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Thread: Date this week - need advice please

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Date this week - need advice please

    Hey guys,

    I really need your help concerning a girl I have recently met. It's ok to have fun every once in a while, but it gets old. This one is really girlfriend material and a keeper

    Now, we met in a completely neutral context. We were introduced to each other through some friends of my parents because she is currently unemployed and needed job advice. Basically, she was supposed to talk to my father, but he's clueless about this type of stuff, so I took over. I will be honest, I liked her straight from the beginning and really wanted to see her again. Anyway, once week after our initial meeting, I asked her out for a coffee and we met 2 days ago.

    We didn't know anything personal about each other, so it was like we were meeting for the first time all over again. Of course, I was careful not to bring up any topics related to her job hunting, as this would have sent me directly to the friend-zone. Another problem is that she most probably met with me for networking purposes. I was aware of that and that I had to turn the tables asap.

    It would have been inappropriate to be too "aggressive" from this first meeting though (could be seen as I am taking advantage of the situation - she has to date me to get my help), so I kept things simple.

    So, we talked about the usual blabla (how she ended up in this city, what she likes about it, where she sees herself in the future, some shit about becoming more mature with age, about social life, etc). I then pulled out the cube routine and it worked wonders as usual. Fortunately for me, my readings were all correct (this test made me like her even more as I quickly discovered several aspects of her personality, haha). She was very interested, more involved and smiling, and kept asking me for more. I stopped there though as I am keeping the ring routine and the strawberry field routine for the second date, where I will start doing some kino at the same time. The conversation ended with me installing viber on her cellphone, lol. Dunno if it was a good move or not, but she was delighted and cheerful...

    For this first date (If you can even call it that), I am not sure that I have managed to build any attraction (probably not). The only real change I saw in her behaviour is that she was initially avoiding eye contact (she is quite shy I must say), but she then started looking directly at me towards the middle of the conversation until the end. I don't know if that counts as an IOI... Guess it simply meant that she felt more comfortable in my presence.

    So, I don't know whether I have built comfort or *some* attraction during this first date. I tried sending some signals to make her understand that I see her as a potential gf, but I am not sure if she got it (ie: during the cube game, she said she sees the horse with a saddle on it - when I explained to her what it meant, I added "ouch, I will have to be careful with you" - she looked at me curiously then). To be honest, I was not particularly flirty as I wanted to test the waters and see where I stand. I felt it would have been awkward otherwise.

    Anyway, she likes movies, so I told her we should go to the cinema one of these days and she agreed. Overall, things went ok but next meeting will probably be decisive.

    I would need some advice on how I could avoid screwing this up. Sure, it would be her loss if she turned me down, but it has been a really long time since I was last genuinely interested in some girl. Man, she is totally my type AND single. It would be a pity to let go such an opportunity.

    I am kinda new to this PUA thing and my game is far from good. I am really good at building comfort but my biggest weak point is that I suck at kino and still can't act flirty. I usually start off quite well, but then because of these things, I lose my momemtum and girls lose interest or friendzone me in the end.

    My question is how do I proceed? Any concrete advice about the upcoming movie night? How would you do it?
    Should I use sexual innuendo? Should I go for micro-escalation until she actually gets it? Given that she is super shy, I am afraid she will close herself up if I am too upfront. I also really need to get rid of this label of "networking acquaintance".
    Do you think this is a lost cause because of the context we met? I wonder if I can even make her like me or if I am just an acquaintance to her... I have read all these things about attraction in DiCarlo's books but I really have a hard time implementing them in practice... How do I ignite a spark in her?


    Any piece of advice would mean a lot to me.
    Many thanks any advance for your help, mates.

  2. #2
    BigT is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by pepito View Post
    Hey guys,

    I really need your help concerning a girl I have recently met. It's ok to have fun every once in a while, but it gets old. This one is really girlfriend material and a keeper

    Now, we met in a completely neutral context. We were introduced to each other through some friends of my parents because she is currently unemployed and needed job advice. Basically, she was supposed to talk to my father, but he's clueless about this type of stuff, so I took over. I will be honest, I liked her straight from the beginning and really wanted to see her again. Anyway, once week after our initial meeting, I asked her out for a coffee and we met 2 days ago.

    We didn't know anything personal about each other, so it was like we were meeting for the first time all over again. Of course, I was careful not to bring up any topics related to her job hunting, as this would have sent me directly to the friend-zone. Another problem is that she most probably met with me for networking purposes. I was aware of that and that I had to turn the tables asap.

    It would have been inappropriate to be too "aggressive" from this first meeting though (could be seen as I am taking advantage of the situation - she has to date me to get my help), so I kept things simple.

    So, we talked about the usual blabla (how she ended up in this city, what she likes about it, where she sees herself in the future, some shit about becoming more mature with age, about social life, etc). I then pulled out the cube routine and it worked wonders as usual. Fortunately for me, my readings were all correct (this test made me like her even more as I quickly discovered several aspects of her personality, haha). She was very interested, more involved and smiling, and kept asking me for more. I stopped there though as I am keeping the ring routine and the strawberry field routine for the second date, where I will start doing some kino at the same time. The conversation ended with me installing viber on her cellphone, lol. Dunno if it was a good move or not, but she was delighted and cheerful...

