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Thread: Oneitis, I can't shake it

  1. #1
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Oneitis, I can't shake it

    I've posted a few times about a HB10 I've recently met and despite my best efforts I've managed to get myself oneitis. For what ever reason whenever I post I don't seem to get a ton of replies. I'm not sure if I'm writing them to long, leaving out crucial details, or just sound like I'm whining, but I could seriously use any opinion on this one. And I mean any! Expert or not. It might be a little lengthy so you can skip to the bottom and probably grab enough info for a take, which I desperately need.

    Months ago, oneitis would eat me alive. For weeks I'd obsess like crazy and the last girl I had it on I called so many times that her friend actually picked up and told me I need to stop trying to talk to her. Its definitely made me more resilient but I've caught a little of it again. I'm snapping in and out of it so I know that all the work I've done is coming around. It's only been 4 days and I feel in a few more I'll be clear. But I'm not ready to give this one up. I've actually lost sleep over this and its been tearing away at my concentration. I'm totally compromised. I know the cure is to sarge other girls, which I've finally grabbed enough of myself to be able to do again. So I will. I'm still going to give this a shot though.

    HB10 came over to my house Sunday. The good looking ones make me so nervous, and if they've got girlfriend potential I'm farked in any hopes of keeping my cool. We were going to watch a movie so I asked if she wanted to watch it downstairs or up in my bedroom. She said she didn't care so I took her upstairs. We sat on the bed and chatted for a while, while the movie played. I had her shift so that we were sitting side by side in the way you usually lay to sleep. As we were talking, I knew I was missing opportunities. She brought up how her parents divorced recently and it was hard on her. Instead of taking this wide open door to get this girl completely comfortable (I have a psychology degree and can listen well) I slammed it shut with a few jokes. Every time she'd tell a story I'd have practically nothing to say, besides a laugh. My voice would weaken at times, and for the life of me I couldn't keep my pitch low. I kept pushing forward though.

    At a certain point we had both slumped down to where we were laying next to each other. I was sucking it up smooth wise so I thought I'd just try a bold move. I told her I was a little uncomfortable lying how I am and we should spoon. She started laughing. I kept my cool and asked what was so funny, with a smile. She said I was just so forward. I told her I know, get over here. She laughed a little more than slid over. As we lay I would say a joke here or there and she would laugh, even if it wasn't funny. I wanted to nibble on her ear but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't able to keep conversation for it to pass under the radar. At one point, I tightened my grip on her. I wasn't sure if I was crossing a line or just squeezing to tight, but she started to touch her face a lot, which typically means somethings not right. I loosened up and placed my other hand on her hip. I had another opportunity for comfort I missed. She said a joke that was quite corny but moderately funny. The instant she said it she subtly shook her head no, which again I know to mean there is some self doubt in the funniness of the joke. Instead of laughing or expanding it like I should have, I did nothing. Fark!

    Eventually it was getting late and she needed to be going, I needed to get to bed. She sat up from our spoon position and looked back at me. I knew I should have just sat up and set up another meet, but instead I looked her and put my hand on her side. I pulled a little and she didn't budge, still looking at me. So I pulled harder to bring her down. She came down on me, but had her head turned far away and the second I pulled my hand off she rolled over so half of her body was still on mine. It was definitely uncomfortable. She said she really had to be going. I told her I know, I got to get to bed. I brought her downstairs and ran into my mom coming home from work (yeah, I live with my parents). Of course she had to tell some story after I introduced them, and I could barely listen cause I was still mentally caught up in the whole situation, so it made it a little awkward for all of us. We got to the door and again instead of trying to get another meet I didn't say sh1t. She said it was nice to meet me (ugh) and we hugged. I told her to give me a kiss on the cheek. She did and giggled afterwards. I told her I'd talk to her later.

