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Thread: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

  1. #11
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    i like the logic there. to expand, if she tells you a time she's free, even indirectly, she helps plan the date, which is an investment. all investment, no matter how small, is good because the more work she puts in (invests) the harder it is to walk away. i hadn't thought of that.

    another question, is there a time of day thats better to text? both her and in general?
    if it makes a difference she works evenings b/c she keeps the day open so she can audition, film, etc

  2. #12
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    Definitely no best time to text. Text when you are free unless such a weird hour of night it could confuse her.

  3. #13
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    really? i guess it was my overthinking then but i always worried it was too early or too late. are you sure theres not too early? 9, 10, 11?

  4. #14
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    whats your take on subconscious signals like pointing your feet at someone or mirroring? theres a girl in my improv class who id go for but i never have any idea whats in her head. her arms are always crossed, which may be just more comfortable. yesterday for the first time her feet seemed to point to me a lot, i noticed a distinct change in when she started. there was some sexual banter but that was part of out scenes, the class was about making innocuous statements and turning them into funny scenes and we got partnered. when it was her turn, she went sexual several times (we did it a lot) but she also frequently went with telling me its not going to happen. I'm going to her party tomorrow night and i was surprised she invited me at the time b/c i thought she wasn't a fan. not necessarily didn't like me, just not nothing me and wouldn't want to bother. she was close with the girls, real feminist type, and i was surprised that some girls didn't know. she also told me she'd send me a link to the facebook page for the party and the next day i messaged her asking for the info and 3 days later she messaged me the info privately with an emoticon smiley.
    in general, she talks to me when we are alone or close to it but she usually stops or talks to everyone else as much as possible.

    everything in person did happen last night. i know she single, or at least was last week, b/c while a few weeks ago i overheard her telling some girls in class about a good date she went on and IF she called him she'd go out again and a week or so ago she posted online about trying to make eyes with the cutie at starbucks.

    whats your take on the body language, which last night seemed to contradict itself, and what would you do about her?

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    Don't overthink what she's doing with other guys. She's doing with guys what you're doing with girls. Her telling you it's not going to happen is great. That means she was thinking about sleeping with you, which means you're a step closer to sleeping with her.

    I don't concern myself too much with body language. If it's bad, I know to build more attraction. If it's good, I know to focus on investment and comfort.

    Did I answer everything?

  6. #16
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    the other guys thing was just to tell you what i know about her dating life.

    the sexual comments, including the no, were all part of practice scenes. is that still a good sign? my first instinct is yes, just that the public silence and seeming indifference outside of scene work makes me wonder.

    with the body language, i do generally overthink it, and I'm working on that. the reason i still wanted know about this one is, except for her arms, everything noticeably changed for the better. i know make-up is generally a very positive one and her feet, at a certain point, were almost consistently pointed at me. could the fact that her arms were almost alway crossed and legs often crossed/uncrossed be purely for comfort or is it still body language. i know over thinking, its the contradiction part thats bugging me.

    the last thing is just i was wondering your general take on the party invite.

    btw, on an unrelated note, if you could give your take on this link i accidentally interfered with my friend pursuing a girl he was into. i think she was actually looking at me but i can't in good conscious not help. if you read it you will understand. it is under the miscellaneous advice, members lounge and titled "I accidentally blew it for my best friend and i need help fixing it"
    i would appreciate it. i messed up for a friend but i have a window to fix it. I'm looking for help.

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    Cool . About to go into the club, so I'll read the other thread tomorrow.

    Very possible she's easily cold or insecure. As far as the scene, she was trying to find what would be funny. I would have to see it to be sure. I never talk too sexually, but fun bits like "I love it when you talk dirty to me" are great if she says something that could be interpreted sexually.

    Not a fan of parties in general. I'd rather be in isolation with her than a social function with her. If you have a sex location at party, much better. I'd rather invite her out for drinks, but if party is the best chance of seeing her and getting her to see you, then work with what you've got.

