let me preface this by saying I'm almost 23 and I'm a virgin, never been on a date, never even kissed a girl. i have aspergers and never learned how to properly socialize or talk to people. I've never had someone come on to me and i have no idea what it looks like. this girl always seemed uninterested in me for the 10 weeks i knew her and now all of a sudden, well, you tell me if this is a come on. my main question though is what can i do when i see her? we have a class together on wednesdays. I'm on meds that can't mix with alcohol. i can go off them for a few days but thats really more of a plan c or d. do i ask her out? ask for her #? say the party was fun? read below...
i went to a party friday. when i got there (45 min late) she sounded almost relieved and happy. she led me around (i think she pulled me but it i don't recall for sure) trying to introduce me to people. she led me to her bedroom and told me to put my coat on her bed. then she introduced me to more people (including her sister, some PUA's say if they want you to meet family that means something but idk after all this was a party) but there were a lot of people and she was hosting so after she introduced me to her roommate she gave up. skip to the end (there is more but I'm saving you time) and the only people still there were her roommate, her sister, her sisters (possible boy)friend, her, and myself. She you have a coat in my room, right? ill take you to get your coat. it didn't sound like she was saying she wanted me to leave but (having no experience) i took get your coat to mean you over stayed your welcome. she slowly led me to her room and saw the 2 items on the bed. she asked which was mine and then said oh wait thats my scarf. I joked "it sure aint mine" (that sure aint a funny joke) and she quietly laughed and started to carefully hang it up. in my twisted mind i tried to be helpful and instead of waiting for her to hand me my jacket i picked it up myself, thinking a) she said get your jacket so she wants you to leave and b) her sister is in the other room so whats gonna happen anyway. when she saw me holding my jacket she slowly led me out of her room once again reiterating how happy she was i could make it. before i could put my coat on she hugged me and it was long enough that i broke it first, though if i had held it a moment longer she would have. she said bye to me and every time i said bye, she said bye back. even when after the other 3 people still there said bye and i said bye to them she said bye back. i actually said bye and left quick so not to get stuck in another loop. during one of the byes she said see you in class on wednesday.
like i said, i have a class with her on wednesday from 7-10 pm and i missed the signs at the party and didn't make a move. what is my move now?
I posted the whole night below. i figure you probably have enough info but if theres further questions, its below (if you read the ENTIRE thing and then post, the prologue part will probably lead to an interesting debate about body language, flirting, and female subtlety, as i think it should, but i more urgently need to know what i should say on wednesday):
prologue: we had an 8 week class. the first week i saw her and i thought she was hot. i had 2 concert tickets for that saturday so i asked if she had plans. she thought for a second then kind of counted in the air the days she had to work and said she couldn't. then she joked that with the amount of days she just had off, she'll be working everyday forever. she didn't seem like she was blowing me off, it felt like it was, uh, more than friendly, i guess? barely though.
every class after that she was relatively indifferent. she didn't seem interested in talking to me unless i asked a direct question and then it would be a simple answer. i quickly gave up on her, i figured if she isn't gonna give me the chance then why should i even bother. she's only kinda hot anyway, not really worth fighting that attitude. there was one day where we both stayed after class to talk to the teacher, but when she was done she sprinted away. at first i thought she didn't want to stay by me but i noticed she caught up with our class so i think they went to the bar. i usually didn't go because i was only ever asked once so i didn't always know when they went, i was always tired by the end of class, and i can't drink right now anyways.
the last class she was early so she and i talked for a little while about pretty much nothing. the only relevance is that i asked if she was gonna sign up for the second part of the class, she said probably not, i said i did and at least 2 other people told me they already did, she said she'd think about it, then someone else showed up and she started talking to them. the last night i did go to the bar, everyone did, even the teacher, and we all talked for a few hours, but we were all kinda grouped apart. while i was taking to a couple of the girls there, she mentioned her dia de los muertos party. i asked when it was and she said i said i was already going. i said i didn't even know about it, she said thats weird, idk y i thought u already confirmed, etc. so She told me it was the day after halloween because she didn't like dealing with a costume and she'd send me the info on facebook. the next day or 2 later i didn't get any info so i sent a message asking for the party info figuring if she was humoring me when she said that then i won't get it anyway but she's the type to have a lot of girl friends and if i can go, then i definitely should. i realized later that what might have made her think i confirmed is that before i heard her mention a party, i was talking about foreign languages with those girls and i had said i stink at foreign languages and barely passed spanish and one girl spoke in another language that i didn't know then she said dis de los muertos and i said i know that one. any way 3 days after i messaged her she messaged me back (both on facebook, i don't have her phone #) "It's Friday Nov. 1st starting around 9:30! I live pretty far North off Loyola Red line. ____ W. ____ apt #_. " needless to say i changed the address #'s. its not like anyone here would track her down, i just think there are boundaries.
