Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 8 of 8
Like Tree3Likes
  • 1 Post By hometownextra
  • 1 Post By dave_xxx
  • 1 Post By TheDuke

Thread: What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

  1. #1
    TheAbbot's Avatar
    TheAbbot is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 142, Level: 2
    Level completed: 84%, Points required for next Level: 8
    Overall activity: 10.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    52
    Points
    142
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

    any help with this problem guys?

  2. #2
    D1v1ou$$'s Avatar
    D1v1ou$$ is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 802, Level: 15
    Level completed: 2%, Points required for next Level: 98
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Beaufort, Sc.
    Posts
    118
    Points
    802
    Level
    15
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    40

    Default Re: What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

    Do me a favor and eloborate on your issues for me.
    Be more specific on what you're looking for please, is it style, AA,?

    I can give tips but need to know which direction to go in plus more about you in general.
    You can't miss something you've never had, but I can be sure she will regret her opportunity...

    Better known as Debauchivalrious...

  3. #3
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 3,580, Level: 37
    Level completed: 54%, Points required for next Level: 70
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Appleton, WI
    Posts
    619
    Points
    3,580
    Level
    37
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    178

    Default Re: What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

    Insecurities are just a safety net you make up to disqualify you from trying. If you think something is out of reach it is human nature to find reasons not to attempt it to save yourself from failure. We are conditioned to feel failure as a sense of hurt, distress or inadequacy. You need to retrain yourself into the mindset that failure is life's way of helping you figure something out.

    Your insecurities boil down to fear of failure and are rationalization a of why you think you cannot achieve something. So to prevent that failure you don't try because it won't happen anyway.

    So last part to it is this retrain your brain to except failure as an opportunity to become better. What is never programmed into us that should be is if you do not attempt something because of insecurity guess what YOU FAILED by default.
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  4. #4
    TheAbbot's Avatar
    TheAbbot is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 142, Level: 2
    Level completed: 84%, Points required for next Level: 8
    Overall activity: 10.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    52
    Points
    142
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

    Quote Originally Posted by D1v1ou$$ View Post
    Do me a favor and eloborate on your issues for me.
    Be more specific on what you're looking for please, is it style, AA,?

    I can give tips but need to know which direction to go in plus more about you in general.
    not so much aa, its just im always doubting myself in relationship...quest ioning wheter or not im good for the girl (or if she good for me)....i've dont some things in the past that may have hurt my chances....checking to see what the chick im interested in doing. such as her liking some photos of another person on facebook etc.

  5. #5
    TheAbbot's Avatar
    TheAbbot is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 142, Level: 2
    Level completed: 84%, Points required for next Level: 8
    Overall activity: 10.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    52
    Points
    142
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

    any thoughts on what i stated above?

  6. #6
    dave_xxx's Avatar
    dave_xxx is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 5,203, Level: 46
    Level completed: 27%, Points required for next Level: 147
    Overall activity: 40.0%
    Achievements:
    5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Vancouver, Canada
    Posts
    466
    Points
    5,203
    Level
    46
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    237

    Default Re: What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

    Quote Originally Posted by TheAbbot View Post
    not so much aa, its just im always doubting myself in relationship...questioning wheter or not im good for the girl (or if she good for me)....i've dont some things in the past that may have hurt my chances....checking to see what the chick im interested in doing. such as her liking some photos of another person on facebook etc.
    You have to train your mind to get over that doubting of yourself. This usually happens when a guy gets ONEITIS .Start by having an abundance of girls to date around you. Once you have more than one then you will feel much more confident about yourself and the doubting will start to fade away.

    It's taken most of your life to build up these insecurities but you can get rid of them in 3 or 4 months if you apply the rules of the game. Start each morning by telling yourself that "you are the prize and the girls are lucky to be in your company". Then go out and meet more girls.

    Face your fear and conquer it. It's like the dark basement that people fear for years until one day they go down there and see that there is nothing to fear down there at all. It was just the mind playing tricks on them.

