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Thread: Looking For Suggestions To Avoid Being In Friendzone

  1. #1
    SlowlyButSurely is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Looking For Suggestions To Avoid Being In Friendzone

    There is a girl that I'm hoping to establish a romantic relationship with, but first I need to play my moves carefully to not be in the friend zone.

    There are times when we hangout and I touch her in a subtle manner (feeding her olives, removing eyelash from her face, etc.), but she shows no reciprocity.

    Although she doesn't talk to me about guys, I believe I have an opportunity to make a move because I'm not an official "friend" yet.

    I'm wondering if it's fine that I tell her I've missed her from my one week vacation after returning. I don't want to come off as too needy, but I do want to let her know that I'm interested in developing our relationship into something more. Any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Magnum is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Looking For Suggestions To Avoid Being In Friendzone

    The trick in things like "kino" (kinesthetics, the subtle touching you mentioned) as well as the "I've missed you" stuff, is reciprocity. That is, only give as much as you've been getting back. Too eager, and you WILL seem needy and get forcibly shoved into the friend zone. Not eager enough, and you'll seem cold or not interested. Best is to give just slightly less than you get, to build that wanting in her. Though there is something to be said about averages... sometimes you give a little more, sometimes a little less: push/pull.

    Build comfort and excitement and she will WANT to initiate these things. You want her telling you she missed you first, not the other way around.

    But if you feel like she's really going to go elsewhere if you don't express some interest, then do it. Do it subtly. Observe the way girls try to play us: IOI are subtle, too, aren't they? Girls are way more socially in-tune and aware than guys, they've been raised that way from a young age, so believe me when I say if you show subtle interest, she will pick up on it. And even if she is not as in-tune as most and gets confused and feels like you are giving mixed signals, all the better: it will build curiosity in her and keep her attention on figuring you out.

    This is the same as the rule of never giving a straight "yes". Always qualify it if you must give a yes. In the same way, do express your interest in her, but do it playfully, so she gets the hint but is never 100% certain.

    Good luck!


    And BTW, if you get a chance, I just created another thread that needs some answers:
    http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/...a-what-do.html

  3. #3
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    ShoreGuy28 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Looking For Suggestions To Avoid Being In Friendzone

    Utilize the push/pull techniques that @magnum was saying. It's never a good idea to tell her you missed her or show too much interest unless she will reciprocate it (which it doesn't seem she will). Doing so will only make you seem like an AFC.

    Try and pick up on any IOIs you can and build off of them. If she gives you a compliment then you can reciprocate it but don't put any more into the current relationship than the amount she is.

    Good luck bro and feel free to pm me with any more specific questions. I've got past your situation (friend zone) and became intimate with the girl quite a few times.
    "She'll forgive you for being a man...but she WON'T forgive you for being a p*ssy"

  4. #4
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    0Rooster0 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Looking For Suggestions To Avoid Being In Friendzone

    My 3 step process for avoiding the friendzone
    Tell her she's sexy
    Grab her
    Make out session
    "I've never seen anyone pull as quickly or as efficiently as you"
    -HarryRat(Simplepicku p)

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Looking For Suggestions To Avoid Being In Friendzone

    Contributing to this with an alternate idea, another strategy is to put her in the friend zone before she does so to you. This would be especially powerful because right now she thinks you are chasing after her with everything you got. Drop a reference on her like "You know, you're like a little sister to me" and then proceed on with your game. It will confuse the hell out of her, and it will only make her all the more crazier for you.

    It's push and pull basically with giving her mixed signals, but rather it involves going to two different extremes at once. Right now, I think that she knows you are attracted to her, and it's annoying her. Thus, she's going into a hard to get position. I'm not saying it isn't possible to get her now, it still is. However, trying to hide it from her is going to be super difficult without taking some very large steps. That's why putting her in the friend zone will do the trick.

    On one last note, I wouldn't idolize her so much anymore. As Shoreguy said, don't do something unless you know she will return the favor. Don't feed her olives, don't brush eyelashes off her face, don't do anything that would be considered sophisticated and romantic. Back off for a bit, and see how she reacts.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  6. #6
    Magnum is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Looking For Suggestions To Avoid Being In Friendzone

    ShoreGuy and Swagman have good advice here.

    Rooster's scenario only applies if you have very strong IOIs. If you're sure of that, then go for it.

    And just to offer a differing opinion: I wouldn't ignore that possibility, either! Because if she's actually letting you feed her olives and sh1t, with zero resistance, then that is a fairly good IOI. You gotta make that call though, SlowlyButSurely, because we're not there and can't see the IOIs. Brushing an eyelash is a decent move to get in some kino, but I wouldn't say her letting you do that one is necessarily an IOI.

    One more thing:
    On one last note, I wouldn't idolize her so much anymore. As Shoreguy said, don't do something unless you know she will return the favor. Don't feed her olives, don't brush eyelashes off her face, don't do anything that would be considered sophisticated and romantic. Back off for a bit, and see how she reacts.
    I definitely agree with experimenting with backing off, it may build interest, as Swag says, and it also might give you a better read on her.

    I don't, however, agree that there's no place in the game for being sophisticated and all that. Juggler writes about this sort of thing, and you may want to read up on his work if that's your style. As long as you are congruent enough, just about any style works. And whatever works is all that matters in the end, right? So if she's (no pun intended) eating up the olive thing and whatnot, go with it! Don't read these guy's advice as telling you not to do those things IF those things ARE definitely working, but make sure of that, and do be prepared to change your approach on a dime if she shows any sign that you're pushing too far. Learning to read her is where calibration and field experience really come into play. Feel it out and go for it when you sense the timing is right, and if it doesn't work out, take it as experience and use what you learned to move on and get the next girl.

    (Also, if you get forced into it anyway, a female friend has value in other ways, too: they usually know lots of other girls to introduce you to, and they can be good social proof, some even make good wingmen. If nothing else, many can be fun and make good friends anyways. Make sure to have lots of female friends in general, because the more time you spend with women of any relation, the more they can teach you about how to read and react to women: whether by "tutoring" you, or just by observing and experiencing. As long as you're genuinely friendly and don't come off as trying to use them, female friends are usually pretty eager to help in this department. "A man who wants to understand women better? How sensitive!" They will go all coochie coo all over you and will talk women all day long and not shut up about it. Just make sure the ones you actually take out as wingwomen are a little more savvy and won't blow your game in front of other women by selling you as some crazy feminist man or as an AFC who needs all their help getting a date.)

    Getting out of the friendzone is not impossible, but it is harder (unless you got there by putting HER in it as these guys advise above), and thus often not worth your time. So you don't really want to work from within the friend zone unless you have to: i.e. gaming an existing friend (or, again, unless SHE is the one working her way out of YOUR friend zone). If things are actually going well, don't friendzone her for no reason, but if you're pushing too hard and risking the friendzone yourself, definitely put her there first.

  7. #7
    x Mojo x's Avatar
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    Default Re: Looking For Suggestions To Avoid Being In Friendzone

    Not taking the hours it will take to read the previous reply's back but I don't ever tell a girl I missed her, play it back on her.. *see her* *hug* "Missed me terribly, didntcha?" in a joking tone.. she will almost always say an exaggerated version of yes, then i'll play it like I didn't miss her as much .. play with her, you sound like losing her would cause you to keel over and die.. don't take it too seriously or you'll land in the friend zone for sure! she's just a girl man. Have fun, be alpha, and she'll dig you. Look up "The Great Alpha Male Thread" on the forums.. Helps a lot with what your frame should be. Good luck brother!

    - Mojo


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