. There should be lots of kino and laughs before you get to more serious topics.

    Keep a mystery vibe, and always LEAD. Make her jump through your hoops. Good luck and congrats.

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