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  • 2 Post By Vere
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Thread: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

  1. #1
    ImMarcus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    I just arrived in London from Australia on a 2-year working visa... and on my second day was at an underground station, and saw HB 8, she got on my train...then I changed trains for a different line and she turns up at my new platform...I went for it.

    Asked her if I needed to swipe my ticket again (I knew I didn't)...conversati on got started. Turns out we got off at the same station (awesome). We started walking out of the station, still chatting about crap, and I asked her if she was doing anything now ( with the intention of instant dating her). Before I could ask her to coffee, she said "did you want to do something?".

    I said yeah, "did you want to grab a coffee?"...as I was new in town, she took me to this cool café nearby, which had heaps of quirky decorations and she suggests we go upstairs to the sitting room where no one else was with old Victorian chairs and couches. GREAT PLACE.

    We just talked and talked. She was really chatty, and never let the conversation die. I had plenty of stories to tell about Australia and my travels. She kept playing with her hair and smiling and telling me about her travels and family. After 2 hours, I tried to cut loose as I thought this has to end at some point, but she kinda deflected it and we kept talking for another hour. She asked me if I was single, played with her hair some more, and laughed and smiled a lot. great impressions.

    Eventually, we decided to go, got her number, flirted some more, not too much kino as we were sitting a bit apart, but managed to get some light contact in, which was received well. Walked her home, and we kissed on each cheek, and I said something like "it was nice meeting out, we should definitely catch up again, bye", as I crossed the road she smiled and waved at me.

    This instant was amazing. I left buzzing. I didn't expect it to go so well, and she was a good sort and she had a great personality and good energy.

    I txt her the next day, saying, my phone finally works and that this is my first txt in London "..this must be a great honour for you? :P"

    She replied positively to that and we txt a few more times. I told her things I had done during the day like discovering the city, walking around, applying for jobs, and that my room mate is a DJ and he loves blasting sets in the living room. But then she started putting hours in between txts.

    When I finally got a reply late at night, I teased her about it "I thought youd fallen asleep on the train and woken up in some distant land haha. bla bla my day was good, walked around more but I was lost with my tour guide (her)"... She replies a couple hours later but im asleep. I wake up and see her msg. PLaying along she says fortunately she didn't end up in some distant land and apologies for the late reply, shes been busy..then says "Ah, cool, knew you would need me again at some point!"

    That was her LAST msg...its been 4 days now. I kind of see that my reply was too keen I reckon...

    "Haha well the hospitality so far has been very good. And im sure you like learning about Australia and our pet kangaroos "


    then NOTHING. Surely after a 3 hour instant date, you would get more off her than a complete flake out. but im sure ive gone VERY wrong somewhere, its just not so obvious. Please help with some advice.

    Although I did make it worse I think by txting her the next day after not hereing from her saying I was out having a social drink and that she should come along...Nothing form that either, i was surprised because she seemed attracted and keen. Im pretty annoyed that I never got to here from her again... but oh well lol. Ill have to learn from this!

    Cheers

  2. #2
    Vere is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    You probably built too much comfort too soon by talking for 3 hours straight without physical escalation..you should have pumped up attraction first before building comfort..she gave you IOIs indeed thus indicating window of opportunity is open..so your problem was that you built too much comfort and unfortunately her attraction level ceased and you are now in semi-friend zone..The sooner you get out of there the better.
    Whether you think you can or you can't either way, you are right-To believe in the heroic makes heroes

  3. #3
    cdharders's Avatar
    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    Quote Originally Posted by ImMarcus View Post
    I just arrived in London from Australia on a 2-year working visa... and on my second day was at an underground station, and saw HB 8, she got on my train...then I changed trains for a different line and she turns up at my new platform...I went for it.

    Asked her if I needed to swipe my ticket again (I knew I didn't)...conversati on got started. Turns out we got off at the same station (awesome). We started walking out of the station, still chatting about crap, and I asked her if she was doing anything now ( with the intention of instant dating her). Before I could ask her to coffee, she said "did you want to do something?".

    I said yeah, "did you want to grab a coffee?"...as I was new in town, she took me to this cool café nearby, which had heaps of quirky decorations and she suggests we go upstairs to the sitting room where no one else was with old Victorian chairs and couches. GREAT PLACE.

    We just talked and talked. She was really chatty, and never let the conversation die. I had plenty of stories to tell about Australia and my travels. She kept playing with her hair and smiling and telling me about her travels and family. After 2 hours, I tried to cut loose as I thought this has to end at some point, but she kinda deflected it and we kept talking for another hour. She asked me if I was single, played with her hair some more, and laughed and smiled a lot. great impressions.

    Eventually, we decided to go, got her number, flirted some more, not too much kino as we were sitting a bit apart, but managed to get some light contact in, which was received well. Walked her home, and we kissed on each cheek, and I said something like "it was nice meeting out, we should definitely catch up again, bye", as I crossed the road she smiled and waved at me.

    This instant was amazing. I left buzzing. I didn't expect it to go so well, and she was a good sort and she had a great personality and good energy.

    I txt her the next day, saying, my phone finally works and that this is my first txt in London "..this must be a great honour for you? :P"

    She replied positively to that and we txt a few more times. I told her things I had done during the day like discovering the city, walking around, applying for jobs, and that my room mate is a DJ and he loves blasting sets in the living room. But then she started putting hours in between txts.

