Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 1 of 9 123456789 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 88
Like Tree27Likes

Thread: Need help with a potential one it is at work

  1. #1
    Xmrider is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 634, Level: 12
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Poland
    Posts
    132
    Points
    634
    Level
    12
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    35

    Default Need help with a potential one it is at work

    Hi, I am currently in a relationship (no real feelings from my side) which I am about to end and have been looking around for other opportunities. There is this girl that could be a potential one-it-is. I have known her for about a year now as we work together. She did flirt with me big time, but I did not go for her because we work together.

    She has a boyfriend that is a total AFC, but she has invested quite a bit in him. There have been numerous times where she has talked to me about him about her having an argument with him and how he does not achieve anything in life. She said that she had such a hard time in getting it to relationship with him that it is not easy for her to let go. He supposedly behaved like an jerk whilst being and AFC. Anyhow lately she has talked about breaking up with him. I did use the boyfriend-destroyer on her once and it had a mediocre effect.
    At the same time she keeps on asking me about my current relationship basically at least once every week. For me this was an apparent IOI. Another time when her bf was not around she asked what I was doing over the weekend. I told her that my gf is coming back from a trip and that I will be spending time with her. She replied "does she have to come back?". So another IOI from her.
    Another time we were talking about relationships and I did tell her that for a girl to be of any interest to me she has to be free. 2 days later I hear her talking to a colleague and where I guess she made sure that I could hear her. She said to the guy that she is free because she is not married. Another IOI.

    So I decided as my current relationship is not going anywhere to go for her... and I nearly got friend-zoned. We were drinking and talking about all sorts of stuff and I picked on her how she always flirts and tries to pick me up. She said that I do it too. I told her that yes maybe I did flirt with her once or twice, but I do not pick her up. And then all of a sudden she says that even is she were free she finds me attractive, but she sees me as a friend and that we should be best friends. I was like WTF?! I replied to her NO, that it is my decision where we will go. That did get her confused and I explained to her that in order to be best friends this has to evolve naturally and that there is something more from her side giving her examples where she did not behave solely as a friend without any other intentions would do. She did try to explain herself, but I ignored her explanations telling her that it is my decision and to change the topic I fooled around with her... started tickling her and she did enjoy it. I tried to kiss close but did not see an approval. Normally I would have thought that it is game over, but when walking around all of a sudden we were holding hands. And I was thinking was I being sh1t-tested with this friendship thingy that she brought up! We parted that night with a big hug.
    The next day after drinking with her I told her that she got me drunk and I have cold now cause of her and she should feel sorry for me now. She said that she did it to toughen me up. I replied to her that this one hour of her talk (about us being just friends) the day before has just been revoked by her statement and that her actions do not follow her words.

    I do not want to mess this one up. Any ideas on how to proceed with her?
    Make the impossible possible!

  2. #2
    Xmrider is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 634, Level: 12
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Poland
    Posts
    132
    Points
    634
    Level
    12
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    35

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    A short update:

    Me and her are sitting next to each other and talking generally and in the middle of the conversation....:
    Me: I will be meeting a friend (female) tomorrow after work.
    She: What kind of friend?
    Me: There is no need for you to be jealous as she is just a friend and she is married.
    She: I thought that you do not go for married woman.
    Me: Stop being jealous. She is way to old and I am friends with her son.
    She: (giggles)
    Me: You do not expect me to believe about us being just friends. That was complete BS about the friend thingy after your jealousy.
    She: (giggles)

    We were sitting next to each other and did quite a bit of kino. There wasn't really any opportunity to escalate as we were at work. Anyhow there was an acceptance for me to touch her and she did it as well to me.

    I do not think that she is a player... and also I guess these are IOIs and I would assume that I managed not to get friendzoned.
    Any suggestions please on how to proceed?
    Make the impossible possible!

  3. #3
    xavier's Avatar
    xavier is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 15,104, Level: 79
    Level completed: 51%, Points required for next Level: 246
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social31 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Paris, France
    Posts
    1,120
    Points
    15,104
    Level
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
    Rep Power
    667

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    Why do you want my help ? You already know what to do. You are doing it! You showed her you are a HVM with higher value. You put your foot down about not being just friends with her, I reccomend you convince her you two become 'secret lovers'. And most importantly, you are kinoing.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  4. #4
    Xmrider is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 634, Level: 12
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Poland
    Posts
    132
    Points
    634
    Level
    12
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    35

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    Well Xavier, with her I am having problems as I did not use my window of opportunity and our relation phased towards friendship. It was a conscious decision of mine. Now after having had quite a few girls around me and even being in a relationship that is soon to end I have come to the paradox that she could be the one-it is, looking at her character.

    Normally if she were not a potential one-it-is I would not care, but this time I think that I could develop feelings for her (which means to me a lot as I have not felt anything for any girl for a long time). So I do not want to fark this one up. Of course there is always a risk, but she is worth a try and therefore I am seeking for some guidance.

