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Thread: Unstoppable Confidence Techniques

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    Exclamation Unstoppable Confidence Techniques

    Hello guys, i am going to share powerful
    techniques on how to have unstoppable
    confidence. the reason i wrote about this is
    that confidence is an attraction switch that
    is vital in our interaction with women, not to
    mention it's importance in our daily
    undertakings. it's going to be a long article
    indeed. so please be patient and enjoy the
    ride. CAUTION!!! This is a long detailed post,
    so you can choose to read it over time chunk
    by chunk but feel free to read it all if you
    The techniques relies heavily on
    Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). For
    those of you that are not familiar with NLP.
    It is the study of how language, both verbal
    and non-verbal, affects our minds. By
    consciously directing our minds we can
    create resourceful ways of behaving for
    ourselves. One of the principles of NLP is
    that-since we all share the same neurology-
    whate ver anyone else can do well, you can do
    well, provided that you direct your mind in
    exactly the same way. If confidence is
    possible for others (and it definitely is), it is
    equally possible for you too.
    So let's get down to the techniques shall we.
    Remember you can choose to use all this
    techniques or select those that will best for
    you. Good luck and remember, practice them
    regularly and watch your confidence soar!!!
    TECHNIQUE 1: The Instant Shift
    One of the major steps in gaining more
    confidence is being
    aware of when you’re lacking confidence. The
    reason for
    this is that you have to be aware of
    something before you
    can change it. When you’re aware that you’re
    not being confident, you can change it. It
    will no longer be a given that
    you’re shy or tentative or whatever label you
    previously used
    to describe yourself. As you become
    conscious of what your
    mental process is with respect to
    confidence, pay particular
    attention to your internal voice. If you have
    a limiting, negative
    voice nagging at you, I’m sure you naturally
    realize how
    that can stop you dead in your tracks when
    you really want
    to go for it.
    While you’re paying attention to your
    internal voice,
    notice what sorts of images are inside your
    mind. What you
    hear and see internally impacts how you feel,
    and the way
    you feel either frees you to take action or
    holds you back.
    When I was locked in my dungeon of
    shyness, any time I
    wanted to go out and meet a woman, I would
    project a big
    picture of women rejecting me and laughing
    at me before
    I even said hello. With these images in my
    mind, I was
    completely paralyzed with fear and took no
    action. Instead,
    I watched opportunity pass me by, and I
    regretted it every
    If you want excellent feelings, you have to
    see and hear
    excellent things, which is easy because you
    are in control of
    your own mental processes. Whenever you’re
    acting shy, you
    must simply stop and realize that it’s a
    process—and that you
    can change it. If you find yourself acting in a
    tentative or shy
    way, here are some NLP techniques you can
    • Interrupt the Process. Imagine a police
    officer springing
    up inside your mind, holding a red stop sign.
    that he shouts out in an authoritative tone as
    loud as he can,
    “STOP!” When you hold this image in your
    mind, you’ll
    find yourself immediately stopping the
    process of feeling that
    you lack confidence.
    • Shift Your State. Once you stop the process,
    you can
    change directions and go in any direction
    you want. For our
    purposes, you should immediately shift your
    physical state
    to one that exudes confidence. Employ
    excellent physiology
    and posture: head up, shoulders back, stomach
    tucked in. Put
    that smile on your face and feel good. Just
    like that. If your
    body is in a state of confidence, it’s easy for
    you to mentally
    follow suit.
    So in summary the first technique states
    (The Instant Shift)
    1. Recognize your shy or unconfident action.
    2. Interrupt the process.
    3. Shift your physical state to a confident
    4. Let your mind follow suit
    TECHNIQUE 2: Rehearse Confidence
    Once you interrupt a negative mental
    process, you can then
    consciously choose the emotional state you
    want to experience.
    You won’t be merely acting out of habit;
    you’ll be
    acting out of a conscious choice, and that is
    very powerful.
    With this technique, you can program
    yourself to have
    unstoppable confidence whenever you need
    The key is that what you rehearse is what you
    get. A
    friend of mine who is into martial arts
    always reminds me
    to “train the way you fight because you will
    fight the way
    you train.” This holds true for being
    confident as well. By
    rehearsing confidence in your mind, you will
    have it when
    you need it.
    For you to have unstoppable confidence, you
    need to
    mentally rehearse it in the present. This
    means we are going
    to visualize what we desire—confiden ce.
    We will watch
    ourselves walking, talking, and moving
    confidently. We will
    see ourselves doing things that before we
    did not even realize
    were possible.
    If it’s difficult to do this at first, don’t
    worry. Visualizing
    is a skill like any other, and you will get
    better at it with
    practice. If you think you have difficulty
    visualizing, pretend
    that it’s easy for you. One way to deal with
    anything is
    to fake it until you make it. Pretend that
    you can visualize
    and as you do that, you will develop such skill
    in visualizing
    that pretty soon you’ll forget that you’re
    just pretending and
    you will be a great visualizer.
    Now that you’re visualizing, focus in on the
    image of
    yourself behaving confidently, as projected
    on your mental
    movie screen. Notice how you exude
    confidence from every
    fiber of your being and how others can sense
    it coming from
    you. As you see yourself behaving
    confidently, listen to what you hear as you
    fully experience that ultimate state of
    confidence within. To amplify your
    confident state, make the
    picture bigger, brighter, and closer. Crank
    the sound way
    up in your mind so that you can feel the
    confidence coursing
    throughout your entire being. Let the bass
    resonate all
    throughout your body. When you make these
    to your experience, notice how much more
    powerful and
    confident you become.
    Do this exercise as many times as it takes to
    feel the confidence inside you. How will you
    know when
    you’ve done it enough? The answer is that by
    looking at the
    mental image of your confident self, you’ll
    automatically feel
    the confidence. That is how you know you
    have successfully
    completed this exercise. Your unconscious
    mind does not
    understand the difference between a
    scenario that is genuinely
    real and a scenario that is vividly imagined.
    For that
    reason, vividly imagining confidence in your
    future means
    you are literally programming yourself to
    have that confidence when you need it.
    Set a Trigger for the Confidence
    You’ve Rehearsed
    Here is how to set yourself up to have
    confidence any time:
    1. Close your eyes.
    2. Watch yourself on your mental movie
    screen being
    3. Enhance the visual and sound qualities of
    the movie.
    4. Jump into your on-screen body and see
    your own eyes, hear what you hear, and feel
    total confidence.
    5. Hold your thumb and first finger together
    as you
    experience confidence.
    6. The more you feel confident, the harder
    you press
    your thumb and first finger together.
    7. After five seconds, separate your thumb
    and first finger
    and open your eyes.
    8. Repeat the first seven steps, but watch a
    confident scenario.
    By doing this, you will have programmed
    your mind to
    respond to the feeling of your thumb and
    forefinger pressed
    together as a confidence trigger. Now that
    you’ve rehearsed
    it, whenever you need confidence you can
    just close your
    eyes and press your thumb and forefinger
    together long
    enough to let the feeling you’ve triggered
    come flooding
    through you.
