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  • 1 Post By marvilo

Thread: Problems to display confidence

  1. #1
    Kahn is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question Problems to display confidence

    Hi fellow PUAs

    Earlier In my life I've been a guy with low confidence and since I started reading and practice pick up I've realized I need to work on my inner game.


    A guy with low self esteem tend to be placed in a lower level of the social hierarchy, and I started trying climb the ladder. My progress is going great, I've started to become more popular and my confidence is improving. Although as I practise to DHV and look more confident I tend to become a douchebag who says rude stuff to my friends and people I meet. Hurting them instead of increasing my social value. Especially when I've had a few glasses.

    I don't believe girls like douche bags. They like confidence(being a douche is an easy way to display confidence though) and that is why I want to come out as a confident nice guy.

    So a summary of my question.
    How can I continuing practise DHVs and confidence improvments without the tendency to become a douchebag?


    Cheers
    Kahn

  2. #2
    marvilo's Avatar
    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Problems to display confidence

    You set a goal and standard for yourself and you live by them... Don't lower your goals or standard for anyone. also don't talk alot( listen more and you'll learn more) and THINK before you say stuff.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #3
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Problems to display confidence

    Confidence isn't about DHVing. In fact, DHVing is often just an attempt to hide low self-esteem. The real key is to work on your own perception of yourself. Once you can look in the mirror and be comfortable with the person looking back at you, that's when you can say you're confident. When I started PUA my self-esteem was in the gutter. I had to work on several things before I was comfortable with myself again. So to try and speed up the process for you, let me give you the one piece of advice that I had to learn on my own:
    Never let the external factors, of which you have no control, impact your self-image.
    That's it. If it's external to your internal locus of control, then there is no reason to let it have an impact on your life. Some specific things I did to get my confidence back included:

    1. Hitting the gym regularly. When I got into PUA I had been in a LTR and I had completely let my body go. Before becoming a complete slob, I was a great football player, but I had to quit because of concussions, and then I got into competitive weightlifting, but suffered a severe injury that put me in a cast for 3 months. (ended up dislocating my wrist and giving it up for several years). After dislocating my wrist, I really just gave up on the physical aspects of my life and I got close to 300 lbs. I started to lose weight a couple years ago, but it wasn't until I got into PU that I got really serious, and I dropped all the way to 205lbs within about 6 months. Anyways, point is, taking time to work on stuff like that for yourself does wonders for your confidence.
    2. I started saying affirmations to myself. I made a post a while back about how to do affirmations properly, since most people are using ineffective techniques. But the basics are simple, if you can identify the thought patterns that are bringing you down, you can identify whether a cognitive dissonance is occurring. If there is a cognitive dissonance, then use affirmations to attack the premise that is illogical. If there is no cognitive dissonance occurring, then look at the premises and decide which one you have control of, then change it so it's no longer true.
    3. I took breaks from picking girls up. Whenever I felt that my inner confidence was down, I would take a week or two off of pickup and really focus on myself. If you're down, then your game is going to be down and that can cause a vicious circle that wreaks havoc on your confidence. It's much better to take a step back and reflect than to continue a path that is going to lead to negative outcomes.
    4. I read books continuously. I read all sorts of books, PUA books, self-improvement books, classic literature, non-fiction, science fiction, pop fiction. This year alone I've probably already read close to 100 books, on top of the shit I read for school (I'm in a grad program). Obviously PUA and self-improvement make sense, but reading in general is a great way to boost your confidence because it makes you feel more intelligent and cultured. It also gives you something to talk about when you're around people. Which leads me to the next point.
    5. I dropped most of the things that waste my time. If doing something isn't adding value to my time other than as a leisure activity, I stopped doing it. I'm a huge GTA fan and when GTA V came out I had to buy it. I still haven't come close to finishing it because every time I sit down to play I decide I'm more interested in doing something that's productive and adds value. So what's productive? Anything you define as productive. Watching TV can be productive if you're watching it for material to talk to people with.

    Anyways, these are some things that helped me. Give some or all of them a try.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."


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