    For this first date (If you can even call it that), I am not sure that I have managed to build any attraction (probably not). The only real change I saw in her behaviour is that she was initially avoiding eye contact (she is quite shy I must say), but she then started looking directly at me towards the middle of the conversation until the end. I don't know if that counts as an IOI... Guess it simply meant that she felt more comfortable in my presence.

    So, I don't know whether I have built comfort or *some* attraction during this first date. I tried sending some signals to make her understand that I see her as a potential gf, but I am not sure if she got it (ie: during the cube game, she said she sees the horse with a saddle on it - when I explained to her what it meant, I added "ouch, I will have to be careful with you" - she looked at me curiously then). To be honest, I was not particularly flirty as I wanted to test the waters and see where I stand. I felt it would have been awkward otherwise.

    Anyway, she likes movies, so I told her we should go to the cinema one of these days and she agreed. Overall, things went ok but next meeting will probably be decisive.

    I would need some advice on how I could avoid screwing this up. Sure, it would be her loss if she turned me down, but it has been a really long time since I was last genuinely interested in some girl. Man, she is totally my type AND single. It would be a pity to let go such an opportunity.

    I am kinda new to this PUA thing and my game is far from good. I am really good at building comfort but my biggest weak point is that I suck at kino and still can't act flirty. I usually start off quite well, but then because of these things, I lose my momemtum and girls lose interest or friendzone me in the end.

    My question is how do I proceed? Any concrete advice about the upcoming movie night? How would you do it?
    Should I use sexual innuendo? Should I go for micro-escalation until she actually gets it? Given that she is super shy, I am afraid she will close herself up if I am too upfront. I also really need to get rid of this label of "networking acquaintance".
    Do you think this is a lost cause because of the context we met? I wonder if I can even make her like me or if I am just an acquaintance to her... I have read all these things about attraction in DiCarlo's books but I really have a hard time implementing them in practice... How do I ignite a spark in her?


    Any piece of advice would mean a lot to me.
    Many thanks any advance for your help, mates.
    You created comfort with the eye contact (make sure its attraction tho not friendzone) but if you were doing kino before escalate. If you never did kino the last two times you met that you gotta kino escelate slowly. Also keep on gaming other girls and stay busy. Last thing you want is falling in love and shit and become to desperate (personally watching YouTube is a good time passer for me but sarging is good too excepically if you got their numbers. it raises your confidence and girls can smell that a mile away). Also create sexual tension and keep DHV to her! Your doing good so far keep asking questions.
    I may be a starter but I like to help whatever ways I can

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    Hey Big T,

    Thanks for replying to both of my threads

    As you can see from my other post, I am currently gaming 2 girls
    http://www.puaforums.com/dating-advi...tml#post109213

    This is good as it prevents me from catching one-itis, but if girl A scores 85/100, girl B only scores 65/100 in my appreciation meter.

    Now, on the bad news, the chick I am interested in contacted me this morning on her own initiative, but guess what? It was about work! grrrrr
    She started off by thanking me for recommending her some good movies, that she spent almost the whole week-end on the pc and then she continued with her questions.

    Dunno if it was a good or bad move, but the same morning, I got 2 free cinema tickets from a friend but which were expiring today. I asked her if she was available to go see the movie I was telling her the other day. Turns out she had other arrangements (the excuse was legitimate as she was telling me about this project of hers) and we didn't go in the end...

    I didn't even bother replying to her last message. I am thinking of staying silent until Friday and then ask her out again.

    What do you guys think? Is there even hope of turning the tables?
    Thanks

  4. #4
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    So, we talked about the usual blabla (how she ended up in this city, what she likes about it, where she sees herself in the future, some shit about becoming more mature with age, about social life, etc). I then pulled out the cube routine and it worked wonders as usual. Fortunately for me, my readings were all correct (this test made me like her even more as I quickly discovered several aspects of her personality, haha). She was very interested, more involved and smiling, and kept asking me for more. I stopped there though as I am keeping the ring routine and the strawberry field routine for the second date, where I will start doing some kino at the same time. The conversation ended with me installing viber on her cellphone, lol. Dunno if it was a good move or not, but she was delighted and cheerful...
    just be careful about using too many routines on her, understand that they are all over the internet on all sorts of pua websites, ultimately they are simply an entertaining way to take up some time during a date. use them as a fall back if you start to lose her interest (not as main material).

    For this first date (If you can even call it that), I am not sure that I have managed to build any attraction (probably not).
    ah, when it comes to creating attraction, don't try to do it by being entertaining, instead just have some good dhv stories that you can use to build attraction. remember, the game is played in comfort. attraction phase is all about getting the girl to stick around long enough so you can demonstrate your value in comfort stage. you've done well enough for her to go out on a second date, so you have at least some attraction.
    To be honest, I was not particularly flirty as I wanted to test the waters and see where I stand. I felt it would have been awkward otherwise.
    you did well by saying that, I guarantee that she caught what you meant, and even if she didn't consciously register it, she probably picked up on it without even realizing anything.