    So in summary Rehearse Confidence
    1. Focus on an image of you acting
    confidently, as on a movie
    2. Listen to yourself speaking confidently.
    3. View the picture in a close-up, and turn up
    the volume.
    4. Feel the confidence that you project on-
    TECHNIQUE 3: Program Confidence
    You and I have all the resources we could
    ever need to be
    totally successful and unstoppably
    confident. Many people
    discount how resourceful they could
    potentially be. To have
    unstoppable confidence in the future, the
    key is to be able
    to summon your confidence resources at will
    to get the
    results you want. You did it successfully in
    the past, which
    means you can do it successfully any time. It
    is only a matter
    of practice before you have that confidence
    whenever you
    choose to switch it on.
    Remember a time when you were
    unstoppably confident
    in the past. Become aware of what
    specifically you see, hear,
    and feel inside as you re experience what it’s
    like to be completely
    confi dent. There is a structure to your
    experience in the same way that there is a
    structure to a
    building. There are certain qualities that you
    see, hear, and
    feel in a building that are specific to that
    building. Similarly,
    there are certain things you see, hear, and
    feel only when
    you are in a confident state. While you relive
    a past time
    when you were confident, ask yourself the
    following questions
    to become aware of the visual qualities of
    • What size is what you see?
    • Do you see a picture or a movie?
    • Is it three-dimension al?
    • How clear or fuzzy is it?
    • How bright is it?
    • How close is it?
    • Is it in color or in black and white?
    Ask yourself the following questions to
    become aware of
    the auditory qualities confidence has for you:
    • What do you hear?
    • How loud is it?
    • What is the tempo?
    • What is the pitch?
    • What direction does the sound come from?
    Ask yourself the following questions to
    become aware of
    the sensory qualities of confidence:
    • Where does the feeling begin in your
    • How intense is the feeling?
    • What direction does the feeling come
    • How long does the feeling last?
    By altering the visual, auditory, and sensory
    qualities of
    confidence, you can actually amplify your
    confident state.
    Practice playing around with all of these
    different qualities
    (see the Appendix for more qualities) and
    notice the resulting
    effects on your confident state. This means
    you can build
    an even more confident state once you find
    the qualities that
    work best for you.
    As you relive your past confident experience
    and become
    aware of all the visual, auditory, and sensory
    qualities associated
    with that experience, realize that you can use
    same qualities to program yourself to have
    unlimited confidence in the future. The way
    to do this is by imagining
    situations in the future where you will need
    confidence and imagining your future
    confident self adjusting
    what you see, hear, and feel to match your
    past experience
    of confidence.
    You are literally programming your mind to
    have unstoppable
    confidence in the future. When the moment
    your mind will act as if you’ve already
    experienced it before
    and give you unlimited confidence. As I’ve
    said, the mind
    does not make a distinction between what is
    real and what
    has been vividly imagined. Real-time scans
    of the brain reveal
    that whether you take a physical action or
    simply vividly
    imagine doing it, the same areas of your
    brain are activated.
    You can take advantage of this by
    programming your mind
    in advance.
    Summary on how to Program Confidence
    1. Relive a past experience in which you felt
    2. Notice all the visual, auditory, and sensory
    qualities associated
    with that experience.
    3. Imagine a situation in the future where
    you will need
    4. Imagine yourself adjusting what you see,
    hear, and feel to
    match your past experience of confidence.
    TECHNIQUE 4: Anchoring
    The phenomenon of stimulus-respon se
    has come to be known in many circles as
    “anchoring.” An
    anchor is a stimulus that triggers a mental
    state. It has been
    applied to phobia treatment, motivation, and
    other areas of
    personal development. The beauty of
    anchoring is that it can
    be very easy to do for yourself.
    Properties of good anchors are that they:
    1. Elicit a strong emotional state
    2. Must be unique
    3. Must be repeatable
    Now, it’s all very well to work yourself into
    an unstoppably
    confident state manually when you have the
    time, but what
    about when you’d like to get into that state
    instantly? This is
    where anchoring comes in. When you get
    yourself into the
    state of being confident, motivated, and
    strong, you can easily
    pair that state with a stimulus of your own.
    Many people like to use music. If you want to
    do this, pick a piece of music that
    matches and maybe even evokes the state
    you want to anchor,
    such as “Eye of the Tiger” or the Chariots of
    Fire theme.
    Pick out one of your favorite confidence
    techniques and
    do it along with the music. Do this over and
    over again, and
    you will fi nd that just listening to that
    music immediately
    plunges you into that state.
    You can even anchor states with internal
    stimuli. Any
    image that automatically puts you into a
    certain state is
    already an anchor. For some people, just
    thinking about the
    smiling face of their spouse puts them in a
    romantic state.
    Thinking about a happy baby is enough to
    make many people
    melt with tenderness.
    All of these mental techniques are designed
    for tapping
    into your natural power to activate the
    emotional circuitry
    of your brain and body to produce a
    confident state. Once
    you have that state, you can pair it with
    outside stimuli like
    music or pictures, or you can associate it
    with internal stimuli
    like remembered images, sounds, or
    The following is a great internal anchor of
    mine that I
    want to pass on. After you imagine it a few
    times, you’ll
    naturally associate what you see and hear
    inside your mind
    with a powerfully confident state.
    Picture a jet-black puma at the top of a
    glorious canyon
    that spans miles across. The puma radiates
    intensity; its back
    is arched and it is poised to pounce on its
    unsuspecting prey
    below. The prey does not even realize what
    will transpire
    as the puma knowingly licks its sharp teeth.
    As you watch
    this scene, if you will, step into the puma’s
    body and become
    the puma. See through the puma’s eyes, hear
    what the puma
    hears, and feel that unstoppably confident
    state the puma has
    as you become completely aware of just how
    easily you are
    going to devour your prey (accomplish your
    goal). To even
    more fully experience this confident state,
    let loose with a GROWWWLLL that will rival
    any puma alive. Doing this
    will help to associate this powerful state
    with the sound of
    the growl.
    After you do this exercise, you will be able to
    simply growl
    internally and immediately go back into a
    state of unstoppable
    confidence. All you will ever need to do to
    get there
    again is stop for a moment, close your eyes,
    growl (inside
    your mind), and become the puma.
    Summary on Anchoring
    1. Practice a favorite confidence generating
    2. While doing so, listen to a piece of music
    that makes you
    feel confident or imagine an image that
    makes you feel good
    about yourself.
    3. When you want to re-create the confident
    feeling, internally
    hear that music or see that image
    TECHNIQUE 5: Circle of Confidence
    The next technique is an advanced form of
    anchoring called
    the “circle of confidence.” Instead of
    anchoring something
    to a location on your body or to an internal
    stimulus, this
    technique anchors confidence to a spot on
    the ground. In
    doing so, you will physically step into
    unstoppable confidence whenever you need
    There have been times in your past when you
    were confident. In the future, you will be
    confi dent again. The key
    is to be able to summon that feeling at will.
