About six months ago a girl I work with made a pass at me on a night out. I knocked her back because she was very drunk and I knew she had a serious, co-habiting boyfriend.
But as of about one month ago, she doesn't. And it wasn't long before she and I started fooling around a little. Lots of making out and touching, but no sex yet.
She was sick for about 3 weeks and only just got better this week, so we hadn't seen each other socially for a while.
On Thursday she was telling me how she'd missed me when she was sick (even though we'd seen each other at work) and she invited myself and two other co-workers around to her place for drinks last night.
At one point she was berating me for not drinking fast enough and she said, "You want to stay sober for the night you - " then stopped herself and let out an embarrassed, naughty smile. I'm pretty sure the end of the sentence was something like, "...bang the sh1t out of me."
We hung out at hers for a while then decided to go out. I had two beers left in her fridge, so I got put them in my bag and picked up my bag. When she saw I had my bag on my back she looked all bothered and said, "Why are you taking your bag? Aren't you staying here tonight?" I said that yes I was, but that I was taking beer out with me.
So, three of us went to a club. It was packed, no room to dance. I think we were only there for a little over an hour then we went and sat outside for a bit. The other friend went home then this girl and I started heading back to her place.
Then the excessive flip-flopping began.
We'd stop to kiss and whatnot and she starts with all kinds of sh1t like...
"Do you like me?" - she's done this before. Turns this simple question into an unnecessary arguement.
"We shouldn't be doing this... I only just broke up with my ex..."
But whatever, we were still all over each other. At one point she was sat in front of me between my legs and I decided to try biting her, pretty hard, on the back of her neck. She liked that a lot. I think a few passers by noticed just how much she liked that.
But then she starts saying, "You know... I think I'm going to go home... I'll see you tomorrow maybe..."
She makes to wander off again and again then keeps yoyoing back to me and kissing me and kinda taking my hand and pulling me along with her then letting go and waving me off and... on and on and on...
Eventually I just got bored and went, "Okay bye." walked off and didn't look back.
About 20-25 minutes later I'm getting on my bus home and she calls me...
"I'm just getting in my bed, but something's missing..."
"Oh really? What's missing?"
We talked for about five minutes. I don't remember the exact details, but I think I made it clear that it wasn't too late to make up her mind. She didn't make up her mind though, so I stayed on the bus and went home.
So, I realise that this kind of flip-flopping isn't unusual with women, but with this one it's excessive. It's not just with me, or even just with men. Her best friend has told me that it always takes a long time to get her home when she's drunk because you can't just get her to... y'know... COME ON! She'll want to stop for all kinds of stupid reasons, stupid sh1t will distract her, she'll wander off in some random direction... and so on.
I've experienced this myself and have also sen first-hand how her best friend deals with it. She just walks off ahead at a quick pace because waiting for the dawdler only makes things worse. If you don't wait for her, she'll eventually catch up.
By walking away I guess I gave her the message that I won't be strung along (pretty sure both her ex-boyfriends would and were all the time, which is partly why she has this habit), but still, it didn't get me any sex last night.
It did occur to me today that I could have walked away towards HER place. That would have been decisive and could have led to sex, I think. But it also could have led to more tedious bullsh1t.
I really want to crack down on the tedious bullsh1t, so I have in mind to talk to her about it, addressing these three key points
1) Under no circumstances is she under any pressure or obligation from me.
2) It's okay to be insecure, uncertain etc.
3) But this sh1t is excessive. It goes beyond insecurity and becomes about manipulation and control. I'm not interested in that. That's why I've walked away. That's why I will soon walk away for good if she doesn't drop it.
So, did I do the right thing last night?
What could I have done instead?
Is talking to her in the way I have in mind a good idea?
What else can I do to stop her being such a yo-yo?