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Thread: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

  1. #1
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Exclamation Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Alright so 2 weeks ago i picked a girl up working at a mall, this was a first for me!

    We went out on our first date last night, i picked her up from work and we went out to eat a restaurant. Nothing fancy just applebees, very casual.

    She was very interesting, there were no dull moments, we were both laughing and talking, no pause moments.

    We have a lot in common, and I think i fell for this girl, she is everything i dreamed of having, yeah that sounds corny, judge me.

    At the end of the date i dropped her off at her car, i didnt really get a chance to kiss her though, there was a car behind me and i was in the drivers seat she was in the passenger.

    We are going to hang out sunday again, any ideas for second dates that i can initiate some kino and put me in the right position to k-close?

    I really like this broad. Any tips, suggestions, pointers on how to turn this into a relationship would all be appreciated.

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Woah woah woah. Your current mindset that "she's the one" is a surefire way for you to f$ck it up. Lets get some perspective here. You've went on one date with her and she's the one?? Think about how silly that sounds. You know nothing about her!! She could be a crazy stalker, she could have HIV, you never know! You need to take a step back NOW and evaluate why your thinking as irrationally as you are. Repeat this line at LEAST 10 times a day "Remember, there's a bigger picture than this girl."

    Ok now that's out of the way, so we can talk logistics. It sounds like you had a good first date and she's into you. If you weren't kino'ing you should have been. It's hard at a restaurant because you are siting across from her. In the future sit at the bar instead. At the bar your next to each other and you can put your hand on her lower back while you talk to her every once in awhile. Especially do this when your flirting. After you two laugh put your arm around her and pull her into your side like a sort of a hug. That sort of thing.

    Lets be honest here. You should have kissed her. You got all the signs that she was having a good time and you didn't. You made excuses as to why you didn't when you had many opportunities. You could have done it when you exited the restaurant. You could have done it when you got into your car in the restaurant parking lot (my favorite). You could have done it when you dropped her off. F@ck who was behind you. You kissing this girl is more important, let them honk.

    There's good news for you. Although kissing on the first date should be done, it can still be done on the second date. No later though. Stop waiting for the perfect moment. There's plenty of opportunities. As far as the date goes I would do something fun like bowling, dancing, going to an art museum, sledding (if you live in a snowy climate), anything really. Just don't go out to eat again and make sure it costs little to no money. Whatever you do do not invite her over to watch a movie. That sh!t works in high school, now that women are older, they know that's code for hooking up.

    Ok relationship talk. First of all get through your head that you don't know this girl. You don't really know if she is relationship material yet. You think she is because your projecting false qualities on her. I'm sure she's a cool chick but cmon man! Trust me on this one. I've screwed up with allot of very attractive good women because I would run into this same trap your in. Granted, I wouldn't do it as soon as you, at least I would have hooked up with them or went on multiple dates and fooled around but still! Don't make the same mistakes I have. Do not say anything about a relationship until she brings it up. Do not start acting like her boyfriend before you are. If you hang out with her, have fun, and you should be gold. Let her bring the relationship stuff up, not you. Women like a challenge.

    The key things to take away from this post:
    Remember there's a bigger picture than this girl.

    You don't know her yet and thus don't know if she's relationship material.

    Thinking she's relationship material so soon will surely f$ck it up for you eventually.

    Don't be the one to push for a relationship.

    Stop being a p$ssy and kiss her already!

  3. #3
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Thanks, your right i am getting way ahead of myself. How do i get out of this state of mind?

    Also, we were texting and joking around and she said "haha your gay"

    I asked what made her say that and she told me i was the first guy who didnt try anything on her. I responded with maybe shell get lucky on sunday (the next day were hanging out).

    Now I should have kissed her but i didnt know how to do it in the car, i would have had to lean all the way over the console and kiss her, i felt like it would have been awkward, idk it was just the situation.

    I am thinking about bowling for our next date, how can I initiate some kino there? What are some example situations?

    Any way we can play a game like if you get a strike you get a kiss on the lips or if you get a spare its a kiss on the cheek? Idk im just brainstorming.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Remember there's a bigger picture than this girl.

    Say that too yourself ten times a day AT LEAST. Say it too yourself when you wake up and before you go to bed. Write it down 20 times a day. This will help you get perspective because it's true. You have everything else going on in your life. You have your life, women come and go. In the big scheme of things this girl means nothing.

