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Thread: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone now

  1. #1
    wildstorms's Avatar
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    Post Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone now

    Hey guys I've been practicing for several months now and have gotten a lot better as of recent. I've been reading and field testing a lot. This forum is awesome, thank you to all of you who post on this forum! <3

    So while I was a super afc many months back and did know anything, I just happened to be at my neighbourhood gas station at around 3 am or so. Now this girl walked onto the premise just before I decided to go home and gave me a couple of iois as she made her way inside I was standing near the entrance on my phone, now I did not give one fark about this girl nor was I attracted to her in any way shape or form, she's an HB6. She came back out and gave me another ioi and to my surprise she opened me and we started to talk and she was doing a lot of investing and keeping the conversation going. So just for practice I used a relationship opinion opener and she instantly got hooked and started giving me more iois. So being in afc land I really did not know what to say after a while and a little bit of my afc spilt out and I started to talk about myself, however I did not give one fark about her, because I just met her and didn't find her attractive and just didn't care. Forced to contribute just a little to the conversation, I ended one of her sentences by telling her to join me at one these volunteer programs I was going to join. her face went from "hi stranger" to "super happy", loaded with smiles. Using that as an excuse and the time being so late, she number closed me. LOL!

    Now at this point I didn't care very much for this girl and was a super afc so I txted her my number and that was it. the following few weeks however for some reason we kept randomly bumping into each other in random places around town and every single time we did we would just ditch everything and go out of our way to spend time together. I never really txted or called her she would always be the one doing it. At this point I still don't know much and my experience was low and I didn't play any game on this girl (or so I thought, till now that I realized I was somewhat unconsciously gaming her) wasn't anything amazing but seemed to work kind of . Basically I was unsure as fark about what was happening between us and I wasn't keeping up to par with my reading and fell behind a bit. So recently I just kind of wanted to shoot myself because I now realized that she gave me 3 to 4 cues to kiss her and I wussied out every farkin time. So I thought I was getting close to the friendzone because I knew I should have taken those natural moments where I could have and just not give a fark at all even if she disagreed I would have no regrets right now, reading about it just made me go into severe depression for days. Just thinking that I was in the friendzone was my biggest mistake, it completely destroyed me.

    We hung out here and there if I didn't call her she would call n txt me every couple of weeks atleast once a month, and we would end up hanging out. Now the last few days that we hung out was where I super farked up. for 3 days straight she came to my house n we hung out n at this point I thought I was in the friendzone and put her on a pedestal like a fool, I started to agree with what she was saying, kissing her on the cheeks, being impressed by things she would say to dhv herself, became her therapist pretty much, ugh. But as I did that she opened up a lot more to me and honestly, all I have to say is just wow, her personality is just amazing, everything I want in a women, her looks didn't even matter to me.
    However on the last day that we hung out which was first week of October I think I super farked up.

    So as if it wasn't bad enough that I was putting her on a pedestal, we ended up walking to a nature reserve that took us 1hr 30mins, but it didn't matter as long as we were together. now on the walk there I was being an idiot and kissing her on the cheeks and she kept telling me to stop n that she was sick n didn't want to spread germs but I didn't care anyways like a fool. Then she said "ok fine, I think I just need to accept other peoples love, you can kiss n hug me." and so I did, just completely destroyed my frame there I realized that like 20 seconds too late ugh. And so once we got to the nature reserve there was a hot blond girl like HB8, her father and their 3 dogs. and so my girl started conversing with them and we all started to talk. I began to flirt a little bit with the blond girl and paid no attention to my other girl. So we we're all about to leave and they offered us a ride and she said it was all up to me, and I took the ride ( did not want to walk back 1 hr 30 mins again - should have though) Now the blond chick was hinting big time to hang out again. So I asked for her number n she said her phone broke, n she asked if I have fb or like email. I said yeah do you have your email, should have gone fb but didn't like a fool. She said that my girl already took her email, and I said I would get it off her, like the biggest idiot on earth. they drop us off and I ask her for her email and she completely denies me and says she has a boyfriend, which I don't recall hearing her saying. She tapped me on the ass with her walking stick thing she found while denying me and smiled. So I gave up pretty easily, stupid of me to put myself into that situation in the first place. I was being too nice. Now the thing is as she started to walk in her direction towards home I left and came back to tell her I needed to give her something, she said we`ll do it tomorrow. Now since that day I haven't txted her or called her since nor has she. I feel like I farked myself over by being so needy. I started to get kind of attached to her because she's sooo worth it. I know for a fact she played game on me as well. She used every trick in this book I read recently, and I just cant stop thinking about her, its driving me insane.

    I am determined to create a solid game plan and blow her away.

