I've posted a few times about a HB10 I've recently met and despite my best efforts I've managed to get myself oneitis. For what ever reason whenever I post I don't seem to get a ton of replies. I'm not sure if I'm writing them to long, leaving out crucial details, or just sound like I'm whining, but I could seriously use any opinion on this one. And I mean any! Expert or not. It might be a little lengthy so you can skip to the bottom and probably grab enough info for a take, which I desperately need.
Months ago, oneitis would eat me alive. For weeks I'd obsess like crazy and the last girl I had it on I called so many times that her friend actually picked up and told me I need to stop trying to talk to her. Its definitely made me more resilient but I've caught a little of it again. I'm snapping in and out of it so I know that all the work I've done is coming around. It's only been 4 days and I feel in a few more I'll be clear. But I'm not ready to give this one up. I've actually lost sleep over this and its been tearing away at my concentration. I'm totally compromised. I know the cure is to sarge other girls, which I've finally grabbed enough of myself to be able to do again. So I will. I'm still going to give this a shot though.
HB10 came over to my house Sunday. The good looking ones make me so nervous, and if they've got girlfriend potential I'm farked in any hopes of keeping my cool. We were going to watch a movie so I asked if she wanted to watch it downstairs or up in my bedroom. She said she didn't care so I took her upstairs. We sat on the bed and chatted for a while, while the movie played. I had her shift so that we were sitting side by side in the way you usually lay to sleep. As we were talking, I knew I was missing opportunities. She brought up how her parents divorced recently and it was hard on her. Instead of taking this wide open door to get this girl completely comfortable (I have a psychology degree and can listen well) I slammed it shut with a few jokes. Every time she'd tell a story I'd have practically nothing to say, besides a laugh. My voice would weaken at times, and for the life of me I couldn't keep my pitch low. I kept pushing forward though.
At a certain point we had both slumped down to where we were laying next to each other. I was sucking it up smooth wise so I thought I'd just try a bold move. I told her I was a little uncomfortable lying how I am and we should spoon. She started laughing. I kept my cool and asked what was so funny, with a smile. She said I was just so forward. I told her I know, get over here. She laughed a little more than slid over. As we lay I would say a joke here or there and she would laugh, even if it wasn't funny. I wanted to nibble on her ear but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't able to keep conversation for it to pass under the radar. At one point, I tightened my grip on her. I wasn't sure if I was crossing a line or just squeezing to tight, but she started to touch her face a lot, which typically means somethings not right. I loosened up and placed my other hand on her hip. I had another opportunity for comfort I missed. She said a joke that was quite corny but moderately funny. The instant she said it she subtly shook her head no, which again I know to mean there is some self doubt in the funniness of the joke. Instead of laughing or expanding it like I should have, I did nothing. Fark!
Eventually it was getting late and she needed to be going, I needed to get to bed. She sat up from our spoon position and looked back at me. I knew I should have just sat up and set up another meet, but instead I looked her and put my hand on her side. I pulled a little and she didn't budge, still looking at me. So I pulled harder to bring her down. She came down on me, but had her head turned far away and the second I pulled my hand off she rolled over so half of her body was still on mine. It was definitely uncomfortable. She said she really had to be going. I told her I know, I got to get to bed. I brought her downstairs and ran into my mom coming home from work (yeah, I live with my parents). Of course she had to tell some story after I introduced them, and I could barely listen cause I was still mentally caught up in the whole situation, so it made it a little awkward for all of us. We got to the door and again instead of trying to get another meet I didn't say sh1t. She said it was nice to meet me (ugh) and we hugged. I told her to give me a kiss on the cheek. She did and giggled afterwards. I told her I'd talk to her later.
She text when she got home "I'm home...it was very nice to meet you" (ugh!). I told her it was great to meet her and I had a good time. I didn't text her monday and then tuesday I asked if she had eaten yet, I was getting lunch nearby. She responded 4 hours later saying she was working and didn't have her phone, she just got my text. She works landscaping and sunday night mentioned she wears a leaf blower backpack all day that gets really heavy. So I told her I figured she was working but thought I might catch her anyway... also said "so I worked out my lats yesterday... put on a leaf blower backpack and walked around my house for a half hour haha." She said "lol try it for... 8hrs... its rough! But good for you!!" I replied "Haha, I'll see ur 8 hrs and raise u 2. I'm never taking this leaf blower off!" She never replied. I think she may have thought I was mocking her. I wanted to apologize but I've done it in the past and it worked out horribly so I refrained. Now I'm stuck.
It's been 2 days since I last sent that and I'm not so sure I grabbed any of her interest. This oneitis has caused me so much anxiety I actually thought to just delete her number and go look for other girls, I seriously don't even want to deal with it. But I'm not sure I should give up yet. I don't fully know where I stand. So my buddy, who is a natural, told me to call her and leave a voice mail. Said he's done so many times in the past and with the right tone and conviction it may actually be a DHV because I'm considering her feelings. Say something like ..."Hey this is bballking, I got to thinking about it and it started bugging me so i thought I'd call and apologize for the other night. I in no way ment to make you uncomfortable when I tried to kiss you and had no intentions in trying to sleep with you though I'm sure it came off that way. I just wanted to make sure I didn't cross a line and thought I could take you out to dinner to make it up to you. Hope to hear back." It sounds so AFC like but I honestly don't know what the hell else to do. Plus what if she picks up. Do I still apologize or do I just run the conversation elsewhere? I know this is long, but I have to do something and I don't have any idea what.