    This technique
    allows you to invoke a state of confidence
    whenever you
    To form your circle of confidence, imagine a
    location on the floor. Before you step into
    the circle, notice
    its exact dimensions and picture it either
    with colors or
    transparent, if you will. When you physically
    step into the
    circle, you will move back in time to a
    moment in which
    you had complete confidence.
    Pick an experience of ultimate confidence.
    While you
    are standing in your circle, fully relive that
    instance of confidence. See what you saw at
    the time, hear what you heard,
    and allow yourself to feel the unstoppable
    confidence of that
    Inside the circle and feeling confident,
    adjust your body
    language to match your confident state.
    Keep this confident
    state with you as you walk around outside
    the circle.
    If you have enough confidence to meet your
    you are done with the exercise. If you need
    more, go back
    into your circle and relive a different,
    equally powerful confident experience.
    Continue stacking up your confi dence
    until you have all you need.Regardlessof
    wherever you are, you can use your circle
    of confidence to instantly gain more
    confidence. Exaggerate
    your strong, powerful physiology as you train
    your body
    how to stand and move. Pretty soon, you will
    find yourself
    naturally standing confidently as a habit.
    Summary on Circle of Confidence
    1. Imagine a circle on the ground.
    2. Remember a situation in which you felt
    3. Relive that experience as you step into the
    4. Adopt a confident posture.
    5. Step outside the circle and continue to
    walk and act
    TECHNIQUE 6: Mirror Affirmations
    Typically when people do affirmations, they
    repeat them
    endlessly in hopes that they will work. Doing
    so is somewhat
    effective, but it can be made much more
    effective with
    some simple modifications. This technique
    will supercharge
    the efficacy of the affirmations. Instead of
    using statements
    beginning with “I,” you will use statements
    beginning with
    “You.” These statements are more powerful
    because they
    allow your conscious mind to tell you—your
    mind—specifical ly what you want, and how
    to behave.
    Get in front of a mirror, stand with
    confident physiology,
    and project your intention for these
    affirmations to change
    your life. The larger the mirror, the better it
    is, because you
    can see more of yourself. With your
    shoulders back, your
    head held high, and your stomach sucked in,
    look yourself
    squarely in the eye and say the following
    • “You are completely powerful.”
    • “You are unstoppably confident.”
    • “You are becoming more and more
    confident each
    and every day.”
    • “Nothing can stop you.”
    • “You go for what you want and you get it.”
    Repeat these affirmations to yourself in the
    mirror until you
    can totally feel them in your body. Perhaps
    you’ll see yourself
    a bit differently, as if you already noticed
    yourself having
    more confidence. Or maybe you’ll hear your
    inner voice
    speaking forcefully with absolute
    confidence from within.
    Do this daily as part of your confidence-buil
    ding regimen
    and I can guarantee you that you will have
    unstoppable confidence in little time.
    In summary Mirror Affirmations
    1. Stand in front of the mirror.
    2. Adopt confident physiology (shoulders
    back, head up, stomach
    tucked in).
    3. Deliver affirmations to yourself in the
    mirror, using “you”
    instead of “I” statements.
    TECHNIQUE 7: Future Success Now!
    If you were to taste your future success and
    feel what it
    would be like to achieve your goals now,
    wouldn’t you feel
    tremendously more motivated to go for it
    right now? This
    “future success now” technique does exactly
    that. It brings
    all the future feelings of success into your
    heart, mind, and
    soul right now. You will experience such an
    sense of success that you will surrender to
    your passion and
    go for it. Any fears you might have had may
    still be present,
    but with the desire for success dominating
    all other emotions,
    you will feel the need to take action and
    fulfill your
    In this exercise, the outcome you will want
    to set is to
    increase your confidence. This means saying,
    either aloud
    or inside your mind, “I’m doing this exercise
    to increase my
    confidence and feel more passion, which will
    naturally cause
    me to go after all my goals and make my
    dreams a reality.”
    Are you ready to feel your future success?
    Close your eyes and picture your mental
    movie screen.
    See yourself at the point where you are
    about to reach the
    pinnacle of your success. While you are
    watching yourself,
    make sure that you see yourself in color on a
    big, bright, and
    close-up picture. Fill your mind with stereo
    surround sound
    and turn the volume up all the way. Just
    before you reach the
    pivotal point where all your success is yours,
    stop the movie
    you’re watching. Ask yourself some
    questions to clarify why
    exactly you are going after this success.
    What is important
    to you about this success? What’s important
    to you about
    getting this pleasure? What’s important to
    you about that?
    Ultimately, what does having this success do
    for you?
    Now restart the movie and witness yourself
    your goal and getting all the massive success
    and pleasure you deserve that comes with it.
    Right as you see yourself
    on your mental screen fulfilling your goal
    and experiencing
    that wonderful feeling of victory, jump into
    your on-screen
    body. See through your own eyes as if you
    are there now,
    because in your mind you are.
    Hear the sounds of success. Feel what success
    is like in
    every fi ber of your being. As the moment
    comes to a climax,
    I want you to take all these wonderful
    feelings and wrap
    them up. Take those unlimited feelings with
    you as you
    jump out of the mental screen back into
    your physical body,
    allowing all of those magnificent feelings to
    ebb and fl ow.
    You’ve just smelled the sweet scent of your
    future success.
    You’ve tasted the victory. You realize that
    glory is yours for
    the taking. It’s up to you to take action now
    and claim what
    is rightfully yours. As you complete this
    exercise, write down
    fi ve immediate actions you will take that
    will bring you one
    step closer to achieving that success that you
    In summary Future Success Now has to do
    1. On your mental screen play a movie of you
    2. Just at the point when you are about to
    get to the peak of
    your success in the movie, temporarily hit
    3. Ask yourself, “What’s important about this
    success? What
    will having this success do?”
    4. Jump into the movie as you begin playing
    it again. Soak up
    the unlimited, massive success you know you
    5. When the movie is done, take all of these
    wonderful feelings
    back with you and open your eyes.
    6. Write down five immediate actions you
    will take that will
    bring you one step closer to achieving your
    TECHNIQUE 8: Put Your Life in Perspective
    Consider whatever appears overwhelming to
    you now. By
    the end of the exercise, you will think about
    it completely
    differently and have much more confidence
    about what
    you’re going to do.
    Picture a line representing your lifetime.
    Your past is off
    to the left, your present is in the center, and
    your future is
    off to the right. Now place whatever is
    bothering you on the
    timeline and visualize it as a small dot. In
    your mind, take
    a step back so you can see a larger portion of
    your entire
    timeline instead of just the present. Notice
    how this puts that
    minor nuisance into a different
    perspective? Now mentally
    step back even further to notice all of your
    past and all of
    your future at once, and recognize just how
    small and insignificant this dot
    representing your current problem is.
    When you keep things in perspective, it’s
    really difficult
    to waste valuable time and energy on trivial
    things. The
    trouble begins when people do not keep the
    big picture in
    sight and magnify some issue to be larger
    than it really is.
