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Thread: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

  1. #1
    Jstrong is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    BG on myself real quick:
    40yrs old, good looking and very in shape, most girls think I am much younger. Own a business, creative, mechanic, cook, traveler, well spoken, mix of bad boy and gentleman. Much of these attributes I give credence to my father for showing me how to be alpha, although he never really "told" me much about women. I rocked my personal abilities and accomplishments early in life… but my girl game was bunk until about 24 yrs old. Some beta situations since then and I can totally feel when it's happening. All of my LTR's have been broken up by me. All of my LTR's wanted to stay with me very badly, and stuck around fighting to the end. I wasn't ready to settle down.

    My confidence game is good, my list of personal endeavors is endless and I am very happy to be me. But I am not a PUA and I do not know the many tricks like you guys talk about on this forum here, but I am learning again, because I am in this situation (IT LOOKS LONG BUT READS FAST):

    -Fall of 2011 I started seeing HB9 who was almost 24, I was 39

    -dated successfully for 8 months, camping, parties, long distance trips, she never experienced a guy like me, sex was awesome (of course with me), she would show me off to friends

    -she began asking me about having a family, I said I was interested in that someday

    -It was my idea to mention moving in together,… but I was having major personal family stress issues and I started to get cold feet about moving in with her, also thinking she was too young and too controlled by her parents, it was all just too much for me to have a RS at this time

    -I break it off, she is heartbroken and very upset

    -I drop the whole thing, focus on myself, deal w/ the family issues and generally try to not care about her. She goes CRAZY hard chasing me all summer of 2012.

    Fall of 2012 we start hanging out more, she starts school. Things are going good, we hang out more often, she is extremely happy to have me and seems to be blossoming personally, doing things for me like massages, gifts and always wanting to be with me… but my continued family issues are a major stress, and I allow a massive work load to drag me down. She begins to sense this…wants to "label what we have…" and show insecurity about herself... I begin to push her away again. She is going bat crazy after me and trying to keep me.

    I get sick soon after 2013 begins, and get some antibiotics. The drugs RUIN me (look up Cipro floxing). She sends me love emails and texts, very upset. I can't see or walk and family is helping me heal. She doesn't realize how bad I am and sh*t is all messed up. She moves in with a crazy chick roommate. Never comes to see me, but emails several times.

    While I heal 80% we text/email for 2 months and finally see each other in person. She finally realizes how sick I was. I start feeling like getting things repaired and we begin making simple dates. I check out her new place, we have dinner, K-close at the end of night… but I am still tired and healing…. = no sex - my choice. Another dinner and I decline her offer to come back to her house.

    At this point, I have still not explained my feelings, and am treading lightly to get back in. The light at the tunnel was nearing for me (family-health-work) and I was ready in a few more weeks to hit her again with good fun and new Outlook on life. Physical strength: 90%.

    3 weeks and I am trying to get her to go hang out. During which she is texting me about moving to another place and "this place isn't working out" (surprise-NOT).

    Another week and I am feeling like she has gone off with a guy… (She met a guy the night I declined after dinner)

    I finally see her in May and she comes over. She says she has moved in with someone that she shouldn't have, it was very fast decision...3 weeks after she met him. It's a 35 yr old guy that I know. Very good looking and extremely charismatic, but a disaster in many areas.

    I get a few things off my chest, very calmly, and I take her to the beach. I laugh about "him". We have a great time, talking about things and have dinner. Some Kino and make out 3 separate times… she leaves crying saying "I love YOU"….She texts me later "I really really enjoyed my time with you tonight, seems like nothings changed between us "

    I reply something simple, yeah it's been a while, we should talk soon.

    I go to bed and become PISSED about the situation and next morning email my "feelings" which were all over the place, anger, distrust, jealousy, etc. BETA move.

    The next 10 days we see each other 2 times. She keeps bringing up Negatives about the new guy, and I keep saying I don't want to talk about him. It seems as though she might break up with him…

    I never cried or visually upset but I do send 2 more emails which were BETA (anger, "fix your mess", "he's a drug addict") and then finally I see her one last time… telling her for the first time that I love her, I always have… and that if she wants to move in with me to get out of the situation she is in, she can, but only in a few months after things cool down… It still seems like she is going to take my bait… she emails saying she needs time to figure out what she needs, who she is, etc etc.

