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  • 1 Post By Lazarus

Thread: Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

  1. #1
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    Talking Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

    I went out with a cute and very smart chick (33 yrs old). She initially came off as a "good girl" who took things very slow. We met online and my read was that she was a very dateable woman. She is smart, attractive, witty, and funny. She also had a good job as an interior designer, and was previously married at a young age, and was divorced over 10 yrs ago. We had 3 very nice dates w great conversation. The 1st date ended in a hug, and the 2nd and 3rd dates ended with a brief kiss on the lips. The dates were fun, and she seemed into me. I made an effort to let her chase me, and tried to minimize communication b/w dates. Basically, outside of setting up the date details, I did not contact her at all. She would basically text or initiate contact almost daily. On the 4th date, we went to a very nice Brewery for food and drinks, and we headed to another bar for a few more drinks. During the date, she was getting a bunch of texts. This did not bother me, but I asked her who was contacting her. She stated it was her ex from over a year ago. Apparently, he was still involved in her life bc of the dogs. He took care of them when she was out of town, etc. She basically told me he was texting her for a picture of the dog(s), and he knew we were on our 4th date. She showed me the phone, and he was asking for a picture of an 8 lb dog. I made a joke of it, and she laughed a lot. I excused myself to the restroom, and texted her asking for a pic of the dog. She was all smiles and laughing at the table. She texted me a pic of the dog with a big LOL. I took this as an opportunity to sit on her side of the booth and initiated minimal physical contact, which was reciprocated. Apparently, her ex texted her daily, and she responded minimally. She also told me he was loser who lived in his parent's basement, was a degenerate gambler, a bar tender, and a closet coke head. Her relationship w her ex was a fairly obvious red flag. Towards the end of the date, she dropped me off at my car, and we finally started making out and she let loose some. I ended up taking her home, where we had a few more drinks. She told me she previously thought I wasn't into her b/c I never made a move on her, and I rarely contacted her in bw dates. I basically told her, I wouldn't ask her out if I didn't want to spend time w her. She also told me she told her friends about me, and she liked my physique, and she liked how I was close to my family, etc. She ended up spending the night, and we hooked up several times. These were all positive signs. She stayed and cuddled until like 9 am the next day. We obviously both had fun. When I walked her out to her car, she thought we should hang out on Monday night (this was Saturday am). I said I would text her to set-up the details. We texted sporadically on Saturday and Sunday w me initiating the communication. On Sunday, I asked her about Monday night. She stated she had girls night on Monday, and she had kind of a crazy week, so she would have to get back to me if she can figure something out. We texted some more on Monday, and again I initiated the contact. She responded timely (within 10-15 minutes of every text). On Tuesday evening, I texted her and asked her when I could see her again. Again, she responded within 15-minutes. Her response was, I'm not sure. I have some things to figure out...Sorry. I basically asked her if she wanted to talk, and said I was pretty good at listening. She said no, but thanks for the offer. I ended the conversation by saying I'm here if you need anything...talk to you later. I hadn't heard back from her by Saturday, so I decided I would give her a call. We previously only communicated via text. I just left her a message stating, give me a call when you get a chance...talk to you soon. It's been about 30-hrs, and she has not called me back. Why did she get cold on me? What is she figuring out? What is my next move, if any? Is there any way to take back the control. I really think I'm into this chick, and all of a sudden she got cold on me. Any suggestions? Thank you in advance for your help.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

    Just throwing some suggestions out there but maybe she actually wants a relationship but she thinks you only want her from sex. She might also be the type of girl that just wants to hook up and move on( no feelings or none of that). That's the only explainarion I can think of right now
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #3
    stugots32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

    Thanks for the advice. I sort of think the ex weaseled his way back in, and she doesn't really know how to tell me she's going to see how that goes. She might be confused. Some women will keep going back and forth with guys that are bad for them. I don't think she could possibly think I only want sex, when we had 3 dates w nothing more than a peck on the lips. The problem is I actually like this chick, and would be interested in dating her, then she went cold on me. Any suggestions on communication tactics?

  4. #4
    Lazarus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

    I doubt it's the ex getting back in, just from what you said about how she talked about him; unless you were simply giving your opinion about him instead of relating what she actually said. Did she actually say he was a loser and a coke-head? Or was that your interpretation of what she said? Because I seriously doubt a woman who refers to someone she hasn't "dated" in over a year as "a loser" is going to magically fall for him again.

    No. It's something else.

    I'd say either:

    1) she likes you and she got scared.
    2) she isn't that into you and she didn't plan for it to go as far as it did.
    3) she has "baggage" and she's trying to sort out her feelings for you to decide how serious she wants to be.

    I'm leaning towards 3 personally. Just my thoughts.

  5. #5
    stugots32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

    No, she didn't specifically say he was a loser. She said he had boundary issues. She did say he was a degerate gambler. Apparently, he would take a cab home drunk from the casino, and she'd have to pay for his cab bc he was flat broke and drunk. This happened 5-10 times. She said he moved in and did not contribute towards rent/bills, bc she later found out all his $ went up his nose, or he lost it playing poker. She was very clear that she wanted someone w a well established career, and other qualities that her ex did not have. I really hope it is #3. Bc, if it's a battle bw her ex and i, their is no comparison. How long should i wait to contact her again, or should I just let it go all together? Thanks for your help....i appreciate it.

  6. #6
    stugots32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

    What is my next move? How long do I wait to contact her? Should I just send her a nice confident text saying I had fun hanging out w her, and I hope she figures everything out. Feel free to contact me if things get figured out. Any ideas on timing?

  7. #7
    Lazarus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

    Honestly, I think it's pretty much out of your hands at this point. I'd just leave it to her; if you keep trying to contact her that comes off as extremely needy and will probably drive her away. Step back and go back to working on yourself. Meet other girls, explore hobbies, whatever. Just don't obsess on this one girl. Have better things to do in your life.

    She should be the icing, not the cake.

  8. #8
    stugots32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl that was into me, got cold after hooking up on 4th date.

    I decided to just leave her be, and wait for her to contact me, and go after other women. I have a 2nd date set-up with a new girl tonight. She did finally contact me today. This is her response, i'm so sorry i didn't return your call. I just don't know what to say and feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm just confused about what I really want." So, i think your option 3 from before was dead on, but she is being really vague. And, I agree it's probably not healthy to stress over this one chick, when i have plenty of options. I'm recently divorced, and have been dating for 7-8 months w alot of success, but not w a lot of dateable quality chicks, bc they all seem to have baggage or are not right in the head.


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