    In summary Put Your Life in Perspective has
    to do with:
    1. Visualize your life as a timeline.
    2. Picture whatever is overwhelming you as a
    point on that
    3. Mentally step back to see that dot in
    TECHNIQUE 9: Avoid the Future You Don’t
    As we saw earlier, people are motivated
    either by moving
    toward pleasure or by moving away from
    pain. If we
    were bunny rabbits, it would be the
    equivalent of us moving
    toward carrots or away from people’s boots.
    This next
    technique will work best for people who run
    away from the
    boots, so to speak, because it amplifies the
    pain of not going
    after your dreams to the point where it will
    seem easier to
    just do it.
    To do this exercise, visualize the timeline
    from Technique
    8. Close your eyes and imagine floating
    above the
    timeline, drifting forward far into your
    future. Continue
    fl oating forward in time until you get to
    the point when you
    are older and most of your opportunities
    have passed you by.
    As you get to that point, see yourself on your
    mental movie
    screen walking around and feeling
    miserable. In doing this,
    you might realize that you are looking at a
    person who has
    lived a life unfulfilled.
    Tune into the sounds that are coming from
    that older
    person who had so much potential, yet
    somehow failed to
    take action and live his or her dreams. Just
    as the feeling
    of disappointment rises to an extreme and
    your future self
    appears to realize that his or her life has not
    been invested
    wisely, jump right into that older person’s
    body and see what
    that experience is like. Feel how awful it is
    to lead a life
    It’s really quite tragic, isn’t it? When you
    fully experience
    that feeling of deep regret—all the pain,
    disappointment, and
    frustration that you will feel if you don’t go
    after your dreams
    by immediately taking action—jump back
    into your physical
    body. If you don’t take action now to go
    after your dreams,
    that is how you will feel when you get older.
    Since you’ve experienced the pain that will
    happen if you don’t go after it
    right now, are you aware of how much more
    motivated you
    are to avoid that feeling and live your
    If you hesitate in the future, call up that
    horrible feeling
    from this experience and allow that to
    propel you to take
    action. To break out of the negative state of
    mind induced
    by this exercise, use one of the previous
    visualization techniques
    to see the wonderful future you will have
    when you
    use your confidence resources to get the
    future you want!
    In summary the Avoid the Future You Don’t
    Want has to do with:
    1. Visualize the timeline from Technique 8.
    2. See yourself further down the timeline,
    with most of your
    opportunities passed over.
    3. Imagine your response—physic ally,
    audibly, emotionally—to
    an unfulfilled life.
    4. Come back to your present self, and
    summon those feelings
    of disappointment and rage when you need
    TECHNIQUE 10: Build an Enriched Past
    Oftentimes a lack of confidence when facing
    a new experience
    stems from not having done it before. In
    order to get
    good at doing something, usually you have to
    do it poorly
    at fi rst. But when that happens, some people
    equate the poor
    performance with failure and become
    anxious. Understand
    that we don’t have to do everything
    perfectly from the start.
    Having said that, though, how much more
    confident would
    you feel if you knew that you had done
    something many
    times before? I’m willing to bet you would
    be tremendously
    more confi dent. This next technique builds
    memories from
    your past that feature you succeeding wildly
    at whatever it
    is you’re about to do.
    You may or may not have heard of false-
    memory syndrome.
    False-memory syndrome occurs when
    someone gets
    someone else to create memories of events
    that didn’t really
    happen. However, the false memories are so
    vividly imagined
    that they seem real to the person in whom
    they are
    implanted—and consequently the person
    acts as if they are.
    In situations like this, the memories are
    usually dis empowering.
    What if we were to create false memories of
    having massive success at what we’re really
    about to
    do for the fi rst time? How much more
    confidence will you
    have when you do this?
    Build into your past as many successes as you
    find necessary.
    You will do this by visualizing success at
    what you’re
    about to do and imagining that it happened
    in the past. As
    you create your past successes, really
    intensify the experience
    so that you catch the feeling of confidence
    that you need.
    In summary Build an Enriched Past has to do
    1. See yourself in your past, on your mental
    movie screen, massively
    succeeding at whatever you are actually
    about to do
    for the first time.
    2. Crank up all the visual and sound qualities
    to make the new
    “memory” really intense.
    3. Do this ten times to create ten different
    positive “memories”
    of your success.
    TECHNIQUE 11: Correct Past Mistakes
    This technique goes back into the past and
    implants new
    memories in a similar fashion to the
    exercise in Technique
    10. Only this time, instead of giving yourself
    a history, you
    will be rewriting your history.
    Go back to a time when you really blew it.
    Perhaps something
    you were expected to accomplish was not the
    success you intended it to be. Close your
    eyes and watch
    yourself on the mental movie screen as you
    are just about to
    make the mistake or screw things up.
    Just prior to the instant in time when you’re
    about to
    start deviating from your success path and
    start making mistakes,
    stop the movie. We stop the movie now
    because we
    don’t want you rehearsing the negative
    incident, for that
    only reinforces it as a way of behaving.
    While the movie is
    stopped, think about how the situation
    ideally would have
    turned out if you could give it any ending.
    Restart the movie and replace the old
    ending with the
    ideal ending. See, hear, and feel yourself
    succeeding in the
    way you deserve. After you’ve watched the
    movie from start
    to finish from a third-person point of view,
    jump into your
    on-screen body and run the movie from
    start to finish—
    with the new, ideal ending—as you see, hear,
    and feel that
    massive success that is yours.
    Now, run the entire movie from start to
    finish ten times.
    This will recode the past incident as a
    success in your mind.
    Furthermore, rehearsing and reinforcing
    success teaches your
    mind to create success in the future.
    As you look back on your past, you’ll notice
    things feel
    different. Your past has been enriched and
    you’ll discover
    yourself moving through the world more
    resourcefully. One neat thing about this
    technique is its versatility: you can correct
    any part of your past in whatever way you
    Summary on how to Correct Past Mistakes:
    1. Watch yourself in the past on your mental
    movie screen,
    right up to the point just before you made a
    2. At that point, stop the movie and think
    about what the ideal
    ending would be.
    3. Finish the movie with the ideal solution:
    you behaving
    resourcefully and getting your outcome.
    4. Run the movie from start to finish with
    the new ending, feeling
    what it’s like to get your outcome.
    5. Jump into your on-screen body and run
    the movie of the success
    ten times to lock it in.
    TECHNIQUE 12: The Domino Effect
    Beliefs come in two
    different forms: causality and meaning (“X
    causes Y” or
    “X means Y”). Understanding how beliefs are
    means that we can consciously choose those
    beliefs that are
    most empowering to us. For example, if
    someone believes
    “public speaking means it’s time to be
    fearful and lack confidence,” then obviously
    this belief will be made manifest
    in that person’s behavior, as he or she gets
    nervous before
    making a speech. It’s necessary to
    understand how beliefs are
    formed to use this next technique.
    Think of something that is so far outside
    your comfort
    zone that you would be absolutely amazed,
    surprised, and
    delighted if you actually did it. In thinking
    about this, keep
    in mind that it should be something that is
    feasible and that
    you could immediately do, should you make
    that decision
    to take action. Become aware of what
    specifically you would
    see, hear, and feel when doing it. Now, ponder
    what sort of
    confidence it would take for you to do this
    thing that you
    are so afraid of.
