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Thread: Screwed up second date in the bedroom -how do I recover?

  1. #1
    CAM83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Screwed up second date in the bedroom -how do I recover?

    So I've been reading this forum for awhile and I've gleaned a lot of useful information that really increased my confidence and helped me get through a divorce.

    But now I'm wanting more than fleeting relationships/sex, something a little more meaningful.....so I'll set up the situation:

    Met this really incredible girl awhile back, she's quite smart, funny, cute, just the total package sort of girl. We had a first date about a month ago, went for a bit different, played some minigolf and closed down a restaurant for drinks after....an amazing kiss to close out a good evening.

    She then had to go out of town for work for a month, but we kept in touch via text and had some very flirty, escalating conversations while she was away.....

    At last second date time......trying to be a bit different again met in the afternoon for laser tag, greeted with a passionate kiss and in we went. Had a hilarious time (A kid kept walking into a wall for some reason) and moved on to dinner at a local Indian restaurant. A nice meal and conversation, some stolen kisses and off to venue 3. We hit a craft beer place for some good beer(she`s big on beer-yay!) and spend 4 hours drinking and getting to know each other as the conversation gets progressively more sexual, some light touching at the table ensures we`re both in that mindset. We plan to continue the date by going out of town to see the meteor shower. It`s not dark yet so she suggests we stop by her place to kill some time. Not being dead I agree....

    At her place we have another drink and a heavy make out session breaks out on her couch(all the clothes stay on). Eventually we break up the make out to actual go see the meteor shower...it`s a rare occurrence and romantic so what the hell.

    After a bit of a drive(30ish mins) we reach the place...cuddle under a sleeping bag and spend most of our time out there making out again instead of watching the sky....there`s some serious groping going on, but there are people around so after a few more minutes we pack up and head back to her place.....

    So we get back and she leads me to the bedroom and very quickly the clothes come off.....escalate the foreplay with my hands, some teasing that has her body shaking....she wants me inside....so I get the condom on...and zilch I go limp after a few strokes.....a bit frustrating, but I figure I have to pee so maybe that`s the issue....so after a brief break....I resume the cunnilingus to try and get myself going again....she shudders all over me a second and third time....and with a little help get myself erect....new condom...she`s on her stomach now so in from behind...no problems holding up....shifts position and I go limp as a dish rag inside her again....

    She assures me its okay and we cuddle a bit....but she asks me to leave before she falls asleep...says we don`t know each other that well yet and has a thing about having guys spend the night. I'm not thrilled about it as it's very late and had heard nothing of it earlier...but of course I do as she asks and head myself home...

    Next day we've had some texts...but it doesn't quite seem the same.

    So my question....if anyone is good enough to read this....is this an issue? Is my dysfunctional member enough to derail what was otherwise an amazing connection with this girl? I know its just performance anxiety...this doesn't happen with girls I don't actually care about....and has only really happened on first outings....

    So assuming this isn't sure fire relationship death....any advice on how to fix it, if I should raise the issue with her or how to proceed would be great....

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Screwed up second date in the bedroom -how do I recover?

    Well man it is a double edged sword. If she's a quality girl and the connection was there, it shouldn't be enough to derail her. But it really is all about what she thinks at this point. From my perspective, it sounds like you're just a normal guy dating a nice girl, not a pick up artist. By the way you describe her you're probably older than I am, so it makes sense to want to anchor with one girl. As a person, I'd tell you to take her out again, (maybe ask a doctor about pharmaceutical assistance), and just try to escalate your way to another shot. If the connection was real, build comfort and see if you can't evoke some feelings. As a PUA, I'd say play it cool and if she doesn't want to hang out anymore, move on to more promising ventures.
    Either way buddy, it's up to you. Hope this helps. Cheers.

    - Mojo

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Screwed up second date in the bedroom -how do I recover?

    Yea man that sucks. It's possible you were just nervous cause you liked her so much and maybe you haven't had any for awhile. Totally cool. And Mojo is right. If she is a quality girl, she may be frustrated, but she will hang in there for you.

    Now, the WORST thing to do is to make it a big deal. It's only a big deal if you make it one. If it gets brought up at all in convo, make a silly joke about it and change the subject. Don't ever feel like you have to "fix things" or "make things right before you lose her." If you come from that frame of mind I can almost guarantee that you will, in fact, lose her through self sabotage. Just be cool about it and don't make a big deal of it and try again later.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    ColonelMathus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Screwed up second date in the bedroom -how do I recover?

    do not make a big deal out of it. just like BatMan said.

    it's a general rule that i use with women after sex/foreplay. do NOT talk about it the next day. just be your usual fun self and start talking with her normally.

    Remember to actually tell her the next day how much you enjoyed being with her and that you had fun. do NOT say "last night". always use the word "yesterday".
    "i had so much fun YESTERDAY"

    this will put u into the image of a guy who enjoyed her company and not the making out sessions. keep working on it, and good luck!

  5. #5
    CAM83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Screwed up second date in the bedroom -how do I recover?

    Maybe a little further clarification about my situation.....I'm a pretty experienced guy(although this forum has helped me in the past), this particular issue is new to me and has only happened once before with another girl I considered to be a "relationship girl" so its not a common thing.

    I always do the had a great time text after a good date and that was certainly no exception...but the convo petered out which is unusual. I generally have no problem with confidence, but the situation is a bit new to me so I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

    My worry would be that she's thinking I was into it while she had her clothes on and then I didn't like what I saw which is far from the case, she's quite lovely in either situation. The thing is she's not big on compliments (not used to receiving them she says-which I find hard to believe) and it's not the most alpha thing to just drop, but I'm also thinking some sort of subtle (or direct?) reassurance may be in order.

    I'm thinking I leave it for a day and jump back into the texting tomorrow(it'll be about 2 days since the last one)..just try and pick up where we left off?


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