  7. #7
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 18,053, Level: 92
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social7 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    813
    Points
    18,053
    Level
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    772

    Default Re: What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

    Ok, the best way to deal with this shit is to write down what your insecurities are using the same conditional reasoning that your likely using to create whatever cognitive dissonance it is that you're creating.

    For example:

    1: Physically unattractive men can't get good looking women
    2: I am unattractive
    3: I can't get good looking women

    Ok, this is conditional reasoning and it's likely how your brain is parsing out the cognitive dissonance you are talking about. Based on premises 1 and 2, the conclusion that you can't get good looking women is valid. Since the logic is not flawed, you can't attack the conclusion, which is what most guys try to do.

    For instance, a guy who is trying to increase his confidence and deal with his insecurities may say the affirmation, "I can get good looking women." This is pointless. You're basically lying to yourself, because the underlying premises will still be present, so just saying the opposite of the conclusion is not going to increase your confidence and help you deal with this insecurity.

    Instead, what you want to do is attack one of the premises such that the logic is no longer valid. So let's see how we can do that:

    For premise 1, "Physically unattractive men can't get good looking women," let's start thinking about this. How many times have you seen an unattractive guy at the bar with a HB 9 or 10? I see it all the time. How many actors do you see who aren't great looking, are old men, or whatever, and they have smoke show wives? Ok, clearly this premise is untruthful. So now this is an affirmation you can use to attack the cognitive dissonance, "Women are attracted to characteristics other than a man's looks." Tell yourself that ten or one-hundred times per day.

    Ok, but chances are you're not unattractive and the cognitive dissonance actually is occurring in your application of the sufficient condition (being physically unattractive) to yourself. Therefore, the best strategy is to attack premise 2 with affirmations. So instead start telling yourself, "I am attractive." Then start noticing girls who are looking at you, mentally note when people compliment your looks, etc.

    So to recap, when you have problems with confidence or insecurities, write down the logic that got you to where you are. Then sit down and think about the premises behind that logic and decide where the cognitive dissonance exists. If there isn't a cognitive dissonance, then you need to change something so that the conclusion is no longer valid. Next, you want to attack the premise(s) containing the cognitive dissonance using affirmations and other tools.

    Hope this helps!
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  8. #8
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 18,053, Level: 92
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social7 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    813
    Points
    18,053
    Level
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    772

    Default Re: What is the best way to deal with ones own insecurities

    No offense, but I hate advice like this
    Quote Originally Posted by dave_xxx View Post
    You have to train your mind to get over that doubting of yourself. This usually happens when a guy gets ONEITIS .Start by having an abundance of girls to date around you. Once you have more than one then you will feel much more confident about yourself and the doubting will start to fade away.
    If guys knew how to have an "abundance of girls to date around you," then this likely would never be a problem. The issue is that most guys don't know how to get there, so you're basically telling someone to get cured of cancer without telling them the cure.

    It's taken most of your life to build up these insecurities but you can get rid of them in 3 or 4 months if you apply the rules of the game. Start each morning by telling yourself that "you are the prize and the girls are lucky to be in your company". Then go out and meet more girls.
    While affirmations are great, as I said above, this type of affirmation typically won't work. And the crux of it is that the more intelligent the person, the less likely this type of affirmation is to work. You can't just assume the conclusion and hope that your brain does the rest. Instead, you have to attack the foundations of the reasoning.

    Face your fear and conquer it. It's like the dark basement that people fear for years until one day they go down there and see that there is nothing to fear down there at all. It was just the mind playing tricks on them.
    This is where we all want to get to, but without a proper map to get there, most of us never will.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."


Similar Threads

  1. Best way to take advantage of the insecurities
    By aussiearef in forum General Questions
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 08-01-2013, 01:59 AM
  2. A simple reframe of your insecurities
    By Blistex in forum Members Lounge
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 05-20-2013, 12:18 PM
  3. How to deal with this
    By Chewbacca in forum Members Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 03-03-2013, 05:34 PM
  4. Not Sure What Her Deal Is
    By Falcon in forum General Questions
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 01-07-2013, 07:06 PM
  5. Insecurities
    By Starkiller in forum General Questions
    Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 08-03-2012, 04:34 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com