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Thread: complicated breakup with gf, looking for advice on a number of things

  1. #21
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: complicated breakup with gf, looking for advice on a number of things

    mmmm, you're right about that. For about an hour after she left Wednesday, I felt ok, then I felt miserable, and didn't sleep hardly a wink. I texted her saying I thought I had made a mistake and that I did want to stay in touch. she told me she was happy I felt that way, and I told her that I think we should both take some time and think about what it is that we want.

    I'm back and forth on everything, I think you're right, I don't think I can see her and not give in to the temptation to be with her. I mean the truth is, I'm not exactly looking for a wife, and man the sex is good. But I also know that I've invested feelings her and worry about my own attachment. I also think that if this continues with her still sort of but not really with the other guy, there is no real romantic future, there's no way I could ever commit to her. I think I'm not sure what I want either, the lust, the attraction is definitely there. I want her bad, that is the truth. But I have a hard time accepting that what we would be doing is ok in the long run. To be honest, Thursday I felt miserable taht I had possibly lost her, and now that maybe we will see each other again, I'm back to feeling like I'm not so sure. I guess teh way I see it is, if she ends it with him for me, the most likely scenario is she puts a lot of expectations on me and it being better than what it may have been with him. at the same time, I don't want to lose her.

    I hadn't told her I wanted to never see her again Wednesday, in fact it was her who kind of implied that we couldn't contact each other again, that this would mean we would distant ourselves from each other and forget each other. I reiterated that that was not what I wanted, but that I felt like it was necessary until she had reached her own conclusion and end of with the other guy. man who thought life could be so complicated. I feel like I'm in a soap opera sometimes haha. I just have a hard time getting a real read on what it is that she's thinking. Honestly I want to enjoy the moment too, I'm not trying to put a lot of pressure on a future, etc. but given the situation its not so simple. When I ask her about the other guy, she says she's not ready to accept the condition that she ends it, but she acts like it really means nothing to her either. She says she doesn't know, what will happen in the future (which of course no one does). When I ask her if she wants a future with me, she says its probable but that she doesn't know, she can't say. Its just all confusing, I mean if she said to me, she just wants to enjoy the moment wiht no future, I could decide if getting into this without emotion is something I want or not, but she won't close that door either. I think she's totally lost on what she wants, I know she wants me, she wants to be with me, but I don't get the sense she's really willing to leave behind the other guy. I feel more than confident that I could play with her, that I could be the cool guy she wants to be with while not committing and I think without a doubt she'd end up leaving him, but I'm not sure if that's what I really want or not. I mean Wednesday she said something to me like I was more conservative than her, that people don't always have to do what looks like the better option (which was to end one relationship before being with another guy). I just don't know, I don't think of her as a just bad person or a user. I think she got herself into a crappy situation, I think ever thinking that she was going to marry a guy that comes for a month a year for vacation was a recipe for disaster in the first place.

    As things stand now, apparently this guy is coming in a couple months, so I just don't her her motives at all. She said she loves me so much, and I believe she does. Whenever we do talk again I'm going to ask her what she's really thinking in respect to the other guy, I get it that she doesn't know, but she must be thinking about something. If it's to end it, then I'm going ot ask what her idea on a time for that is. I have no problem with her feeling like she needs to help him out after heart surgery or whatever it was that happened to him, in fact I think its commendable.

  2. #22
    JafariFTW's Avatar
    JafariFTW is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: complicated breakup with gf, looking for advice on a number of things

    The best advice I can provide is to stop identifying with her wants and needs and to start identifying with your own. Once you do this you'll realize she disrespected you, lied to you, and made you feel like shit.

    Unless your wants and needs include being disrespected and lied to you should have a pretty good grip on how to handle future relationships.
    -"Dependence is only a state of mind, Independence is a state of being, because in the end all we really have in the world is ourselves"

  3. #23
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: complicated breakup with gf, looking for advice on a number of things

    You're right Jafari, but somehow I can find it to forgive her. and the truth is I do need to define my wants and needs, and its something I'm working on, but I don't really want to leave this behind.

    We had talked about hanging out Saturday, but my roommate made plans to go out for her bf's birthday (my good friend too), so I told her I had plans when she asked if i wanted to see her. she immediately flew off the deep end about me going out with another girl. so I've got her jealous for sure. I told her straight up I had never lied to her and wouldn't start, and I ended up inviting her to come along. we had a great night, I'm pretty sure the best sex of my life. she sent me the pictures of the marks I left on her arm the next day, haha.

    I'm still not sure what I ultimately want to come out of this, and well I'm not ready to leave it forever. we were talking about having butt sex and living out our fantasies. While a big part of me would still like this to be a legit relationship, I'm doing my best to just live in the moment and not attach myself too much, although her jealousy thing and her telling me how much she loves me, shows we are for sure both attached to an extent. I do have a date with another girl tomorrow and I plan to try to start maybe seeing some other girls at the same time. I still don't know what she's thinking in respect to where she thinks all this is going, at some point we'll have to talk about it, as its not sustainable how it is. In the meantime, I like what you said before IMMortal about playing with her.

  4. #24
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    Default Re: complicated breakup with gf, looking for advice on a number of things

    I don't want to advise you to dump the situation. The reason being is no matter how this turns out in the end. Good or bad. You will come out a winner because you will learn. It's a life lesson. It is better than a chump sitting at home not getting any.

    Living in the moment and playing with her is all you can do. Because it seems both of you don't know what you want.

    She is playing you. Alot of girls do that. They have what is termed as a "backup man." They keep their options open. If things, don't ultimately work out with you, well she has her sugar daddy to run back to. But in the present, you are giving her what her sugar daddy can't...the spontaneity, the emotional rollercoaster, and living life in the moment.

    Just remember, you are not in an exclusive relationship with this girl. If she wants you to be exclusive to her, then she has to do the same or else she is going to be jealous a lot and you are going to hear it all the time. It's a two way streak.

    After months of this, when the heat shimmers down...the truth of the matter will be revealed.

    Until then...play ball! And have fun buttsmex.

  5. #25
    JafariFTW's Avatar
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    Default Re: complicated breakup with gf, looking for advice on a number of things

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    I don't want to advise you to dump the situation. The reason being is no matter how this turns out in the end. Good or bad. You will come out a winner because you will learn. It's a life lesson. It is better than a chump sitting at home not getting any.

    Living in the moment and playing with her is all you can do. Because it seems both of you don't know what you want.

    She is playing you. Alot of girls do that. They have what is termed as a "backup man." They keep their options open. If things, don't ultimately work out with you, well she has her sugar daddy to run back to. But in the present, you are giving her what her sugar daddy can't...the spontaneity, the emotional rollercoaster, and living life in the moment.

    Just remember, you are not in an exclusive relationship with this girl. If she wants you to be exclusive to her, then she has to do the same or else she is going to be jealous a lot and you are going to hear it all the time. It's a two way streak.

    After months of this, when the heat shimmers down...the truth of the matter will be revealed.

    Until then...play ball! And have fun buttsmex.
    I agree, think she misses the attention from you and when you give another girl attention she wont like it. Honestly I would just friendzone her which is a great way of getting to see her but not giving her the attention at the same time. She'll go crazy wondering why you dont look at her and talk to her the same way you used to.

    Shes gonna ask herself what she did wrong to look less attractive in your eyes and then start acting in a way that makes her do things to purposely get your attention...the tables have turned on that ass!
    -"Dependence is only a state of mind, Independence is a state of being, because in the end all we really have in the world is ourselves"


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