the second class skipped week 1 so the first week was week 2. as usual i was early. there was one other person there so i talked to him. unusually she was third. i was surprised to see she had decided to sign up. i was the only one she knew so when i initiated a conversation she talked to me for a little while. it was simple, "so you decided to continue," etc.
she is a social person and quickly started talking to other people as i dropped the conversation and more arrived. the first part was lectury but the second part was on stage (i think i forgot to mention I'm an actor and this was a class at second city) so when we went up we ended up getting partnered for what we had to do. it was fairly simple, we were practicing refining our improv skills so we can hone scenes from 7 pages to 3 funny sentences. basically finding something out of nothing. finding the funny in junk so if our improv partners give us crap, the show is still good. the assignment went down the line so that everyone then their partners would do it. first someone made a sound line a grunt or a sigh then the partner would turn that into a funny line then the original would complete the joke. then an innocuous line that had no tone what so ever then funny line then complete the joke. about halfway through class her body language seemed to shift and it felt like she was more in my favor. i figured i was reading too much into it since she had always nothing'd me and there was another girl (i think she has a bf but idk for sure) that was kinda cute and i figured that was the only girl that i had a chance with so i focused more on her. then she started adding sexual undertones to the assignment. its not uncommon in these classes but i don't remember her doing that during those other 8 weeks. thats not to say she didn't, i stopped paying much attention to her, but they woulda been more subtle. for example, my innocuous line was "boy, it sure got dark fast" (i admit i half hoped it would kinda take a direction like this but i was mostly thinking about the fact that it was raining so bad that it was pitch black by 5:00) she responded "there is no way i'm having sex with you tonight" i replied, after some strategically placed fake pained expression (trying make it obviously sarcastic) "ouch"
this last paragraph of the prologue is filled with paranoia and I'm probably reading too much into it. i just posted whats in my head so that you can tell me "yes your insane" or "no that is a signal of something" by itself id say I'm insane but partnered with the party... maybe? idk that y i need you
the last part of class just had groups of 3's on stage while the rest watched, the content is irrelevant. when she got off stage she switched seats. the seats were like an L and she was on the end so she couldn't see the performers well. this is probably irrelevant but if i was to really break it down she sat next to a guy but it was the first open seat facing the from and if she did want next to me and she sat next to me she would probably assume id read into that to. she also could have wanted a better seat for the display she put on (again probably way over breaking this down) i was in the last group (i wouldn't have seen her where she sat before) and she fixed her lip stick while i was up there. it was 10 pm on a wednesday. I'm not sure where she would have been going that needed it.
that night: i got back from the party at 2 am, having left her house at 1:40 am, and I'm confused. idk what to make of it. is this just friendly or was it more. I'm very thrown.
the party started at 9:30 and i got there at 10:15, fashionably late. i wasn't last but the party had been well started. she seemed surprisingly happy to see me, but given that she usually nothings me, that doesn't mean much. when i got there and she buzzed me in (idk if this means anything, as i don't get invited to many parties) i didn't even say my name. i just said hey and she immediately buzzed me up and she waited for me at the door. i don't remember if she hugged me or grabbed my arm or what she did but i don't think it was nothing. she said something like I'm sooo glad you made it, let me introduce you, etc. nothing was insincere. I've seen her act. she's talented but i watch actors (professional, amateur, and her) enough to have an idea if someone is putting on a show.
she started introducing me to a bunch of her friends, so far i only knew 1 person there but there were a lot and she gave up after like 5 or 6 of her friends and her sister. I'm told that its really good if someone introduces you to their friends, only thing better is their family. i doubt this counts but i really don't know considering I'm the only person i [literally] saw being introduced around. i use the qualifier literally b/c i assume that, in the beginning, if someone didn't know someone she introduced them. i was also outside when some people came in, though i doubt i was out long enough for introductions but who knows. also i know that there was a couple that came and weren't introduced but she could have also just decide with me there were too many people to try to do introductions and people should do it themselves. i think she did say that to me when she gave up with me, so maybe she gave up on even doing a couple introductions.
there were a bunch of cute girls there (less than id expected, enough to try something) but unfortunately i choked a little and nothing came across as flirting, i think. also, my current medicine prevents me from drinking alcohol and causes dry mouth so when i got there my mouth got so dry so quick that i almost immediately sounded drunk off my ass. i think i covered well though, when she introduced me to her roommate and then left, her roommate offered me a drink i said it so quick and dry mouthed the words ran together so bad i had to repeat and say slower no thank you. then i covered and told her i came from another party and already had a bit to much to drink, then smirked a bit. she smiled and kinda chuckle/laughed and asked if i wanted some water. i made a joke about my i probably should and my needing sobering up. there was a joke i made to her hot sister but i think it came across as more creepy, she clearly forgot about it quickly but i kinda lost it after that.
