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Thread: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

  1. #1
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    Default Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    My best friend (who's a girl) has a younger sister who is gorgeous. She is 6 years younger than me and I've had my eye on her for a couple years. She is 20 now and this summer we all hung out at her dads place a couple weekends. I started allot of kino the first weekend and gave her the "sh1t eating grin" everytime I looked at her. I got the classic "what" statement and I knew I was in. The next time we spent the weekend at her dads I made the move. I went extremely direct and told her how beautiful she was and about other quality traits she possesses. I also told her that her sister would be angry and that I was going to have to tell her sister what was going on, and she agreed. The HB wouldn't kiss me but we were cuddling and I was kino'ing hard. She had a BF at the time and I respect that she wouldn't kiss me. She broke up with her boyfriend the next day.

    A couple days later she started school. We both go to different schools about 6 hours away but her dad lives near me. I told her sister (my best friend) about what happened and that I was going to be seeing the HB 8. My friend was totally cool that I was seeing her sister. The HB 8 LOVED that I called her sister. She thought I would NEVER do that.

    Two weeks later we hung out for a weekend. First night we basicly stared at eachother for hours. She was getting SO turned on. I made out with her and tried to escalate. She resisted allot but I knew I was in. I told her how I was going to lick every little piece of her p**** and that was it. I went down on her and she had to leave. Next night I F closed and she kept telling me how she had such a great time.

    A week later I went over to her dads place and told him I was seeing his younger daughter (I'm family friends with these people). He was fine with it. I had talked to her about this and she agreed that I would need to do this. I thought this showed HUGE balls and she NEVER thought I would actually do this.

    Two weeks later I talk to her on the phone and she makes statements like " I don't know what I want" "I'm too young for you" "I think it was just the excitement". I knew this was bad but we had a decent conversation and I talked dirty to her over the phone and she was very turned on and talking dirty back. The next day she texted me that she was "pulling the plug on us" and that she would call me later. We talked and she told me that she "didn't think she could stay committed" but that she was still very excited to see me in November when we will both be in the same city. She also heavily insinuated that she wanted to continue to hook up.

    Im totally fine with this. I realize now that a LDR for a woman her age was a mistake. I want to continue to hook up with her however, and I know its a possibility that won't happen. When we talked I told her I was fine with being just friends with benefits and that I wasn't upset with her. She answers right away when I call or calls me back as soon as she can and replys to texts very fast but doesn't initiate very often. I'm going to tell her next time we hang out that she shouldn't fall in love with me because the door is closed on anything more than being friends. I was also going to explain to her how "we" would never work and how she's too "young" for me. This stuff has worked well before and could reframe as "Im" the one that isn't interested in that. She knows I have no trouble picking up girls because her sister tells her everything about me, including my sexual exploits.

    Truth is: I really don't want a relationship now and I want to date multiple women at the same time including her. But I'm going to be seeing this girl for years to come and I want to continue to F her and later on I might want a relationship with her. I already know what I should have done at the get go (Tell her she's too young, tell her I didn't want a GF). What's your guys take on the situation?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    Here's an update guys. At first I thought this might be a sh!t test because I have never had a girl that was this interested in me do this. The last time we hung out she had the glazed over eye's "uncontrollably attracted" look. She also told me I was sweeping her off her feet.

    After reading allot on here I think I chased a little too much. Besides the fact we cannot see each other very often and that time span will chip away at attraction. I'm going no contact. I haven't talked to her in two weeks. Im going to hold out until she contacts me. I have no clue when this will be because she never initiated anyways unless we were going to see each other soon and she was telling me something relevant.

    I'm supposed to hang out with her over thanksgiving break and I'm going to do one of two things. I'm either going to call her the day before and set up a meeting or not call her at all. Wait until she contacts me and if she doesn't we wont hang out. Not a big deal. I WILL be seeing her again eventually no matter what. I'm not sure what route I will take yet. I was pretty non-reactive when I talked to her two weeks ago and I told her I would be seeing other people and we could still hang out. I know I did a good job on that convo. I'll keep you guys updated.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    look man, you did everything right! you played some ballsy game and she wants to keep hooking up.