    Few things I have planned myself so far:

    -I signed up for this volunteer program and I'm going to invite her to come help. its a Christian organization as well n she loves her religion. I've told her to come by with me so many times to different programs but I just never went through with it and I should have, its my responsibility to bring her into my world.
    - I will not give a fark about anything she says nor will I be impressed by anything she says, stop agreeing with her opinion n take her off that pedestal , n make myself the prize.
    - get her to chase me even more and use push n pull techniques.
    - basically build sexual tension, as I've read on the forum "change her mood not her mind."
    - I believe I will have to k - close her on our first encounter next time.
    - talk about things she loves and is passion about and keep her super emotionally charged.
    - DHV like crazy

    I worked on my game tried to game other women HB7 - HB9, but I just don't care anymore, their looks mean nothing to me. I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with her. It might seem like oneitis, but I don't care she so worth it. Also She is 31 years old and I am 21 years old.

    Sorry for the super long post, love you all!

    I would really appreciate all the help I can get. Thanks guys

  2. #2
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    first off I want to start by saying that you did what you could, you didn't make nearly as many mistakes as you think you did. as far as I've read you only made 5 big mistakes, the rest was just little stuff that could be swept under the rug.

    1. you didn't go for the kiss when you had the chance, and then you groped for a kiss later when the moment wasn't right (witch is when you kissed her cheek a bunch) had you simply not kissed her on the cheek a bunch then you would have been fine to set the stage later and kiss her when she is on an emotional high.

    2.you put her on a pedestal. the moment you put her value over yours, you're done for.

    3. you pursued another girl while she was with you. this one was the most avoidable one of your mistakes. it doesn't take much of a pickup artist to figure out that is the worst thing you can do when your on a date. actions like that will kill any feelings your date may have had for you.

    4.you acted like you didn't care about her at all. wemon want this thing called "reciprocity" basically what that means is that they want you to fall in love just as much as they are, they can sense when you're not all that into them witch causes them to try and force interest (they want you to be just as interested in them as they are in you) when you don't give enough ioi's, they see your interest as fake. (note that ioi's should be used to reward her for dhv'ing to you)

    5. the worst mistake of all your mistakes is that you haven't talked to her since then. that makes her think that you really didn't care about her at all and that all you wanted was sex (talk about a turn off) not only did you mess up, but then you killed the possibility of making up for those mistakes. I would be surprised if she ever wants to see you again.

    however easy it is to point out mistakes, I also want to point out what you did right.

    1. you recognized her interest at first, at least you realized she was into you, though you should have opened her instead of waiting around.

    2. you got her number when you realized she was into you. (a lot of guys miss out on lots of opportunities to get with women who are actually interested in them)

    3. you set up several dates/insta-dates successfully

    4. you got into comfort stage and made a good connection

    5. you're taking steps to improve your dating life. you'll get better at it.

    honestly I don't know if you can get back with this girl, but you never know until you call her up (what have you been waiting for!!). if she's willing to hang out with you then go for another try. if not, then forget her and go on to the next chick.

    btw, you never got friend zoned. always assume you're not in the friend zone until the girl tells you the phrase "lets just be friends".

    good luck.

  3. #3
    wildstorms's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    Are you serious WOW!!!! FARK ME AND MY LIFE. NO FARCKING WAY. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ....

    I just died a little bit on the inside....

    I hate this bs crap....

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    yeah well txted her and called her and no reply you were right man... I farked up..... I cant believe this wow........ WHY ME omg fark... this hurts so badly it just sucks

  5. #5
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    Look there are only a few things you must do.if you are willing to go with it theres a way.she chased you enough its time for you to take charge and fix the relation.you hurt her.(dont tell her this)its salvageable.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    yeah well txted her and called her and no reply you were right man... I farked up..... I cant believe this wow........ WHY ME omg fark... this hurts so badly it just sucks
    I know it sucks when you mess up, but that's life. you aren't always going to be able to get everything right. we all make mistakes. may you learn many lessons from them.

    even though you didn't succeed with this girl, you now know what not to do when you go on many more dates with many more woman.

    don't see this as a loss (that will only hurt your self esteem) you have learned and thus you have won. I'm sure you will meet better woman in your lifetime.

    @hardrock, its impossible to salvage a relationship without good communication from both people.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    I know it sucks when you mess up, but that's life. you aren't always going to be able to get everything right. we all make mistakes. may you learn many lessons from them.

    even though you didn't succeed with this girl, you now know what not to do when you go on many more dates with many more woman.

    don't see this as a loss (that will only hurt your self esteem) you have learned and thus you have won. I'm sure you will meet better woman in your lifetime.

    @hardrock, its impossible to salvage a relationship without good communication from both people.
    Meteora!!

    she replied and is willing to see me on sunday!

