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Thread: TheDuke Needs Help with an Ex

  1. #11
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    Default Re: TheDuke Needs Help with an Ex

    Quote Originally Posted by HardRock View Post
    Woah man yur outta line.bet you hurt her.Whatever you want to get across may present here.never aplogize directly sometimes it may come off.depends on..but then yh.Peace
    Seriously, I want to hear different opinions on this, but try to elaborate a bit please. Why do you think it would hurt her? Why am I out of line? Why should you never apologize directly?

    In the psychology field, opinions on apologies are very diverse. I've read a lot that is both pro and con for both the person making the apology and the person who is doing the apologizing. So you're going to have to give me a little bit more to go on here (and I'd like to hear it).
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  2. #12
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    Default Re: TheDuke Needs Help with an Ex

    Quote Originally Posted by lilsting View Post
    You misunderstand me. I'm saying follow what you want to do, and in doing that the proper message will develop. That's because you are in the later stages of "game". I couldn't tell a noobie to do the same thing because they'll end up writing a super needy, DLV, image damaging message.
    No, I got you man. I just wanted to throw that caveat out there in case anyone else is reading this. In general, DON'T trust your emotions. But believe me, when I make a decision based on my emotions it's only after passing those emotions through a complex filter of logic and reasoning.

    Hence why I posted this question on here. Honestly, I'm a bit conflicted about this one, so the best approach was to take the filtering step one more step.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  3. #13
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    Default Re: TheDuke Needs Help with an Ex

    Mind expanding on your doubts? Why do you believe that this may be selfish or might hurt her?

  4. #14
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    Default Re: TheDuke Needs Help with an Ex

    In your dynamic, not apologizing.you must have her contact

  5. #15
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    Default Re: TheDuke Needs Help with an Ex

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post

    I finally realize that a lot of what I've done has been extremely harmful to both my ex and myself. In order to gain closure on this and also because I care deeply for my ex as a person, I would like to express an apology to her and validate the feelings that I had rejected for so long. I'm not looking to game her, get her back, or even get a reply from her. However, I don't want to send an apology to her if doing so would be selfish (i.e., solely serves my purposes but is harmful to her).

    So here's my question, should I send her an apology?
    Hey Duke,

    I've seen you post a Lot of really Great things on this forum and I agree with others that you would not make this some needy attempt to try and win her back. I get that you want to do this as a sense of closure for the relationship and a healing process for you. You are not looking for any specific response from her.

    I think this is a great idea, but I would take it one step further. I would not send it as a message to her. Instead, pick up the phone and actually call her and tell this to her directly. It will be much more edgy for you and will actually be more healing.

    I did this with my Ex-wife a few years after we were divorced, when I was in a much better place. I expressed gratitude for her and what we had together. I owned up to the parts I felt like I needed to own up to. I never blamed her for anything or tried to make her feel bad. It was extremely healing for both of us.

    My warning is that this will likely spark feelings of interest in her, whether you want to or not. That's not necessarily bad, just be aware that it's likely.

    I'm very impressed with you're vulnerability in sharing this with the forum and give you props for doing so.
    Hit me up if you're thinking about coming to Vegas. It's the Best City for Game in the World.


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