    The thing here is that from her side I am seeing IOIs and I do not believe that I am misreading them. I did test her and told her that I would be going on a trip to somewhere. She said that I should take her along. I said nah at first, but told her later on that ok I will take her on holidays with me. She replied that the company would not allow it. I told her that when I said I will take her with me that she wanted to come along and when I told her to come along that she did want to anymore. She said that she is a typical woman that is indecisive. Here she does like the fact that I am decisive.

    She did tell me that it is a woman's dream to tame a free and wild jerk. So I did shift from being friends to being an ass. I changed my mindset and teased the sh1t of herů went cocky and funny big time. This was totally new to her. I told her that she does not really know me privately. She did have a hard time and even called me an asshole (not really seriously). I guess I will have to give her a very very hard time, going repeatedly two steps to the front and one step back.

    So far I have seen:
    - DHVing does not work on her
    - Comfort is there, but no sexual attraction as of yet. Although she did ask about my first time and talked about hers.
    - Kinoing is ok, but there is no real opportunity to escalate
    - Social proof: She does notice when girls are around that like me. I would say that I see some jealously from her side.

    I would continue on social prof, C&F and negging her. Do I need to kino and escalate? With too much kino at one level I am scared that there will be too much of a comfort.
    Should I freeze out on her after kino?

    And how do I convince her to be secret lovers?
    Make the impossible possible!

  5. #5
    mackdaddyjacK's Avatar
    mackdaddyjacK is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 1,740, Level: 25
    Level completed: 40%, Points required for next Level: 60
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    No Man's Land
    Posts
    397
    Points
    1,740
    Level
    25
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    95

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    Mmm this is a fun one, the sad thing is you are going AFC mate. "I don't want to fark it up" is a try hard attitude bound to fail. Sounds like you want to tie the knot with this broad. Sadly this girl is a player. Have seen it happen so many times. Girl has a BF, plays guys on the side. This is called playing the field mate. In short? You are just a tool. She is going to lead you on a bunny trail that leads well...no where. Watch.


    You are over thinking it. How do I do this? How do I do that? Don't worry just be as they would say in Kung Fu Panda. You are too worried about what will be. Instead you should just focus on the present. If you are fine with this girl playing her cards on the side then very well but don't expect her to jump ship unless you got this broad like tied around your little pinky. There are plenty of single, available, and crazy broads out there that would dump their BF for you in a heartbeat. If it takes longer than say the time to mack her to the grave then you have gone too far. If you have deployed all your best tactics and tricks on her then back off and give her the classic Freeze Out. If not deploy more tactics. If you really want this broad stop acting like it, instead of going AFC go Alpha and be indifferent to the situation. Act like it doesn't matter because the more you chase and pursue the further you will push them away. The conclusion? I don't think this girl is good game. Move on and find more girls. This is why I stopped caring about hot women at work because they play games. I would rather play games with a stranger than with a chick I know I will see the next day. Just keep it fun and flirt and if she ever brings it up again let her know in a serious matter of fact you don't get down like that and if she wants it to go farther tell her she will have to tell you that up front. Essentially? Cut off all kino, flirting, Rico Suave moves and see if she picks up the torch. If not then you can safely move on without being treated like a sucker but if she does try to initiate something then you have something here. A classic Push-Pull is what you need for this girl. Push her away by being completely aloof telling her when she tries to flirt "Oh we're just friends." that should push her away and when she starts whining then you pull her in. That's the best position you can be in. Have women chasing you while you are chasing other women. This is called playing the field and any good PUA with some sense will keep his options open before getting wrapped up in the moment. Essentially you have to flirt and then not flirt like go hot and then completely cold (aloof, hey we're just friends comments, etc). So try the Push-Pull thing and the Hot & Cold thing but forget the oneitis thing by focusing on other girls (or not focusing on her but lowering her value) or you're bound to fail and will push her farther away by going more and more AFC for her.
    "It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are." -Mewtwo

  6. #6
    Xmrider is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 634, Level: 12
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Poland
    Posts
    132
    Points
    634
    Level
    12
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    35

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    There is no girl in the world for which I would go AFC. Never ever!Believe it or not I am conscious of maintaining my alpha status. Beta behavior is corrected on the go. But yes at the same time I do see that she could be potential oneitis material and this is why I do not want to fark it up. If I do oh well just as you said there is plenty of other fish in the sea.

    Concerning her flirting she only does it with me and I know that she will reinitiate the flirting as I have ignored it before however previously I have just pushed and not pulled.

    Quote Originally Posted by mackdaddyjacK View Post
    Just keep it fun and flirt and if she ever brings it up again let her know in a serious matter of fact you don't get down like that and if she wants it to go farther tell her she will have to tell you that up front
    She will bring it up as she did it already twice this year. So you are saying that the next time I should tell her to stop playing and either go serious or to back off? I wouldn't do that. I would continue push & pull until she busts.
    Make the impossible possible!

