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Thread: "Taking it slow" problem!

  1. #1
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Cool "Taking it slow" problem!

    Hi guys,

    Yesterday I approached a girl then I took her to an instant date which took 10 hours (2pm to 12am)! We went to various locations and did many things. Today again I met her and we went out for a few hours. We drove up to a cool beach and did some bush walking, had lunch and went back to my place to have a cup of tea! Bu ... she told me today that "I want to take my time to get to know you so I want to take it slow"!

    To me it's not a problem to take it slow but I am afraid that by taking it slow I just land in her friend zone. And if I push her I just come across needy.

    How can I reach my k-close and then f-close as soon as possible without over pushing on her?


    Thanks

  2. #2
    PUAKevin is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    You should agree with going slow, but keep escalating not at a high pace but don't stop the escalation.

    If you doesn't allow any further escalation than make sure you don't fall back on the escalation ladder. So if you used to hold hands, keep doing this and escalate as soon as she allows you to.

  3. #3
    x Mojo x's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    That's a tight rope to walk, but I'd say give her space and chill out. Kevin is right DON'T go backwards in the escalation. Do things that are innocent, but that friends don't do. Put your hand on her lower back when you point at something, hold hands, caress her knee sitting next to her.. little by little, and work sexuality into the conversation. If you feel her approaching the friend zone thing, freeze her out for a few day and then invite her out on a date. Make it a slowly progressing relationship as opposed to a friendship.. Good luck bro, let us know how it goes. Cheers

    - Mojo

  4. #4
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    Thanks so much guys. In order to give her space but keep seeing her how often do you think I should 1- Follow her up with a text 2- Ask her on dates?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    I would just keep chugging along man. Pretend you didn't hear it. I hate to say that, but her line is a common one used by many women to make themselves not feel like whores. Society tells women they have to take it slow, even if she's dreaming of you every night.

    Keep escalating kino just like you would with any other girl. Instead of using lines for a k-close, build the kino on one special night until it reaches the point where no words are needed. If she still turns away, don't worry about it; before she can speak, say "We shouldn't, it's best to move slow. Sometimes it's just easy to get lost in the moment." Pretend like she tried to kiss you with your words and you refused it. That's a back-up plan but honestly you'll probably be fine.

    I have one more suggestion to bypass 'good girl' mode: when you are in a public place, do some sexual kino that no one else can see. Under the table, maybe on her back if you are against a wall. If no one else can see it, she loves it, because there is no fear of 'what they will think.'

  6. #6
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    Lol, you've spent like 20 hours with this girl, how much slower could it be?!

    Seriously, though, I agree with the advice here, this is just last minute resistance. She's putting up a show to satisfy that need to be a good girl. Brush up on methods for dealing with LMR and treat this as such.

    Lancelot's idea of being secretive is brilliant. The more outwardly repressed, the more of an inner freak she is going to unleash on you once you find the right way to make her feel safe enough to let it out. Going out of sight like that is one way, getting her imagination involved is another. See halfway down my post on another recent thread for an example: http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/...eek-later.html
    Make a game like that out of it. If it's all hypothetical and playful, she's not doing anything "bad", and so her imagination can run free. Once that happens, watchout! You might be surprised what kind of animal is hiding under the surface...

  7. #7
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    Thanks guys for the help.

    You are right she has spent like 20 hours with me but 20 hours within 30 hours or 1.5 days. I don't think 1.5 days is enough to get to know someone. Or am I wrong?

    The fact is that if I see a girl who looks sexy to me and I want to sleep with her I push on her until I f-close or lose her. In this case we really have many interests in common and that's why my instant date which was supposed to be quite short 10 hours and ended at 12am! We had a blast really. So it makes me look at this as a relationship potential thus I get cautions about my moves.

    I also understand why she wants to be slow. Sounds like she has had bad experiences with some douche bags, like one who gave her his broken old camera as her birthday present, 3 months after her birthday! And another one who told her he was on a temporary visa so she was not suitable for him! Maybe she wants to make sure I am not like them?

    In the 20 hours that we spent together I constantly robbed her lower back and at night I wrapped my arm around her waist. She was OK with it but once I grabbed her hand she said her hand was cold ;-) From your advice sounds like I have done it correctly and have done some proper kinos.

    Can you please help me with the texting and asking her out too? Should I text her and say something (even something cheesy like how was your day). And should I wait to ask her out or shall I just text/call her tonight and ask her to do something low-key on Wednesday or Thursday evening? I was thinking of asking her to come over for dinner because I told her I was happy to cook for her and she was happy with that.

    Thanks again guys

  8. #8
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    I would definitely avoid texting how was your day. She likes you, you have demonstrated comfort and built rapport. So let's get into some attraction and seduction!
    Definitely give it some time/space. Exactly how long is tough to say, maybe tomorrow evening or Tuesday. I've messed up some potential dates in the past by calling (I thought that was the more confident thing to do) when most people 27 and under prefer texting so you'll have to feel that one out. Text "Was your day as glorious as mine?" If you want to find out how her day was. Then maybe lead that into how you've been meaning to try a new recipe. "Why don't you come over and be my taste tester? I need victims! I'll pick you up at 7. Be sure to dress to impress we're dining in my one of many penthouse estates."
    Continue with the kino and escalation, don't be afraid to push when necessary and disagree (breaking rapport). Make her work for you.

  9. #9
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    Thanks Lancelot your texts are very good. They tell me that I really have to work on my text game (which is my sticking point I think). She lives only 1 minute away from me so fortunately I won't have to pick her up and I will get her to come over which can be a bit DHV. Also in Sydney it's Monday 2:13pm now! So I might text her tonight or tomorrow evening Thanks

    p.s. I know it's AFC but I think I am thinking about this chick too much. Today I did two approaches when I was going to work, just to try and distract myself. When you see a relationship-potential, do you focus on that one or do you keep approaching and dating other girls?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: "Taking it slow" problem!

    I would keep approaching, opening, and sure, dating. And when she asks, you say:
    "I like to be completely honest and open. I'm a single guy, so sure, I talk to women and go on dates. But once I'm committed, wow! It's like a tractor beam. I can't imagine how people cheat in relationships. Blows my mind."


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