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  • 3 Post By twentynine
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Thread: One of those fetal position moments

  1. #1
    ShortStuff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default One of those fetal position moments

    I just read this post by Krauser about what he calls the "perma-chode" - A guy who is literally incapable of being the kind of man to learn how to get women because his head is permanently stuck up his ass.

    I like to hope that I don't fall into this category. But it wasn't the article that shook me so much as one of the comments: Good looks, fashion and money will never compensate for a weak identity.

    This defines me to a T. Over the past few weeks, and after going out several times, it's hit me harder than it ever has in my life. Taking a very, very honest look at myself: I don't know who I am, what I want out of life (other than lots of travel and women), or what defines me.

    I have no sense of identity, no confidence, no talents, no interesting hobbies (I hike. Lol?), and not nearly enough of the kind of wit, ability to banter, or knowledge that women find attractive. I am not, but come across as, a generic, scared, off-brand, unexciting human being. And the worst part is, I don't think I'm interested in the things that would make me attractive to women, which would make the whole affair a Machiavellian exercise in making everyone more miserable for having talked to them.

    But I'm not here to whine about it. I'm here because I would like your help. How do I fix this?

  2. #2
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: One of those fetal position moments

    First off, I can tell you right off the bat you are not what Krauser is describing as a Perma Chode.

    You say you have no sense of identity, and then you go on to beat the living shit out of several vital parts of your own personality. It seems to me that your sense of identity is present, and that it is extremely negatively impacted by the negative way that you view yourself.

    Having a negative sense of self, and a negative thought process in general, is something that is built and manifests over years and years of thinking this way. It is a condition that we all suffer from to some degree but even though it is so deeply rooted in our minds, it can be turned around with the right methods of action.

    Look into some literature by Anthony Robbins, he has a lot of good material on how to change your way of thinking from negative to positive etc. Also look into Eckhart Tolle.. Learn to see the GOOD things about you, as it seems that you are ignoring them. Confidence and self esteem will only come AFTER you have let your worries and doubt stop taking over your mind. Learn to see the good in everything, including, and most importantly, in yourself.

    "I don't think I'm interested in the things that would make me attractive to women"

    The problem is not that you are not interested in things that would make you attractive to women. A lot of women might THINK they need a guy who is into sports, or trucks, or heavy metal, or horseback riding, or farking whatever.. At the end of the day, a woman is ultimately seeking a man who is confident in himself and who he is, no matter WHO he is or WHAT he likes etc, and who can make her feel special and secure. Masculine energy is attractive to females and masculine energy knows where it is going, it is not unsure of itself, what it wants, or where it is headed. Show a woman you are confident, secure, happy, interested in HER, and that you know where you are going and that you want her to follow you, and she will be yours.

    Let your inhibitions go, strip away your illusions about yourself and women. Learn to see yourself and the world in a positive light and opportunities will arise, doors will open, and the girls will come.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: One of those fetal position moments

    "perma-chode" - A guy who is literally incapable of being the kind of man to learn how to get women because his head is permanently stuck up his ass.
    I don't think you're a perma-chode, if you were than you wouldn't be open to taking advice from us. just the fact that you're seeking help means that you don't have your head up your @ss.

    I have no sense of identity, no confidence, no talents, no interesting hobbies (I hike. Lol?), and not nearly enough of the kind of wit, ability to banter, or knowledge that women find attractive. I am not, but come across as, a generic, scared, off-brand, unexciting human being. And the worst part is, I don't think I'm interested in the things that would make me attractive to women, which would make the whole affair a Machiavellian exercise in making everyone more miserable for having talked to them.
    an identity is something you have to build over time. everyone has one. you're identity is as exciting as you make it.
    for instance you could say
    "I work for a tv company for a living"
    sounds boring right?
    or
    you could say
    have you ever watched television? well I make it work.
    (that sounds a lot more interesting right?)

    you already have an identity of some kind. you just have to learn to sell it.

    the first step is to stop doubting yourself, you talk like there's nothing special about you. I'm sure you have something even if its just a job or favorite music, or favorite food.

    people enjoy talking about all kinds of things. you don't have to be the most interesting man in the world to still get some woman. just come up with a few stories about your life and be sure to tell them to people you meet.

    you can improve your identity by taking up some new hobbies, learning about new things, getting new stuff, traveling new places, the possibility's are endless. anything you do will improve your identity.

    btw
    I don't know who I am, what I want out of life (other than lots of travel and women), or what defines me.
    that would describe 99% of all people. most people don't have a good idea of what they really want in life or even what defines who they are until they're old. you have plenty of time to figure it out

  4. #4
    Grey2fox is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: One of those fetal position moments

    Hey. I'm new to this forum and I'm no expert at PUA. I'm 26 now and since 17 I've been criticising myself to near death. The first thing I'd like to tell you is "STOP!". You are creating a vicious cycle that feeds off of the negative energy. Every woman you meet will always be blocked by that "I'm not good enough".

