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  1. #1
    ms83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Want opinions - situation in wich I kissed my friend

    Hi, I'm new in here, as well as in pua, and wanted some opinions from more experienced man. Firstly I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes, as english is my second language.

    Here's the situation: I have this long time female friend, and we've been hanging out a lot lately (especially this year). But recently I came across some pua material, and had many insights.. I realized I've been a beta my entire life, and that I was probably seen by this friend as her gay best friend. I say that because we've been hanging out a lot this year, doing couple's stuff, but without any sex envolved.

    That's when I decided to change things. The first thing I did was to man up and try to kiss her (that was about a month ago). She refused, and right after that I tried to forget about her and start meeting new chicks. I did not stop speaking to her, as we are in the same circle of friends, but I just wasn't as present as before, and started avoiding meeting with her alone.

    I think she felt that, and then a couple of days ago, as we were at a bar (me, her and some other friends) she started to flirt with me, and we ended up kissing. We were both drunk and the kiss wasn't very long, as we did it hiding from our friends.

    The next day she texted me and we also talked on the phone. We didn't mention the kiss, and both just pretended nothing happened. Then yesterday she called enviting me to this bar where she already was with another friend. We hanged out, but as we were among other friends, we did not Hook up or even talk about it.

    After we left, as I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss, as I do have a crush on her. So I called her and told I wanted to talk to her, and then went to her place. As I got there, I told her I didn't forget about our kiss, and that I wanted to kiss her again. She said no.

    So I told her I just wanted to make that clear, and that then we should just forget about it and remain friends. I tried to keep it cool and left. I decided to try to forget about her for real now (I'll just avoid her from now on), and start chasing other woman, but I wanna learn as much as I can from the experience and understand what happened.

    Was she playing me? Why would she flirt with me a couple of weeks after she refused my kiss? And why would she refuse it again the day after we kissed? Did I make the wrong moves?

    The thing is she is single, but I know she has many male friends, and many of them wanna hook-up with her. What started crossing my mind is that she is just a player, and wanted me to chase her, like others do. I'm not gonna do that, but it would be good to understand what happened.

    Thanks for the help, and sorry for the long text.

  2. #2
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    lilsting is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Want opinions - situation in wich I kissed my friend

    It's rather simple really. You were beta you're whole friendship. You went alpha when you realized you were in the friend zone and got a kiss from it. You got to excited from the kiss and went beta again. That whole move of saying we have to talk and you saying that you didn't forget the kiss and such was beta. She lost interest again after that. Distance yourself from her. Hit on other girls. Enjoy life. She'll probably come back, but if not, it's not serious.

  3. #3
    ms83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Want opinions - situation in wich I kissed my friend

    Hi lilsting, thanks for the input.

    So going at her place and telling her that was a beta move? I really thought would be the best to do when I did it, but I guess I was wrong. I got a lot to learn.

    What should I have done? Just waited for her to make the next move?

  4. #4
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    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Want opinions - situation in wich I kissed my friend

    Yeah, it was incredibly beta. Your problem is that you aren't building up attraction correctly. Go check out a book called The Tao of the Badass, and the author gives you a really good road map on how to do this.

    In addition, it's also a very bad idea to become outcome dependent. You really wanted the kiss again, so you just moved in accordance to what you thought would get it for you again. Focusing on an end goal also eliminates your naturality, and it screws up your whole game all together. Just focus on the present, and your chances of getting what you should get become a lot better.

    To answer your last few questions, when you typically don't make a move in the in-person interaction, you have to wait for the next interaction. It's always a good idea then to escalate things via phone to give you a head start, but you shouldn't jump the gun again like you did. Give it a while, and then try again for another interaction, not a kiss. Take all of this into consideration, and you should still have a chance.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
    ms83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Want opinions - situation in wich I kissed my friend

    Quote Originally Posted by Swagman View Post
    Yeah, it was incredibly beta. Your problem is that you aren't building up attraction correctly. Go check out a book called The Tao of the Badass, and the author gives you a really good road map on how to do this.

    In addition, it's also a very bad idea to become outcome dependent. You really wanted the kiss again, so you just moved in accordance to what you thought would get it for you again. Focusing on an end goal also eliminates your naturality, and it screws up your whole game all together. Just focus on the present, and your chances of getting what you should get become a lot better.

    To answer your last few questions, when you typically don't make a move in the in-person interaction, you have to wait for the next interaction. It's always a good idea then to escalate things via phone to give you a head start, but you shouldn't jump the gun again like you did. Give it a while, and then try again for another interaction, not a kiss. Take all of this into consideration, and you should still have a chance.
    Hey Swagman, thanks for the help.

    I'm not sure what you mean by trying again for another interaction. You mean hanging out just the 2 of us? The thing is before I went for the kiss we used to do that a lot. But as I said before, I was like her gay best friend, as I never had the balls to try to hook-up with her untill that point. So the last thing I feel like doing now is just hanging out with her alone, because I don't wanna be on that situation again.

    Actually she would always call and text me, at least 3 times every week. But since last week (after I went to her place and told her I wanted to kiss her again) she didn't call me once. I also don't feel like calling her at all. So what I'm guessing is that we'll just remain in this situation (not talking to each other).

    I guess is for the best. I really wanna change and stop being such a beta, and for that to happen I think it will be good to not meet her for a while. At least until I put my sh*** together and start dating other girls.

  6. #6
    ms83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Want opinions - situation in wich I kissed my friend

    Just updating.. we didn't speak to each other this week, but last night we ended up meeting, and I'm pretty sure she started flirting with me again. This time I won't do anything.. I'll just wait to see what happens.


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