  7. #7
    Xmrider is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 634, Level: 12
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Poland
    Posts
    132
    Points
    634
    Level
    12
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    35

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    I don't know if that will change anything but analyzing her using Pandoras Box it came out that she is a connosieur.
    Make the impossible possible!

  8. #8
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 14,800, Level: 78
    Level completed: 88%, Points required for next Level: 50
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social10000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    west virginia
    Posts
    1,667
    Points
    14,800
    Level
    78
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 20 Times in 17 Posts
    Rep Power
    685

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    she says that even is she were free she finds me attractive, but she sees me as a friend and that we should be best friends. I was like WTF?!
    ah I think you've failed to see something, she wants a serious relationship with you, she's afraid you just want all fun and no future. the simple solution is to get to know her a lot better before pushing past comfort stage. I have ran into this problem a lot living in wv with all these "religious type" girls, they will show lots of interest, but put up tons of resistance when you pursue any kind of sexual (or even non-sexual) relationship, the trick is to befriend her and build that since of comfort and let her pursue a relationship with you.

    btw I think you were doing well with this girl until you lost your cat string. get her pursuing and keep her pursuing until your ready to seduce her. (for this I recommend reading the book "double your dating" by david deangelo)

    METEORA

  9. #9
    Xmrider is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 634, Level: 12
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Poland
    Posts
    132
    Points
    634
    Level
    12
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    35

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    ah I think you've failed to see something, she wants a serious relationship with you, she's afraid you just want all fun and no future. the simple solution is to get to know her a lot better before pushing past comfort stage. I have ran into this problem a lot living in wv with all these "religious type" girls, they will show lots of interest, but put up tons of resistance when you pursue any kind of sexual (or even non-sexual) relationship, the trick is to befriend her and build that since of comfort and let her pursue a relationship with you.

    btw I think you were doing well with this girl until you lost your cat string. get her pursuing and keep her pursuing until your ready to seduce her. (for this I recommend reading the book "double your dating" by david deangelo)

    METEORA
    Thanks Meteora. Actually I heard an opinion from someone else, that knows her that she wants as you said a serious relationship... but that was a female opinion which I do not necessary trust. Not that that opinion would be anyway biased, as it is coming from someone elder, but more of a misconception. I was also told that I would have to be single and then that things with her would develop naturally.
    When I try to build any sexual tension it just does not work on her and that is why I was thinking there it too much comfort, as I did progress when I should have (was in an LTR at that time). Then on the other hand I get flirting like this:
    She: Where were you?
    Me: Walking around but close by
    She: I know I felt it (big blush on her face)

    And a couple of hours later she hears a song and tells me that it reminds her of her boyfriend. I ignored her comment.

    Normally I would saying that she is playing, but I know that she does not play with other guys and only flirts with me.

    I have read De Angelo's book. Are you referring to anything in particular in his book? Most of his stuff is about Cocky & Funny which I do use, but she not that good at teasing back.

    If I understood you correctly I have to let her do the pursuing? That is not a problem for me not to lead, but can I amplify her pursuing as otherwise I will grow old before I get anywhere with her?
    Make the impossible possible!

  10. #10
    xavier's Avatar
    xavier is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 15,104, Level: 79
    Level completed: 51%, Points required for next Level: 246
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social31 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Paris, France
    Posts
    1,120
    Points
    15,104
    Level
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
    Rep Power
    667

    Default Re: Need help with a potential one it is at work

    Quote Originally Posted by Xmrider View Post
    I don't know if that will change anything but analyzing her using Pandoras Box it came out that she is a connosieur.
    I had the same situiation recently with an NDR. Pushing and pulling farked her up so I would continue with that but she 'regenerates' very quick because she unlike 99% of people finds her self esteem from inside herself and most likely has a lot of men flirt with her,and i'm serious when i say this, for her personality. So you have to keep a constant alpha frame. NEVER brake, she is as alpha as you are, if you do she will see it and take advantage of it the same second and you'll be back to ground zero and you have to out alpha her. Roll offs work wonders the most she'll be begging you to come back I promise. I'm going to spit some truth at you. What I really recommend you do though is analye her, is she really worth it? Mine had me fooled, she had such a strong frame and such self confidence that i really beleived she was all that + a piece of cake . But in the end she wasn't, she was nice and better than most but not worth all of what i did, that is the main issu she needs to see you are over trying for her. However, this doesn't have to mean go AFC.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.


Page 1 of 9 123456789 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. New gf,,. is another guy a potential problem??
    By jabu in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 10-06-2013, 06:16 PM
  2. Help With a Potential FWB
    By islander89 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 09-25-2012, 08:20 PM
  3. Should I keep a 5 with potential? LONG!
    By deepclover in forum General Questions
    Replies: 8
    Last Thread: 06-14-2012, 12:46 AM
  4. Potential BF steal
    By benz207 in forum Isolating And Pulling
    Replies: 5
    Last Thread: 04-10-2012, 05:34 PM
  5. n00b with potential?
    By n0t0riou$ in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 7
    Last Thread: 07-29-2010, 07:49 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com