i had a hard time talking to people and was a little overwhelmed so i decided to stop trying to make conversation with the women who clearly weren't having it anyway (katelyn was too busy talking to people and i decided it was best to give her space and let her come to me if at all. i figured id look bad trying navigate the crowd and desperate if anyone made the obvious guess why, not to mention the fact that i was having difficulty talking in general and would look pretty bad in general) and i started to talk to the guys, who were friendly. she had a bunch of guys (at this point just gay guys, if thats relevant to how i come across to the people who saw me) and i ended up talking to them for quite a while. they were nice and their careers/schooling was a former hobby of mine so it was easy to connect with them and we talked for a while. the reason I'm emphasizing this is b/c i know that everyone says that in social situations you should let the girls see you talk to other people. i can't remember if it was specific if it was just girls or not. we went outside for a little while cause the apt was warm and we needed fresh air.
idk if my specifying their sexuality came across as my caring so i just want to say, on a side note, i couldn't care less. as far as I'm concerned to each his own. I'm not for or against, i just don't give a damn. its their business, not mine or anyone else's. the only reason i brought it up is because the books say SOMETHING about making sure girls see you socialize. i liked talking to them anyways so whatever you say here isn't actually relevant, its more a mild curiosity, but i don't remember what the book said and if it was just other girls idk. though I'm betting that its just seeing you talk to people as a people person. also considering how much the girls there liked them, it can only help, right?
when i came inside i saw some people i knew showed up so i talked to them for a while and we got closer. the girl who threw the party, thats confusing me (katelyn, so i can save typing and confusion later), was close to them so she joined us shortly after i did. then the tinder conversation started. katelyn is real into tinder and a girl that i was talking to had a date from tinder on sunday so katelyn started asking about it. katelyn may have said she did too, i dot recall. the way katelyn talked, i get the feeling its less about the guys she's talking and more about the prospect of meeting someone. i think she definitely wants a relationship.
after that i started talking to her sister and her sisters friend. lately and her sister brought up how crazy close they were and how they were the best sisters and how everybody says that but they were actually true. her sister and friend are both still in school. i don't know the age of her sister but I'm guessing the same as the friend who was about 2 years younger than me. katelyn is i think 3 years older than me, while I'm on the subject. anyway we talked about school and i became friends with the friend and so on. then everyone kinda gathered near us till the party died down. the sisters friend is a boy, i forgot to mention. they didn't say wether or not they were dating, and the way i left makes this relevant.
eventually the only people left were me katelyn, her roommate, her sister, and her sisters friend. my plan was to offer to help clean up but it became clear that they weren't planning to do any real cleaning, at best stacking the cups and blowing out the remaining candles. i felt if i offered id look needy. when the last person, aside from me and that guy, left katelyn said to me (not the guy) "are you leaving to?" it was definitely not forced or anything, it seemed like she asked cause it looked like everyone was leaving and not like she was trying to get rid of me. still, it felt like i should "punish" her so i said something like "i wasn't, why, should i be taking a hint or something?" with a smirk. she scrambled with the no's, it just looked like everyone was going, etc. then we talked for a few more moments about nothing special but her roommate was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch and i got the sense that she was done and ready for the apt to be empty. the main reason i hadn't left yet was cause that guy was there and so was her sister and i thought the party wasn't done yet. there was also the small hope that "something" could happen with someone. it occurred to me at that moment that the sister may be staying there that night and what if the boy was with the sister and staying there or he was with her and they were gonna leave together but the crazy close sisters wanted be together longer or something. i decided it was better that i go before they had the chance to ACTUALLY be sick of me. i got the distinct vibe that they weren't there yet but if i didn't leave soon, they might be. everybody kept their coats in katelyns room she led me in to get mine. there were 2 things on the bed so she said (i get the impression for the sole purpose of just to keep taking) "which is yours, oh wait this is mine," she paused so i joked "well, it sure aint mine" i chuckled "oooh, you don't want this beautiful scarf, fine, "she said, jokingly, curtly, "i'll keep it for myself" we left her room and she promptly hugged me, kinda tight, and said "I'm so glad you were able to make it tonight"
i held her back. i definitely didn't hold on longer. we either let go at the same time or i let go first barely. she caught me by surprise and I'm not touchy feely. i know that if i didn't hug her back, thats bad. i know if i let go to quick, thats friends. the hug didn't feel long, to me, but i also know that I'm no good at gauging it, usually going for longer, and i thing it was a long one for a not socially awkward person. after we let go she said see you in class on wednesday. i said bye, the others there said bye so i said bye then she sad byes again so i said byes again and she may have did one more but i can't remember.