    3 days later I bring flowers and a letter to her reiterating what I said….via her parents, as they kept asking where I was the past 6 months. My biggest stupid Beta move. Fark!

    I leave town on my motorcycle for several weeks.

    2 weeks later she says hi w/ short email. We play small email tag, "I'm on vacation on the bike" send a pic of my campfire. 2 weeks later she emails something about another trip we had and how those memories were refreshing… few days later I send simple email back; yeah it was good… She texts me Happy 4th of July… I send another email a week later; being upbeat w/ a pic of my bike boots on my trip… that was MY LAST COMMUNICATION… OVER 1 MONTH AGO…. She replies 2 weeks later saying thank you and its always good to hear from you….

    OK….. so WTF do I do now?

    Stay in NC? I gave away all my power with my last Beta moves…fark… She was always looking up to me and wanting to be with me… I had a very bad year with everything…

    Right now…I'm almost fine with giving her away… I have been going out and flirting, practicing some game and building confidence again… I'm moving forward but I don't think her BF is going to last much longer… I want to plant my alpha seeds in her head again...

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    Don't take this the hard way this girl has all the power now since you gave it to her and as for that man he may last longer than you think.want to let him out of the picture?well it may take time.first of all you love her write that down 77 times till it ticks.
    Next time a girl is chasing you bring her in.for your situation you have nothing to loose now just go ahead and sarge she won't even notice..shes with another MAN.
    Why am i on you like this?i don't like how you treated a girl who liked you.Shes being contacting you cause probably she realizes she may like you on some level.Learn to just listen and probably treat her like a friend for now whilst remaining the attractive guy in her life.basically run game.this will work well if you also go get a girl in your life too.so you don't catch one itis.

  3. #3
    Jstrong is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    Thanks very much for the reply.

    I did actually treat her good, I was never mean or anything. I just happened to break up with her the first time, and then wasn't really ready after we started up again because of very stressful things w/ family and work…getting sick and everything after was an unfortunate learning experience. I wanted so bad to fix things up between us but I didn't do it quick enough, and then panicked at the end.

    To proceed with game like you mentioned, should I wait a little longer to say Hi and catch up saying I'm happy for her and let's be friends..?..Or wait for her to get curious and contact me... or?

    BTW, I don't get the 77 times thing?

    thanks

  4. #4
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    To proceed with game like you mentioned, should I wait a little longer to say Hi and catch up saying I'm happy for her and let's be friends..?..Or wait for her to get curious and contact me... or?
    Never imply you are happy for her.we don't care about her in that regard.as in?you may want her for yourself so that is a bad route.in some dynamics it wouldn't be bad at all but you need to come from a different direction.

    You could just make a simple statement that you run into someone that reminded you of her.this should reduce the fact that you sent her those needy texts as you put it.from here you can start building attraction.

    BTW, I don't get the 77 times thing?
    lets focus more on getting girl back into your arms cause you liked her.theres also this side of you that comes off as u really enjoyed the chasing.don't go back to ignoring her if this works out.

  5. #5
    Jstrong is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    So at some point soon, I should be getting attraction back into the equation via texting, with the basis that:

    I'm around town, cool, having fun, don't care about her current situation and don't ever ask about it.

    At some point, I'd want to catch up with her in person, but not sure when or how that should be yet.

    I thought of putting her on the back of my bike one day and giving her a thrill ride and then dropping her off without saying much.

  6. #6
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    So at some point soon, I should be getting attraction back into the equation via texting, with the basis that:
    Attraction starts immediately do not delay on that.i'll assume you know how to run game.if not search on this site and compare info.or simply use this:
    saw a girl like you today same smile, mannerisms.
    that could be used via text.

    I'm around town, cool, having fun, don't care about her current situation and don't ever ask about it.
    That is a very good mindset! but then get another girl if you can so you don't come from a place of lacking.currently you are invested in her which is not bad but if you keep going forward without sarging a bit..you may communicate neediness..

