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  1. #1
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Playing the game for the wrong reason?

    I realized I'm on the wrong track, and wanted to kindly ask you guys if you'd give me some pointers, ass-kicking, comforting words or whatever you feel would help. Don't spare me.

    I've been in a pretty great relationship for 7 years. A couple of months ago we went through a sh1tty break-up (she's now banging a guy I used to concider a good friend). I've never been a player, had 3 gfs in my life and I can do perfectly well on my own (have lots of hobbies, a band, like doing stuff on my own, don't get lonely easily). So I'm not in a hurry to move on. However...

    After the breakup, I took some time to get my ego from the ground and I intended to go and up my experience. 3 girls in a lifetime is a depressingly low number and I'm sure I can do better. I've always been pretty comfy around people but not so much about intimacy. The discovery of all you guys, these forums and all the methodology really inspired me, and I've been reading up like a maniac. The time is starting to come to get out there and get my ass kicked and then hopefully get laid.

    However, my self-esteem is still pretty much at an all time low. And yesterday I realized that I might be in this for the wrong reason, and indeed, things just aren't working out (yet?). I really hate the idea that I'm the only one in the (my) world who isn't getting laid. And sometimes I think it really would jump-start my whole world, ego and life again. I'm not hung up on my exgf (I realize it may sound like that), although sometimes I feel anger about the way it all turned out. I might be hung up on my frustration (about not being a player and being hurt in a good relationship), so playing the game seems like a valid (or even: the only) way out. Except that when you say it out loud, it's the sh1ttiest place to come from.

    And that again sinks my confidence back to a level where I don't even want to present myself to girls...

    tl;dr: I wouldn't want a new GF, a relationship or whatever. But I don't want to go years after a breakup without any... Is not wanting to be a loser the bad reason to be in this? What to replace this with? And how?

  2. #2
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Playing the game for the wrong reason?

    So I assume your definition of the loser is that he is a person who doesn't have a gf and/or can't get laid.

    To be in the game to have a kickass gf or bang countless chicks or doing both are perfectly valid reasons, if that's what you're asking.

    But labeling yourself as a loser just because you can't have a gf and/or get laid is a self-destructing mindset.

    In my opinion, you just need to motivate yourself not by trying not to be a loser but by trying to face your fears and constantly forging yourself into a better man.

    You might say that these two are the same things, but hella no. Your definition of the PUA journey relies on the final outcome, although mine relies on the process and the progress.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

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