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Thread: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed away

  1. #1
    BigRed is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Help? Increasing attraction/meetup with a woman who I may have pushed away

    This will be my first thread and is kind of a off-shoot of Hopeful33's "I can't get girl reply anything new" from the How to Text forums.

    So the overview of the situation is that I am attracted and interested in a relationship with a fellow servicemember that I am stationed with. I've seen her around a lot for a year and she lives in the building next to mine. She just started volunteering in my section about three months ago.

    We are both active Christians and a LTR is my ultimate goal while still being true to our beliefs.

    Aside from a brief introduction to her, our first interaction was in the dining facility where we both eat. She came up to me and asked me to join her and two mutual servicemembers for dinner. This was very unexpected and through talking we discovered that we had both been stationed together previously a few years prior and never knew it.

    She came by my office about a week later and we spoke a bit and I asked her for her number which she gladly gave and then asked her to dinner. She texted me that evening and we had another great time.
    So I am thinking, hey she is amazing and Iíd like to go and spend more time with her and find more things in common and see where it goes. The problem I run into with her is that she tries to keep busy outside of work and itís been hard for her to agree on times to meet up.

    I ran into her on a day off during lunch shortly and asked her to hang out that weekend and she offered the idea of going out to a nearby city to explore.

    This is where I think I really messed upÖ
    The day of we both changed the plans and she instead invited me to one of the churches her friend was preaching at. She was out most of the day and when she returned we started exchanging texts about when/where to meet up.

    HER: Im on post

    ME: Excellente
    Still planning on going?
    I want to hang out with you still if its too late for going off post.

    HER: Yeah im going
    Im not sure how long service is

    ME: Started at 1730 right?

    HER: And im not on leave lol not hanging out late

    ME: :P I'm not talking about all hours of the night, just a walk or sit down at the px

    HER: I dont stay out late knowing i work the next morning lol

    ME: Nothing extravagant, were not going on a fancy date at the Waldorf haha
    I need my beauty sleep too, leave immaterial

    HER: Lol let me clarify i be in bed NLT 9pm

    ME: Yes ma'am, we can't have your cant have you turn into a pumpkin

    ME: Wooah "we can't have you turn into a pumpkin"
    And I don't want to have to worry about any fathers cleaning their gun

    HER: Service ends at late i just want you to keep that in mind....dont want to be a party pooper but i honestly dont like hanging out past 8 knowing i have to work the next morning...is not an excuse..its just how i am...this is only an exception because my friend is preaching

    ME: I understand, I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable either. I just am looking to find time to get to get to know you. I'm very impressed so far and think we share a lot in common
    I don't intend on making this awkward :P

    HER: Oh i see..keep in mind, although im flattered im right now keeping my focus on God...i really dont have the time to be trying to get to know guys...i dont want to come off harsh but im really trying to find the time on helping others and help myself and do what God needs of me...thats all i have to give right now...

    ME: That's not harsh, it's honesty
    I respect that completely

    HER: In other words dont hang out with me tonight if the entire focus isnt on God and this service, please...
    Im about to leave if you still want to come

    ME: I still want to go

    She picks me up and I tell her that all of that texting would have been better discussed on the phone. I think the key mistake I made was not defining the relationship as romantic. I didnít deny or admit to any romantic interest, I just firmly stated that my intention for the evening was to worship and not just to hang out. In all honesty it was, she was the first person here thatís really cared enough about my faith to invite me out to a nearby church.

    Since then Iíve been added to her daily text devotional group and it feels like the one-on-one texting has reduced greatly. I am finding that I am initiating and not able to sustain interest.

    I started my PUA research last week and tried to hang out with her another time. I ended up having an interaction with her during work. There was a last second save I had to make for a class she was teaching. Here is how it played out:

    ME: I'm not saying I'm a hero...
    But you owe me dinner now

    HER: Lol what?

