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Thread: possible reboot?

  1. #1
    TCgrainbelt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default possible reboot?

    is it possible to reboot a fling that happened for about a month maybe 2 months ago that was stalled by legit extenuating circumstance?

    basically girl from work had been showing subtle signs that she liked me for months and finally came after me. it was a roller coaster of awesome. we hooked up a few times and had great convo. she'd text and flirt with me everyday. during this period i got lots of obvious ioi's but did not know where to take it or how to capitalize. i kind of just played along and got lucky with a few good lines. basically texting was a big part of it even though my game was horrid at the time and is probably only slightly better after reading a lot of guides. but for whatever reason she really wanted me.

    circumstance changed and i couldn't see her for awhile but tried my best to keep the interest over the phone with decreasing results. in the beginning we would frequently have those flirty conversations challenging each other with innuendos but they have tailed off. we would talk a lot about things we wish we could be out doing. lots of texting...maybe too much and not enough calling. she seemed to prefer texting. our most recent conversations over the phone and text have been a bit flirty but mostly just friendly and random. we bs about a few recent drinking and other activities.

    circumstance changed again and after maintaining contact i can see her again and have been trying to re-escalate in preparation for going out with her for drinks in a few days and possibly doing some of the other activities we had talked about. the problem is that i realize she was driving a lot of the fiery talk we had. i understand that after that cooling-off period she may not be into me in that way anymore but for 4 months out of 2 years of working and socializing with her there were subtle signs that she wanted me without even doing anything but being me. no game. no chase.

    i just want to pick up from where we left off. i've read a lot of material but i'm not sure how to play it to re-escalate if it is even possible. the thing that worries me about my chances is that our conversation is pretty toned down compared to when she was crazy about me. we talked on the phone a few times and have had a few good brief and different text conversations over the past week with a few communication-less days mixed in. she is laughing at my jokes and stories but she is not initiating or running with some of the more flirtatious comments.

    so my question is the above "is this even possible" and what might i do through text or call or at the date to improve the situation. can i jump back into some of the things we used to do? should i try a few flirty texts to increase her interest? and is there something i should do to make sure the drinks even happen? the plans were made yesterday by call and she seemed eager yet a bit hurried.

    thanks for your help

  2. #2
    rs5096's Avatar
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    Hey TC,

    I wouldn't text too much; it might be perceived as needy. Girls think differently to guys, they recycle their emotions much faster than we do and that's why girls sometimes flake - they've run the cycle and the attraction has been flushed, whilst we are still very much attracted. this might be what is happening here.

    By the sounds of it you may be on the cusp of the dreaded friend zone.

    So first things first don't play the nice guy role, which will cut the neediness out. you need to touch her when you guys go out. You can start with simple touching and escalate progressively on the date.

    Also take the lead on the date. if you guys move guide her by pushing ever so gently on the small of her back, but you decide where and what to do during the date. also lead by taking her hand and leading her somewhere but do it when the times right - remember touching needs to start small and then escalate.


    there also 3 stages you can use:
    First be the loud friendly guy,
    then tone it down and just get comfortable with one another. This is where you can start touching as you talk. See if she reciprocates
    then become the seducer where you can actively flirt. also slow down your talk here with longer pauses and look at her eyes and lips etc.

    Let the stages flow naturally on your terms. So first friend, then comfort then seduce.

    rs5096

  3. #3
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    You could jump back into how it was in the old days but I think that would be wrong because you guys haven't been the same in a while so you should try to start from a level before the dates and all that. Talk to her like you would a girl you just met and work your way up. Don't just Just jump in the water without dipping your foot in first
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  4. #4
    TCgrainbelt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    Advice duly noted. What should I do if she flakes on the drinks?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    IMO if she flakes i'd walk away. It will take too much emotional energy to try and rebuild what you had if she won't even consent to meeting up with you, and that energy can be focused elsewhere like on other girls.

    So I would text something short like this, "Drinks on thur, 8pm at O'gradys[or whatever]? b cool to catch up"

  6. #6
    TCgrainbelt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    i'm kicking myself right now. she invited me to a fire but they were all drunk by the time i got there and i did not seduce her. we hugged a few times and played on a trampoline but she just wasn't giving me any attention. after huggin i should have just kept her on my hip. i should have taken it. little later she was giving all her attention to another guy and his friend over the phone and it threw me. she sat on my lap for a few minutes then passed out with her gf. the other guy was talkin about who between him and his friend she liked more and i was pretty much done with her thinking that she was after both of them. then he says that earlier they were both told fat chance because her guy was coming. it must have been me and i went beta playin it cool and blew the whole thing. fuck. is this a lost cause now? i'm not sure how much she will even remember but i played that all wrong. i really need to get it together...