    After reading allot on here I think I chased a little too much. Besides the fact we cannot see each other very often and that time span will chip away at attraction. I'm going no contact. I haven't talked to her in two weeks. Im going to hold out until she contacts me. I have no clue when this will be because she never initiated anyways unless we were going to see each other soon and she was telling me something relevant.
    don't read into all the crappy advice that can be found!!!!! I hate it when guys say they're going to freeze some girl out just because it may be an ok idea if a girl is completely ignoring you.

    this girl clearly likes you and wants to hook up again!

    all you have to do to win is to talk to her every now and then and hook up with her when she's around.

    so many times guys think they don't know what they're doing dispite the fact that they are doing everything right. they panic and make stupid mistakes just because they are a little unsure of themselves. don't be one of those cases!

    btw telling her she's too young for you is not a good move, when you play direct game disqualifying her like that is like shooting yourself in the foot! you can't afford to be critical towards her.

    also I want to tell you something, you already have all the tools you need to succeed! you really don't need to read into pua any more. it will only complicate things for you. stay direct and stay confident in your abilitys

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    Thanks Meteora. I agree, when I read into pua it DOES complicate things for me.

    I actually had an epiphany when I read that David X article you posted and already figured out everything I did wrong. I also figured out that I already knew what to do right and I was doing it.

    I did do some things wrong in this situation and I know EXACTLY what I did now. I haven't done anything that definitely jeopardized what I have but she has lost some interest in me. When I had that epiphany I realized what she did was the best thing possible for me. I already knew how to get any woman I wanted while being direct which feels extremely good and right. What I didn't know was how to keep the girls I truly enjoyed. Now I do, and nothing besides this would have shown me that.

    I don't think I'm going to hang out with this girl again. I don't need to. I already know everything I need to do and what I want. Walking away from this is the best thing for me because walking away is something I have to do so I can become the best I can be.

    Thanks a ton Meteora. I would like to also thank T-MAL for his super playful direct style and Cody for being straight up direct.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    but she has lost some interest in me.
    honestly, I think you can keep hooking up with this girl if you just stay in contact with her. yes the distance will cause her to go after other guys when your not in the picture, but you can still bang her whenever she's around. I don't think you've lost her.

    btw I forgot to mention that I love how you racked up the sexual tension right before you closed, that's how the pros do it

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    I want to post an update to this so you can all learn from my mistakes.

    I did contact this girl three days after our phone call because I went to a place with my class that her sister, her and I frequented this summer. I texted a photo to her and her sister. I instantly got a reply. I then went no contact for three weeks and texted her again. I got a very quick reply but with no smileys. I responded with a playful flirty text and she responded very fast again but no smileys on her part. I responded one more time and she never responded (first time that's ever happened). I was thrown off by the lack of smileys on her part because she was the type of girl that would throw multiple ones in her texts. I then read Meteora's advice and regained confidence in the situation. A week later I called her and got no awnser and she never called me back (Again, first time this has happened). My b-day was a week after this and she texted me a happy b-day. I replied thanks (her name)! That was it.

    That was the last time we had any contact. I was getting the picture that she, in fact, was not interested in seeing me again so I went no contact. Thanksgiving break came and went and I didn't contact her. Same with x-mas break. I didn't hear from her either. Then this last weekend she came up to see her dad with her sister. I was already over her at this point but I was thinking that I could gage her interest when I saw her since I can read her like a book. Well I hung out with her sister but I didn't even see the HB! The HB did not contact me and my friend told me that the HB had "a couple" guys up here and she got dropped off at their houses two nights in a row and that she spent the night at one of their houses. I was unaware this girl even knew anybody in my city. In the past she never went and hung out with "friends" in my city and elected to spend time with myself and her sister instead. I thought I was already over her but his was like a punch in the gut for me. I did not let my friend know this however and played it cool.