    ME: It will give you a chance to tell me how the class went, I'm sure you've got stories

    HER: Haha i do!
    Tomorrow lets do lunch?
    Please remind me though

    ME: Tomorrows not good for me, I'm free most of today though

    HER: I cant today, i have bible study right now followed by helping a friend with some stuff


    I think I messed up here as well, I did a freeze out for 3 days after her last messageÖ From what I know now, I should have agreed to it. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing by not budging from the plans I had made in hopes that she would accept thereby changing my frame.
    Since then I have tried a couple techniques I learned from this forum:

    ME: Hey dorkbutt, where's today's devotional?

    HER: Thanks for reminding me
    It's not easy having a busier schedule than Michelle Obama

    ME: Lol

    (Last night I sent this, trying the nickname/cliffhanger)
    ME: hope you're ready for tomorrow nightingale...
    (No response as of tonight)

    So the big question from all of this is: How do I regain her interest? I donít feel like weíve had that much interaction yet and that it could still be salvaged. I genuinely like her and want to have a LTR. I know itís oneitis but I want to give it the best chance I can.

    Thanks for reading this, I know most wonít due to lengthÖ I just didnít know how to convey my ultimate point without the backstory. If anyone is super-interested in helping me out, I can provide the whole text history to see if there was anything else that I messed up on or did exceptionally well with.

    -BigRed

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    You seem to come of a bit eager to push things ahead.
    The God excuse was a christain iodis
    She likes you but you need to follow a structure
    Call her up and then ask her how she is fairing(yep).and tell her the next time she has meeting she could invite you.

    Or follow her to meetings.3 times max.within those wil work to turn things around.

    Either ways it could take seven days max.if nail structures,etc..

  3. #3
    BigRed is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    HardRock,

    Thanks for your reply, what do you mean by following a structure? I should just do a generic "how are you doing?" On the phone vs in person?

  4. #4
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    'How did the day go.'
    things pertaining to your dynamic.
    On the phone.

  5. #5
    BigRed is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    Well it's been a few days and it's still challenging...

    I've initiated a few more times and have gotten response most of the time. Still doesn't feel like I'm saying the right things. This morning I tried to set-up a meetup for tonight:

    "Can you meet me this evening sometime afterword and before you go into hibernation?"

    <no reply>

    I tried making it sound as non-needy as I could. I also threw in an inside joke with the hibernation bit.

    I was hoping to meet up with her and put her in the friend zone since this has been dragging on a while... Any thoughts?

    *MODS* Tech question, is there a way I can change this post title to match the header in the post? It's driving me nuts! I submitted it before I could correct the bad grammar.

  6. #6
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    One on one here may come a bit off, go with the church meetings.
    Avoid asking a woman out repeatedly that may communicate low value.
    Invite her for a meeting or go with her to one of programs.on the way there and when you close is a shot.you may run game

  7. #7
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    One on one here may come a bit off, go with the church meetings.
    Avoid asking a woman out to no avail yet repeatedly that may communicate low value.
    Invite her for a meeting or go with her to one of programs.on the way there and when you close is a shot.you may run game

  8. #8
    BigRed is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    I was thinking about this today. I've gone 3 days without contact and intend on continuing for a bit longer. However, I want to start messaging in the daily devotional text she sends to about 12 people. This serves a few purposes: 1) I can ease my frustration in knowing that she sends that text out but not replying to mine. 2) I can build rapport and comfortability without directly talking to her, 3) I can interact with new people and make new like minded connections.

    Does this rationale pass the test? It sounds like a win all around in the sense that at the very least I'll be on her mind while I grow in my faith.

  9. #9
    NoctisCaelumPUA's Avatar
    NoctisCaelumPUA is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    Enjoyed reading but I have a little bit of bad news before I deliver the good news. The bad news is she is not that into and you are kind of fighting a losing battle to getting stuck in the Friend Zone or No Man's Land (Her never responding/silent treatment). The good news is she is still keeping you around and wants to see what you are made of so you HAVEN'T BEEN REJECTED yet.