  8. #18
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    I've never had an opportunity to ask her for drinks but the party is at her place

    im not a party guy either, I'm not good in crowds. i figure the practice will help and if i meet a cool girl there...
    I've never actually heard her preaching feminist stuff but but I've seen her post that stuff online. i figure she must have a lot of female friends to have those opinions and if nothing else, maybe i stay late and help clean up

  9. #19
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    I missed where the feminism stuff came from. Did you mention that earlier ? If it's her party, that's great. You'll likely have to make friends with other people. If she's hosting, she'll be going around during the night meeting everyone. Stay Til the end, and everything should work itself out.

  10. #20
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    ok, i just got back from the party (at 2 am, having left her house 20 min ago) and I'm confused. idk what to make of it. is this just friendly or was it more. I'm very thrown.

    the party started at 9:30 and i got there at 10:15, fashionably late. i wasn't last but the party had been well started. she seemed surprisingly happy to see me, but given that she usually nothings me, that doesn't mean much. when i got there and she buzzed me in (idk if this means anything, as i don't get invited to many parties) i didn't even say my name. i just said hey and she immediately buzzed me up and she waited for me at the door. i don't remember if she hugged me or grabbed my arm or what she did but i don't think it was nothing. she said something like I'm sooo glad you made it, let me introduce you, etc. nothing was insincere. I've seen her act. she's talented but i watch actors (professional, amateur, and her) enough to have an idea if someone is putting on a show.

    she started introducing me to a bunch of her friends, so far i only knew 1 person there but there were a lot and she gave up after like 5 or 6 of her friends and her sister. I'm told that its really good if someone introduces you to their friends, only thing better is their family. i doubt this counts but i really don't know considering I'm the only person i [literally] saw being introduced around. i use the qualifier literally b/c i assume that, in the beginning, if someone didn't know someone she introduced them. i was also outside when some people came in, though i doubt i was out long enough for introductions but who knows. also i know that there was a couple that came and weren't introduced but she could have also just decide with me there were too many people to try to do introductions and people should do it themselves. i think she did say that to me when she gave up with me, so maybe she gave up on even doing a couple introductions.

    there were a bunch of cute girls there (less than id expected, enough to try something) but unfortunately i choked a little and nothing came across as flirting, i think. also, my current medicine prevents me from drinking alcohol and causes dry mouth so when i got there my mouth got so dry so quick that i almost immediately sounded drunk off my ass. i think i covered well though, when she introduced me to her roommate and then left, her roommate offered me a drink i said it so quick and dry mouthed the words ran together so bad i had to repeat and say slower no thank you. then i covered and told her i came from another party and already had a bit to much to drink, then smirked a bit. she smiled and kinda chuckle/laughed and asked if i wanted some water. i made a joke about my i probably should and my needing sobering up. there was a joke i made to her hot sister but i think it came across as more creepy, she clearly forgot about it quickly but i kinda lost it after that.

    i had a hard time talking to people and was a little overwhelmed so i decided to stop trying to make conversation with the women who clearly weren't having it anyway (katelyn was too busy talking to people and i decided it was best to give her space and let her come to me if at all. i figured id look bad trying navigate the crowd and desperate if anyone made the obvious guess why, not to mention the fact that i was having difficulty talking in general and would look pretty bad in general) and i started to talk to the guys, who were friendly. she had a bunch of guys (at this point just gay guys, if thats relevant to how i come across to the people who saw me) and i ended up talking to them for quite a while. they were nice and their careers/schooling was a former hobby of mine so it was easy to connect with them and we talked for a while. the reason I'm emphasizing this is b/c i know that everyone says that in social situations you should let the girls see you talk to other people. i can't remember if it was specific if it was just girls or not. we went outside for a little while cause the apt was warm and we needed fresh air.

    idk if my specifying their sexuality came across as my caring so i just want to say, on a side note, i couldn't care less. as far as I'm concerned to each his own. I'm not for or against, i just don't give a damn. its their business, not mine or anyone else's. the only reason i brought it up is because the books say SOMETHING about making sure girls see you socialize. i liked talking to them anyways so whatever you say here isn't actually relevant, its more a mild curiosity, but i don't remember what the book said and if it was just other girls idk. though I'm betting that its just seeing you talk to people as a people person. also considering how much the girls there liked them, it can only help, right?

