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Thread: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

  1. #1
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    a week or so ago i had a seminar at second city. basically a mock audition. while i was there i saw this cute girl so i sat next to her. i was a couple minutes late so i asked what i missed to start a dialogue but it was pretty short. after her turn we talked about what happened for a second then she left. i sat for a little but i had a good hour before i had to be back so i went to the starbucks downstairs for a snack. she was sitting there. the only open table was next to her (i was worried sheíd think i followed her so i was hesitant but i decided id waited a while so there was no logical reason for it) as i sat down she started a conversation with me. we talked a while and she seemed impressed by my background and when i asked hers she seemed hesitant to tell me her ONLY background was in theatre. we talked and joked and she seemed unable to decide if she wanted to look me in the eyes. she kept quickly switching between me and the ground. she seemed shy. we had an hour so after a while she started going on twitter on her phone. she repeatedly apologized because she was addicted to twitter and couldnít stop. at starbucks i got her number b/c the guy spelled her name funny on the cup and she wanted a pic but she didnít want him to see her take it so i took it and texted it to her. we spent the whole time, pretty much, chatting between the times we had to be quiet or separated. i guessed a bunch of stuff about her and only got one wrong (Iím told that that shows her i get her) and when i guessed travel and she talked about it (once she got started she started determinedly listing all the places sheís been) i did that thing where you give her a look that says she impressed me, now Iím interested. i really was impressed so she shouldnít have sensed any kind of lie. the way she talked about it, she seemed like she was hesitant to talk about it. she seemed embarrassed and like she didnít want to look bad. once i did that look thing, she picked up steam quickly.

    I dont know if you read Vin DiCarlos PANDORAS BOX (I strongly recommend it because it has a very good take on pick up, that in my experience has yet to profile a woman wrong and its a good thing for your podcast) but if you have, i think she was a connoisseur. That means she likes to invest in the guy before something happens. she doesn't like to talk sex, preferring to deny that she has sex over shrugging it off "its just sex, who cares". she is a realist meaning she focus's on career and doesnt think about family fantasies. she accepts that guys like sex and cares more about being special to her "boyfriend" (its quoted cause she doesnt take labels) then being monogamous. the investor-denier-realist is the take from VIN DICARLO not me but every time i use this book, it seems to be dead on. i didn't get enough info about for my analysis of her to be fool proof but it feels right.

    she chuckled at almost all my jokes. her chuckles sounded sincere b/c there were a few times she seemed to be less interested and her chuckle sounded different. at the end i told her we should hang out and she said ya, definitely, i dont really remember it was essentially a [hesitantly excited] yes. I told her i have her number, ill call her.
    at one point early on i asked if she was on facebook and she quickly said no. Im pretty sure i found her, though aside from changing 2 pics, she hasnít posted anything in a long while. its possible she said no cause she doesnt use it (doesnt want me to rely on it?).

    At the end of class she made a call that didn't sound like business. I heard almost none of it so it may not be her bf. it coulda been family or the friend she was meeting for a movie she was looking towards after class. She mentioned a couple times she was hungry and wanted go to the chipotle downstairs. Her tone didn't sound inviting to me but it didn't sound like anything. At the time I thought she just wanted keep talking to me.
    Did I miss a hint?

    2 days later I texted this:

    Hey Cacey. Hope you didn't cause too much chaos at the film festival. Got any planned for tomorrow?

    The reason was the guy at Starbucks spelled her name wrong, normally Casey, and she was surprised, taken aback, and tweeted a photo of the cup. It distracted her while we were talking and we talked about that. She was seeing a film at a festival after the seminar and she seemed excited. We talked about that for a while. I never heard back. It occurred to me she said she works nights/evenings. She's a hostess. What if she didn't want to text at work and thought it too late to reply? Would she have just dropped it? If so is it a bad idea to reach out sooner or should I try again?

    It also occurred to me that I don't remember seeing her texting. She checked her email, she was on Twitter ALOT. She was also on the phone a few times for work and professional.

    Last thursday I called her. at first she didnít seem to realize who it was which tells me she wouldnít have recognized the text. especially since she had tweeted the inside joke to her over 300 followers.

    When she realized who it was she sounded pleased. I can't quite remember exactly what was said but this is the gist. I called. I called her by a nickname to create a sense of familiarity. At first she didnít realize who it was and thought I was calling for someone else, asking who i was looking for, and when she realized who it was, she sounded happy. I made a reference to our conversation from Tuesday. We talked for a few minutes. We both had plans though. She was getting ready to go to dinner and I was driving to dinner. I forget what we talked about first. There was a mention to our conversation from before. It was about the weather but it wasn't nonsensical filler. We got hit by a cold front and she got hit by snow. On Tuesday she had mentioned she loved the spring because it gets warmer. I said I love the fall and she said that's just cause the weather gets stable. So when the weather hit I said something like she may be right about fall, how bad did the snow hit? Or something like that. I said "I'm going to the art museum Friday, you should come with me" she sounded genuinely disappointed when she said she had to work all day Friday (She is currently doing a TV movie that has been keeping her busy. She didn't mention that part, I just know about it) I told her the rest of my weekend is pretty busy, unless she wanted to come with me to a Halloween party Saturday but I doubt she would. She sounded even more disappointed when she said she had to work all day Saturday, too. Then I asked her about her film and she started to tell me about it. At first she sounded a little embarrassed until it occurred to her to compare it to the hunger games. I think that inspired a little confidence in her cause she started to speak clearer. That's about when I said something like that sounds cool tell me more and she picked up steam and kept going. After a little while I messed up because instead of ending at a high point when I sensed I should, I gave her one more moment and she beat me to it. She said "I gotta get going, I'm going to dinner" and I replied "you beat me to it (more callback humor I think, that's what i said Tuesday when she said right before I was about to that we should go back upstairs), I was about to hang up. I'm driving to a friends for dinner." Then I said either Iíll call you later this week or I'll call you next week (I think it was next week) and she said something like ok in a similar, hopeful sounding tone to the one she used when I saw her last week.

    i noticed that on twitter on friday she tweeted that she was at something to do with dancing that night but it looked like a class which could have counted as work. on saturday i noticed she tweeted at around 11 a pic of her dog waking her up in bed. I figure that was in the morning though and she wouldnít have wanted to hang out the first time in the morning and she would have assumed the party at night (it was) at least thats how Iím rationalizing it.

