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  • 3 Post By I.M.Mortal

Thread: Have comfort and rapport but need attraction and a meet

  1. #1
    99Problems is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Have comfort and rapport but need attraction and a meet

    Hey guys, here's my situation:

    There's this girl that I really like who is also a far-out friend (never been a close friend). Anyways, we met up a while back and things were going great. She always initiated conversation and flirted. After a friends birthday back in late September I messed things up by being too drunk and sending a needy text in an attempt to recover. Contact was cut off for some time until about a month ago when we started texting again and got back on good terms.

    I did try to set up a date but while she agreed in principle it didn't happen in reality. It was my birthday on Saturday past and we met up in the same club (after an attempt at setting up a date failed, she said she would be in X club for a work night out on the same night of my birthday and would see me then). Things went well and I tried to escalate physical touch by holding her hand, hugging and kissed her twice on the cheek. She was friendly throughout and there were good vibes. Towards the end of the night she asked me to take some photos of me and her together. Beyond that though, nothing else happened and I was too shy to escalate any further.

    I send the following text convo on the Sunday:

    Me: How's the hangover kiddo

    Her: Don't have one Sir. Happy escape from the womb day

    Me: That's an unusual way of saying happy birthday but thanks.. You were funny last night

    Her: I was?

    Me: You don't remember haha I shall fill you in with the story next time we meet

    Her: No tell me

    Where do I go from here? Things between us are good but I'm sure I lost some attraction after screwing up when it was my friends birthday. I want to push for a meet up 1-on-1 so I can escalate things before I properly fall into the friend zone. In that last text convo I did tease that we would have to meet before I told her the story. My text game right now is good but I don't want to become a texting buddy either, hence the importance of a date. On the other hand, the more I ask her out then the more value I lose and needy I appear. It's like a catch 22 situation.

    Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Have comfort and rapport but need attraction and a meet

    Ok 99,

    What is happening here is you are overthinking the situation. Too much on PUA textbook material can cause that. Don't worry, been there.

    As I emphasized in my other posts, all this stuff you've stated is reinforcing anxiety (the anti-confidence). You are telling yourself subconsciously that you are 'not good enough' or you are inadequate. This lack of innergame will affect how you act and what you say, hence, the needy text. So before you do anything else, you need to work on this.

    This whole catch 22 thing is something alot of new PUA guys get caught up in, but it is really not a catch 22. You are worried about looking needy if you ask her out too much. The bottom line is if a girl likes you, it doesn't matter how much you see her or ask her out. It's how you do it to DHV.

    There are players out there who just don't care. They are confident. They have an abundance mentality. They text whenever they want and ask a girl however many times they want. The DHV automatically comes with that. Every girl is different. If a girl feels that you are cramping her space or gets freaked out, it's her problem not yours. As long as you are not some wierd stalker nut who calls her 10 times a day, you cool.

    In your case, there's some interest there on her end. She was able to overlook/forgive your needy text. No worries. But don't do that again. Don't be apologetic. They don't care if you are 'sorry', they care only about how you perceive yourself and what follows by your words and actions.

    So as for asking her out. The key is playful persistence. It's how you ask her out. Keep your expectations low. Don't overplan. Be a fun carefree person is what I convey.

    "Hey there is this cool [place] at X. My friend told me [how great it was]. I'm gonna check it out. Come with me."

    I say it very casually in person or in text. You can even make it fun/humorous.

    Naturally, if she is interested, she will ask "when" To which you reply to probe her schedule, "What's your schedule like? I'm busy on x and x days because I have [w/e]." DHV by making it look like you are fitting her into your busy schedule.

    So all these little things you can use.

    In your above, example I notice that you got her on her toes to qualify herself (which is good). I would continue playing with her.

    "No tell me."
    "I will tell you this much. You were so cute and adorable, I want to make you into my little sister."

    or

    "No tell me."
    "There's this cool coffee place at [x]. Let's get revved up on caffeine. Meet me there @7:33 pm and I will disclose more information on how you dragged toilet paper stuck to your heels around for 2 hours. This text will self destruct in 10 seconds."

    10 seconds later.

    "BOOM!"

  3. #3
    99Problems is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Have comfort and rapport but need attraction and a meet

    Thanks man, that puts my mind at ease. You're right I do over think too much sometimes.

    I had invited her down to the Christmas market for some dutch pancakes before my birthday. Theres a number of different food stalls at this market and even a few beer tents too. That was the date she agreed to but didn't work out. I suppose I could try that again as I know she isn't a coffee person and a restaurant meal is a bit Cliché.

    Do you have any other ideas for a carefree date that doesn't require high expectations or planning?

  4. #4
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Have comfort and rapport but need attraction and a meet

    Something that pops up at the top of my head is a picnic. Find a nice park, you can pack food that she likes from a restaurant. I did this with sushi dates or if you can cook, prep it yourself.

    It's tough to say because every city is different. The XMas market is something intrinsic to your city, so good call there. In Los Angeles, we have talk shows where audience is free (like jay leno in the past) or TV shows with audience (Dancing with the Stars, etc).

    If you are willing to spend money, you can broaden your options as well. I do this for like Musicals rather than movies. More classy.

    It doesn't even have to be an actual date date too. Say a friend invites you to his party, you can casually hit her up and invite her along. I do this a lot for salsa clubs.

    Tactically, the important thing is find out what she enjoys doing (hobbies and interests) to increase her chances of saying yes.

    If she likes shopping, then a day at the mall. And the way I would set this up is text her and lead the conversation to something along the lines that Xmas is coming up and you need a girls opinion on what to get a female relative. Then just invite her to come along.

    The important thing is it should never feel like you are formally asking her out on a date at first. Then you can turn it up.


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