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Thread: She is insecure.

  1. #1
    YellowBull is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default She is insecure.

    Hello everyone.

    I've been having a thing with an HB8 the past 5 months. Only until recently we decided that we were dating - not girlfriend/boyfriend but the step before that.

    She sends massive IOI's, and at her new school (all students live there the entire school year, and only have weekends off), they were forbid to bring their cellphones the first 3 weeks so that the new students could get to know each other. (We live in europe. Its not college. I don't know the word for the type of school it is, in english)

    She said she hated the school for making it impossible for her to have contact with me. She said .. "I have .. no clue how I can survive three weeks without hearing from you".

    So she has actually smuggled her phone in her bag, and uses it nonstop in her own room when they've got freetime past 17 or 18 o'clock.

    Yesterday, she found an empty room, and hid there so she could talk on the phone with me. We talked for 3 straight hours.

    During this converstation i started talking about taking the next step - becoming actual GF/BF.
    Now the weird thing happens!


    She starts acting weird all of a sudden. Here are a few examples:

    1: She tells me to find another woman. That id regret going out with her.
    2: I ask her why and her reply; "I am very insecure. Insecure about how well we'd do while im here at this school and that you'd probably dump me because i'd probably bore you and you wouldnt want me anymore.
    3: She asks me, what id do if she "accidentally" kissed with another guy while shes there - and regretted it afterwards.
    4: She says: "I'm not good in a relationship".

    My replies were;
    1: I only wanted her.
    2: I have no reason to dump you, because otherwise i would have no reason to stay with you for 5 months. I love every bit of your personality.
    3: You know what will happen if you kiss a guy. Saying youd regret it afterwards is just silly. Why then do it, in the first place?
    4: I had no response to this.


    I am baffled. All of a sudden.

    HELP GUYS.

  2. #2
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    She took all the trouble of being caught with a phone and all, so she obviously values you more than other guys. You can count on that.

    Okay your responses ain't look too bad but, my advice is, if you keep patching her up like: "I want only you." you'll be feeding this insecurity. She'll just be with you to cover her insecurities. She might be super confident when she's around you, but when you're away she'll keep being that scared girl, as an individual.

    So, in my opinion, you are not doing her a favor by trying to make her feel better about herself. Her approach to this whole relationship situation doesn't seem really healthy so, you gotta behave accordingly.

    What I'm trying to say is, she won't try to fix her insecurities if you tell her that they are okay. No, they are not okay. You gotta be willing to walk away if she doesn't improve herself. Because bro to be honest, she doesn't deserve such a high-value man like you if she doesn't value herself in the first place.

    Bottom line, try to understand her insecurities, doubts and fears but don't go soft. For you two to have a healthy relationship, she needs to fix these and she might need you more than ever to complete this process.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  3. #3
    YellowBull is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    Thank you for your reply, Wolf24.

    What do you suggest, that i say to her when she says; "Find another woman".

    Thats the part, where i keep saying ; "I only want you". But I don't know what else to say since shes insecure. What do you suggest?

  4. #4
    Wolf24's Avatar
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    Point out her better sides. Try something along the lines like:

    "You know, you're right, I could find another women. (Brief pause here if you can, to see if she'll become reactive) But I chose you, because *one of her unique qualities*..."
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  5. #5
    YellowBull is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf24 View Post
    Point out her better sides. Try something along the lines like:

    "You know, you're right, I could find another women. (Brief pause here if you can) But I chose you, because *one of her unique qualities*..."
    Thanks. Great advice!

    She is on a introduction trip today and will be home late. I've been wondering if I should send her a text, when she returns, about my thoughts about what she said - and what id be able to do to help her fix her insecurity.

    Or should i just wait for her to "freak out" again, and then try and calm her with your advice?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    Before you jump into "fixing" her, she needs to decide if she wants/needs to be fixed.

    I'm not a fan of 'helping' people about unless they ask for help first because they need to carry the bigger load, I can only support them.

    Try to not let her "freak out" anymore, otherwise she might 'use' this to make you pamper herself and gain leverage. So, when/if she does freak out, be firm and stop her. For example: "If you think you feel insecure about yourself, reminding yourself like this, is not gonna help it. So let's talk about something else..."

    Don't be afraid to be sharp at times. But, respect her and understand her!

    Good luck on your quest, could be a tough one.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  7. #7
    YellowBull is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    Wow, okay. Nevermind my last post.

    She just got home from her introduction trip. She was the only girl in a group of 7 guys.

    She just wrote me one hour ago. All extremly short. I asked her how the trip was; Her response: "Fine."

    Now she says shes very tired wants to sleep. I say fine, goodnight. Ill write tomorrow.

    Her respons: No, don't do that. I dont have time the rest of the week.

    I just replied; Wow okay. Im sorry to hear that. There must be something matter here. But okay. Write me when you have the time then.

    I sense im losing?

  8. #8
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    Quote Originally Posted by YellowBull View Post
    Wow, okay. Nevermind my last post.

    She just got home from her introduction trip. She was the only girl in a group of 7 guys.

    She just wrote me one hour ago. All extremly short. I asked her how the trip was; Her response: "Fine."

    Now she says shes very tired wants to sleep. I say fine, goodnight. Ill write tomorrow.

    Her respons: No, don't do that. I dont have time the rest of the week.

    I just replied; Wow okay. Im sorry to hear that. There must be something matter here. But okay. Write me when you have the time then.

    I sense im losing?
    Give her a couple days and she'll write back. If she doesn't, try to reinitiate and see how she responds.

    Women can have these mood swings every once in a while, give her the space when she needs it, don't be needy.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  9. #9
    YellowBull is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf24 View Post
    Give her a couple days and she'll write back. If she doesn't, try to reinitiate and see how she responds.

    Women can have these mood swings every once in a while, give her the space when she needs it, don't be needy.
    I guess thats the only thing to do.

    Its just weird. She has never behaved like this. We have texted literally everyday up until today. Might be a moodswing, or one of the guys really did a good impression on her.

    Either way, I can only wait, i assume.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: She is insecure.

    since you probably have more value than other guys in her eyes all you can do is praise her for her good activities and encourage her to deal with her insecurities on her own that's the only way to fix them. 2nd dont forget to give her the space, women need time away from you to get their feelings develop for you, the more she will miss you the more she will want to be with you.
    Nice guys don't finish last, boring guys does.


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