    When I finally got a reply late at night, I teased her about it "I thought youd fallen asleep on the train and woken up in some distant land haha. bla bla my day was good, walked around more but I was lost with my tour guide (her)"... She replies a couple hours later but im asleep. I wake up and see her msg. PLaying along she says fortunately she didn't end up in some distant land and apologies for the late reply, shes been busy..then says "Ah, cool, knew you would need me again at some point!"

    That was her LAST msg...its been 4 days now. I kind of see that my reply was too keen I reckon...

    "Haha well the hospitality so far has been very good. And im sure you like learning about Australia and our pet kangaroos "


    then NOTHING. Surely after a 3 hour instant date, you would get more off her than a complete flake out. but im sure ive gone VERY wrong somewhere, its just not so obvious. Please help with some advice.

    Although I did make it worse I think by txting her the next day after not hereing from her saying I was out having a social drink and that she should come along...Nothing form that either, i was surprised because she seemed attracted and keen. Im pretty annoyed that I never got to here from her again... but oh well lol. Ill have to learn from this!

    Cheers
    Great work doing as well as you did! Sounds like there was the opportunity for a Same Day Lay as you ended up at her place, but you would have needed to escalate sooner and harder earlier in set. Sounds like you were using the texting for conversational purposes rather than trying to set up a time to see her again. Eventually, she will lose interest in texting. See if you can still meet up with her. This set isn't over! Kiss her and push for the close! Great work gaming her on the train!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    There's good advice here. I just want to clarify on a few things that I could potentially see differently.

    Sounds like there was the opportunity for a Same Day Lay as you ended up at her place, but you would have needed to escalate sooner and harder earlier in set.

    Yes (an opportunity, as in it could have happened) and yes to the actions necessary. Of course, that is assuming that's what you wanted, otherwise you wouldn't have to necessarily go for the immediate f-close.

    Sounds like you were using the texting for conversational purposes rather than trying to set up a time to see her again. Eventually, she will lose interest in texting.

    Agreed.

    You probably built too much comfort too soon by talking for 3 hours straight without physical escalation..you should have pumped up attraction first before building comfort..she gave you IOIs indeed thus indicating window of opportunity is open..so your problem was that you built too much comfort and unfortunately her attraction level ceased and you are now in semi-friend zone..The sooner you get out of there the better.

    These two responses hit on two important topics where most guys trip up. It's an easy fix.

    Here's the blueprint:

    Approach --> Attract --> Rapport --> Seduce

    And while you didn't butcher it (you honestly did pretty well), this is how she received it:

    Approach --> Rapport --> Attract --> Seduce

    Sometimes this works out. Some girls understand that attraction can be built later, because certain women find rapport building attractive, making it a part of the attract stage...but it's a bad habit to get into, especially if this has ever felt like a recurring problem. It's a fast track to the friend zone.

    You have a window of time where her intent is dependent upon your intent. As time passes and she remains unclear about your intent, she puts you in the friend zone to safeguard herself. You can't blame her. Nobody likes to wait around.

    Practical Applicable Advice

    Don't be ashamed; make your intent known and clear. By the sound of it she was waiting for you to do something, anything. She didn't want a nice guy to talk to. She has plenty of nice guys to talk to. She wanted a guy who knows what he wants, because those guys are few and far between. Cut the bullsh*t and tell her out, don't ask her out.

    This was good though. Keep it up.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  5. #5
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    The advice in here is great. I just want to throw out one extra thing.

    Because of the dynamic of you being new in town and her showing you around, there was a gender role reversal that was inevitable and unavoidable. She became the leader and you the follower. You needed to take control of the situation at some point, and clearly, you never did.

    You stated that she decided where you'd go, when the interaction ended, and it sounds like she initiated the escalation as well. While she had the geographical upperhand, you needed to take control of the interaction.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  6. #6
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    lilsting is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    Wow, every single post in here is golden.

  7. #7
    ImMarcus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    Hey guys, thanks for the awesome advice. I love day game, just need to do more often and follow a plan. Definitely need to attract her more. However, I was under the impression this was lost until reading the comments...its just that she completely ignored my last msg (about 5 days cold now)...how do you recover from that?

    Should I give it one last shot, and 'tell her out' by txt or wait around like an AFC lol.

    We both did make it seem like we should catch up again for a drink soon so there.

    Thanks again fellas!

  8. #8
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    You have nothing to lose by texting her one more time. I would go for a ping text followed instantly by a text to meetup.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  9. #9
    ImMarcus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    Thanks Duke!! I txt her and got immediate results (30 seconds!)



    ME: Omg...I just saw your twin, unless you're stalking me!

    HER: Hey, haha what really?

    ME: Yeah! I be you're the evil twin :P

    HER: Haha omg how charming!! Lol how's everything going??

    ME: Soo hectic, I've hardly had a moment to stop! Definitely need to relax! Tomorrow, roll with me @ 7:27, chill drink on High Street!


    ...but she hasn't replied to that...annoying as it is, I used the twin ping to get her back from the dead which is was sure I couldn't, and got something out of here, but I then went for the "Tell her out" and she has ignored it again. 5 Hours and nothing. What does she want me to think? Maybe shes making me wait, we shall see.

  10. #10
    maxtazm is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 3 hour instant-date, then flakes out on txt.

    ya it probably got a little boring. If you aren't sexually escalating then i would recommend ending on a positive moment and planning your next meet up and go from there.


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