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  1. #1
    coldp is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default gf cheated on me with ex

    Hey guys!
    I am in a terrible situation. Two weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend bcuz through a friend I came to know that she cheated on me with her ex. I am terribly shattered but slowly trying to get back with my life. I do not want this experience again. I know I should date a girl so as to keep her interested throughout but plz tell me what steps should I take to choose a girl wisely. How do I find stuff about her past and make sure that she does not have a weird history with guys and will not cheat on me cuz I know I'll never cheat on my girlfriend. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Nikee is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: gf cheated on me with ex

    I'll probably sound like an asshole after this, but I gotta say it, it's part of the game buddy, you win some, you lose some, but when you lose, try to learn from your mistakes!!
    Instead of trying to became a private detective and digging through girls past, you should focus on yourself right now, work on your game and learn from this situation.

    Plus one thing I learn about PUA is that if a girl don't act the way you want her to act or behave towards you, it's your fault!! If a girl is boring or bored, it's your fault because she is not bored with everybody, so it's up to you to "unlock" her.

    In my opinion, you might have gotten too comfortable with her and stop gaming her when you finally got her. But then again, once a cheater, always a cheater so don't beat yourself up, but still improve your game and adopte the "win some, lose some mindset" and it will help you a lot.

    Good luck.
    Nikee --Just did it--

  3. #3
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: gf cheated on me with ex

    Hey cold,

    Sorry to hear what you went through. Tough break. Dealing with this is never easy and many guys go through this before they develop strong self confidence and some PUA skills.

    Can't really answer such a broad question in a short post, but much of it is you are going to have to do some research on your own.

    But basically it starts off with self-improvement and developing your inner game (confidence). While you are learning these skills, if you haven't done so already, start doing things such as working out, grooming/fashion, and expanding your hobbies/interest. That is what I did to transform. I wanted to change so bad that I spent $1200/mo on a world class personal trainer and put myself in credit card debt. You have to really want it. I also went back to my old forgotten interests like MMA and dance and took up salsa and Latin ballroom dance.

    The key to prevent cheating is to attract the right woman from the start. In order to attract the right woman, you need to know and have a define identity. I will give you an example. I have a friend who was very "street/gansta," army veteran who is a "playah." He doesn't fear rejection (a good thing), but because his life is currently unstable (he lives in the barracks)and his head is not in the right place, he attracts the wrong women. When he picks up girls, he just throws out a net and hope to get a catch. Anything that comes, he takes. Because he doesn't have a defined identity, he attracts the wrong women. Girls that scam him, girls who are not right in their heads as well. Reflections of himself. So date according to your demographics. That means if you are not the clubbing type, don't go to the club because you will not be comfortable there and you will not come off as attractive. Find like-minded women.

    If you improve yourself and start seeing yourself as a higher value individual, the right girls will come. Trust me. It will happen. It will get to a point that you choose your women. Not the other way around.

    I've said it before that women are attracted to 'how we as men perceive ourselves." Confidence is one of those underlying factors. You can learn all these PUA techniques you want, but if your innergame foundation is not there, it will all be for naught so hopefully that gives you a starting point.

    So this girl cheated on you. Whatever. Don't look at it as a rejection or "I'm not good enough." Look at it as an incompatibility. She did you a favor. Hopefully this will spur you to action.

    If you want to change and come off as attractive, you need to start seeing yourself as attractive first before a woman can. But this is not going to happen overnight. Like anything else, self improvement takes work and is an investment. In the end, it will all be worth it and the girl who cheated on you will be just a memory. You will be on to brighter and better things.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: gf cheated on me with ex

    From what I have observed in most situations, there are two reasons why anyone would cheat on their partner.

    The first is that the partner lacks the qualities that they are looking for. I'm not sure what your experience is, but if you are near the level of an AFC, and she is a strong, independent woman, then it's easy to see why she cheated on you. She's looking for a man, not a boy, and you could not cut the roll. She probably stayed with you out of some sort of benefit, or she felt guilty about leaving you.

    The second reason is that the partner is just a crazed self-qualifying sex addict. It doesn't matter how much of a man you are, she's still going to cheat on you. Reason so is because she insecure to the point where constant sexual attention and attraction from other people will make her feel sexy and powerful.

    The second kind of women are terrible, and if she was this kind, then you made the right move. She's out of control, and you don't need her dragging you down. However, if it was the first kind, then you need a lot of work. As Mortal implied, you have to start improving yourself. Although what he gave you is a good start, there's a lot more that you need to do.

    You need to learn the basics of being a true man who is in control of his gender roll, and who can command the relationship. If you want a great book that covers this, go check out The Tao of the Badass. There's lots of good information on the subject, and it should put you on the right track in no time.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
    x Mojo x's Avatar
    x Mojo x is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: gf cheated on me with ex

    That sucks man. Been there. But what I've found is I fall in and out of love with people all the time. In my opinion, love is a fluid emotion that can drain from you as quickly as it floods. That in mind, I don't want to tie down to one girl man. Having one just doesn't compare to how amazing it feels to love people with that honeymoon purity, frequently. If you just got out of a relationship in a negatively you should focus on building yourself back up, better than before, get your mind right, and your heart straight.. and THEN go sarge. Date. Have fun. Kiss strangers. Love strangers. Make them not strangers anymore. I have unfaltering faith that when the "right girl" shows up, this lifestyle won't make sense anymore. Until then, enjoy the ride. She'll show up, right now love yourself man. Good Luck buddy. Cheers.

    - Mojo

  6. #6
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: gf cheated on me with ex

    Getting cheated on sucks. But you don't want to be with a girl who got this kind of mentality. So realize that it's actually a good thing for you, and you can now find someone more worthy of you.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  7. #7
    coldp is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default

    Thanks a lot guys for the support !
    Although I am new to the forum, I have considerable knowledge about PUA stuff and Mystery methods. I also have a good amount of experience with girls but this kinda thing has never happened to me before. I am trying to work on myself and my game but after this episode I have started to feel that maybe its a good idea to spot this kinda mentality in a girl early. Because if it happens when I am considerably invested then it hurts.
    Am I right in thinking so or will only focusing on myself solve the problem? If it is a good idea to ask her about her past and know her mentality before investing how should I go about doing it ?
    Thanks so much for all the help guys !!


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