  7. #7
    TCgrainbelt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    she doesn't remember most of it...but still gotta get it together. gotta meet others, too.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    Hey TC,

    There are a few things going on here, I think.

    Firstly I think you're putting way too much pressure on yourself. You are giving this encounter too much attention and importance. as you say you gotta get it together.

    At the fire she was sh1t testing you and measuring your responses. Girl's do this unconsciously because of evolutionary reasons. They don't even realise that they're doing it - it serves as a screening mechanism.

    Because you've put so much importance on it, you've elevated the girl's worth relative to your own and that leads to neediness, which girls pick up on very quickly.

    The best way to deal with sh1t tests is to laugh them off. Now the mindset to have is that you're the prize. This girl needs to win your affection and not the other way around. This is the mindset that she will actually find attractive; girls love challenges.

    Meeting other girls and having options definitely conveys this to her, also calling her on her drunk behaviour will display it. Just tell her something like "fark you were all drunk. I swear you smelt like a bad distillery." this kinda shows that her behaviour was just plain ugly and it's a neg. then work your options. don't be this girls pet, make her work for you.

    rs5096

  9. #9
    Magnum is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    All good advice, especially rs5096.

    However, you might want to try not treating this like a fresh pickup. Play on the history you have, she invested before. You may have lost some of that investment, but there's still some there. Figure out what were likely the best memories you had together for her, and then subtly bring them back around to her mind in various ways. Even better if you can anchor them. Pick some date or outing you did before and go back to it. But nothing boring. Nothing cheesy romantic either. Pick either something that has an adrenaline rush, or something you got all hot and steamy together after/at/during. Then pretend you totally forgot about that you did it before until she brings up remembering how it reminds her of the really great time you had before. After she mentions it, THEN really reminisce about how great it was enjoying it together. Don't tip her off that you were consciously thinking of it until just then when she brought it up. Then playfully call her out on making a big deal about the past. But do subtly let on that you did enjoy it too. Then drop a time bridge on it, like "as we think back to that, wouldn't it be funny picturing us back then imagining a couple months forward to where we are right now." or whatever, use your best judgement.

    Theres lots of ways to approach it, but the goal is to connect the way she felt back then with something you can access now, a gesture, a word, a scent, whatever works. Then trigger your anchor often and in ways and at times that bring her back around to those feelings again here and now. Just be careful not to be too obvious and look like you're obsessed with the past. Instead, you've moved on, and SHE is the one reminding you of how great the past was. If done carefully, you can even downplay how great it was, forcing her to defend it until she starts to express it strongly, then suddenly give in and agree. She gets to feel like she won, you get to have her thinking about great it is to be with you. Win win.

    She clearly was hoping to go back to the fun times when she invited you out, but was having trouble with your inconsistency. Put yourself back in that mindset, as well. Don't just think back to it, BE it. She was attracted to you then for sure, be that guy again and she'll remember why she went after you so hard in the first place.

  10. #10
    TCgrainbelt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: possible reboot?

    This is good insight, guys. Thank you. About the sh!t test, I was playing cool and having a good time not chasing her around or begging for attention because I think I wanted to see how she was towards me. That's why I came to my conclusion. On the time bridge, I will think of some good memories and ways I can get her to bring them up over the next few days while I leave her alone.

    I'm good friends with her best gf who was there that night and I'm going to ask her about it, too. I'm thinking one possibility is that I showed up and she saw me and realized I was not what she wanted anymore.

    Otherwise, I got other good things going on to get my mind off it. I'm doing good work on a girl I know from work. Last night I invited her out to the bar with some friends and really liked how it went. Lots of laughing, playful flirting, smiles, eye contact and a little physical contact. They all loved me at the table and not only are we all going out again tonight but she invited me specifically to a block dance this weekend. I'm pretty pumped but I know I have to make myself an option to her and increase my value. I'll go over friend, comfort, seduce later today to prep. I know she's looking and I know she likes at least a few of the qualities I have.

    There's a milf at work that wants to discreetly screw while we work on our other options but she is nuts and I've been on the fence about it for awhile.

    Thanks guys.
    Last edited by TCgrainbelt; 08-14-2013 at 10:39 AM. Reason: spelling


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