    A few things before I get to your questions. I have tried my run with Church girls and they are a hassle. In fact it was such a hassle it caused me to get into The Game to begin with. Long story short my friend said right before Church "The girls don't want you talking to them, approaching them, or touching them." This was back when I was running Natural Game and got the shaft and in fact had the worst thing happened to me that can ever happen to a male "Not be pre-selected" (most emotionally damaging) Mystery Method has a little speech about Pre-Selection and the girls decided I was not pre-selected it was so dirty it almost scared me for life. Why the girls would tell all the guys that and all the girls that I don't know.

    Well I bounced back but not in the way you would expect. I decided "maybe these Church girls ain't feeling me." I was right they weren't. Went up in the Clubs and Bars and now they love me again. My touch is now refined and my game is coming together very well. Not only did this rid me of the Oneitis feeling of rushing into Marriage (scarcity mindset/desperation) but it also helped me realize what is most important to me in life.

    It was a hard road but I was the biggest douche in Church making a fool of myself. Not at liberty to discuss at the moment what happened as it was very shady stuff but in the end I leave Church for Church and I still go but not to pick up chicks. I leave that for Gametime in the Clubs, Bars, Water Parks, Amusement Parks, Holiday Events, Pool Parties, and Outdoor Malls my new target rich locals for meeting broads. And it caused my game to hit a new level. Like a ethereal plane or something.

    My Story
    It is unique to hear and while I am too looking for an LTR not until I finish my Outer Game 8 year project. Then when I hit 38 yrs old I will be ready to start seriously seeing someone until then I will live my dreams. I went back to Church and I will start approaching girls again there but very very selectively and only for fun for now as I am not currently ready for an LTR. But I really feel confident as the girls at Church have been flirting with me and asking about me so I may make a move but just for the experience of how to work it with the Church girls since they tend to be more judgemental.

    Your Story
    You are in a bit of a Never Ending Story here. A lot of good content and seems like you have a long road ahead with this girl but the key here is don't pay attention to WHAT SHE SAYS but what she does. She said "I am only focused on God blah blah blah" but she is hanging out with you which is a IOI and she was laughing at something you said which shows another IOI after she just gave you that speech then started having fun. Obviously indicating interest in a relationship. BUt the key you have to remember is what women say. The reason she said "Only if you are going for God and not me" is because you were coming on too strong dude. She is getting turned off and using a scapegoat to keep you around but also shut you out. You need to be more mellow and go with the flow kind of guy. If I met a Church girl I would probably roll out differently than I used to being needy and all that crap.
    101 Sets, 30 #'s, 4 K-closes, 1 Date, 1 Bar Pull. My next adventure starts Summer 2014 at the Brewfest, Water Park, Bars, Clubs, etc. Getting Hotels now to prevent driving drunk so really only 2-3 times a month doing Night Game June-Oct. Lots of Day Game.

  10. #10
    BigRed is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: AFC needing with attraction/meetup with woman who I may have pushed awa

    Great response Noctis! Thank you for sharing a bit of your story, it definitely sounds like it's a tightrope walk with dating within Church.

    Not sure if I was exactly clear, but I do attend Church for my spirituality. That day was no excuse. I realize that she was just putting up a defense by saying that to ensure I was genuine, which is smart. I'm sure she's had men in her life that didn't treat her or values right.

    Thanks for pointing out some of the IOI's. You make a good point, I HAVE been able to create some attraction but I also knocked myself back a few steps too.

    My takeaway so far is consistent with what I've heard and read elsewhere: I just ease back the contact and intensity. I haven't had contact with her for 4 days outside of the daily devotional text she sends out. This Sunday though I will almost definitely run into her at my normal Church, no need to pressure her with additional meetup invites. When I interact I'll practice what I've been learning. I will keep in mind to watch her behavior and attitude. We have really good interaction in person, it's just getting to be together in person that's been hard.

    So again, thanks for the advice!

    Any thoughts on contributing to the devotional text she sends? Not to speak to her directly, just for her to have visibility while I interact with other believers.


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