    How do I fix all the mistakes I've made and spark that attraction she once had for me. She seems to be txt blasting me but that's because of the emotionally charged topics we are talking about. Should I use destiny to make her feel like we were meant to be together. The thing is I told her something and used anticipation to get her to my house so I don't even know if shes still attracted to me she seems slightly resistant to being with me now. If she could she would meet me tonight but I said fark that, we planned to meet on sunday and we shall keep it like that. It definitely seems like there's a tiny flame of hope though! How do I get her to start chasing me again. Any words of wisdom is good!

  8. #8
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    she replied and is willing to see me on sunday!
    good, make this date count.

    How do I fix all the mistakes I've made
    don't worry about fixing mistakes you've made, just sweep them under the rug like they never happened (try not to talk about them) pretend like they didn't happen unless she mentions them (if she brings up the topic change the subject if you can) she probably won't think about them very much if you keep her distracted from talking about them.

    and spark that attraction she once had for me.
    why do you say that, if she's still talking to you and wants to go on another date, then she's still attracted. don't doubt yourself.

    She seems to be txt blasting me but that's because of the emotionally charged topics we are talking about.
    sounds to me like your making a good deep connection with her, keep up with the good work, that connection will help to keep your relationship alive.

    Should I use destiny to make her feel like we were meant to be together.
    I would save that one for later, when the time is right (like when you guys are cuddling after sex)

    The thing is I told her something and used anticipation to get her to my house so I don't even know if shes still attracted to me she seems slightly resistant to being with me now.
    she's only resistant because of the incident with the blonde, most likely she's going to with hold sex later on because she wants a serious relationship. she's nervous because she doesn't want your relationship to be a hit and run. the key in situations like this is simple, don't push too hard for sex, start a relationship first.


    How do I get her to start chasing me again?
    simple, question her value. ask her what she's capable of.

    examples:

    1. "can you cook?"
    2. "do you like kids?"
    3. "do you like to clean?" (as a bonus if she says "yes" then jokingly tell her "good, you can come clean my place :P ")

    Any words of wisdom is good
    as a word of wisdom, don't worry too much, stay calm and have lots of fun on your date.

    oh and btw don't flirt with too many hot blondes during your date :P lol

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    OMFG I see it all now. I'm such a farking jerk/ Ahole. Fark me man wow I have just realized my mistake, I ruined everything by flirting with that blonde stupid me ugh. We went from randomly meeting to her coming over often, she was doing all the work and I farking blew it WOW. She said the words "we're friends" maybe once or so, though I gave it no power and didn't even care and that was enough, I didn't need to game the blonde chick to get her to be jealous it was overkill... dammit. Now worst of all she has a farking job and says she works like almost everyday or like quite often. She had no job at that time wow, why did life come at me this way, so bs, stupid, stupid, stupid. Could have and should have had her over everyday, so stupid fark me. Ugh I feel so horrible I hurt her SO BADLY fark. This is why mainly, like my pua skills and understanding of social dynamics was balls back then so I didn't think I was ready for a relationship especially her some of her dhvs kind of crushed me I actually didn't know what to do cuz they surprised me and I felt that she was quite a high caliber women in her own right. I can't blow my composure again, I gotta rmbr her life is boring and aimless without me , I'll show her, fark I gotta have her.

    About the destiny thing, I kind of made this a complex situation mixed in with the anticipation, I was going to actually use it pretty early. Basically I was going to tell her this spiritual story and make some deep connections with her mixed with something she said long ago (something about us being together as a couple back when we first met) and then give her what I call a "forever lock - in prop" which I told her was destined to be hers, which I know she will begin to use everyday for the rest of her life even maybe. Now is it possible for me to dodge this, because even I'm starting to think its way to early to use this on her (yet at the same time I think its too late, n that I may have to go forth with it). HOWEVER, the reason I used this on her is because right after the first text I sent her she replied and tried to go to sleep, so I told her something deep that only I would know,n she was hooked and forgot about sleep, LOL n told her she could find out what it is if we met.We are basically at a fresh start right now she's talking about many of the same topics she did when we first met and I'm relating much more this time and throwing in a few teases here and there. Going to take it slow ... also can you give me an example of reciprocity? Not 100% sure of how it works. Also what should I do when I first see her, hug no hug? handshake? don't even touch her just say hi and begin conversating or what, some sort of kino?

    any thoughts on this little destiny situation though, should I just go through with the destiny thing now? It does seem kind of to late now not to though. Also I sort of jokingly told her that I forgot what it was cause she asked me like 50 billion times, nd she seems to have kind of not cared while at the same time did care. Should I just tell her I forgot or what? seriously confused atm all help is appreciated!

    Thanks a lot!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Need help with older girl, can't get mind straight, possibly friendzone

    You must have gotten that to her.if you feel theres a problem then there may be a huge issue.the ones that swallow can really come back.may handle it
    @meteora depends on dynamic..etc


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