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  1. #1
    jparks43130 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help. Messed up pretty bad.

    Alright, I've messed up bad. I'm new to all of this and this relationship spans many years from before I'd even heard of any of this. I've been married for 7 years and with my wife for 9. That marriage is now over. During this time, I've had a sort of relationship with a beautiful girl who has usually chased me. We did sleep together a few times 2 years back, but I stopped doing that because I felt guilty for cheating. I have since learned that she wanted me to leave my wife and enter into a serious relationship with her. I didn't and she is now somewhat bitter. The bitterness hasn't shown itself until just now when we started talking about what could have been, as we have remained flirty and even touchy-feely on occasion I just haven't let it progress beyond that because I didn't want to break up my marriage, mostly because of our children. (My wife doesn't seem to have that problem)

    This woman is much younger than I. I'm 30 she's 22. She started chasing me when she was 16. I'm sure she is a justifier/idealist. And pretty sure she is a tester. I'm wondering about the tester aspect though, as I know her and her circle of friends pretty well, (we're co workers in fast food. our co workers are pretty much our world) and she never seems to have more than one person she's interested in, with the possible exception of me, although I can always tell when she's in a new relationship (if i don't have first hand knowledge) because for the first few months she is a lot more distant. She really seems to fit the social butterfly archetype, I know the best way to get her attention is to ignore her for awhile and I've done that in the past, well before I heard anything about pua.

    She also identifies herself as a lesbian. I have first hand knowledge that this is not entirely accurate, but she is currently dating (and living with) another woman who takes decent care of her financially.

    After my initial breakup with my wife, she wanted me to sleep with her again, but I didn't make a move because at the time I was feeling dumped and trying everything I could think of to get right with my wife. So she cheated on her girlfriend with another girl at work and from what she says is now trying to really get serious and make things work with her girlfriend. However, in contrast to this, she still likes to show me naked pics and video of herself.
    But she won't actually send them to me anymore. just shows me on her phone.

    I think its perfectly plausible that I've shown too much interest in her lately, and just the other day I made her angry with me at a party were we were both pretty sloshed (her girlfriend was there too) by not denying our sexual past to a co worker that asked about the rumors. I thought I smoothed that over with her. And she even said that she could never stay mad at me, but she has since been ignoring me. (about 3 days now) I have decided to ignore her as well, since in the past it has driven her crazy, but I'm wondering if there's anything else I could do to reignite her interest. There are a few other girls that I could easily sleep with, but they are far less desirable (at least to me. she has pretty much always been the pinnacle of sexual desire for me) I'm wondering If I should start dating them casually? or would this put her off even more? I let this girl slip through fingers twice already and if there's a way to keep this from happening a third time, I'd really appreciate the knowledge.

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help. Messed up pretty bad.

    Trying engaging her.then move things forward from there.check body language on approach.att may cut through all.

  3. #3
    jparks43130 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help. Messed up pretty bad.

    Thanks for the reply. I'll try that out. But since she's ignoring texts and won't be able to actually see her for a few days, I guess I'll be ignoring her a little anyway. I saw her the other day I didn't really get a chance to say anything to her cuz she was leaving work as I was coming in but she was definitely pointedly not looking at me. As in she was always looking the complete opposite direction from where I was.

  4. #4
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    NoctisCaelumPUA is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help. Messed up pretty bad.

    Get your stuff strait dawg. This girl wants you so go for it. Women will do anything in the moment. So make the moment happen. And if not there's plenty of fine felines out there so go scouting for some broads dawg, no need to get hung up on some broad. Unless she's your oneitis then you know the drill Freeze Outs, Jealousy Plotlines (of dating and having other women), Dating, Hooking Up, Push-Pull, Hot & Cold, Alpha Male, etc. That about sums it up.
    101 Sets, 30 #'s, 4 K-closes, 1 Date, 1 Bar Pull. My next adventure starts Summer 2014 at the Brewfest, Water Park, Bars, Clubs, etc. Getting Hotels now to prevent driving drunk so really only 2-3 times a month doing Night Game June-Oct. Lots of Day Game.

  5. #5
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help. Messed up pretty bad.

    Fall back a bit.but dont hestitate to move in when you perceive a shot.if you feel like she looks that opposite direction look straight ahead.

  6. #6
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    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help. Messed up pretty bad.

    This sounds like some jacked up situation out of a rom-com movie.

    Unfortunately there is a line between fantasy and reality.

    Sometimes investors and testers can be mixed up. A tough challenge figuring things out. Testers will act like investors and keep the fact they are testers secret. She sounds like an investor. Despite that she cheats like you, she tries to make her current relationship work and doesn't sound like a serial dater. If they have a hard time leaving their current relationship, then likely investor.

    Doesn't sound like she is a lesbian. She is bi with a greater inclination towards women. A lesbian usually have no sexual attraction to men and such is not the case here. If her relationship with men is more on a physical level, then you might be barking up the wrong tree. This is bad news. There are pornstars that are like this. Sex with men is for business, but they give their hearts to women. So beware what you dealing with.

    Couple things to keep in mind. This girl chased you when she was 16. She was younger and immature. The fact that you were unavailable made you attractive. She wanted what she couldn't have.

    Now the dynamics have shifted. With you chasing her and showing interest, her attraction is not the same. Also, she is in a relationship with someone else.

    The way I would play this is a tactic PUA coach David Tan uses. As soon as things cool down, you can approach her and throw your cards on the table. Be honest and don't be afraid to show vulnerability. That is being confident and telling her what you want. No bullshit.

    You need to address how she feels. She will probably be confused and a bit overwhelmed.

    Then you give her an ultimatum. In essence you are saying, "I had to tie up loose ends in the past and I want to be honest now. I really like you. And if I can't have you, I rather not see you with someone else because this is killing me." THEN, YOU STOP ALL CONTACT completely. Do not call her. Remove her from facebook. Avoid her. It's one big massive freezeout. You need to commit to this 100%. YOU CANNOT SHOW WEAKNESS and contact her or else all fails. This could take months. If she contacts you and her answer is not what you want to hear. You cut it short with the above "If I can't have you, then I rather not see you" and back to the freezeout. There is only one answer you want to hear "You either mine or you not." That's it. If it's not it, you have nothing to talk about. Basically, you are getting her back to the state of her chasing you by creating a void in her life, and it will work because you already have a strong connection. While you disappear out of her life, work on your own self-development. And when she does see you again, your newfound transformation will make you more attractive and help in your favor.

    You also need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself what you want with this girl. You want something long term? You also both set yourself up for the expectation that if something doesn't work, either of you could cheat. I foresee a relationship that can be very good or dysfunctional and full of jealousy.

  7. #7
    jparks43130 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help. Messed up pretty bad.

    Thanks everyone. There's definitely more to all this than me just wanting to hook up againm I'mvery much aware that a sustained relationship with her could be tricky. But this has been going on for a long time and I would really like to see where it could go. Very good advice, I'll definitely be using it.


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