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  1. #1
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default A date with an ex girlfriend.

    Hey all

    So a little while back I started a thread about my ex that I haven't seen in about 5 years, and how we've been talking about going out for a drink, now that we are both single again. I thought I would start a fresh one since the situation has changed quite a bit.

    I've been single for about 4 months after a 4 year relationship. The girl in question was my previous gf to the most recent one, and we were together for almost 3 years. Ever since we broke up we've kept a bit of contact, mainly over Facebook (although we aren't Facebook friends). Mostly just checking in, catching up.. Sometimes I would mention my gf and sometimes she would mention her dating life, or boyfriends that she had along the way - she never seemed to stay with anyone for very long.

    When my recent ex and I broke up, I told her about it (she commented on a photo of us being "cute" and I told her "thanks, we actually broke up recently") she mentioned how her and the guy she was seeing broke it off in the summer, and how she is really jaded with dating and how she keeps meeting losers. In our chat about dating she mentioned that I am good bf material because I'm attractive and have my shit together etc..

    I ended up mentioning that we should get a drink and she obliged, but it never happened... She soft flaked the first time saying she had other plans that night, and then I asked her to come along to my staff xmas party (this was a big fuck up on my part) to which she rejected in the idea, in the nicest way possible.

    This was about a month ago and we haven't chatted since.. I'm really interested in the idea of seeing her and possibly having sex with an ex girlfriend, I still find her very attractive, I'd say she's an 8.5

    I'm not sure how to go about re-hashing the conversation at this point. My original idea was just to freeze out after she rejected the xmas party, and figured she would have contacted me by now, but I have a feeling she might be just waiting for me to do the same thing. We haven't exchanged numbers, only chatting over FB at the moment, which makes it a bit more tricky for sure.

    Any advice is appreciated!

  2. #2
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: A date with an ex girlfriend.

    Bump................ .............

  3. #3
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: A date with an ex girlfriend.

    Before I say anything... Can you give a quick rundown of how you met originally? And why did you break up? Be honest!

    I have some ideas but I would like to know first. Oh and why did you break the lastest relationship?

    Thanks
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  4. #4
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: A date with an ex girlfriend.

    We met at a party, we had mutual friends there but had never met each other before.. After a few drinks we hit it off, made out all night, exchanged numbers. I saw her about a week later and we had sex.. History from there. We broke up for a few reasons.. I was finding I was starting to get curious about other girls, but I was also noticing myself getting really attached to her, and kind of jealous and clingy. I initiated the breakup because I was feeling like she wanted to break up as well, things just weren't ge=oing that great I guess. A few weeks after breaking up I called her and begged for her to take me back, but she wouldn't.

    The most recent one became long distance after one year.. I initially didn't want an exclusive LTR with her, but as time went on I started liking her more and suddenly we just kind of became bf/gf.. She went away to school and we decided to stay together, she was in school for the last 3 years of the relationship.

    The first two years were great for the most part and we saw each other once every few weekends, and she stayed with me on holidays. The last year we were together she started to drift and party a lot and, long story short, I pretty much pushed her away out of fear of losing her.

    I stopped hearing from her and was pretty much the only one making contact for that last year, and it drove me kinda crazy.. She lived with me all summer, and dumped me (kind of out of nowhere) before going back to school, in September. I'm glad it's over to be honest, but it was a really shitty way to end it, for me. I understand her reasons for leaving.. She's young and in university etc. I'm much better off, but it took me a couple months to realize it.

    Never even came close to cheating on either of them.. I'm not that type.

    If it helps.. I would say the first was a HB8 - 8.5, and most recent HB9

  5. #5
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: A date with an ex girlfriend.

    Any suggestions on how to re-initiate contact here are appreciated, before I jump in head first

  6. #6
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    Default Re: A date with an ex girlfriend.

    You froze out for long enough, so all you can do is re-open. Inviting her out didn't work so just try from a different angle. Chat her up for a little and go for the number instead. I know you know what not to do, but just let me state it anyway. Don't confess any sort of feelings, and don't really show any interest. Not over FB anyway.

    Get the number under a friendly context such as "catching up" or wanting to tell her a story over the phone.

    All you can do with FB game is just jump in head first (like you're planning to), and hoping that the girl is compliant. It's not an ideal way of building any sort of relationship unless you chat a lot. I know you have the abundance mentality, so I would just say go for it, and may the gaming gods be on your side.

  7. #7
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: A date with an ex girlfriend.

    Haha thanks lilsting, great advice! I suppose that's all I can really do at this point.. I think I'll wait for LockDown to lay down some thoughts before I dive back into this thing though!

  8. #8
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: A date with an ex girlfriend.

    Oy such pressure! I don't know if I'm up to the challenge!

    OK so you want the first one right? The 8.5?

    The whole begging to take me back part was not good and that IMO is the biggest hurdle. She probably sees you as needy/want her bad/clingy. I would think you are way into the friendzone due to this.

    Its a matter of re-establishing yourself in her eyes as a man who is not what she expects. A real man (not that you were a girly man before lol... but you must separate the "old" you she knows into the "new" you that she will be attracted to. So try to not be the old version of you). Hopefully, you have done things differently since learning pickup (i.e changed yourself for the better) that this should not be such a huge issue.

    Alot of the things about meeting up you said in the present are waaay too early. At this time, they would just remind her of your clingy neediness from the old relationship.

    Facebook her. Start showing her why you DONT need her and this will attract her back. But its going to go slowly. Show her the girls you hang with now, the fun activities/adventures you're having and how funny/smart/cute you are. FB or instagram is cool because you can do this indirectly. You can post stuff and she will see it. You dont have to be so direct.

    You can message her and stuff but tease her about not being fun or into your philosophy/point of view (from the stuff you post. Dont make it anything political or religious of course).

    You must not worry about gaming her actively though. The "neediness" deck is stacked way against you. The same old rules apply ... freeze out, date other girls, live your life as great as possible. Eventually, she will come around but its going to be slow going. Game a little when possible but dont be trying to see her in person and game properly for a long time. A women needs time to change her conception of a former lover (any time you had been apart does not count as soon as she re-established contacted. Presently, the freeze out clock is 1 month)

    AND REMEMBER ... A FREEZE OUT HAS NO SET TIME LIMIT. She could contact you within 3 months for all you know. That's why it is crucial to leave it alone for now. Do the friend request thing on FB and she will see the stuff you need her to see. Do not engage for awhile. As she remembers it, she had the control before because you wanted her badly. You must change her view and take control back. But it'll take awhile.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  9. #9
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: A date with an ex girlfriend.

    Thanks LockDown. I might have made it a little confusing in my post, but I just want to clarify the ex I'm going after isn't the most recent one, it's the one before her... We haven't seen each in about 5 years!

    Anyways great advice. Thx! I'll keep y'all posted haha. It's almost an experiment for me.. There's something inside me telling me to find out whether or not I can make this happen. And I don't want her back. Just sex. I'm such a douche...


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