    Bowling is great for kino!! I will explain to you exactly what I would do. When you pick her up and she comes outside get out of your car. Hey Jane!! (Big smile) Walk towards here and give her a hug. Then open the door for her and let her get in. You can grab her hand here too before she gets in the car. You are "helping" her get in. While she's getting in the car check out her ass or look down her shirt if you want. That's what I do. I usually tell them I looked down their shirt when I get back in the driver's seat but I wouldn't recommend that for you if your not very experienced.

    When you get to the bowling alley open the door to the bowling alley for her then when she enters put your hand on her lower back while you walk in. This is very easy and natural. I love this move! If she's not very good at bowling (and she probably isn't) then you need to show her how (even if you suck). Get behind her and show her!

    I always go for the k-close as soon as possible now but I will share something with you that I used to do before I became more confident. As soon as I would leave I would open the door for her and put my hand on her back. Once we got outside I would come beside her and grab her hand. Hold hands to the car. Then when you get into the car grab her hang again, look her straight in the eye's, lean over the f$cking console and kiss her! It's a win win because if she holds your hand she want's to kiss you and your not waiting to the very end of the date to do it.

    There you go! You don't have to do all of these but do some of them AT LEAST. I don't like playing games or running some routine to kiss a girl. If I want to kiss her I just do it. Also, a lot of guys think chivalry is something you shouldn't do. I used to have this same mindset but honestly women love it. I do it because I like too. If I'm spending time with a woman it's because she's earned it and I like her to feel special. It makes them think that you care. Just don't go way overboard with it.

    The main thing is not to worry about this sh!t. It sounds like you two had good chemistry on the first date. Keep that ball rolling and have fun with her! That's why your hanging out with her right?? Go enjoy her company! Let me know how it works out for you.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by johnnybob62 View Post
    Thanks, your right i am getting way ahead of myself. How do i get out of this state of mind?

    Also, we were texting and joking around and she said "haha your gay"

    I asked what made her say that and she told me i was the first guy who didnt try anything on her. I responded with maybe shell get lucky on sunday (the next day were hanging out).

    Now I should have kissed her but i didnt know how to do it in the car, i would have had to lean all the way over the console and kiss her, i felt like it would have been awkward, idk it was just the situation.

    I am thinking about bowling for our next date, how can I initiate some kino there? What are some example situations?

    Any way we can play a game like if you get a strike you get a kiss on the lips or if you get a spare its a kiss on the cheek? Idk im just brainstorming.
    Just go for the kiss man. A woman will not take responsibility for her own seduction. It's your job to lead her there. Next time when you guys have a moment and both of you are smiling, pull her in and kiss her. Its really that simple.

    Dinner dates are really hard to escalate, if you can sit beside her in a booth or at the bar, that makes it easier. Plan your dates ahead of time so they are logistically favourable for physical escalation. Usually my dates involve two or three locations.

    The girl I was out with last night, we walked an old historic section of town before going to a jazz club and then a wine bar afterwards. By the time we were at the wine bar we had already held hands and kissed which took pressure off the rest of the night.

    Some other low cost date ideas:

    -Explore a corn maze
    -Play Mall dare
    -Have a board game night
    -Snowshoeing, sliding, skiing
    -Have drinks at the beach
    -Pool, mini golf, Bowling
    -Pick Apples from an orchard
    -Frisbee in the park
    -Dog Park (if you have a dog)
    -Arcades, museums, art galleries
    -The Zoo
    -haunted house/Ghost tour

    Find out what's exciting that's happening in your city and go there. I personally try to stay away from dinner, coffee, and movies for the first couple of dates. Waiting until the end of the night to kiss is usually not ideal. Women have had too many awkward experiences with kisses at the car at the end of the night from other men. You want to separate yourself from those chores early if you can.

    As for her saying "haha, your gay!" It was kind of AFC to ask her why she said that. I would of responded with something like "if I wasn't gay and celibate, I would of so kissed you tonight". Next time kiss her though then you don't have to worry about explaining yourself for not making a move.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    There were nails sticking out of the wall and DirectisBeast smashed all of them into the wall. Follow these tips and you'll be well off. The fact that she called you out on not making a move means that if you don't this time, she'll think you're a pussy. Don't worry though, it sounds like not doing the first time set you apart from other guys.

  7. #7
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Alright, guys. Bowling went great!

    I greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and a hug, we went bowling had some laughs and went to get pizza after. I dropped her off and gave her a kiss goodnight. Were going to be hanging out again friday...but heres my situation.