    Once you’ve thought of something
    completely outside
    your comfort zone, you will naturally realize
    that if you were
    to actually do this, you could do anything you
    wanted in the
    world. After all, if you can step so far outside
    your comfort
    zone, you can continue to expand even
    further outside it,
    can’t you? To make this exercise really work,
    lock in the
    belief that doing whatever it is you are
    thinking of right now
    that you are afraid to do means that you can
    do anything.
    I chose skydiving as my activity for this
    exercise. I had led
    a pretty conservative lifestyle, keeping risks
    to a bare minimum,
    and so I had never done anything so daring
    before. Some risks, I soon learned, are worth
    it. To gain more confidence in myself, I built
    in this belief: “As I jump out of
    an airplane and hurtle to the ground at rapid
    speeds, I will
    be stepping far outside my comfort zone.
    And by proving
    to myself that I can do things I wasn’t quite
    sure I could do
    means that I can do anything in this world.”
    For me, skydiving
    demonstrated that anything is possible for
    me. When
    you do your activity, you’ll realize that
    anything is possible
    for you.
    Your example can be whatever you want it to
    be, as long
    as it is a big stretch outside your comfort
    zone. It could be
    marching into your boss’s office and asking
    for a raise, speaking
    in public, or running a marathon. The most
    part is that when you make it happen, you
    will realize that
    anything is possible for you when you set
    your mind to it.
    When you’ve decided on what you’re going to
    do, take
    immediate action to ensure that it will
    happen. Get things
    in motion as soon as you can. Taking
    immediate action is an
    excellent habit to develop. The most
    successful, unstoppably
    confi dent people take immediate action and
    manifest their dreams sooner.
    To anyone who is very logical or critically
    oriented, the
    belief that “since I can skydive, I can do
    anything” is not
    very logical at all. Yet holding the belief
    that you can do
    anything will enable you to go for much,
    much more than
    those who have limited themselves with
    logic. You may not
    be able to do “anything,” but you will
    definitely go past
    your old limits.
    Remember, what seems like a limit is very
    often just
    a limit in belief, not reality. When you
    choose your new
    beliefs, choose them because they are useful
    and empowering,
    not based on so-called logic. Choose your new
    because they will help you live your dreams.
    In summary the Domino Effect has to do
    1. Choose an activity that is far outside your
    comfort zone.
    2. Realize that in doing that activity, you
    make it possible to do
    anything you choose to do.
    3. Follow through on this activity as quickly
    as possible.
    4. Hold on to the new belief that you can
    make anything
    TECHNIQUE 13: Borrow Confidence
    A great way to gain confidence is to model
    yourself after
    someone else who already has a lot of
    confidence. Anyone
    who has an absolute belief in himself or
    herself will make a
    good model for you. One way to supercharge
    your results
    using this technique is to repeat it, using
    several different
    people as your models of unstoppable
    Once you’ve identifi ed the person who
    embodies confidence to you, get to know as
    thoroughly as possible how
    this person moves through the world. To do
    this, spend as
    much time as you can with the person and
    talk about his or
    her opinions on confidence, life, and taking
    action. If your
    model of confidence is not accessible to you,
    perhaps you can
    get to know the person vicariously by
    purchasing his or her
    books, CD's, or home-study courses, or by
    attending a seminar.
    If it’s a rock star, you could go to his or her
    concert. If
    it’s a star athlete, perhaps you could attend
    his or her sporting
    event. The idea here is to expose your mind
    to this person as
    much as possible. The better grasp you have
    on your model’s
    beliefs, attitudes, and values, the more
    effectively you can
    model his or her confidence.
    Set a strong outcome for this exercise, such
    as: “I want
    confidence like [name your model of
    confidence] for these
    reasons: [list the reasons].” By the time you
    reach this point,
    you have already familiarized yourself with
    your model of
    confidence and have a good grasp on his or
    her perceptions
    of the world, the self, and what he or she
    Close your eyes and envision your model of
    behaving in an unstoppably confident way in
    a movie on
    your mental screen. Pay close attention to
    how the person
    speaks, moves, gestures, and walks. Become
    aware of how
    this person interacts with others, imagine
    his or her internal self-talk, and notice
    anything else you can about the person.
    Make the movie big, bright, and close. Turn
    the sound up
    all the way so that it resonates in you.
    Next, step into the movie as if you are
    stepping into your
    confidence model’s body. Take on this
    person’s entire being.
    See as though you are seeing through your
    confidence model’s
    eyes, hear with his or her ears, and feel what
    it is like to
    completely immerse yourself and be as
    unstoppably confident as this person.
    While you are inside your confidence
    model’s shoes,
    physically do all you can to be like this
    person. Gesture,
    speak, move, and use the same facial
    expressions your model
    does. Continue doing this until you fully
    understand what it
    feels like to have your model’s unstoppable
    If it helps, imagine yourself as this person in
    different contexts.
    When you fully have that feeling down, see
    stepping outside of the person’s body and
    back into yours.
    As you fl oat back into your own body, take
    with you that
    unstoppably confident feeling you’ve just
    created. Integrate
    that feeling into your body, your mind, and
    your identity.
    By having your model’s confidence once, you
    can have it
    any time you want simply by doing this
    In summary Borrowing Confidence has to do
    1. Find someone whose confidence you’d like
    to have for
    2. Expose yourself to that model of
    confidence as much as
    3. Watch your role model behaving
    confidently on your mental
    movie screen. Notice how this person moves
    through the
    world, how he or she speaks and gestures.
    4. Make the image really compelling by
    turning up the visual,
    auditory, and sensory qualities.
    5. Step into the movie and become the
    model. Gesture, speak,
    and move through the world as this person
    does with this
    unstoppable confidence.
    6. Step into the model in five different
    7. When you feel you have a handle on this
    person’s confidence, step outside the
    model’s body and take his or her
    confidence back with you.
    TECHNIQUE 14: Schedule Your Dreams
    Successful people plan their work and then
    work their plan.
    This technique will help you decide on what
    you want and
    focus your energy toward pursuing it. Goals
    are dreams with
    deadlines. For that reason, this technique
    gives you some
    specific deadlines for achieving your
    What I want you to do is imagine yourself
    five years
    in the future, living your ideal lifestyle.
    What sort of job
    do you have? What have you accomplished?
    Where do you
    live? What is your lifestyle like? Focus in on
    the answers to
    these questions. Once you have the answers,
    build what I
    call an “expanded résumé.”
    A typical résumé charts what you have
    accomplished and
    the skills you possess now. The expanded
    résumé encompasses
    your entire life: your family life, your career,
    social circle, your spirituality, your finances,
    and so on. Create
    an expanded résumé that will be true for you
    in five
    years. Reread this résumé once a week—or
    more often, if
    you can invest the time—and in five years’
    time, you will
    have accomplished much, if not all, of what
    you put down.