    when i came inside i saw some people i knew showed up so i talked to them for a while and we got closer. the girl who threw the party, thats confusing me (katelyn, so i can save typing and confusion later), was close to them so she joined us shortly after i did. then the tinder conversation started. katelyn is real into tinder and a girl that i was talking to had a date from tinder on sunday so katelyn started asking about it. katelyn may have said she did too, i dot recall. the way katelyn talked, i get the feeling its less about the guys she's talking and more about the prospect of meeting someone. i think she definitely wants a relationship.

    after that i started talking to her sister and her sisters friend. lately and her sister brought up how crazy close they were and how they were the best sisters and how everybody says that but they were actually true. her sister and friend are both still in school. i don't know the age of her sister but I'm guessing the same as the friend who was about 2 years younger than me. katelyn is i think 3 years older than me, while I'm on the subject. anyway we talked about school and i became friends with the friend and so on. then everyone kinda gathered near us till the party died down. the sisters friend is a boy, i forgot to mention. they didn't say wether or not they were dating, and the way i left makes this relevant.

    eventually the only people left were me katelyn, her roommate, her sister, and her sisters friend. my plan was to offer to help clean up but it became clear that they weren't planning to do any real cleaning, at best stacking the cups and blowing out the remaining candles. i felt if i offered id look needy. when the last person, aside from me and that guy, left katelyn said to me (not the guy) "are you leaving to?" it was definitely not forced or anything, it seemed like she asked cause it looked like everyone was leaving and not like she was trying to get rid of me. still, it felt like i should "punish" her so i said something like "i wasn't, why, should i be taking a hint or something?" with a smirk. she scrambled with the no's, it just looked like everyone was going, etc. then we talked for a few more moments about nothing special but her roommate was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch and i got the sense that she was done and ready for the apt to be empty. the main reason i hadn't left yet was cause that guy was there and so was her sister and i thought the party wasn't done yet. there was also the small hope that "something" could happen with someone. it occurred to me at that moment that the sister may be staying there that night and what if the boy was with the sister and staying there or he was with her and they were gonna leave together but the crazy close sisters wanted be together longer or something. i decided it was better that i go before they had the chance to ACTUALLY be sick of me. i got the distinct vibe that they weren't there yet but if i didn't leave soon, they might be. everybody kept their coats in katelyns room she led me in to get mine. there were 2 things on the bed so she said (i get the impression for the sole purpose of just to keep taking) "which is yours, oh wait this is mine," she paused so i joked "well, it sure aint mine" i chuckled "oooh, you don't want this beautiful scarf, fine, "she said, jokingly, curtly, "i'll keep it for myself" we left her room and she promptly hugged me, kinda tight, and said "I'm so glad you were able to make it tonight"
    i held her back. i definitely didn't hold on longer. we either let go at the same time or i let go first barely. she caught me by surprise and I'm not touchy feely. i know that if i didn't hug her back, thats bad. i know if i let go to quick, thats friends. the hug didn't feel long, to me, but i also know that I'm no good at gauging it, usually going for longer, and i thing it was a long one for a not socially awkward person. after we let go she said see you in class on wednesday. i said bye, the others there said bye so i said bye then she sad byes again so i said byes again and she may have did one more but i can't remember.

    I'm not good at social interaction in general so i was really hoping you could break this down. i wrote below what i really need help with and what i think would be easiest for us both but truth be told, I'm so confused by tonight, id be grateful even if you just wrote a sentence.

    the things i think i have trouble with are what i did well, what i need to do different, what other people did that was good, what other people did that was a bad sign, and what I'm overanalyzing. since this one is so long, i went through it and broke it into different paragraphs b/c i figure the easiest way for you to do it and me to understand what you say is if your notes were broken down by those same paragraphs. that way theres less you need to type and its easier to keep both our thoughts organized.


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