    There's two possible scenario's however. 1. I told her if I started seeing someone I wouldn't hang out with her. I tell my friend everything which I'm sure she tells the hb. I have been seeing a few women since then and I did not contact her when she knew I was home so she went and hung out with some guys and didn't contact me when she was in my city. She knows damn well her sister told me she was hanging out with guys. It's possible because she's young and young girls will do this. Probability 10%.

    2. When I talked to her on the phone and she "broke" up with me she never intended to hang out with me again. The "I can't stay committed line, but I'm still excited to see you in November" along with insinuating she wanted to continue to hook up was her letting me "down easy". Either that or she somewhat meant it but I wasn't as non-reactive as I thought. I originally thought it was this scenario and I should have followed my gut and went completely no contact until thanksgiving then called her or went no contact at all until I see her in person. Probability 90%.

    What I learned from this:

    1. Read between the lines and follow your gut. I don't think I acted needy or desperate after this because I really haven't contacted her allot which is a plus. However, I maybe could have hung out with her if I went completely no contact and called her at break. She might have ignored the call but I wouldn't have lost any value since I didn't contact her, and 1 phone call 6 weeks later isn't an issue.

    2. Don't follow a womans advive ever! I talk to my sister allot and when things unfolded I told my sister I was going to tell her "Listen we live far away. You just got out of a serious relationship. Your in college, go have fun and spread your wings. We will hang out together when we can." I truly believed this and had this mindset. My sister told me that wasn't a good idea and that the hb might think that I don't care about her. I followed her advice and it actually changed my mindset. This had me invest more than her. Bad.

    3. Believe in yourself! I did allot of things right and I had the right mindset. I would have done everything correct if I didn't listen to others! I already knew what to do!

    4. Women always test you, even if they are hopelessly attracted like this girl was. As soon as I invested more than her and my mindset changed I failed some of her tests. These tests were to see what I thought of the relationship and what I wanted. I subconsciously pushed for a relationship and she felt it. If I would have stayed with my original mindset I would have passed these tests with flying colors.

    There you have it. Sorry for the length but typing my situation will help me get over it(which I thought I already was). Learn from this guys! It was a great learning experience for me, so I'm glad for that. Anyone that want's to criticize my situation or share some insights is welcome.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    3. Believe in yourself! I did allot of things right and I had the right mindset. I would have done everything correct if I didn't listen to others! I already knew what to do!
    this is something every reader should take away from reading this. it all comes down to inner game. you've got to believe in yourself.
    this reminds me of a famous quote,
    "whether you say I can or I can't, your right"- henry ford
    what he means by this is that how you feel about what you're doing will often determine how successful you are at it.

    if you keep telling yourself that you're doing things wrong then something will go wrong.

    if you keep telling yourself that things will go right, oftentimes they will.

    positive self talk can often make the difference between success and failure.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    This is all really interesting and RESONANT with me. I think we've all been here. But what comes across as obvious to me is that you really CARED for this girl and got sucked in. You let your emotions dictate your actions. Again, i think we're most of us guilty of this at some point or another. We ignore our screaming intuitions... even as they warn us. Its good that you've learned from this mistake and smart that youve decided to let it go.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Got HB 8 then possibly lost her: a cationary tale.

    I agree serialseducer. That's why I have not contacted her since she wished me a happy b-day. In the past I would have let my emotions dictate my actions and call her over thanksgiving break to try and hang out. That's what I wanted to do, but I ignored that and listened to my intuition which told me it was a bad idea.

    Meteora- You are totally right. I had the mindset that I was doing everything right until I invested too much and that's when I failed. Even when it got to the point it did and she ended it I'm sure I could have gotten something out of it if I had the right mindset. She didn't completely ignore me so I believe there was still a little interest there, but I already invested too much and would have screwed it up anyways. That's why I decided to let it go and not contact her at all. That was the best thing, especially since I will be seeing her for years to come.


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