    A similar technique for channeling your
    energy into the
    direction you want is to construct a future
    magazine cover—
    with yourself on it. The magazine could be
    either real or
    fi ctitious, but it should show you succeeding
    in whatever
    area of life you choose. When I did this, I
    used computer
    presentation software to import my
    photograph, design the
    magazine cover, and insert catchy headlines
    that described
    what I would achieve. When the cover was
    finished, I
    printed it out and proudly displayed it on
    my room. From
    time to time, I still glance over at my door
    to find it there,
    and I automatically become more motivated
    to take action
    and move toward my goals
    In summary Schedule Your Dreams has to do
    The Expanded Résumé
    1. Imagine where you’d like to be five years
    from now.
    2. Write down the details: family, work,
    leisure time, friends,
    and so on.
    3. Review this expanded résumé at least
    once a week.
    Your Future Magazine Cover
    1. Create a real or imagined magazine cover
    with yourself on it
    succeeding in some area of your life.
    2. Use catchy headlines and images to
    describe what you want
    to achieve.
    3. Review your magazine cover periodically
    to keep you motivated
    in reaching your goals.
    TECHNIQUE 15: Swish into Confidence
    The next technique is called the “swish”
    technique because
    in it, you redirect your brain as rapidly as a
    basketball makes
    the “swish” sound when it flies through the
    net. Our minds
    are trained to go in a certain direction.
    Sometimes, if we
    have not been consciously directing our
    minds, we tend to
    gravitate toward less-than-resou rceful
    behaviors, such as
    shyness. This technique redirects the brain,
    in effect telling
    it, “Not shy: confident!”
    If you act shy, you do it out of a pattern
    you’ve either consciously
    or unconsciously set up for yourself. There
    are triggers
    that cue you to begin the shyness pattern.
    What we’re
    going to do is to take those same triggers
    and retrain your
    mind so that they spur you toward
    confidence instead.
    Think of the times when you act shy. Decide
    on what the
    initial cue is that lets you know it’s time to
    get nervous and
    tentative. For some people, arriving at a
    party full of strangers
    and looking at their unfamiliar faces is a cue
    to begin
    acting shy. For others, seeing an attractive
    member of the
    opposite sex sit down nearby sets them off.
    Find out what
    your cue is. People do not randomly become
    shy. There is
    always a cue that precedes it.
    Now that you’ve discovered the cue that has
    led you to
    shyness in the past, put yourself into the
    picture and experience
    it from a first person perspective. Practice
    making the
    picture of what you see smaller, darker, and
    farther away.
    Take the normal picture—the cue image—
    and make it small,
    dark, and really far away in the time it takes
    you to say out
    loud, “Swish!” Do this until you feel you can
    take the picture
    of your shyness cue and make it disappear in
    an instant Following that, picture an image
    of your ideal self, but
    don’t “jump into” the image yet. Picture
    yourself and how
    you want to behave, instead of how you
    currently do. See
    those strong, confident gestures, facial
    expressions, and posture,
    and make sure that when you think about
    your ideal
    self, you feel really motivated to be that
    way. If you don’t feel
    a strong sense of motivation, then adjust
    the image of your
    ideal self until you do. Make this picture
    small, dark, and
    far away at first, and practice making the
    picture really big,
    bright, and close as rapidly as you can say out
    loud, “Swish!”
    Practice this exercise until you can do it
    Now what we’re going to do is redirect your
    mind so that
    whenever it experiences the cue image, it
    will automatically
    fl ash to your ideal self and therefore draw
    you into being that
    person. When you’ve done this successfully,
    you will see the
    trigger that used to make you shy and
    immediately experience
    an unconscious shift into confidence.
    Close your eyes and see the cue image in the
    of your mind. See it big, bright, and close up,
    just like you
    would if you were experiencing it for real. In
    the lower
    right-hand corner of your vision, see your
    ideal self-image as
    smaller, darker, and farther away. Make the
    “swish” sound,
    and simultaneously flip the two pictures so
    that the cue
    image becomes small, dark, and far away as
    the ideal self image
    becomes really big, bright, and close.
    Remember to
    make the “swish” sound as you do this
    exercise because it
    will help you unconsciously move the
    pictures around.
    Pause for a moment, open your eyes, and
    then reset the
    pictures so that you see the cue image big
    and close and your
    confi dent self in the lower right-hand
    corner. Then make
    the “swish” sound as you transpose them in
    the same way
    you did previously. Continue to repeat this
    pausing, resetting, and “swishing”
    of pictures until simply looking at the cue
    image automatically
    triggers your brain to gravitate toward your
    self-image. That’s how you know you’ve been
    successful in
    retraining your mind.
    In summary Swish into Confidence has to do
    1. Identify the cue that triggers your
    2. Practice making the image of that cue
    smaller, darker, and
    farther away until you can do it in the time
    it takes to say
    3. Now picture your idealized self smaller,
    darker, and farther
    4. Practice making that idealized self bright
    and close up,
    again in the time it takes to say “swish.”
    5. Finally, practice transposing the two
    pictures, so that at the
    sound of the word “swish,” your brain will
    make the shyness
    trigger small and far away while bringing
    your idealized self
    to the forefront.
    TECHNIQUE 16: Dissociate, Add Resources,
    Act Differently
    Sometimes people feel overwhelmed by
    situations because
    they are too deeply invested in them. If
    someone is too close
    to the situation, it may be difficult for him
    or her to reason
    logically about it. For example, if you have to
    make a major
    decision and there is an overriding
    emotional component,
    that emotional component may skew your
    judgment. This
    technique helps you stand back and survey
    the big picture in
    order to make the best decision for
    What you will do in this technique is to
    observe yourself
    in a third-person point of view; you will step
    outside your
    body and look over at yourself making a
    decision. Picture
    yourself on your mental movie screen, but
    don’t “jump into”
    your on-screen body. You are a detached
    observer. Pretend
    that you are the narrator as you refer to
    yourself in the third
    person by repeatedly using your name.
    Think through the decision-making process
    out loud in
    a detached frame of mind. As you narrate
    your thinking
    process regarding the decision, be sure you
    have confident
    physiology and tonality. This will help you
    make a firm
    commitment to the decision at which you
    ultimately arrive.
    As a result, your decision will be more
    rational, and emotion
    will have less influence over your decision,
    since you have
    literally given yourself some distance from
    the situation.
    Another way to perform this technique is
    with the confidence resource triangle,
    described next. The main difference
    is that the triangle uses physical locations to
    represent the
    different states.
    The confidence resource triangle has three
    legs: a “stuck state”
    location, a “dissociated-ob server” location,
    and a
    “resource” location. The stuck state is the
    state where a
    person will experience indecision and need a
    resource. The
    dissociated location is where a person can
    stand back and
    objectively look at the situation from a
    third-person point of
    view. The resource location represents a
    resource that will
    get a person unstuck from his or her
    indecisive state.
    Find three different spots on the floor and
    label one “S”
    for stuck, one “D” for dissociated, and one “R”
    for resource.
    First, step onto the “S” location. Close your
    eyes if it helps
    you. See, hear, and feel all the elements of a
    context where
    you need more confidence. Just when you’ve
    gotten a taste
    of it, step outside the location.