    I don't know whether I have built Comfort
    comfort is built by spending time with her, and by connecting with/relating with her.

    this should be your goal on your upcoming date, listen to her and relate what she tells you about herself to what you tell her about yourself, try to find some commonalities.

    people are always more comfortable with what is familiar to them, so the more you seem to have in common, the more familiar she will be with you.
    its not hard to find commonalities, as a matter of fact most people have a lot in common without even realizing it.

    My question is how do I proceed? Any concrete advice about the upcoming movie night? How would you do it?
    Should I use sexual innuendo? Should I go for micro-escalation until she actually gets it? Given that she is super shy, I am afraid she will close herself up if I am too upfront. I also really need to get rid of this label of "networking acquaintance".
    Do you think this is a lost cause because of the context we met? I wonder if I can even make her like me or if I am just an acquaintance to her... I have read all these things about attraction in DiCarlo's books but I really have a hard time implementing them in practice... How do I ignite a spark in her?
    the pretext of how you met shouldn't have much effect on things

    you are way overthinking this, just take things slow (because she is a shy girl) build comfort over the course of several dates. don't overuse innuendos until you have a lot more comfort (its ok to use them on occasion, but use them sparingly)

    as for the movie date, do not escalate during the movie. its an easy mistake to make, but it is something only couples do, she is not your girlfriend until you've had at least three 1 on 1 dates.

    I know its easy to get caught up reading into pua, but reading too much at a time without in-field practice will only cause you to overthink and over-react. your goal should always be to keep a cool head and stay non-reactive to any tests that get thrown your way.

    your goal for this next date is simple, build a sense of comfort and relate to her in some way. have something in common that you guys can talk about. learn as much as you can about her while maintaining a balanced conversation (one that goes back and forth without either of you asking all the questions or telling all the jokes/stories) you should do just fine as long as you don't take things too fast (slowly escalate over the course of multiple dates)

    you got this bro good luck!

  5. #5
    BigT is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    Honestly I'm not that good in the texting game but make sure you always are in a good mood when you text, use a lot of smilies to convey emotions and try leaving a hook for next time. In your case the hook could be the project. make sure you're not conveying the message that your punishing her for not going by going cold
    Also next time you meet try to kino escalate to at least a kiss to make sure you won't get into the friend zone to fast. Bad news is your probably a bit in the friendzone Cus you started taking to her about a job. In this case IMHO try to make sure you show interest. Give me updates (Y)
    I may be a starter but I like to help whatever ways I can

  6. #6
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    Well, turns out I was out of luck this week

    I wrote her again on Thursday to suggest that we go to the cinema on Sunday but she replied from the airport that she was going back to her home country for 1 week.
    I sent her a text the day after, wishing her to have fun and enjoy the warm weather where she was going. She texted back telling me that she will send some positive energy so that I may have good weather too (and she added a smilie) and wished me a nice w-e.

    Should I text her again in a few days?
    And when she comes back, do I have to ask her out again?
    I am not very comfortable with this situation as I have already asked her out twice and she refused both times (for legitimate reasons admittedly, but still...).

    Any advice on what to do?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    Any advice on what to do?
    don't over-react.

    she is going away for a while and that's ok, text her once or twice to see how her vacation is, don't pester her a bunch. wait till she gets back and then ask her out.

    I am not very comfortable with this situation as I have already asked her out twice and she refused both times (for legitimate reasons admittedly, but still...).
    don't think too much about it. it doesn't mean anything. you have not failed yet. if anything she is giving you plenty of time to plan out the perfect date! think about where your going to take her, what your going to do, what locations can you bounce to during the date, and how your going to end up at your place (the last location you bounce to before going to your place should be really close) it never hurts to have a good plan of action

  8. #8
    Vere is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    Well said Meteora..I also like to overthink things and over-react..I am a perfectionist and need help escaping it..I figured that Instead of focusing on the bigger picture..I get so caught up in the technical aspects of the game and this bring more harm than good since I over calculate my every move towards the extent that my mental path creates negative thoughts..anyways thanks for your Insight and I hope pepito is sorted..Goodluck bro
    Whether you think you can or you can't either way, you are right-To believe in the heroic makes heroes

  9. #9
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    So, I sent a text on my own initiative to girl A and she replied 3 days later with a quite detailed email (she said she had so many things to tell me that a text would not be enough). The tone of her email was warm and sweet overall and she told me small personal things (like how she loves spending the day near the chimney, about some theater plays she watched, etc.).

    I was surprised with her friendliness and her willingness to talk about her and the stuff she was doing. I have the impression we sort of "get closer" (of course, I could be overreacting and she's simply keeping contact for networking - even though I made it perfectly clear to her that I cannot help her find a job in my organization).

    She has an open return ticket, so I have no idea if I will see her again until after the New Year. Oh well, time to get busy with other chicks...

  10. #10
    BigT is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Date this week - need advice please

    Personally if I were you I wouldn't stop all contacts with b, just have less. I mean a trickle.
    I may be a starter but I like to help whatever ways I can


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