    She text when she got home "I'm home...it was very nice to meet you" (ugh!). I told her it was great to meet her and I had a good time. I didn't text her monday and then tuesday I asked if she had eaten yet, I was getting lunch nearby. She responded 4 hours later saying she was working and didn't have her phone, she just got my text. She works landscaping and sunday night mentioned she wears a leaf blower backpack all day that gets really heavy. So I told her I figured she was working but thought I might catch her anyway... also said "so I worked out my lats yesterday... put on a leaf blower backpack and walked around my house for a half hour haha." She said "lol try it for... 8hrs... its rough! But good for you!!" I replied "Haha, I'll see ur 8 hrs and raise u 2. I'm never taking this leaf blower off!" She never replied. I think she may have thought I was mocking her. I wanted to apologize but I've done it in the past and it worked out horribly so I refrained. Now I'm stuck.

    It's been 2 days since I last sent that and I'm not so sure I grabbed any of her interest. This oneitis has caused me so much anxiety I actually thought to just delete her number and go look for other girls, I seriously don't even want to deal with it. But I'm not sure I should give up yet. I don't fully know where I stand. So my buddy, who is a natural, told me to call her and leave a voice mail. Said he's done so many times in the past and with the right tone and conviction it may actually be a DHV because I'm considering her feelings. Say something like ..."Hey this is bballking, I got to thinking about it and it started bugging me so i thought I'd call and apologize for the other night. I in no way ment to make you uncomfortable when I tried to kiss you and had no intentions in trying to sleep with you though I'm sure it came off that way. I just wanted to make sure I didn't cross a line and thought I could take you out to dinner to make it up to you. Hope to hear back." It sounds so AFC like but I honestly don't know what the hell else to do. Plus what if she picks up. Do I still apologize or do I just run the conversation elsewhere? I know this is long, but I have to do something and I don't have any idea what.

  2. #2
    lilsting's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    The moment you get out of your own head all of the answers for this situation will come to you. I refuse to provide any advice because I know that you're fully capable, and that you don't need a crutch. Use this as an opportunity not to get the girl, but to strengthen yourself. Snap the fuck out of it bro. Win or lose you got this!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    . I personally would advise against leaving a voice mail and apologizing. It shows a lack of confidence and is definitely a DLV. Most of your problem is all in your head man. Whether you get this girl or not, it is definitely and opportunity to work on your game . For the future, I would try to kino escalate a little more gradually instead of going right to spooning. You really want to make sure you are building comfort, especially physically. Also trying to do more push pull. As a opposed to pulling her tighter, find a way to make a joke and push her away to gauge how you are doing. If you have built attraction and comfort she will usually come back. Oneitis can be a killer and it is hard to keep your cool around 10's. Just keep at it man. Best of luck.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    Are you sure your friend is a natural? Because calling her and leaving a voice mail of that magnitude would constitute as AFC type behavior.

    As for this girl, it might be best to just move on. If she decides to come back to you, then great. If not, life goes on. Game other chicks, man.
    Always be honest with women. That's the true meaning of a PUA.

  5. #5
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    Quote Originally Posted by lilsting View Post
    The moment you get out of your own head all of the answers for this situation will come to you. I refuse to provide any advice because I know that you're fully capable, and that you don't need a crutch. Use this as an opportunity not to get the girl, but to strengthen yourself. Snap the fark out of it bro. Win or lose you got this!
    I'm totally stuck in my own head. I know the feeling all too well. Luckily I've made enough mistakes that I'm not digging myself any deeper. But when your caught up in it you just wanna do everything you can to work it in your favor.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maestro17 View Post
    . I personally would advise against leaving a voice mail and apologizing. It shows a lack of confidence and is definitely a DLV. Most of your problem is all in your head man. Whether you get this girl or not, it is definitely and opportunity to work on your game . For the future, I would try to kino escalate a little more gradually instead of going right to spooning. You really want to make sure you are building comfort, especially physically. Also trying to do more push pull. As a opposed to pulling her tighter, find a way to make a joke and push her away to gauge how you are doing. If you have built attraction and comfort she will usually come back. Oneitis can be a killer and it is hard to keep your cool around 10's. Just keep at it man. Best of luck.
    Yeah, sorry about the length, I just had to get it out. And your right, I think I showed way too much interest way too soon. I was so off my game the moment I saw her. Drop dead gorgeous, and my brain went to mush.

