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  1. #1
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Need some advice on female bartender

    There's a woman I know who is a female bartender. I won't go too much into the back story here but I knew her from her previous job where she worked at a fast food place. We would joke around with each other. I sensed she was interested in me but I didn't see her again for a while.

    Then one night I went out to a bar and she was a bartender there. That first time I didn't do much but about two weeks later I went back in to use the bathroom and wound up with her email address. I figured she would be less likely to give me a fake email than a fake phone number.

    I sent her an email but never heard back. One letter in the address could have been an upper case i a one or a lower case L. Two of those I tried came back undeliverable but not the first one I sent.

    So what I would like to know is this. How do I play this? She might not have received the first one or that could have been wrong too. If I go there too much I could appear needy or like I'm her stalker. I suppose ideally I could go in with a few other women or at least one but that's not really an option. Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    Just go back to the bar, have a few drinks, and strike up conversation. Preferably during downtime so she isn't too distracted. Don't bring up the email unless she does. Like it never happened.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    Interesting. Is there a reason why I shouldn't bring up the email?

    She might not bring it up. Should I try to get her number instead? I'm a bit confused here. Playing it cool might not get me anywhere.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    Play it out in your mind. What would happen if you brought up the email? She might say she didn't get it or never checks her email. Now you have revealed to her that you care more about the situation than she does. Big risk.

    What if you bring it up and in your wording you make it sound like you are trying to put her on a guilt trip for not responding? Well I can assure you that your chances go down dramatically at this point.

    The simple math is: she did not respond to your email. Whatever the reason is, you run the risk of looking more interested in her than she does in you. Women who are really interested make an effort. If she happens to bring up the email and ask why you never emailed her then now you know the situation and you didn't even have to bring it up.

    Just start an entire new thread behave as if you never sent the email and don't bring it up. Once you build up enough comfort with her then go for the phone number.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    Ok so as someone sitting there at the bar talking to her how do I build up comfort?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    Oh. I assumed that you already sort of knew her.

    Well...anything that has to do with getting to know her better is building comfort. But perhaps you should build attraction first in your case.

    Start off with flirting and teasing. Be playful and tell funny stories. Once she says something unique about herself then qualify her on it. Get her to prove that she is worth your time. Don't say this verbally, mind you. Just have your behavior filter through that mindset of "I'm not convinced yet."

    There's plenty of material to search for on the forum for more details including some of my own threads I have started. Check them out.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    [Oh. I assumed that you already sort of knew her.]

    I do but not really well. We had this ongoing joke about going gambling.

    I can tell she has a bit of a wild side although that doesn't necessarily mean what you think that might mean. In other words it could still take a while to get intimate with her.

  8. #8
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    nik
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    "woman I know", "I knew her", "we would joke with each other", "I do but not really well. We had this ongoing joke about going gambling."

    Be Mystik, if you have to, but don't be mystic, on here. How well do you know her? It seems like not very much. If so, just say, "There's this girl that used to work at a fast food place. I used to flirt with her when she worked there and she flirted back. I ate there a lot and we had some inside jokes. Recently, I went into a bar and saw she is now working as the bartender. I got her email address because I was afraid she would give me dupe number. I sent her an email, she didn't reply. I've found ways to make myself feel better about it. I really like what I know of her and need help going from here." If that's the case, this site can help.

    "Playing it cool might not get me anywhere". Duh. You can do everything "right" and still not get anywhere. You're dealing with another human. There are no guarantees.

    "I can tell she has a bit of a wild side although that doesn't necessarily mean what you think that might mean. In other words it could still take a while to get intimate with her." What does this mean?


    From what I've gathered, in this thread, you barely know her and should approach it that way. You know her name. Go from there.

    In response as to why you shouldn't bring up the email. What good could possibly come from it? Be honest with yourself.

    Do some searches. After that, ask questions specific to your situation. Tell us what kind of bar it is. Bartender at a dive bar is way different than bartender at Hooters, which is also different than picking up a bartender at a one-in-one-out night club. Also, what's your goal?
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  9. #9
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    Nik, I already said I don't know her that well. How many times do I have to say that? Also don't read too much into my user name.

    Also, thanks for taking some of the things I said out of context. That doesn't help either one of us.

    I think being direct can be a good way to go. Being nonchalant is ok to a point but there's a thin line between that and being immature and playing games.

    Also, consider that even if women are interested, typically(and generally speaking of course)they won't make the first move or show too much interest. In other words I can't expect her to bring up the subject of the email first or assume she will continue with our banter.

    As for what I meant when I said she has a wild side but don't read too much into it well I was basically just trying to say she doesn't seem like a "slut."

    It's sort of a dive bar but not a total dump either. There's a nice patio section but it's not really much of a restaurant either and I think most people go there for the drinks. It's certainly not hooters although I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. LOL.

    My goal is to get free beers from her. LOL. What do you think my goal is? Actually I don't see how that matters. She seems like a fun woman that I want to get to know better. How's that?

    Also, not sure what you mean by "do some searches." And you think I'm vague.

  10. #10
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    nik
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    Default Re: Need some advice on female bartender

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystik View Post
    Nik, I already said I don't know her that well. How many times do I have to say that? Also don't read too much into my user name.

    Also, thanks for taking some of the things I said out of context. That doesn't help either one of us.

    I think being direct can be a good way to go. Being nonchalant is ok to a point but there's a thin line between that and being immature and playing games.

    Also, consider that even if women are interested, typically(and generally speaking of course)they won't make the first move or show too much interest. In other words I can't expect her to bring up the subject of the email first or assume she will continue with our banter.

    As for what I meant when I said she has a wild side but don't read too much into it well I was basically just trying to say she doesn't seem like a "slut."

    It's sort of a dive bar but not a total dump either. There's a nice patio section but it's not really much of a restaurant either and I think most people go there for the drinks. It's certainly not hooters although I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. LOL.

    My goal is to get free beers from her. LOL. What do you think my goal is? Actually I don't see how that matters. She seems like a fun woman that I want to get to know better. How's that?

    Also, not sure what you mean by "do some searches." And you think I'm vague.
    I'm just going to touch on the last two paragraphs. The rest can speak for itself.

    I would think your goal was to sleep with her, short term or long term. Possibly, to make her your girlfriend. Free beers would be a fringe benefit of any of those. If your goal is just free beer, make a guy bartender your friend, you'll get more. "Get to know better" is often code for wanting to sleep with a woman; I've never heard it used in the context of "I want to use her for booze".

    Yes, do some searches, on this forum. Look at posts on picking up hired guns, bartenders, strippers, etc. The information you need is already here, you just chose to ask, instead of looking around.

    You're welcome.
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.


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