    I go to school about an hour from her, and she works at the mall 45 min from me. Thats where i met her. But friday is the last day of my semester and i go home for a month for winter break. My home is about 3-3.5 hours from her...

    So, what can we do on friday?

    Shes already hinted at having sex, if you guys are familiar with snapchat she was in bed saying there is room for 1 more...

    Also, what can i do about this over break, i still want to see her and she said shed like to see me, maybe shed even take a trip down to see me.

    Suggestions, comments, pointers? Anything is appreciated.

    Thanks!

  8. #8
    Dizzie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Snapchat is awesome. If all goes well you'll be getting all kinds of racy photos on there soon.

    Assuming you've been generating good amounts of attraction and comfort, there are two main things you will want to concider if you want to get your rocks off on Friday:

    1. Physical escalation
    2. Planning your Date/Logistics so that the night can realistically end in sex

    1. So you hugged and kissed her over the course of your last date. That was important and you are going to want to re-establish that dynamic right off the start of your next date. As soon as you see her, pull her in and kiss her passionately. Smooth escalation without awkwardness will be key. At this point you've already kissed so there's no point back-peddling. You'll want to establish lots of touching without coming off like a horny 7th grader. If you need to brush up on your KINO escalation, I'd definitely start out by checking out the resources on this forum.

    2. Logistics: A couple of things you should concider while planning your date night:
    -Do you have any room mates you have to get rid of to ensure privacy between the two of you if you get back to your place?
    -Where can you go that is close enough so you don't have a long way to get back to your place, AND/OR can you just get her to meet you there?

    Ideally you will want to get her to meet you at your place and drop her car off there. Invite her inside for 5 min and then depart. This way she gets to see your surroundings and she will be more comfortable going back inside later. When you are out on your date, you will want to seed a reason for you guys to go back there later. Example, I used to have a fish tank in my bedroom of my old apartment and I used to say "OMG, I can't believe I forgot to show you my salt water fish, they are unreal. When we get back later, I have to show you!" One of my wings actually has a cat and will say something similar. He'll tell her that she has go go back to see his cat do this triple backflip trick. Just make sure you have an excuse/activity/prop for her to go there after. Knowing how to play guitar or any other instrument works well too.

    Of course none of the above matters if you can get her to agree to have a date at your place anyways. Can you cook? For second or third dates I've often invited girls over to cook dinner with me. It's a fun activity that you can do together. I'll tell her to come over and bring a couple of items that we will need to make the meal, I have the wine and everything else. Another date I have done many times is to have her over for a board game night. It seems harmless, it's actually pretty fun, and provides opportunity for lots of playful banter which usually ends in the bedroom!

    If you can't centre the date at your place you will have to take her else where again to start the night as mentioned above. Still get her to leave her car with you and you both travel together. Personally I live in a big city so there are a million fun options I could go with on a Friday: Comedy show, Jazz Club, Art gallery, museum, wine tasting, observatory, skating,...etc. Find out what's going on in your town around you. Since it's your last day before the break, it makes sense to just start off the night by grabbing some drinks somewhere cool.

    Worst case scenario, if she's not ready to go sexual with you it's no big deal. Some girls require a little more time. The most important thing is that you PHYSICALLY ADVANCE with her just so you set the frame that things are going to get sexual and you aren't an ordinary chode. Good luck!

    Dizzie

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Listen to Dizzie, he has some very good advice. The activity/excuse you give her to come inside your place is a very good technique. However, its totally unnecessary if you physically escalate correctly. She should be begging you to come inside without an excuse. With the questions you've already asked, I doubt you have the experience to do this correctly. Listen to what Dizzie told you and you should be golden!

    I'm glad things have worked out so well for you. Keep doing what your doing my man!

  10. #10
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Shes the one, how do I get a relationship? Help!

    Thanks guys for the replies, really, they are more than greatly appreciated.

    Now we were just texting and she just got a new car, so being a car guy myself i jokingly told her she should let me drive it to see how its done, i could even teach her a few things. She responded with "i could teach you a few things too "

    Then following that she said "good things come to those who wait "

    Whats this mean coming from her? Does she want me to wait for her or what? I really dont know.

    And the situation is that i have school and she has work, saturday she has work really early so an f-close isn't in the picture i think given the circumstances.

    So, my idea is to give her a good time on friday and play with her a little, like idk how to do it but just like tease her a little so she'll just want me the whole time im home on break, if you guys can see what im getting at?

    If not whats your suggestions?

    Edit: were both 20 years old so we cant go hit up bars


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