    At some point, I'd want to catch up with her in person, but not sure when or how that should be yet.
    Once you get her attention again you can go for the meetup.

    I thought of putting her on the back of my bike one day and giving her a thrill ride and then dropping her off without saying much.
    With building interest with a woman you don't really need a bike.plus that may put her off since you kind of sidelined her...once you get her engaged again you may go for that if you may.suggesting that now would not net us what we want.Get her engaged first

  7. #7
    Jstrong is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    THANK YOU. I really appreciate your feedback man, I've had some really bad beta advice from friends the past few months.

    Attraction starts immediately do not delay on that.i'll assume you know how to run game.if not search on this site and compare info.or simply use this:
    saw a girl like you today same smile, mannerisms.
    that could be used via text. :


    I got that, immediately go into it. My question is this though: Does it matter if I am in NC for 1 month, 2 months, etc before I run game on her again? I understand there are ramifications regarding this (she's with the guy longer, forgets about me) but is there any benefit to rebuilding my frame and power by staying NC longer, because I can definitely do NC longer if needed. My main goal is to wash my beta moves away, rebuild my power, engage her and get her attracted.

    My game is getting better, but I am not a practiced PUA. I'm a fast learner and seeker of knowledge.

    Currently I am practicing my text game with a chick I met locally, flirting as much as possible with any women I meet, and expanding my social circle. Focusing on my ex's negative points has also helped my frame.

  8. #8
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    I got that, immediately go into it. My question is this though: Does it matter if I am in NC for 1 month, 2 months, etc before I run game on her again? I understand there are ramifications regarding this (she's with the guy longer, forgets about me) but is there any benefit to rebuilding my frame and power by staying NC longer, because I can definitely do NC longer if needed. My main goal is to wash my beta moves away, rebuild my power, engage her and get her attracted.
    Your overall energy is very important if you want to garner results.If you feel like you want to stay in no contact its not bad but then..
    You need to capture her attention at least in your dynamic.when you stay in no contact you don't reframe and build power necessarily.it works for a total different reason.i think all that time wasted and spent on.. sometimes changes one vibe they are putting off and women can sense that,especially if you have been meeting other girls etc.In yours it was more like she wanted in.The best way to learn game is to implement now its good you have decided to take small steps.its best to get this girl engaged soon and then you may blog about it here, whilst working on your game.That way whilst the attraction pulls her to you when its instigated and she accepts, you may have the learning experience as well.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    just go and pickup other chicks she wont notice since she is other men.
    Nice guys don't finish last, boring guys does.

  10. #10
    Jstrong is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Best way to keep Ex in BG while I practice game

    Quote Originally Posted by super_gamer View Post
    just go and pickup other chicks she wont notice since she is other men.
    Thanks, I don't really care if she notices or not, the point for me is to rebuild myself with renewed vigor, apply new knowledge and get on with women... If I can get her attracted again, that is a bonus and I would possibly date her again. I say possibly because that is the attitude I really have right now. I can keep the game on while I have another girl if I want, so in the end I'll be good. If it doesn't work out with her, fark it, at least I tried. If this is the catalyst to make me a better man, so be it.

    Quote Originally Posted by HardRock View Post
    Your overall energy is very important if you want to garner results.If you feel like you want to stay in no contact its not bad but then..
    You need to capture her attention at least in your dynamic.when you stay in no contact you don't reframe and build power necessarily.it works for a total different reason.i think all that time wasted and spent on.. sometimes changes one vibe they are putting off and women can sense that,especially if you have been meeting other girls etc.In yours it was more like she wanted in.The best way to learn game is to implement now its good you have decided to take small steps.its best to get this girl engaged soon and then you may blog about it here, whilst working on your game.That way whilst the attraction pulls her to you when its instigated and she accepts, you may have the learning experience as well.
    I totally get this. I think I need 1 more week of NC (some good parties this weekend) and time to work the old BS out of my head. Then I will break NC with a text like HardRock suggests. I think I can get her engaged slowly, while I work on my game, and I will do my absolute best not to screw sh1t up as I progress.

    My timing might be good because her live-in BF situation is at the 3 month point.


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