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  1. #1
    Viller is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help with ASD and mixed signals

    So i'll try to keep this story as short as possible by also include the details.

    I had been hanging out with this girl for a bit last year. We went over to her place, watch a movie, etc. Lots of kino, touched her legs and her ass. We were cuddling and stuff.

    So I left town for the summer, but we remained in contact. She knew that I was back in town and we had talked about hanging out.

    I texted her and said: "My body hurts and I really need a massage. K sounds good, see you in a bit!"

    After lots of playful cocky//funny, I told her to bring lotion etc.

    She shows up and gives me a massage, then I tell her I'll return the favor.

    She was wearing one of those shirts with the wide neck, so it was practically falling off her. I was massaging her shoulders and started rubbing her neck. She was enjoying it a lot, i.e. leaning into me, gasping, etc. She also said she was "ticklish" but she was holding her hands in between her legs as if she was trying to hide.

    Noticing this, I leaned forward and kissed the back of her neck. She wasn't resisting or anything, so I proceeded to continue, first kissing her cheek. Then I grabber her chin and went in to kiss her. But she flinched and said "no, you're not allowed to kiss me" with a very serious look. I played it off like she was joking, so I said, "Haha, well I do what I want, and I am having a hard time resisting myself." She got really serious and said "No, you're not allowed to kiss me" and I said, "You mean, you can resist me?" and she laughed but said "no, if you kiss me, then you'd be stealing it.

    I played it off and negged her telling her shes a prude. She was laughing. I tried to start over at square one. Put her on her back and kissed her neck, etc. I was trying my hardest to have her focus on the enjoyment and the fun she was having with me, because she was definitely enjoying it -- almost moaning at times. But any time I tried to escalate by kissing her, she freaked out.

    I didn't lose my cool at all, played it off, and she eventually had to go. She left on a good note, it wasn't awkard or anything. And she said she had fun "catching up with me."

    I talked to her since, and might have her come over again tonight. Problem is, how do I escalate? I'm not super experienced with ASD as I usually just try to make the girl laugh and feel comfortable and enjoy the moment.

    Any thoughts? -- Thanks guys.

  2. #2
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    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with ASD and mixed signals

    Within every person, man or woman, is a little warning light that goes off in a sexual situation. The reason that most people can't turn this warning light off is because they haven't built up rapport properly. However, that is not your case. Your case, from what I am seeing, is that you are trying too hard to get that kiss, and thus it is setting off her warning light.

    You had no problem whatsoever with escalating things up to the kiss. The massage was perfect, and her reactions were golden. However, you should have not pursued the kiss after she said no. Your best bet would have been to push instead of being in a constant pull state. Back away, stop the back massage, and give it a few moments of silence. This is like a punishment to her. She rejected you, and now you are rejecting her.

    Another thing you could say, and I credit Asian_Watts for this, is to fully agree with her and threaten not advancing anymore. Say something like this:

    "You know, you're right, it is a steal. Perhaps it would be a good idea for me to just stop all together."

    It's risky, it's dangerous, but it can pay off big if she reacts in a panicked manner. When she does react, make her earn you back. Ask her what will she do to get you back. In all likely cases, it will lead to you getting a kiss-close.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    Viller is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with ASD and mixed signals

    Thanks for the prompt response. I really like that second paragraph...

    I liked your line. I did say to her, "You're right, I respect that. But you gotta explain to me why you're on top of me, enjoying me, but you wont kiss me." (I was being very sarcastic and joking about this as to not sound needy) and she responded, "I want to make you work for it."

    Now that I look back, it could have been a sh1t test to see if I'm needy. But if she wants to make me work for it? What the h*ll does that mean? Actually pisses me off now, realizing that she wanted to be in total control of the situation.

    Back off your pedestal, woman.

    I just really don't know how to go on about this. I'll see her again soon. I'm thinking more of a chill approach next time I'm with her. Maybe treat her like a bro. That will want her craving what she had last time she hung out with me, and she will initiate kino?

    Also, another question. What if I completed said scenario and she agreed that I should stop all together?

    Thanks again.

  4. #4
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with ASD and mixed signals

    Quote Originally Posted by Viller View Post
    she responded, "I want to make you work for it."
    AWW HELL NAWWW!!! In pua, one of your goals is to be the prize, not her. If you're working for her, it gives her all the power. The more power YOU have, the better your chances are for getting her. If she says that, you should respond with "Well that's a problem, because I'm not a guy who chases."

    To get more power from her, you need to do more push-pull. At times, just be very neutral and almost unresponsive to her, and then the next moment just turn around and flirt with her again.

    If she does agree with stopping, after you get her into a state of pure bliss, it's a sh1t test. If you take back what you said, then you would have failed it. To pass it, you need to literally stop it all together, get up, and go to the bathroom, the kitchen to get something to eat, or anywhere that involves you basically following through with what you said. If she doesn't change her mind, then you should just leave soon after that, give her the cold shoulder for a few days, and then re-open. Show her that you mean business, and she will regret having tried to take power from you.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X


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