BG on myself real quick:
40yrs old, good looking and very in shape, most girls think I am much younger. Own a business, creative, mechanic, cook, traveler, well spoken, mix of bad boy and gentleman. Much of these attributes I give credence to my father for showing me how to be alpha, although he never really "told" me much about women. I rocked my personal abilities and accomplishments early in life… but my girl game was bunk until about 24 yrs old. Some beta situations since then and I can totally feel when it's happening. All of my LTR's have been broken up by me. All of my LTR's wanted to stay with me very badly, and stuck around fighting to the end. I wasn't ready to settle down.
My confidence game is good, my list of personal endeavors is endless and I am very happy to be me. But I am not a PUA and I do not know the many tricks like you guys talk about on this forum here, but I am learning again, because I am in this situation (IT LOOKS LONG BUT READS FAST):
-Fall of 2011 I started seeing HB9 who was almost 24, I was 39
-dated successfully for 8 months, camping, parties, long distance trips, she never experienced a guy like me, sex was awesome (of course with me), she would show me off to friends
-she began asking me about having a family, I said I was interested in that someday
-It was my idea to mention moving in together,… but I was having major personal family stress issues and I started to get cold feet about moving in with her, also thinking she was too young and too controlled by her parents, it was all just too much for me to have a RS at this time
-I break it off, she is heartbroken and very upset
-I drop the whole thing, focus on myself, deal w/ the family issues and generally try to not care about her. She goes CRAZY hard chasing me all summer of 2012.
Fall of 2012 we start hanging out more, she starts school. Things are going good, we hang out more often, she is extremely happy to have me and seems to be blossoming personally, doing things for me like massages, gifts and always wanting to be with me… but my continued family issues are a major stress, and I allow a massive work load to drag me down. She begins to sense this…wants to "label what we have…" and show insecurity about herself... I begin to push her away again. She is going bat crazy after me and trying to keep me.
I get sick soon after 2013 begins, and get some antibiotics. The drugs RUIN me (look up Cipro floxing). She sends me love emails and texts, very upset. I can't see or walk and family is helping me heal. She doesn't realize how bad I am and sh*t is all messed up. She moves in with a crazy chick roommate. Never comes to see me, but emails several times.
While I heal 80% we text/email for 2 months and finally see each other in person. She finally realizes how sick I was. I start feeling like getting things repaired and we begin making simple dates. I check out her new place, we have dinner, K-close at the end of night… but I am still tired and healing…. = no sex - my choice. Another dinner and I decline her offer to come back to her house.
At this point, I have still not explained my feelings, and am treading lightly to get back in. The light at the tunnel was nearing for me (family-health-work) and I was ready in a few more weeks to hit her again with good fun and new Outlook on life. Physical strength: 90%.
3 weeks and I am trying to get her to go hang out. During which she is texting me about moving to another place and "this place isn't working out" (surprise-NOT).
Another week and I am feeling like she has gone off with a guy… (She met a guy the night I declined after dinner)
I finally see her in May and she comes over. She says she has moved in with someone that she shouldn't have, it was very fast decision...3 weeks after she met him. It's a 35 yr old guy that I know. Very good looking and extremely charismatic, but a disaster in many areas.
I get a few things off my chest, very calmly, and I take her to the beach. I laugh about "him". We have a great time, talking about things and have dinner. Some Kino and make out 3 separate times… she leaves crying saying "I love YOU"….She texts me later "I really really enjoyed my time with you tonight, seems like nothings changed between us "
I reply something simple, yeah it's been a while, we should talk soon.
I go to bed and become PISSED about the situation and next morning email my "feelings" which were all over the place, anger, distrust, jealousy, etc. BETA move.
The next 10 days we see each other 2 times. She keeps bringing up Negatives about the new guy, and I keep saying I don't want to talk about him. It seems as though she might break up with him…
I never cried or visually upset but I do send 2 more emails which were BETA (anger, "fix your mess", "he's a drug addict") and then finally I see her one last time… telling her for the first time that I love her, I always have… and that if she wants to move in with me to get out of the situation she is in, she can, but only in a few months after things cool down… It still seems like she is going to take my bait… she emails saying she needs time to figure out what she needs, who she is, etc etc.
3 days later I bring flowers and a letter to her reiterating what I said….via her parents, as they kept asking where I was the past 6 months. My biggest stupid Beta move. Fark!
I leave town on my motorcycle for several weeks.
2 weeks later she says hi w/ short email. We play small email tag, "I'm on vacation on the bike" send a pic of my campfire. 2 weeks later she emails something about another trip we had and how those memories were refreshing… few days later I send simple email back; yeah it was good… She texts me Happy 4th of July… I send another email a week later; being upbeat w/ a pic of my bike boots on my trip… that was MY LAST COMMUNICATION… OVER 1 MONTH AGO…. She replies 2 weeks later saying thank you and its always good to hear from you….
OK….. so WTF do I do now?
Stay in NC? I gave away all my power with my last Beta moves…fark… She was always looking up to me and wanting to be with me… I had a very bad year with everything…
Right now…I'm almost fine with giving her away… I have been going out and flirting, practicing some game and building confidence again… I'm moving forward but I don't think her BF is going to last much longer… I want to plant my alpha seeds in her head again...