    Name three different things in the room to
    break your
    state and thus get you out of your stuck
    Second, step onto the “D” location. Look at
    the same
    situation you did in the “S” location, but do it
    from a third person
    perspective. Notice how it’s different and
    that you
    can perceive things more objectively. Think
    of a confidence
    resource that would help you conquer this
    stuck state.
    Third, step onto the “R” location. As you do
    this physical
    step, you will mentally step into the
    resource by completely
    reliving a past time when you were
    confident. See what you
    saw, hear what you heard, and feel what it’s
    like to really
    crank up your confidence level.
    Now, with this overwhelming confidence at
    your disposal,
    step back into what used to be the stuck
    state. How
    easily and naturally do you get unstuck now,
    with all this
    confidence oozing from every fiber of your
    If for some reason your stuck state did not
    change for
    you as much as you would have liked, do the
    exercise again;
    continue stacking up confident resources
    and bringing them
    to the stuck state until things change.
    In summary the Dissociate, Add Resources,
    Act Differently technique has to do with:
    1. Envision yourself in a stuck location.
    2. Step out of the stuck location and name
    three things in the
    room to balance yourself.
    3. Step into the dissociated location and
    watch how you
    resolve this situation in a confident manner.
    4. Step into the resource location and think
    back to a time in
    your life when you exuded confidence
    TECHNIQUE 17: Matching and Mirroring
    When two people have rapport with each
    other, an interesting
    thing occurs. Their body language becomes
    and they begin to match each other. How can
    we use this to
    our benefit? We can consciously match
    someone else body
    language in order to increase our perceived
    similarity to that
    person. You can use matching to increase
    intimacy in almost
    any human interaction.
    This technique is called matching and
    mirroring because
    your goal is to become a mirror image of
    your partner in
    conversation. When I first learned this
    technique, I confused
    it with mimicking. Mimicking is something
    young children do to annoy their parents, or
    monkeys do
    to play with visitors at the zoo. We are not
    mimicking anyone
    else. Instead, we are increasing our
    similarity to another
    person by mirroring that person’s body
    language, which will
    help engender a greater understanding of
    his or her point of
    The way to match and mirror someone is to
    adopt the
    same body posture as that person has. When
    the person
    moves, you move with him or her. Be sure to
    allow for a
    certain lag time so that your matching does
    not creep into
    the person’s conscious awareness. The idea is
    to gain rapport
    at an unconscious level, without attracting
    notice to what
    you are doing. The intended effect is that
    the other person
    will feel that you are similar to him or her,
    without being
    quite sure why. As your rapport deepens, you
    can trim the
    lag time until pretty soon you are moving
    exactly with the
    Rapport is like a dance; one person leads and
    one person
    follows. Up until this point, you’ve been
    involved in the
    dance and only been following. After
    sufficient rapport has
    been established, you now have an
    opportunity to lead the
    dance of rapport. To begin leading, move
    your body into a
    new position and see if the other person
    follows you. When
    the person does follow, you will know that
    you are now the
    one in charge. If you move and the person
    does not follow
    you, go back to matching and mirroring to
    build up the
    rapport further. While you lead non verbally,
    you can match
    and mirror people in other ways.
    In addition to matching body language, you
    can match
    people’s breathing too. This practice will
    serve to unconsciously
    synchronize you and the other person and
    rapport. To match someone’s breathing,
    watch his or
    her shoulders. Most people’s shoulders rise
    when inhaling
    a breath and fall when exhaling. People
    exhale as they are
    talking, so remember to match someone’s
    breathing as the
    person speaks. The more similar you are to
    another person,
    even in barely perceptible behaviors such as
    breathing, the
    deeper the rapport you will create.
    As well as matching someone’s breathing,
    you can match
    hand gestures as well. When the other
    person is talking,
    notice how he or she gestures. No matter
    whether someone
    has wild, demonstrative gestures, or slight,
    precise hand
    gestures, match the person when it is your
    turn to speak by
    using the same gestures. I don’t care if it
    feels awkward or if
    it’s outside your comfort zone. You are
    matching the other
    person in order to better understand and
    communicate with
    him or her.
    Facial expressions are another great way to
    match and
    mirror someone to develop greater rapport.
    Smiling, frowning,
    raising of the eyebrows, or any other facial
    can be matched. You can even match
    someone’s muscle tone.
    If the person is uptight and stressed out, you
    can tighten
    yourself up. If the person is loose and
    relaxed, you can act
    the same way to be with him or her in the
    moment. Suppose
    you match someone who is tense. You can
    develop great
    rapport with the person and then begin to
    lead the dance of
    rapport by gradually relaxing. If the rapport
    is sufficient, the
    person will follow you and relax as well.
    The level of perceived similarity between
    you and another
    person is directly proportional to the
    rapport you will experience.
    The greater the level of rapport you
    experience, the
    more freedom you will have to relax and be
    your own confident self around the person.
    A good rule of communication is to
    remember that
    nobody is going to get your message across
    for you, so do
    whatever it takes to make sure you are
    heard. Non verbally
    matching someone can help facilitate this
    and increase the
    chances that your message is received the
    way you intended
    it. It’s not up to the other person to make
    sure he or she gets
    it. As an excellent communicator, it’s solely
    up to you to share
    your message loud and clear.
    In summary the Matching and Mirroring
    technique has to do with:
    1. With a friend, practice mirroring his or her
    2. First, adopt the same body posture your
    friend has.
    3. Next, match your friend’s gestures.
    4. Third, mirror your friend’s facial
    5. When you are aware that rapport has been
    deepened, try
    making your own gestures or facial
    expressions and see if
    your friend matches your movements.
    TECHNIQUE 18: Verbal Matching
    You now understand how to create rapport
    by non verbally
    matching someone. Of course, you can
    further deepen rapport
    by matching someone verbally as well.
    Typical verbal
    behaviors you can match are tone of voice,
    volume of voice,
    rate of speech, inflection (for example,
    questioning or commanding),
    and word usage. If someone speaks rapidly,
    example, you shouldn’t speak much more
    slowly. You want
    to keep up with that person’s speech rate. If
    someone speaks
    slowly, you don’t want to be a motormouth
    when talking
    with that person. You want to speak at near
    the same rate
    the person is speaking.
    Listen to people’s key words—the words
    they say over and
    over again. I like to call them their “trigger”
    or “hot button”
    words. When you hear these words, use them
    right back and
    notice how your rapport skyrockets. My
    trigger words are
    sprinkled throughout this book. If we were
    to meet, and you
    spoke with me using some of the more
    prevalent words in
    this book, you would notice how delighted I
    became, and
    our rapport would skyrocket. Some of my
    trigger words are
    unstoppable, fun, powerful, delight, and
    Here’s an example of how to match
    someone’s trigger
    words. The conversation is between an artist
    and her friend.
    The artist may say, “I like my art because it’s
    expressive and
    freeing. I get to be myself. I paint
    landscapes that are breathtaking
    and wide open. It allows me to express
    myself in a
    way that I didn’t get to before. Painting is
    liberating because
    I can see the beauty of things around me and
    express them
    to others.”