    Quote Originally Posted by ED11356 View Post
    Are you sure your friend is a natural? Because calling her and leaving a voice mail of that magnitude would constitute as AFC type behavior.

    As for this girl, it might be best to just move on. If she decides to come back to you, then great. If not, life goes on. Game other chicks, man.
    My buddies game is quite different than mine. He's slightly narcissistic and has no problem talking his way through the whole date. He's fairly aggressive as well. No to him only means yes, until means NO! He's 24 and he is closing in on his 200th girl, and he's never looked at a thing of PUA material. That's what makes it a little difficult. I'm slightly more reserved and would prefer to have the girl open up on a deeper level to build comfort, than strike. I've seen him do the voice mail thing though, kind of authoritative, as if he's almost pissed off he has to do it, and he's gotten call backs. I have seen it bite him in the ass a few times.

    For being a 10, she was completely the opposite of what I expected. I'd love to say I cold approached her, but we were set up by a co-worker of mine. She's very polite, possibly a little shy, kind of corny, and quite sweet. She also mentioned something about making it to mass on sunday mornings, so she's a little religious as well. The bigger picture in my mind here, is not that I was overly interested, needy, and desperate. But more that I was acting like a player. I was aggressive and uninterested. I can only imagine in her mind that she thinks I merely want to get in her pants. Which isn't too far fetched, but I could date her as well. I don't necessarily want to step away from it, but get that I might have to. I just want to know if there is any salvaging it.

  6. #6
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    The apology probably set you back a ton,take that back immediately if you really want her.she likes you sort of.at least open to you.if your are passionate about her it may work.savageable.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    She's interested, but damn dude.... that apology . Get outta here with that crap. You have nothing to apologize about. My method to destroy oneitis and even AA is to remind myself that she looks terrible when she's sloppy drunk, she's the absolute worst when she's sick, and last but not least... she poops! I mean, how terrible is that?! Boom, AA and oneitis gone!
    I wish I was little bit taller
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    I would call her - Skee Lo, the OG AFC

  8. #8
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    I never actually apologized, and the more I think about it, the more it pisses me off I would even think I had to. That was just my buddies suggestion. He can act quite needy at times but he usually builds so much attraction right away that the girls eat it up, like they should take care of him. It's an odd combo.

    I'm snapping out of the oneitis. I drift in and out briefly but it's stepping aside. My buddy and I are going to try some cold approaches at the super market tonight so that should help.

    Mostly I'm just confused at where I stand and how I need to progress. If I have her interest, I should be at more of a comfort level with her when trying to contact. If I don't, I have to re-attract, which can be damn near impossible. If I have it slightly but she's on the fence, I gotta have solid game, which I can't if I'm stuck with oneitis. I'm just not sure where I stand and what exactly my next move should be.

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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    The only serious mistake you made that I can see here is that when you guys were getting physical in bed, you seemed quite aggressive and needy, you have to throw in some pushing and pulling, also the voicemail was a really bad idea man! What are you apologizing for! don't apologize for being a man! she will forgive you for that, however she wont forgive you for being a wimp.

    When you see her again, don't even talk about any mistakes you may have made in the past just continue on the way you were, escalate and tease her with kino, that will really turn her on especially being an HB10.

    Good luck man!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Oneitis, I can't shake it

    Thanks guys. Helpful responses and very appreciated. I've shaken this sh1t, finally. Sent a final text today after 5 days with no contact. "Hi there. Finally got some free time after a crazy week and I had somethin fun I wanted to do. feelin up to a lil adventure? " No response. No biggie. Nice to get a little closure.

    Fortunately this BS only lasted a week. Much better than years past, so the game is helping monumentally. With time and practice, the possibility of oneitis should deplete completely. Awesome! Sarged a few girls this weekend as well, and even laid HB7 last night. Thanks for the support fellas.


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