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  1. #1
    Sleath5's Avatar
    Sleath5 is offline PUA in Training
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    Exclamation Conversational help needed

    Hey guys, I need help.
    I met this girl online, had some ok conversation but I really nailed it when she complained about a guy from Kansas she had over; her reply was wow your totally my type of guy. I flirted a bit with her, sayin maybe I'll give you a kiss on the cheek if your lucky, then arranged that I would meet her at her house the next day after work.

    Next say. I texted her I may get off early, but she didn't reply so a few hours later I called confirmed. I mentioned earlier that I was a bit hungry and we should cook something together (intended to be a flirty fun activity), but it backfired because she said oh I'll just meet you at Boston pizza instead (if I said no I think it would of come across as me forcing myself into her house).

    We sit down and start talking, I kept the conversation going and teased her a bit at first by making her guess my age. She tried to make me guess hers but I kept to my frame. From there I kept her talking about herself, and started to escalade. My opening question was "do you find your a relationship type of person or just a hookup?" It led into her mentioning her crazy ex who played mind games, and asked if I'm sure I wanted to hear it. I said sure. She opened up and said how he would play mind games with her, and she hasn't been able to trust a guy since. That's where escalation, and I should of replied with how a girl did that exact same to me but I dot have a story like that. I just commented on how nuts he sounds and lucky that she got out of it. After that it was just fluff talk, nothing flirty really.

    After we go to the beach, walk and play, and one thing I noticed is when I replied to the conversation that I kept an even tone and told little jokes. I decided to be a bit louder and more outgoing later on which seemed to have a positive response. Ended up making her try a tree pose, and even though I had kino she accepted throughout the date (touching hands on the table, her taking my arm while walking) I still felt there was a bit of separation. We sat down on a log and she sat a foot away from me. Bad sign. What made it worse was her sister was texting her to come home soon, which was a big time constraint. I ended up saying "hey, I almost forgot I owe you a kiss on the cheek". she replied with "omg your so cheesy", which turned into a full makeout session for 5 minutes. We started to walk back and she was still more distant then she should of been. Still compliant to kiss me but refused to get in the back seat or anything. Before we left I said you that it's her turn to get a tour where I live next, but she didn't confirm anything just kind of danced around it.

    I think I have two problems here.
    My conversation isn't engaging/ entertaining enough (my body language is damn near perfect, especially eye contact), and my replies need work!! Like I have a problem connecting with her, I keep a conversation going and talk about her passions and stuff, but I'm missing the part where I say (insert blank) and she feels connected with me.

    Even at work I find I can make a girl giggle and laugh and stay engaged for a little bit, but then it doesn't seem like after a few minutes she puts any effort in for the most part. I have two girls I'm meeting up with tomorrow, so help ASAP is appreciated.

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Conversational help needed

    Theres nothing almost wrong with your verbal game but you stay in the attraction phase a bit long but have a way of turning it around somewhat.Once you start getting indicators of interest you got to have a plan in my mind whether you will take the number escalate physically if you can etc.
    On conversation stick to emotionally charged topics like travel, childhood experiences, relationship dynamics etc.

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Conversational help needed

    Very interesting. I really don't notice any clear reason why you would have any issues. You must be hiding something :P

    In all seriousness it sounds like a successful date and the only thing that's the problem is your interpretation of the situation.

    I had a conservative girl come over some time ago. She ended up laying down while I sat on the floor watching tv (I don't do dates ) and we were talking. I tried escalating and ended up laying down next to her. Her response was she slid away from me and crossed her arms. Now...I was about interpret that as disinterest. But I realized that I do have a strong, intimidating character so decided to interpret it as shyness. Eventually I escalated enough to kiss her and in a few hours afterwards I f-closed her. She even became my gf for several months after that.

    My point is that it's a huge mistake to notice one or two things about a woman and come up with an assumption. She went out to meet you from an online site. Big step. You got the kiss and good convo. Nice. Her not wanting to meet at her house for the first time is understandable. Her sitting away from you could be that she was just nervous. Her not talking about next time you see each other doesn't mean much. Her mind could have been occupied.

    Yea there are a few things I would've done differently, but overall it was good. Keep going and make sure to f-close within two weeks.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Conversational help needed

    I agree with the responses above, you weren't doing that bad at all!!

    That being said, one thing came to my mind as a suggestion to spike that emotional connection: tell her stuff you notice about her or stuff you think about her. See if it helps or shoot at it:

    You had her talk about herself, which is usually good in creating comfort. How about you telling her stuff about herself. You don't have to go all Derren Brown, and the term Cold Reading may be overstating what I mean, but a recurring theme among all pick up trainers I've watched on YouTube, is they will speculate about how this particular girl works emotionally. There are a bunch of words to guard yourself from being flat wrong and even if you completely miss, usually, she'll just be happy to correct you (if there's enough comfort) as long as the conversation is about her.

    Stuff like: "You look happy on the outside", then pause, look at her face and you'll know how to finish that sentence. Everybody is happy sometimes and unhappy at other times. If you're not sure, just ask "Are you?" (I love asking people at the weirdest time if they're happy. The most important thing in life. Often it stops people in their tracks and generally creates either a great mood or good conversation).

    I've heard great lines like (when talking about food) "You look like the kind of girl that can eat whatever she wants without thinking about her weight". Don't know if that's insanely dangerous, but it seems to me a girl will basically tell you wether or not she is that kind of girl. If she is, sounded like you're right. If she isn't, sounds like you just made a sharp observation about how she looks different that what she is, and you could go on about how looks can be deceiving (or whatever - though keep the topic on her, so ask her what else about her looks is so deceiving ;->).

    "You seem like the kinda girl that fixes stuff on her own." Again, the word "seem" gives you an out no matter what her reply is.

    The phrase "I bet you are [like whatever]" could also be good. Either you are right, or maybe you just lost a bet with a HB. Could be worse, right?

    There must be tons of "golden lines" that pretty much apply to all girls (and guys probably too), but I take it (here's my cold read ;-> ) you hate canned material as much as I do. There's a huge area between canned material (that you intend to fire on any girl) and something you say semi-spontaneous but actually made up when you were just thinking about what kind of girl she is. Try to think of a bunch of theories about this girl that you could run by her if you need any conversation.

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