    The friend could match the numerous
    trigger words by
    saying, “That makes sense. I understand
    where you’re coming
    from. It seems like it would be liberating to
    really let loose and express yourself to
    others. To be able to see the
    true beauty in things to the point where it
    takes your breath
    away is really awesome. I can see why you
    like painting so
    The result of this communication will be
    that rapport has
    deepened because of all the trigger words
    the painter used
    when discussing her passion for painting.
    Elicit someone’s
    passion, listen for trigger words, and then
    use those words
    when speaking with the person. You will be
    amazed at how
    quickly you develop excellent rapport.
    In summary the Verbal Matching technique
    has to do with:
    1. To increase rapport, practice verbally
    matching a friend.
    2. First, match your friend’s tone and volume
    of voice.
    3. Next, match the rate of speech.
    4. Finally, pick up on your friend’s trigger
    words and use them
    as you respond to what your friend is saying
    TECHNIQUE 19: Parroting
    Parrots are interesting birds because they
    repeat certain
    words or sentences when they are said
    frequently enough. By
    acting like a parrot, we can increase rapport.
    When someone
    is speaking and pauses, repeat the last few
    words of the
    sentence right back to the person. The
    person’s words have
    special significance to him or her or they
    wouldn’t have
    been chosen that way. Be like the parrot and
    repeat the exact
    words back.
    You’ll discover how easily this causes a
    greater sense of
    rapport. Parroting validates that person’s
    point of view and
    demonstrates that you are listening. People
    like to have their
    point of view validated and they enjoy being
    listened to,
    which is why parroting works so well.
    FRED: How are you doing today?
    CAROLYN: Excellent. I had a fl at tire on the
    way to
    work but I made it here all right.
    FRED: You made it here all right. How has
    workday been since that?
    CAROLYN: It’s been pretty hectic around the
    office. I’ve
    got a team meeting this afternoon at 4:00.
    FRED: You’ve got a team meeting at 4:00. Uh-
    CAROLYN: Yeah, I’m really looking forward
    to it. The
    product should be unveiled here really soon.
    FRED: Really soon.
    CAROLYN: Next week is our scheduled launch.
    been working really hard to get this project
    FRED: Next week. You must have been
    working really
    hard to get this project going.
    The parroting is delivered as a mere echo of
    what the
    person previously said, with the key points
    echoed back to
    the person. The speaker, upon hearing his or
    her own words
    parroted back, will either say yes or agree
    non verbally, perhaps
    with a nod. When people are in agreement,
    they are
    generally in an excellent state of rapport.
    Avoid active listening, which is when you
    change around
    what someone said by putting it into your
    own words and
    then spewing it back at the person. By
    changing the words
    you change the meaning and distort the true
    message that
    the person wanted to convey. People like to
    get their message
    across, and parroting their exact words back
    that you’ve received them.
    In summary the Parroting technique has to
    do with:
    1. With a friend, begin a conversation and
    practice repeating
    the last phrase your friend said back to him
    or her.
    2. Make sure not to rephrase in your own
    TECHNIQUE 20: Nodding, Leaning Forward,
    and Prodding
    People who are masterful communicators
    nod as they are
    listening to others. In doing so, they invite
    others to relax
    and share whatever is on their mind. The
    next time you are
    talking with someone, continually nod to
    open the person
    up for sharing.
    To practice this, get a partner and have a
    Say as little as possible and nod as often as
    you can. This is
    what effective communicators do, and by
    modeling effective
    communicators, your confidence in
    interpersonal skills will
    dramatically increase.
    Disinterested communicators lean back and
    Excellent communicators lean forward and
    show that they
    are hanging on each and every word said. In
    this exercise,
    lean forward as you nod along.
    As you’re talking with your partner, prod him
    or her
    on by throwing in the following phrases at
    the appropriate
    • Uh-huh.
    • Go on.
    • I understand.
    • That makes sense.
    • Tell me more.
    • I see what you are saying.
    • I hear you.
    • That feels right to me.
    You’ll soon discover how effectively this
    keeps people talking.
    I’ve kept people talking for thirty minutes
    at a time without
    my saying anything, just by nodding, leaning
    forward, and
    interjecting these phrases at the appropriate
    In summary Nodding, Leaning Forward, and
    Prodding technique has to do with:
    1. Ask a friend to begin telling you a story.
    2. Practice nodding and prodding at
    appropriate points in
    the story.
    3. See how long you can keep your friend
    TECHNIQUE 21: Ask Open-Ended Questions
    When you realize that you can talk to anyone,
    anytime, you will have more confidence in
    yourself than
    ever before. A secret to being a great
    conversationali st is
    knowing how to ask questions that show
    genuine interest in
    the other person. Quite simply, ask open-
    ended questions
    whenever possible.
    Open-ended questions require more than a
    simple yes or
    no response. The person answering has to
    elaborate and
    describe what he or she is thinking. Closed
    questions do
    not further develop conversations, since
    they are usually followed
    by short answers. If someone repeatedly
    responds to
    you with one-word answers, there’s not much
    to work with
    in developing the conversation.
    An example of a closed question and
    response is:
    BRAD: “How are you doing today?”
    EILEEN: “Fine.”
    An example of an open-ended question and
    response is:
    BRAD: “If anything were possible, what would
    most like to be doing right now?”
    EILEEN: “I have a passion for sailing. I would
    love to be
    sailing my boat around the world with my
    I’ve been sailing before and I loved it. I can’t
    wait to
    go again.”
    You can see how open-ended and closed
    questions elicit
    entirely different responses. As you ask
    these open-ended
    questions, be sure to listen intently to what
    the person is
    saying. While you are listening to someone,
    use the other
    methods taught in this book to develop even
    greater rapport.
    You can nod and lean forward, parrot the
    person’s words
    back to him or her, use nonverbal matching
    and mirroring,
    and use trigger words. Doing all of this at
    once may be cumbersome
    at fi rst. Therefore, practice each skill
    and when you’ve mastered them, begin to
    combine them for
    even better rapport with others.
    In summary the Ask Open-Ended Questions
    technique has to do with:
    1. Engage a friend in conversation.
    2. Ask open-ended questions and see how
    long you can keep
    the conversation going.
    Okay guys. I hope you find all that incredibly
    helpful . I trust you will use and Incorporate
    this in your life not only as a pick-up thing .
    Have fun guys!!!

  2. #2
    bi11ydakid13 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Unstoppable Confidence Techniques

    wow amazing man keep them coming

  3. #3
    Vere is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unstoppable Confidence Techniques

    I will be sure to keep em coming bro..This is powerful stuff Indeed..Like I said..I hope you find it useful. Remember you can save the page and use them and incorporate them in your life at your own pace..Have fun experimenting ey

  4. #4
    bi11ydakid13 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Unstoppable Confidence Techniques

    i need advice can you look at my post named text her

  5. #5
    Msagro is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Unstoppable Confidence Techniques

    Holy sh** man, such a long post, but it is good man, big ups

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