    My teen years were full of stress. In my early 20s (In my second year of University) my pressure valves couldn't cope and I simply fell into depression. Without councilling, I wouldn't be writing this right now. Stop criticising yourself and love the skin you live in and when you do then the positive energy will attract people towards you. You'll be a walking human magnet.

    I have 2 large crooked front teeth, about 5ft6" and always beat myself down with statistics. In the last 6 months I've gone through a transformation by telling myself "I no longer care what people think of me". Walking down the street used to be a chore filled with anxiety attacks. PUA will not help if you haven't accepted yourself.

    Women can sense that negative energy and will eventually pull themselves away from you. Get to know body language and IOI. They boosted my confidence when I speak to a girl and she throws me an IOI, I know she wants me, it gives me an ego boost. They must like something about me, regardless of the large teeth and short stature.

    Love yourself first before you can love others. I've been in this state for about 10 years. It's not easy to shed it off if your mindset has been frozen in that state for so long but the good thing is you can still change. In the last 3 months since I started reading and watching PUA videos, I've made a lot of progress through caring more about myself than what others think of me.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: One of those fetal position moments

    I have no sense of identity, no confidence, no talents, no interesting hobbies (I hike. Lol?), and not nearly enough of the kind of wit, ability to banter, or knowledge that women find attractive. I am not, but come across as, a generic, scared, off-brand, unexciting human being. And the worst part is, I don't think I'm interested in the things that would make me attractive to women, which would make the whole affair a Machiavellian exercise in making everyone more miserable for having talked to them.

    That short bit of personal narrative just proved that (a) you're self-aware and (b) you're smart. Excluding confidence (which will come), what else do you need to get what you want in life?

    I promise this is some of the realest sh*t that you're ever going to hear, so copy & paste:

    Don't ask people what you should want in life. The mass of men are personal failures, rendering them ill-equipped to advise you on your goals. Unasked for advice most often comes from those trying to impose their shortcomings unto others. The prefix of self-worth is paramount. YOU determine your worth, just as you determine your aspirations. Once you decide what you want, set forth achieving it by by asking the opinions of those who are already there. Note the antithesis: F*ck the opinions of everyone who doesn't have EXACTLY what you want. You want women? Listen to men's about women who are successful with women, but nothing more. The same applies to travel. The fact that you're asking this on a forum implies that you already listen to too many opinions. It's not the quantity but the quality. The biggest smack in the face that you're about to get is just how many close relationships you SHOULDN'T listen to, not the difficulties of finding somebody you should. That will come later.

    ^Seriously though. That's gold.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  6. #6
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: One of those fetal position moments

    Here's some thoughts on your questions:

    I don't like having too much identity. Not in myself and not in other people. If I could choose one identity, it would be shapeshifter, which is like saying: I don't want one. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that Identity is just a bunch of assumtions people make about themselves and then start to live by. Assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups, and living by them usually means limiting yourself to who you were yesterday. Why would you? You can change pretty much every part of your personality. Or rather - and I truly believe this - there's nothing you change if today you do something different than yesterday. There's not much there. Just the observer - Yes, that's Ekhart Tolle, already mentioned by TwentyNine, absolute recommendation!!

    Being a shapeshifter, will also allow you to go into different modes, i think it goes without saying that you are (allowed to be) a different person when you're hiking, when you're going out, etcetera. I like to expand on my repertoir of modi by

    - Watching comedy, which I really love anyway. If a show doesn't annoy me, I often watch it 2 or 3 times. Get it into your system!

    - Watch heroes on YouTube and sites like such. I watch A LOT of TED.com, and I like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Absolute heroes and every now and then, me talking is just me emulating them.

    - Just try them out in my head. I think everybody practices some conversations in their head. Consciously or unconsciously. Make this as consciously as possible; steer in the direction you wish to grow. Snap out of this if it becomes compulsive, negative or repetitive. You don't _need_ to do this, just make sure that _if_ you do this, you play the role you ambition.

    But honestly, I think you'll fix this soon without too much changing on your part. The only thing you need to change is your attitude about it. You're fine the way you are, you have more than enough to offer, just be confident in this.


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