    I got 2 free tickets for a second city show on halloween night. i figured id call tuesday, make conversation with callback etc, ask what she is doing for halloween, and if she says no i would say something like ďI have an extra ticket to a second city show, you should COME with meĒ i emphasize that word a lot when i talk to her (i find its the easiest sexual trigger word to place) and she seems to respond, subtly.

    i called at 4:40ish b/c when i called at 5-something last time she was getting ready to go to dinner and she did sound slightly annoyed that that was when i chose to call. she did not answer when i called so i left a message "Hey Case, we'll talk later" and hung up. i can rationalize why she didn't answer and if she's shy she may not call back maybe. I wanted to know when I should try calling again, if she didn't. i left my message ambiguous enough that if she didn't i could call back without losing points and i can see how it might have made her think id call back. Im also going to a party the day after halloween so i figured if she already has plans for halloween (i bet she does) and its not something i can subtly join her for (i forget which book said i should do that) then i can say she should come with me friday.

    is this a friendship, potential date, or a flake? why is it that? what could i do differently next time? do you have any advice on how to call a girl (in general)?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    She seems like a busy person an you calling her and all that makes it seem like you have nothing better to do. You've already left the message, don't talk to her for a while unless she calls you back or you will basically be telling her that you're needy and you need her in your life. So for how just relax and let her get back to you, I'm sure she'll call when she's not busy.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #3
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    the one thing about that is what about either tomorrow or the party the day after? should i just drop those?

    also the message i left was ambiguous enough that she could call me but i deliberately did it so if i didn't hear back from her, i could call. "we'll talk later" kinda sounded like ill try again, at least thats what i think.

    im not saying your wrong. just devils advocate, to see if you still agree with what you said.

  4. #4
    marvilo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    You can try to ask her but in my opinion I don't think you should because she seems like a busy girl. Go by yourself, enjoy it and make new friends at it. Doing too much will blow yourself out before you even have a chance with the girl.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  5. #5
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    how long should i wait then? even if theres no romantic prospects, i like this girls personality. id like to at least have the friendship. (though "more" is my goal)

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    2 weeks. Otherwise, it's going to be too needy. Good luck

  7. #7
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    Unfortunately I have an update. I called this afternoon. I it went to voicemail after 4 rings. I realized I think it also did that yesterday which tells me that I had already blown it. My new question is when did I blow it?

    Also is there a time to try again to reach out? I assume AT LEAST 2 weeks, what would be the procedure for that.

  8. #8
    cdharders's Avatar
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    I would shoot her a simple text in 2 weeks. "Hey - what's up ?" No need to get too clever with the text. Your first text to her was really good.

    Also, I love that you are trying to find out what to fix for the next set. Abundance mentality is a very powerful too in your arsenal.

    Sounds like you were planning around your schedule instead of hers. She could have legitimately been busy the first few times you wanted to see. Eventually, it gets too much for her to keep getting asked out by you, and she gets used to turning you down, which is never good.

    I would recommend changing the end of your first text to : "What's your schedule like ?" (Space before question mark. A girl told me she gets more responses when she does that, and she seems to be right)

    That way, now you know her free windows and plan a date around that.

    Was that helpful?

  9. #9
    andrewkrs27 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    That helps a lot. for starters, i have read A LOT of stuff on this and i NEVER would have tried that ? thing so that right off the bat is good to know.

    Im not sure if this is what you meant by my planning around MY schedule but the fact that i actually had a party to invite her to (much less 2) is something thats never happened before. i was trying make myself not too available (plus that actually was a busy weekend) so i pitched Friday then suggested the party saturday as like an afterthought (figuring it would also add social status). for this week i figured second city is a great first date with all the opportunities for call back humor and the day after is another party so she can see me with some of my friends (course i didn't get to pitch those 2).

    i do want to point out that i only actually asked her out twice and it was on that 1 phone call. one of the 2 was more like an afterthought. at the time i assumed she was legitimately busy, i thought she sounded disappointed she had to say no, mores to the party. for friday i think my exact words were "on friday, I'm thinking about going to the art museum and i think you should come with me" i remember her saying "that does sound like fun but i have to work all day friday"

    one more question. i had been told it was bad to ask for her schedule but it seems like sometimes you need to. when is it ok to ask and when does it make you appear needy?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Im in desperate need of help. time is of the essence

    Great question. I've heard differing takes on it too. My buddy absolutely kills it from online dating and always asks "What's your schedule like ?" His feeling is if she likes you, she'll say when she's free and if she doesn't like you she'll say she's busy or not reply. I totally agree. Some people will argue that you are losing value by not appearing busy, but I haven't found that to be the case. Also, it forces the girl to help plan the date with you--even if just saying when she's free--which makes her more likely to show up and more invested in the whole set. Hope that helps.


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